Palmeiro Rumored to Test Positive for Steroids

WEEI in Boston is reporting (based on corroborating reports out of Baltimore and New York City) that Major League Baseball will within the next hour announce that Baltimore Orioles' slugger Rafael Palmeiro has been suspended for testing positive for steroids. Expect an appeal, a rejection of said appeal, and a suspension. Palmeiro, you may recall, is the same guy who was fingered by Jose Canseco as a steroid user in the latter's controversial tell-all book, and the same borderline Hall of Famer who said the following before the Spanish Inquisition, er, Congress in March:

"Let me start by telling you this," Palmeiro said in his opening statement, looking directly at Davis and pointing at the committee chairman with his index finger. "I have never used steroids, period."

In retrospect, here's what Palmeiro should have said:

It's none of your fucking business whether I've ever used steroids, you prurient assholes. I do, however, use drugs to get a hardon -- which I'm sporting right now.

At least that's what I think he should have said.

Update: USA Today confirms Palmeiro has been suspended.

Update II: Rep. Tom Davis (R-Hell), who scared baseball into adopting its steroid policy, is nonetheless bitching at baseball today.

Special Happy Bonus Update: Here's a joke I just made up. Read first, then laugh...

Q: Where does Tom Davis sit when he goes to a baseball game?

A: He's got season tickets in the grandstand!

Get it? Hah!