Putting a Lid on Seattle's Best Breasts (Garage, Band Edition)

First Seattle tragicomic goddess Courtney Love vowed to hide her enhanced 41-year-old breasts for good. Now the city council there has voted 5-4 to force strip clubs to abide by some arcane new regulations -- such as that "dancers stay 4 feet from patrons, and that the clubs maintain at least parking-garage brightness*** throughout the premises". (Emphasis and asterisks added.)

What's next? Will the city demand a bra to constrain sasquatch's "pendulous breasts"?

***How bright is "parking-garage brightness" in Seattle, you ask? I'm not sure, but I recommend you check the "local energy code for parking garage lighting requirements" before even trying to produce an aureola round an areola in the Emerald City. You will also want to carefully study Chapter 15 of the city's Energy Code, which among many rules offers this simple-to-follow lighting exception:

The top level of a parking garage is allowed to be included with the covered parking garage category provided that the luminaires on the top level meet IESNA requirements for Full Cutoff Luminaires.

You will also want to download and review several spreadsheets contained in the city's commercial "lighting forms" summary and checklist. At this point you may note that some of these forms are "not required," but that others -- the "Seattle amendments" -- are "NOT" included, though it's not clear if they're required or not.

This would be about the time where you might give up and just move your strip club to a parking garage. Or to Vancouver. And who could blame you?

[Cross-posted at The Agitator.]