Sports Guy, On Fire

It took me about fifteen minutes to stop laughing uncontrollably after reading the following portion of Sports Guy's ESPN chat:

mark (ottawa): how can you discuss "suicidal beards" without mentioning Campbell Scott in Singles?!? He set the bar - that's like talking about great dunkers and not mentioning Dr. J.

SportsNation Bill Simmons: Excellent point. Does Tom Hanks in "Castaway" qualify? I got sucked into that movie this weekend...it gets 5% better every time. The parts with Wilson kill me. I wanted them to include a scene where he gets a hooker after she comes back and makes her wear a volleyball mask.

[Ellipsis]

Rob (Portland, OR): What does a volleyball mask look like? Is it anything like a left-handed football bat?

SportsNation Bill Simmons: I meant a mask that was made out of one side of a volleyball.

Lots more here.