The Stars Wish They Were Deaf

Normally I oppose government censorship, but something drastic has to be done to stop Paris Hilton's forthcoming pop/hip-hop album. The New York Post reports that her first single, "Stars are Blind", has leaked on to the internet.

On the four-minute song, Hilton sings her qualifications to be somebody's girlfriend to a light reggae beat, her soft coo reminiscent of Gwen Stefani or Debbie Harry. Ain't technology grand?

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The lyrics, which she reportedly had a hand in writing (sure), are mostly puppy-love growls that will appeal to young teens. Those older kids who know Hilton's history will have a rough time finding the honesty in lines like, "If you show me real love, I'll show you mine," and "I don't find too many guys who treat me the way you do . . . other guys just want to take me for a ride."

To get Paris to sound like such an accomplished singer, her producers fattened up the skinny heiress' sound by layering her voice upon her voice - several times. The echo effect is almost imperceptible, but it manages to erase any trace of thinness. It also erases any trace of identity.

I'm not sure looking like a man is a good qualification to be somebody's girlfriend, but to each their own. The album will also include a cover version of Rod Stewart's “Do Ya Think I'm Sexy?”. Uh, no. I think you're the opposite of sexy. You're what sexy looks like in bizarro world.

Hear it for yourself via Save Manny.

Thanks for the tip, Jenny.