Free Money!!!!*

Quickly, someone print the "I'm a Slave for the Government, and All I Got was $300" t-shirts:

The top business news from The Associated Press for the morning of Thursday, Jan. 24, 2008:

Deal for Economic Rescue Package Closer

WASHINGTON (AP) — House Democratic and Republican leaders are looking for imminent agreement with the White House on an emergency package to jolt the economy out of its slump after negotiators on all sides made significant concessions at a late-night bargaining session. House Speaker Nancy Pelosi agreed to drop increases in food stamp and unemployment benefits during the Wednesday meeting in exchange for gaining a rebates of at least $300 for each person earning a paycheck, including low-income earners who make too little to pay income taxes.

Are they even going to pretend to find the $250+ billion anywhere in the budget? Or is that money just being printed as we speak?

If the goal of this stimulus is to jolt the economy with increased consumer spending, why don't we give different amount of money to different types of spenders? People like me, who are prolific spenders should get like 5x the normal rebate. Please, $300 is child's play. It's not even warm-up spending money -- I'll spend $300 on English muffins and Bic lighters before noon. And you know that some people won't even spend the measly $300 that they do get. They'll pay off credit card debt or put it into savings, or something equally stupid -- like put it into their kid's college fund. Losers.

So I'm asking the Federal Government: Let me do my part to help this great country; give me the spending respect I deserve and I will single-handily keep this economy from falling of the cliff.

AP report on the compromise here.

*Post title reference explained here.