To the People

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Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Sweetie, I Don't Want to Use Tree Bark as Plates at Our Wedding

I'm pressed at my day job because of an event tomorrow night -- hence the lack of posting yesterday, today and most likely tomorrow as well. However, no amount of work can stop me from passing along the answer to the question , "What does a douche chill feel like?"

Feministing.org helps us out with the answer, a'la a post about the difficulties of planning a wedding when you're a socially/environmentally/holistically conscious feminist. Otherwise known as -- someone that nobody else wants to be around.

Here's the best part from Jessica Valenti's post, but you need to dig around the comments some to really get the douche chills going.

On the issue of same sex marriage, frye886 says, "It seems to me a more powerful action by many couples would be to refuse to get married and publicly state the reasons why not."

Andrew and I discussed not getting married until everyone could, and we think that's an understandable choice. Instead, we're trying use our impending marriage as a pro-active way to talk about same sex marriage among our friends and family, and being mindful of the inequity in every step our process. (For example, in our engagement announcement we asked anyone considering getting us a gift to instead donate to an organization fighting for same sex marriage rights; we're planning on saying something about it as part of our ceremony; and we've taken the advice of several commenters and will have donation cards to said orgs instead of favors.)
Sounds like a fun wedding. Because really, who doesn't want to have a discussion about same-sex marriage at a wedding? Or be hit up for money to donate to the cause. I mean, I definitely don't go to weddings just for the open bar and loose desperate women.

And guys, remember this when you are about to get married. At least it isn't to this chick:

Though it might not seem immediately feminist, I would really look into where the flowers that you purchase for your ceremony come from. The conditions that women labour in, in greenhouses in third world countries are atrocious. They often work with hazardous chemicals that have been outlawed in western countries. Some of these chemicals have been known to induce spontaneous miscarriages as well as lead to cancer. The women are also lowly paid and their salary amounts to slave labour. There are also extremely high incidents of rape occurring. This seems to me to be to high of a price for a flower that is going to die in a few days. Please consider buying only locally grown flowers. These companies need to be sent a message that the exploitation of female labour needs to end.
Or this one:

March 11, 2009 1:17 PM[2+] flamingofeminist said:
We got married last summer and it was a really difficult decision, ethically. Aside from feeling that everyone should have a right to marry, we also struggled with the notion of ANYONE needing to get married. Why can't I claim anyone, regardless of marital status, to make medical decisions for me, etc, without being challenged? Also, there are many GLBTQ people who don't think our politics are in the right place; that marriage is not the best place to focus our efforts, when the HIV right among young people is climbing, gay teens are at a ridiculous high risk of suicide, homelessness, etc... so framing marriage as a choice that we were making, that even a lot of our close GLBTQ friends didn't want, was interesting. What's annoying in this fight for marriage is that it assumes that we all want to get married... not true.
Of course, by trying to deal with the issue flippantly, trying not to be those people who always talk about their wedding, about getting married, etc, we ran the risk of offending those people, like my dads, who really want nothing else but to get married. So it's an interesting issue no matter what.
As far as planning a wedding, a la feminism, we ordained one of my dads online, and the other one walked me down the aisle... even though, yes, a man was still "giving me away" none of that language "who gives this woman" was there, and really, for me, it just made me feel less awkward when everyone was staring at me! We got married on Pride weekend, unintentionally, and once we realized we added a candle lighting for those who had rioted at Stonewall. We also had a friend of ours read from one of our favorite atheist writers. It was fun planning a wedding subverting all the traditions, and really cornering people with questions like, WHY do we need to do x, y, z?... usually, they didn't know why, and they quit asking.
Poor, poor men...

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