Men Who Sleep with Ugly Stinky Women Who Look Like Men Shouldn't Throw Stones

is what my grandpa always used to say. And it's certainly something Paris Hilton's "friend", Brandon Davis, needs to hear. A recently released video catches him on the streets of LA talking shit about Lindsay Lohan, who recently expressed the hots for him. Among other things, he says Lohan has a orange "fire crotch", that smells like diarrhea, and a seven foot long clitoris. He also says that Lohan's dad is hotter than her. Which gets to the root of the issue. He's gay. How else can you explain why someone would be attracted to Paris Hilton. Seriously, she looks like a boy. And not just any boy. A monkey-human hybrid boy. That probably eats feces.

[Via The Superficial]