Defining Jihad Down

I'm converting to Islam. Apparently you can declare Jihad on whoever you want, including Burger King because you don't like their ice cream. That rocks. The Starbucks clerk who never leaves room for cream, despite the fact that I ask for it every day, is in for a heap of trouble. If I can get Baylen to convert to Islam with me, that waiter at Childe Harold is in for a year-long campaign. Jihad, bitch!