To the People

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Sunday, May 04, 2008

$50 on Kinky Lingerie to Win!

In honor of the Kentucky Derby, Slate.com has a funny article about the naming of thoroughbred horses. All names have to be registered with the Jockey Club, the organization that officiates horse racing. The club's policy is to reject names that are "suggestive or have a vulgar or obscene meaning; names considered in poor taste." The club isn't that vigilant about the policy though. That's how, for example, a guy got the ok to name his gelding "Nutzapper":

[Horse owner Andy] Hillis explained to the registry poobahs that as a young boy in Canada, he loved to zap walnuts in boiling oil and sprinkle them on salads. Satisfied that the name had a tasty, not tasteless, origin, the Jockey Club approved Nutzapper. Hillis, unable to contain his glee, boasted about the name to a Daily Racing Form reporter. "I've never even been to Canada," he said. "I just made the whole thing up on the spot."


Hillis should have kept his nutz in his mouth. After that article ran, the club banned the name.

The Slate.com article then goes on to note some of the astounding names that horses have run under in the history of the sport:

[S]houldn't somebody have questioned the precedent-setting Nut Buster way back in 1942? Similarly, Pussy Galore probably should have raised a few eyebrows in 1965. The filly never won a race, but one assumes she was a big hit with the stallions.

You want explicit commands? How about Blow Me (1945), Get It On (both 1971 and 1986), On Your Knees (1977 and 2005), Spank It (1985), or 1963's Go Down, whose sire, of course, was Service. Like 'em young? Embarrassingly enough, Jail Bait (1947 and 1983), Barely Legal (1982 and 1989), and Date More Minors (1998) all made it into the staid registry.

If a clever play on words is your thing, Cunning Stunt (1969) is a decent one. Lagnaf (1978) is a thinly veiled acronym for "let's all get naked and … ." The names Hardawn (1937) and Wrecked Em (1983) have to be said out loud to elicit the desired potty-mouth effect.

The list goes on: Golden Shower (1955), Cherry Pop (1961 and 1978), Cum Rocket (1969), Ménage Á Trois (1974), She's Easy (1978), Adultress (1979), Strip Teaser (1980), Rhythm Method (1982), Bodacious Tatas (1985), Tit'n Your Girdle (1988), Kinky Lingerie (1991), Hard Like a Rock (1995), Sexual Harassment (1997), and X Rated Fantasy (1999).


You can use the Jockey Club's online database to search for names. Among the ones I found were: Milfer, Hotforteacher, Bondage Queen and Jiz Wiz.

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