To the People

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Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Racoons, Super Bowls, Hookers. It's a Mixed Bag

Tampa cop:
"The sun rises in the east, and hookers come into town during Super Bowl," said Capt. Bret Bartlett."
More words of wisdom:
He says the main difference since the last time Tampa hosted the Super Bowl is the internet. Super Bowl escort ads are all over the world wide web, with tag lines like, "Hello Tampa, I just got in town" and another site offering "Super Bowl specials." Bartlett says the extra advertising only makes things worse.

"You can go to Craig's List right now and get somebody to fix a roof and [also] find out where hookers will be here in Tampa," he said.
Spoken like a man who knows his stuff. Which reminds me -- I have some plumbing issues, and I'd like a blow job from a post-op tranny. Cragislist here I come!

The crack down on "sex crimes" during the Super Bowl could be worse; so fear not Super Bowl strip club attendees, the 6ft rule will not be rigorously enforced:
Strippers are also headed to the Bay Area for the Super Bowl. The big question is if officers will enforce the law requiring dancers stay six feet away from patrons. The last time the game came to town it was enforced. This time it appears as if it will not be as big of a deal.

"Public safety will be the priority over strip clubs, the six foot rule, and other adult business related offenses," said Andrea Davis with the Tampa Police Department.
Question: Should I attempt to have sex with a raccoon?

Answer: Not if you like having a penis.

Is this story real? We report, you decide:
A FEISTY raccoon has bitten off a pervert’s PENIS as he was trying to rape the animal.
Alexander Kirilov, 44, was on a drunken weekend with pals when he leapt on the terrified – but toothy – fur ball.

“When I saw the raccoon I thought I’d have some fun,” he told stunned casualty surgeons in Moscow.
FORT PIERCE, Fla. - A last-minute case of amnesia delayed sentencing for a senior citizen who molested children at a treasure coast daycare.

Aureliano Garcia-Campo agreed to a plea deal several weeks ago, but Tuesday morning in court he told a judge he didn't remember anything.
It's that simple?

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