Introducing 'The Intern', TtP's New, Um, Intern

About a month ago I concluded it might rock if we were to "hire" an "intern". I figured it would be cool to give some non-blogging libertarian a wider voice. In return, we'd get someone to pick up the slack once I start law school here in DC next month and (likely) am forced to blog a bit less. (I tried but couldn't kid myself into believing that those lard-assed, lazy sods Cicero and Leonardo would post more if I post less.)

After considering various psuedonyms to assign the intern -- whose duties aren't any different than those of anyone else here, mind you -- I settled on "The Intern" -- an homage to the late series of lackeys working under Bill Simmons.

I anonymously posted an ad on Craigslist seeking someone who is

bright, cynical, funny, self-important, clever, reliable, and knowledgeable about current affairs, the nanny state, and pop culture. Must not be easily offended, but must be adept at offending others (within a libertarian framework). Should be non-intellectual, but not anti-intellectual. Should also be willing to take your fellow bloggers out for drinks.

To my great pleasure, we got ten applicants. About five seemed really talented. Three identified themselves as libertarians. Two were certifiably crazy. But there was only one who self-selected as a reader of Hit & Run and The Agitator, an AFF fan, and a drinker of PBR. Rather than going on about what a perfect fit I think The Intern will be for this site, I'll let her words speak for her.

I have a killer job in defense contracting, a distaste for The Killers, and a deep conviction that Britney will make a vicious comeback sometime before I die. I have three new roommates, with whom I am currently duking it out over the finances involving (1) installing cable Internet/TV OR (2) a brass stripper pole integrated into the structure of the house. Next time I select a living situation, I'll make sure there's no possibility of stalemate-inducing divides. We need a tiebreaker like nobody's business.

I do not have a shitty Hyundai (just sold it), a boyfriend (the dog and
I have gotten reacquainted over "Law & Order" on Friday evenings), or a good explanation for why I have never received a speeding ticket. Unless it's related to my former employment at Hooters. I do not spend my Sunday mornings perusing the Post at my local Starbucks, I do not know the best place in town for Moroccan-Afghani fusion cuisine, and I do not live in a quirky Adams Morgan apartment with hardwood floors.

I also don't have any relevant qualifications to write about politics. I've served food and drink, I've worn the red and khaki, I've cut the eyes out of cadavers' heads, and my current job doesn't really involve any sort of public policy setting. I'm white. I'm female. I drink PBR. Yet I do not shut my piehole.

I haven't ever tried a drug, but I think they all should be legal. I think socialized health care is a terrible idea, but privately run/funded charities are great. Guns for everyone. Abortions for everyone. Sudafed for everyone. In my opinion, national ID cards are tantamount to getting barcodes stamped on our inner wrists.

Michelle Malkin is hot, Ann Coulter should be on a leash in somebody's basement, and I don't even know where to start with Ms. Rodham Clinton.

Charmed, I'm sure. And if I see you playing with that again, I'll take it away and you won't see it until the end of the school year.

Charmed indeed. Welcome to The Intern. You'll see her first post up here sometime soon.