To the People

The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively, or TO THE PEOPLE.

Friday, October 06, 2006

In the News

Mad deer disease may spread with saliva. I wish I had known that before making out with that doe last night. I also wish I had known that the doe was actually a buck. But you live and learn. Live and learn.

President Clinton cuts deal with snack food companies to reduce sugar and fat
. This comes on the heels of his successful campaign with soda manufactures. He is such an amazing guy for spending all his energy trying to make Americans eat better. Much better than President Carter who wastes his time on such trivial issues as making sure people have homes to sleep in and trying to achieve world peace. Yep, making Americans lose a few pounds is the most important thing a former President could be working on.

Marijuana prevents Alzheimer's. This is good news because it means I will never forget that i want to bang this hippie chick with marijuana leaves in her hair. I never ever want to forget that. I do want to forget making out with that buck last night; so I guess the benefits of marijuana use is a toss-up.

The White House is crowing that the budget deficit has dropped to $250 billion. Excuse me if I don't drop my pants to celebrate. This is like saying "only 50 people were blown-up in Iraq today, it could have been 60." Well, Mark Foley could have had sex with 10-year-olds but he chose 16-year-olds instead. How long will Republicans keep this "hey, we could be worse" campaign theme? I guess as long as Tom Cruise will continue eating placenta, drinking pee and shoving things up his ass - or whatever it is that scientologists do - which is a long time. I don't know why I used a story on the budget deficit to accuse Tom Cruise of drinking pee. Oh wait, yes I do. It's fun.