Today's Breast Story

... brought to you by Reuters. Brazil gives us regional jets, bikini wax, and of course those wonderful nuts. And now, stolen breast implants. A truckload of 400 of them, to be exact, and now causing a bit of a shortage.

Figueiredo explained demand is the highest in July, during the southern hemisphere winter, as women schedule surgery during the winter school holidays, which precede the beach season.

Of course, manufacturers of these particular gel sacs have figured out a way to prevent their being legitimately installed in anyone's chest. They're numbered. So illegally-obtained implants can only be used in illegal operations.

I've never understood the appeal of breast implants, personally. I'm pretty good at spotting women who are just plain out-of-proportion, and I was raised thinking we should do the best we can with what we've got anyway.

Natalie Portman, Keira Knightley, Ziyi Zhang... don't ever change.