Night of the Living Regulations

If you're like me, you lament the fact that there is no aspect of your life that is not second-guessed and controlled by the state. What you can and cannot put into your own body, your retirement, what kind of toilet you can poop in, etc. And just like you can't escape taxes by dying, you can't escape regulations in death either. Two recent cases in point:

Five states are debating proposals to ban or limit protests at funerals. It seems there are assholes out there who protest at funerals to protest homosexuality. And the funerals they are protesting at are not for gays and lesbians, but for heterosexual soldiers coming home from Iraq (who they think god whacked because of America’s tolerance towards gays.) One piece-of-shit put it this way:

“These aren't private funerals; these are patriotic pep rallies. Our goal is to call America an abomination, to help the nation connect the dots. You turn this nation over to the fags and our soldiers come home in body bags."

Uh, OK. Insanity aside, these protests raise numerous issues, such as free speech and the urgent need to use the PATRIOT Act to listen into god’s phone conversations.

The second case, which CQ likens to a good episode of "CSI", involves funeral homes selling flesh and bones to hospitals who transplant them into unwitting patients. Yuck! (Subscription required)

Many a free-market economist thinks of federal regulation as a ghoulish business, but few have meant it this literally: Democratic Sen. Charles Schumer of New York announced legislation last week to tighten rules governing America’s $1-billion-a-year traffic in human body parts…

A Brooklyn funeral home allegedly sold the flesh and bones of corpses to Biomedical Tissue Services of Fort Lee, N.J., which in turn sent out the parts without proper screening to tissue banks between early 2004 and September 2005. Hospitals across the country acquired the tissue and transplanted it into unwitting patients needing surgery. Once they got wind of the snafu, patients feared they may have contracted AIDS, syphilis or other diseases…

Schumer’s bill would make it illegal for tissue banks to buy from funeral homes and morgues — except in cases where a needed tissue is otherwise in short supply. Additional provisions include: requiring the FDA to inspect tissue banks every year without advance notice; mandating FDA audits of documents that explain the origin of the tissue; and instituting ceilings on what for-profit tissue banks can charge in “processing fees” to hospitals. (Body parts may not be sold outright, but companies handling them can assess undefined processing fees.)

While patients clearly need to be guaranteed that the tissue they’re receiving is safe, the Schumer bill goes too far. For starters, he has no right to make it illegal for tissue banks to buy from funeral homes and morgues. Doctors – not politicians – should be making medical decisions; and hospitals should be allowed to obtain and use any tissue they believe will help their patients (with the full consent of the patients, of course). Secondly, it is unconstitutional to “inspect” tissue banks – or any other private property – without a warrant and reason to believe that a crime has been committed. The infringement of the 4th Amendment by the regulatory state has got to stop. Sadly, ceilings on what for-profit tissue banks can charge will only lead to tissue shortages. That's basic economics. Make no mistake about it; the Schumer bill will kill people.

Finally, the death-related issue I’m most concerned about (besides death itself) is state regulations that give funeral homes a monopoly on the sale of coffins. This senseless protectionism is jacking up the price of funerals. Fortunately, my favorite organization, the Institute for Justice, is fighting for my right to be cheap to the very end. I just gave them money - and you should too.