To the People

The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively, or TO THE PEOPLE.

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

I got Newsom-ed!

Yesterday I took everyone's advice and decided to use my dental insurance while I've still got it. I found myself a nice practice down near Fisherman's Wharf and, after about 45 minutes of sweet sweet Novocaine (does anyone else kind of enjoy the dentist once you can't feel anything?), I headed home, a nice stroll through the Embarcadero and the Financial District. As I was approaching the Bart station, I noticed a large crowd had gathered in front of me. They were holding signs that I couldn't read (I should see the optometrist too!) and stopping people on the street. I used to live in New York, so I am a natural at looking down at the ground, hunching up my shoulders, and just paying attention to whatever is on my headphones (the new Radiohead, probably). But one of these guys actually reaches out and touches me. I take my headphones off, all "oh hell no!", and he looks at me and says, "Hey, you wanna meet your mayor?" Its Election night, and Gavin Newsom, my infamous mayor, best known for his "erstwhile" sexual meanderings, is having a party up by the Ferry Building.

Ok, so here is the thing, I know that Newsom has done nothing for affordable housing. I know that he is not doing everything he said he would since he got elected last time. I know that he's a womanizer and an all around sly motherfucker, but I mean, have you looked at this guy? Jesus H Christ! I could look at this guy all the God Damn Day!

So when this crony asks me, do I want to meet my mayor, I am immediately all, "um, hell yes?!"...and upon saying that, I realize that I can hardly open my mouth. I am so Novocained up that I look like half my face is paralyzed, stroke style. I can't...meet Gavin...like this!!!

But its all happening so fast! Without thinking, I cover my mouth with one hand and reach out to shake Gavin's with the other.

"I just went to the dentist..." I say, both with my terrified eyes and puffy, dead lips.

"Awe," He coos, as he brushes his hand down my right arm, and lets out a soft, sexy caretaker sort of laugh, "You're so cute."

Like I said, SLY.MOTHER.FUCKER.

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