To the People

The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively, or TO THE PEOPLE.

Tuesday, September 09, 2008

The Way Linda Describes the US, It's Almost As If She Doesn't Live Here...Ohhh, Wait, That's Right, She Doesn't

There are few things in life, outside of those that rhyme with weenager lirls and big clits, that really get me up. Wait, I didn't do that correctly. Let's try this again -- There are few things in life that really get me up, outside those that rhyme with hot, pre-teen girls and lassive baginas. Um, whatever...close enough.

The point is, outside of young girls and big genitalia, I really love to experience a European waxing about America's red vs blue, cosmopolitan vs country bumpkin, small town vs big city divide. I love it and it doesn't get much better than this example in the Guardian; where I come to learn about a type of rape that must be such an epidemic that we as a nation should be dealing with it. Frankly I'm embarrassed that I've never heard of it. More on that further down, but first the meat of the piece. Warning: I'm going to selectively chop this article up; if you can get the whole feel of the piece by reading it here.
So clear is the divide between big-city and small-town America that one American friend said to me: "These whitebread Republicans are like children - someone has to tell them what to do and what to think, they're incapable of independent ideas."[...]

I asked a sophisticated and well-travelled Republican why he voted the way he did. He described growing up "dirt poor" in a small town in Northern California where joining the military was your sole ticket out; where the people in his family who depended on welfare stayed where they were and the ones who worked their fingers to the bone managed to make a better life for themselves. For him, joining the army led directly to an education. In fact, it led all the way to Princeton. But how, I asked him, baffled, could someone as intelligent as he is believe that George W Bush was anything but a cretin?
She's correct that in our country there are people who would rather be treated as children, and be told what to do and how to think (although I think the argument could be made that it's a bit more pervasive on the island she lives on) but it's not unique to middle America. Our city dwellers live in nanny state paradises that tell them what they can eat, where they can smoke, and what they can (not often) and can not use to protect their property and lives.
So America is stuck. Two countries, mutually irreconcilable, who never meet each other and don't want to, either. Who distrust each other at best, despise each other at worst. And who have absolutely no understanding of the other.
Hyperbole anyone? How the fuck does she describe Zimbabwe? Or any other shit hole in this world where people actually can't live with each other?

I've never stepped foot in the state of Wisconsin, can't even spell it --but true story -- I've had sex with three women from Wisconsin. Fucked two chicks from Michigan, I've never been there either. What am I trying to say? That women can't resist me? That the stories of encounters with Rob travels across state lines and hundreds of miles to horny girls everywhere in this great country?...Well, yes, that is what I'm saying. But you could also make the argument that we are more connected than ever, and more comfortable interacting with people than ever before. For most Americans everything in life isn't politicized yet, thank God. We can respect differences and still try to have sex with the person. That's all I'm trying to say.
Were I an East Coast Democrat, which is the only kind of American I can ever imagine being, I would have no objection to small-town Republicans - to their church-going and their hunting rifles and their flag-decked porches and their meatloaf with gravy, and their lemon chiffon cake. I could admire their intimacy with the wide prairie and the vast sky.

The problem is that when they're running the whole country, they want to take away abortion rights, drill for oil in Alaska (a Palin policy), ignore climate change, and start unwinnable wars. With the small-town Republican mindset in charge, the rest of America and the rest of the world is forced to live by small-town values, which aren't much help when you're trying to decide what, if anything, can be done about Iranian nuclear ambitions or more humbly, workplace date rape.
I can't go on much longer; I'm tired from all this blogging, haven't done it in a while. SO I'll make a few last points. First, what the fuck is lemon chiffon cake? I grew up in a town of a couple thousand and I have no idea what lemon chiffon cake is..Most importantly -- What is is workplace date rape? And why haven't I tried heard of it? Are people slipping mickeys in the lunch room? I just want to know what workplace date rape is, and google isn't much of a help...Any ideas?

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