Cruise of the Damned

Celebritology has a good recap of what's new with everyone's favorite Scientologist, Tom Cruise:

-- He and Katie have reportedly signed a $33 million prenuptial agreement.
-- He plans to re-enact a scene from "M:I3" at the movie's Japan premiere. He will also "board a private bullet train that will take him and 150 fans to Osaka, and he promises to talk to each passenger individually." Ever seen 150 people with glazed over eyes?
-- He's bought a plot of land from the Church of Scientology for $15 million and plans to build a new home for Katie, Suri and his two adopted children there.
-- He and Katie hope to have "Idol" runner-up and possible Scientologist Katharine
McPhee sing at their wedding.
-- The National Enquirer reports that a fed up Cruise has started praying for journalists who make negative comments about him.

$33 million for marrying Tom Cruise? Jesus, I would fuck that psycho in the ass for that much. Oh, like you wouldn't? You're not better than me. Smarter maybe. Surely more attractive. But, not better. You would do what you had to do. Especially if you were trying to out compete The Superficial:

It's hard to justify marrying an insane person, but $33 million pretty much does it. For $33 million I'd marry any damn thing you'd want me to. A corpse. A dog. A mailbox. Just make the checks out to "Cash" and leave me alone with the love of my life. Who may or may not have a slot designated to accept regulation sized envelopes.

Through Celebritology I also learn that the media has finally discovered what I've known for years: Scarlett Johansson has the best breasts in Hollywood.

The 'Lost In Translation' actress' ample assets claimed the top spot in the vote, conducted by America's In Touch Weekly magazine, leaving curvaceous Jessica Simpson and actress Salma Hayek in second and third place.

The magazine said of the star's breasts: "It's not unusual for Scarlett to receive
loads of compliments for her ample chest."

The 22-year-old actress - who once confessed to naming her breasts "the girls" - recently sent pulses racing after posing nude on the front cover of Vanity Fair magazine with Keira Knightley.

Scarlett's bosoms have also earned her unwanted attention in the past. Earlier this year, a cheeky TV reporter groped her boobs on live television during a red carpet interview at the Golden Globe awards.

"Cheeky" reporter? I thought it was wrong to sexually assault women; but now that I know it's just "cheeky" I'll start. God, I would love to get cheeky with Scarlett Johansson. You know, because of her boobs.