Oprah Winfrey is Gay

How do I know? She is denying she's gay to the public. If you have to tell the public that you're not gay, you're probably gay. And if you have to put a page in your own magazine saying you're not gay, you're soooooo gay. Like move-to-Massachusetts-already gay. And if you're trying to dispel rumors that you're having a same-sex love affair with your best friend and you say something like the following, you're so god damn whipped.

Says Winfrey: "Something about this relationship feels otherworldly to me, like it was designed by a power and a hand greater than my own. Whatever this friendship is, it's been a very fun ride."

"Otherwordly"? Unless you're hoooking up with E.T. or Jesus you shouldn't be saying anything like that. "Designed by a power and a hand greater than my own"? What the fuck is Oprah making in her basement? Robots? Lesbian robots? God, that would be sweet. I would program them to make-out with each other while making whiskey sours. Unless The Intern was there. In which case, they would open cans of PBR. While constructing a stripper pole. Or something like that. By the way, a Google News search for "sexbot" only turned up this post, about a Salon article last month on the debate in the feminist blogosphere over whether the act of a woman performing oral sex on a man is inherently degrading. My opinion: if you want to suck cock, suck it. If you don't, don't. I thought feminism was about eliminating social and political inequalities so that women could make these and other choices freely. Discuss.

And speaking of lesbians, the Navy has added one more person to the list of more than 11,000 people who have been kicked out of military service since 1993 for being gay. She marched in a demonstration in support of same-sex marriage and made the mistake of courageously talked to the media. She served her country for more than ten years and was willing to die for it. Her country spat on her.