Onion Article Most Likely to Get Future 'Life Imitates The Onion' Tag

Reads like a 2011 press release from someone like Henry Waxman.

WASHINGTON, DC—The Department of Health and Human Services issued a series of guidelines Monday designed to help parents curtail their children's boundless imaginations, which child-safety advocates say have the potential to rival motor vehicle accidents and congenital diseases as a leading cause of disability and death among youths ages 3 to 14.

"Defuse the ticking time-bomb known as your child's imagination before it explodes and destroys her completely," said child-safety expert Kenneth McMillan, who advised the HHS in composing the guidelines.

More here.

Thanks to Sean Higgins for the tip.