It's My Civil Right To Make A Stew Out Of Little Kids!

Some guy in Cleveland (and it's always Cleveland, isn't it?) is facing 74 charges of rape, drugs, and pandering obscenity to minors. But it's OK - his apartment is a religious area, and smokin' the reefer and diddling nine retarded kids is just all part of his holy ritual.

Phillip Distasio worked at an area school for special-needs kids for over ten years. Eight of the boys he is accused of violating were under 13. There are thought to be more victims.

"Not all pedophilia is bad, and sex [with boys] can be healthy," Distasio told the ourt.

Fortunately, he'll be representing himself at trial, so look forward to seeing him awarded with 8 mandatory life-in-prison sentences, minimum.