I Know it's Hard to Believe, But My Friends Are Much Cooler Than I

My friend Dude is angling to graduate college before his 34th birthday. (Somehow, in this friendship, I'm the academic since it only took me 7 years to finish college.)

He just turned in his first assignment (online) for the first class he's taken in years and got this reply from his professor:

[Dude], a wonderful essay... I really like the way you discuss the characters and events within the colonial context. Where is Part I of this assignment?"

Here's a drunken Dude recounting via email his inner dialogue after reading the professor's reply:

Part I? What Part I? Seriously... what Part I? I didn't see a "Part I" in there anywhere.

[...]

All I know is that I was supposed to write a 500 word essay and it wound up being 986 words.

[...]

I think after 15 years I've finally got this [name of college redacted; mascot is the Minuteman] thing figured out -- skip half the exam and do twice as much for the other half. Or take a class designed for 19 year olds when you're 33.

He then follows up that epiphany with this stunner about his night at the Mets game:

On a related note, I went to see Pedro tonight at Shea -- Rod Stewart was sitting directly one row behind me -- I spent three hours telling Rod that Pedro peaked with the Sox and that he peaked with the Faces -- the phrases "Greatest White Soul Singer Ever" (for Rod) and "God" (for Pedro) were thrown around quite a bit... Anyway, Rod's a good sport and agrees that he needs to collaborate with Ronnie Wood again very soon.

Be excellent, dude.