To the People

The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively, or TO THE PEOPLE.

Friday, August 18, 2006

What's All This Here

I'm in London for a few days and then will be heading to Amsterdam for the Reason "conference", so it will be a couple of weeks before I do any substantive posts (of course, by substantive I mean cutting and pasting from CQ articles and linking to blog posts about Britney Spears). I have some good ideas on some London-oriented posts on Winston Churchill (he worked 18-hour days, unlike our so-called war-time President), London's sensible solution to second-hand smoke (hint: you can smoke in pubs, just not at the bar where the bartenders will breathe it), and the British Museum (they should give back all the stuff they stole to the countries they stole it from). But for now, here's a list of things I like and don't like about London:

What I Like About London

--British women have nice racks. Seriously, I didn't realize they were so buxom. Everything I learned from watching Benny Hill is true.

--I find the British accent so adorable. The British people are like talking teddy bears. Even the kids sound cute when they're being annoying. I don't want children, but I would be tempted to have some if they spoke with a British accent. So if there are any hot British girls reading this that are dying to mate, write me. "What's all this here, Dad" has a nice ring to it.

--Scooterman offers this fantastic service. If you're drunk and can't drive home, they will send a licensed chauffeur to meet you at the pub and drive your car home. Brilliant!

--I've only noticed a few of these, but I love the combination hand washer / dryer. You put your hand underneath it and it dispenses water and soap. Then it blow drys you off. It's about time. I'm tired of having to wash my hands in the sink and then walk three steps to blow dry them.

--The British parliament looks like it's made out of matchsticks.

What I Don't Like About London

--It is outrageously expensive. God. And I could get more pounds for pieces of shit than my dollars. Also, a single trip on the subway costs 3£ (that's $6); but a pint of beer only costs about 2£. Why is it cheaper to drink than to take the subway across town???

--Pay toilets suck. I had to pay a dollar (50 pences) yesterday to pee. This alone makes me glad that we threw off the shackles of British oppression.

--Packs of cigarettes cost 5£ or more in the pubs (that's $10). Jesus. I could take 10 dumps for that much.

--I've been here about 32 hours and have yet to hear a single person use the word brilliant. WTF? I came here all this way and demand to hear the word brilliant. I'm going pub crawling tonight in a non-tourist section, so hopefully I will get my brilliant fix.