To the People

The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively, or TO THE PEOPLE.

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Totally-Not-News-Turned-News-Story Turns Out to be Good Blog Material

I'm not sure when exactly the Associated Press stopped being a legitimate news source, but I'm going to call the time of death at Wednesday, March 14th, 7:37 PM ET. That's the time that the AP posted a "news" story about how Paula Abdul considers Simon Cowell to be "a really good friend". Look I get it that America loves to see a junkie and an asshole bicker back and forth on national television. Why do you think I've been pitching this talk show staring me and Baylen? But Abdul's and Cowell's feelings towards each other - on or off the screen - is not news. But then I don't consider sports results to be news, and I lament the fact that serious papers carry them. What I can say - besides the fact that I would love to fuck Paula Abdul with a broken beer bottle - is that I'm glad the AP at least carried these remarks:
Were they at first attracted to one another, as Cowell has suggested?

"Oh, puh-leez! He makes this stuff up," Abdul says. "He said, `Paula, people want us to hook up so bad.' I said, `That's disgusting.' He goes, `Paula, I know you want me,' and I go, `Like a cold sore.' We have fun playing up the chemistry, but there's also times when I would cross the other side of the street so I wouldn't have to look at him."
Wow. I don't know who I like more. Simon Cowell for using the "America wants us to hook up" line or Paula Abdul for pretending she doesn't already have cold sores.

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