T-Boneheads

In the you-gotta-shitting-me news of the week, the White House has asked a federal court to prevent meatpackers from testing for mad cow disease more often. Why? 'Cause if they found a case of mad cow that might turn people off of steaks.

The AP says:

WASHINGTON - The Bush administration on Friday urged a federal appeals court to stop meatpackers from testing all their animals for mad cow disease, but a skeptical judge questioned whether the government has that authority.

The government seeks to reverse a lower court ruling that allowed Arkansas City, Kan.-based Creekstone Farms Premium Beef to conduct more comprehensive testing to satisfy demand from overseas customers in Japan and elsewhere.

So Creekstone wants to do extra testing on its own to reassure customers' concerns. And the government says no way, you cannot do that:

Less than 1 percent of slaughtered cows are currently tested for the disease under Agriculture Department guidelines. The agency argues that more widespread testing does not guarantee food safety and could result in a false positive that scares consumers.

"They want to create false assurances," Justice Department attorney Eric Flesig-Greene told a three-judge panel of the U.S. Court of Appeals for the D.C. Circuit.

But Creekstone attorney Russell Frye contended the Agriculture Department's regulations covering the treatment of domestic animals contain no prohibition against an individual company testing for mad cow disease, since the test is conducted only after a cow is slaughtered. He said the agency has no authority to prevent companies from using the test to reassure customers.

"This is the government telling the consumers, `You're not entitled to this information,'" Frye said.

What's going on here? Well, it turns out that other meatpackers are afraid that Creekstone's testing could become the norm for the industry. So they are leaning on the government to stop it:

Larger meatpackers have opposed Creekstone's push to allow wider testing out of fear that consumer pressure would force them to begin testing all animals too. Increased testing would raise the price of meat by a few cents per pound.

This stinks like fresh cow patties for a variety of reasons. If a private business wants to adopt safety measures over and above the federal regs that's their own business. The government should only be involved in setting minimums, not regulating every single aspect of the industry. It's pretty sleazy too how the whole industry is able to lean on the government to do its dirty work and bully one company that refuses to get in line.

And finally, as somebody for whom cheeseburgers are a staple of my diet, I would like to know if the next one will give me a crippling brain disease. I think that is somewhat more important than worrying about what the public reaction might be if there was a "false positive". Hey, feds, worry more about an actual infected cow slipping through the net.

Sen. Vitter Gets Off Again

Louisiana Senator David Vitter -- the upright Republican who was patronizing Deborah Jean Palfrey's escort service -- got a bit of good news the other day. The Senate Ethics Panel dropped its complaint against Vitter "with prejudice" this week, meaning he'll escape any official sanction for his whoremongering.

How did he do it? Well, it seems that timing is everything, as the Washington Post explains:

In its ruling, the [Senate Ethics] panel said it could not punish Vitter because his association with the escort service occurred before he joined the Senate in 2005.

"The conduct at issue occurred before your Senate candidacy and service . . . the conduct at issue did not result in your being charged criminally . . . the conduct at issue did not involve use of public office or status for improper purposes," the committee wrote in a letter signed by all six senators.

Elected to the House in 1999, Vitter cannot be investigated by its ethics committee because it has no jurisdiction now that he is a senator.

So while the woman who ran the service got convicted, faced a jail term, was bankrupted and finally became so depressed that she hung herself, her patron gets away without even a slap on the wrist thanks to his Senate buddies. Makes you proud to be an American, doesn't it?

On a related note, the Post earlier pointed out that Palfrey's total earnings from her escort service were peanuts.

Palfrey ran her business, Pamela Martin & Associates, by telephone from her California home, and authorities said she grossed about $2 million from 1993 to 2006, splitting the money about evenly with her escorts. They said she employed at least 132 women over the years, dispatching them nightly to clients in homes and hotel rooms in the Washington area.

So, $2 million over 13 years? Whip out your calculator: that means her whole operation was grossing about $154 thou annually. Half of that went to the call girls. Palfrey then had to pay whatever the overhead was herself (It was probably not that much, since she ran it all by phone). It's not clear whether she paid any taxes on the call-girl service either, but she wasn't convicted on tax-dodging charges, so she may very well have.

In short Palfrey was making about $77 thou a year before any expenses and any taxes. Retirement and health care came out of her own pocket too. Hardly a lavish operation. Isn't there actual, big-time corruption going on someplace the feds can go after?

Hello, Oregon Secretary of State? What Are You Wearing Now?

Oregon is doing it's part to boost voter registration. From KTVZ, "Central Orgeon's News Leader":

A mistyped phone number just inside the Oregon Voters' Pamphlet is now drawing some unwanted attention to the upcoming election.

Voters' Pamphlets just started hitting mailboxes across Oregon last week, and each county has its own version. But one phone number that's inside every copy in the state is making headlines.

Inside the front cover, in a letter from Secretary of State Bill Bradbury, a 1-800 number is listed for voters to register on the phone. But as it turns out, the number has nothing to do with elections, voting or Oregon's primary - it's an adult hotline.

The recording then prompts you to dial another number - this one far more graphic.

It's an honest mistake that's now in some 1.7 million pamphlets across Oregon.

Once You Get Over This, The Rest Of The Week Is Easy

From the Melbourne Community News.

Obama Girl Gives Mike Gravel a Heart Attack

If I had to choose (and I soon will be) between Mike Gravel or Bob Barr for the Libertarian Presidential nomination I would definitely vote for the latter. But I have to give Gravel props (are the kids still saying that?) for this video.

US Representative Wins Triple Crown

What else do you call it when a politician gets arrested for a DUI, gets bailed out of jail by his mistress, and admits to fathering her child?

Rep. Vito Fossella (R-N.Y.), wracked by controversy since his drunken-driving arrest last week, has just issued a statement in which he confessed that he has had an extramarital relationship with the woman who bailed him out of jail following the arrest — and that he is the father of her young daughter.

I would have never guessed that a guy named Vito would drive drunk, cheat on his wife and father a bastard child. Vito also announced at the press conference that he enjoyed pasta, wine, and betting on the ponies. Totally unexpected all of it.

Story here. [sub required]

Thanks to Sean I've-Fathered-Very-Few-Children-Out-of-Wedlock Higgins for the link.

Mississippi Drug War Blues

Drew Carey does his latest reason.tv episode on Cory Maye. Watch it and spread it.



P.S. I think I'm having issues embedding the reason.tv video, and as I've mentioned before while I'm at work I can't actually check To the People to see if the video published. I'll fix it when I'm home if that's the case. In the meantime just go to the reason.tv site and watch the video there.

I Shouted Out "Who Killed the Clintons?" When After All It Was You And Me

After Hillary Clinton got her clock-cleaned in North Carolina and nearly lost in Indiana Tuesday, the main question now is why they hell does she still run? Is it ego? Massive self-delusion? Or is her campaign simply so punch-drunk after 5 months of ass-whuppings that they cannot see straight?

I'm going for the last possibility after reading this press release from Team Hillary:

So Hillary’s victory in Indiana - fought out against the backdrop of an ailing economy - is all the more incredible. We started out behind in both the public and internal polls.

For example, our March 13 poll showed Hillary trailing by 8 points, while our latest poll gave Hillary a 5 point lead. [Bold in original.]

Okay, but you won Indiana by just 51-49%. So what you are saying is ... that you blew a five-point lead? And you are citing this as proof of how well you did? After Clinton blew $6 mil more of her own money on the race?

Geez, woman, wake up and smell the reality. It's over. Take your consolation prize of a life-time U.S. Senate seat and be happy.

The Most Important Gender Gap is Closing

I want to personally think all the women out there who continue to do their part for gender equality by downing glass after glass of beer, whisky, vodka, rum, and other types of alcohol. You've almost become equal with men. Keep it up!

Alcohol dependence was once much more common among men than women in the U.S., but the gender gap is closing, Reuters reported May 5.

Barack Obama: Agnostic?

Sean Higgins has a piece worth reading up at the American Spectator questioning Obama's religious convictions.

I'd agree with most of Sean's piece only adding on a semi-related note that as a whole Obama strikes me as a guy who is just generally unsure about a lot of things, not just questions about where your soul is, or if dead people go to heaven. It's the biggest joke of his whole "I'm not your typical Washington politician" shtick -- He is, only he looks a bit different than your usual Washington politician. For example: I don't think that Obama is a secret Black Nationalist, or that he agrees with much that Rev Wright had, or currently has to say. I'd be willing to bet he joined Wright's church in the first place only because that's what he thought he was supposed to be doing as a hopeful black politician in Chicago, or even more simply -- as a black man in Chicago.

What's so scary about Obama is that so many people buy into his shtick. Where's the healthy skepticism -- and I'm calling out Obama friendly libertarians here -- about Barack's version of Hope and Change? It appears to be woefully missing in the conversation...

Does Anyone Care?

Radley reports yet another disturbing, no-knock SWAT raid, this time in Arkansas.

I agree with him, this one is pretty egregious, even in the context that all of these raids-gone-bad are awful.

McCain Fails To Get 80% of the Vote in IN and NC

That can't be the outcome the McCain camp was looking for in IN and NC when their candidate is supposed to be the GOP nominee, running virtually unopposed.

MILFS Outraged Over Suggestive Book Titles

I feel for this lady's son:

LYNNWOOD -- Marci Milfs went to Urban Outfitters to find clothes for her teenage son.

She was surprised to find sexually charged books that she believes have no place in a clothing store for teens and young adults.

On one end of the spectrum was "Porn for Women," a photo book showing men doing housework. On the other was "Pornogami: A Guide to the Ancient Art of Paper-Folding for Adults," a guide for making anatomically correct artwork.

"When I saw it, I was shocked," Milfs said.

Well, fine Marci, but according to your logic I should complain about your name being printed in a newspaper. Why should I have to explain to my make believe child what your last name stands for? Or for that matter, why should I have to explain to that same child what "cunt" means after I call you one? Do you think I want to be put in that situation Milfs?

Milfs called in the Morality Mod Squad after her complaints to Urban Outfitters were ignored.

Milfs was so appalled that she is preparing to file a complaint with the city of Lynnwood, and has already aired her frustrations to State Rep. Norma Smith, R-Clinton, and organizations including Morality in Media, Concerned Women of America and the American Family Association.[...]

Washington is behind the times, Peters [President of Morality Matters] said. This state's minor-protection law calls for access to be restricted on goods that are "utterly without redeeming social value," but the wording is not followed by "for minors," Peters said.

The vagueness of the state law creates a legal gray area, Peters said. Arguably, an item that is inappropriate for children might be allowable if it's found suitable for adults, he said.

"Even assuming these books don't violate the law, they are not nice books," he said. "If a typical mother invited neighborhood kids over, she wouldn't be leaving these books on her coffee table for the kids to peruse."

Milfs doesn't believe the books should be seen by children.

"It's not freedom of speech," she said. "It's selling adult books to teenagers."

Whew...Close one. For a second I thought it was about freedom of speech -- or as I like to call it -- the right to offend suburban housefraus (otherwise known as my Mom) with explicit conduct.

I've got a suggestion for Milfs everywhere who don't want to be confronted with words like "Porn" or "Paper-folding": Shop at Kohls.

Full article here.

"Tomorrow, we shall achieve the victory, that the kingdom of God may come on earth as it is in heaven...

..and all those who love the Lord and will vote for Obama, say Amen.” --- Rev. Joseph Lowery


Read Byron York's NRO piece on a Michelle Obama appearance yesterday in North Carolina.

Admittedly, I've had my fun in the past with our potential First-Lady-in-Waiting, and mainstream conservative journalist have torn into her like a hungry pack of hyenas; but for all the armchair psychoanalyzing that the media has applied to Bush, you would think they could spare a minute or two to check out the Obamas' baggage that seems to weigh on them like a heavy rock.

Tuesday's Edition of "What Not To Do If You Are Growing Pot In Your House"

Having a cookout...Inside your house:

HYDE PARK, Vt. -- Firefighters responding Friday to a report of a possible structure fire instead found a man grilling on a charcoal grill inside his home and 22 marijuana plants growing in the bathroom, Lamoille County police said.

As a result of the visit, Robert Schrader, 29, of Hyde Park, Vt., was charged with violations of conditions, possession of marijuana and cultivation of marijuana.

Full story here.

$50 on Kinky Lingerie to Win!

In honor of the Kentucky Derby, Slate.com has a funny article about the naming of thoroughbred horses. All names have to be registered with the Jockey Club, the organization that officiates horse racing. The club's policy is to reject names that are "suggestive or have a vulgar or obscene meaning; names considered in poor taste." The club isn't that vigilant about the policy though. That's how, for example, a guy got the ok to name his gelding "Nutzapper":

[Horse owner Andy] Hillis explained to the registry poobahs that as a young boy in Canada, he loved to zap walnuts in boiling oil and sprinkle them on salads. Satisfied that the name had a tasty, not tasteless, origin, the Jockey Club approved Nutzapper. Hillis, unable to contain his glee, boasted about the name to a Daily Racing Form reporter. "I've never even been to Canada," he said. "I just made the whole thing up on the spot."

Hillis should have kept his nutz in his mouth. After that article ran, the club banned the name.

The Slate.com article then goes on to note some of the astounding names that horses have run under in the history of the sport:

[S]houldn't somebody have questioned the precedent-setting Nut Buster way back in 1942? Similarly, Pussy Galore probably should have raised a few eyebrows in 1965. The filly never won a race, but one assumes she was a big hit with the stallions.

You want explicit commands? How about Blow Me (1945), Get It On (both 1971 and 1986), On Your Knees (1977 and 2005), Spank It (1985), or 1963's Go Down, whose sire, of course, was Service. Like 'em young? Embarrassingly enough, Jail Bait (1947 and 1983), Barely Legal (1982 and 1989), and Date More Minors (1998) all made it into the staid registry.

If a clever play on words is your thing, Cunning Stunt (1969) is a decent one. Lagnaf (1978) is a thinly veiled acronym for "let's all get naked and … ." The names Hardawn (1937) and Wrecked Em (1983) have to be said out loud to elicit the desired potty-mouth effect.

The list goes on: Golden Shower (1955), Cherry Pop (1961 and 1978), Cum Rocket (1969), Ménage Á Trois (1974), She's Easy (1978), Adultress (1979), Strip Teaser (1980), Rhythm Method (1982), Bodacious Tatas (1985), Tit'n Your Girdle (1988), Kinky Lingerie (1991), Hard Like a Rock (1995), Sexual Harassment (1997), and X Rated Fantasy (1999).

You can use the Jockey Club's online database to search for names. Among the ones I found were: Milfer, Hotforteacher, Bondage Queen and Jiz Wiz.

Decriminalization Bill Defeated

The New Hampshire Senate says no to decriminalization.

The proposal would have made the possession of up to 1.25 ounces of marijuana a violation that carries a $200 fine, instead of a misdemeanor that can result in up to a year in jail and fines up to $2,500.

The House had approved the bill.

Move Over Chubby Kids, We've Got a New Epidemic

Indoor grow houses.

Officials say 150 houses with indoor marijuana operations were raided Wednesday, from the Florida Keys to the Panhandle. Miami U.S. Attorney R. Alexander Acosta says about 9,250 plants were seized, worth more than $41 million.

Authorities say there's an epidemic of indoor marijuana cultivation in Florida run by organized crime groups.

Now, that's my kind of epidemic.