My New Hero

is not 15-year-old Candice Harwick, who recently protested her high school's prohibition on wearing things with confederate flags on them; it's H.K. Edgerton, the black man who marched with her to support her rights. In fact, he has so inspired me that I'm willing to go to church with Pat Robertson to show support for his right to practice his religion. But, only if he stands with me afterwards as I use a page from the Bible to roll a joint for a stripper. Of course, that's not exactly a fair trade. I mean all he has to do is watch me spank a stripper while she smokes a joint. I have to listen to crazy talk about holy ghosts and zombies. But, I'm willing to do it for freedom. And for the pot-starved strippers.