Horny German Woman Just Wants Some Lovin'

Poor woman.

Police in the German city of Aachen received an unusual call for help late Wednesday when a woman telephoned to complain her husband was not fulfilling his sexual obligations.

After the couple had been sleeping in separate beds for several months without intimate contact, the 44-year-old woman woke the husband, 45, in the middle of the night and demanded he satisfy her needs, police spokesman Paul Kemen said Thursday.

This is why couples should (ahem) insert sex clauses into marriage-related contracts before getting married. Things like, each partner agrees to have sex at least X times a week. Or for heterosexual couples, each week the woman does not feel like having sex the amount she can get in a divorce is reduced by $1,000. And each week the man does not feel like having sex the amount he has to give in a divorce is increased by $1,000. As my grandfather always said, nothing makes sex hotter than a contractual obligation to do it. Especially if your lawyers are watching.