To the People

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Friday, September 11, 2009

The Mystique Behind Bat-Shit Crazy Insane Women

Via Instapundit I found myself at some sort of female oriented website called The Frisky. Relationship advice, celebrity gossip, you know all those things gals love to read about. Today, one of these lady bloggers punched up a post in the “guys” section about theories as to why guys love crazy broads. Because I don’t feel like blogging about health care, Joe Wilson, the anniversary of 9/11…and I have no desire to do any work on a rainy, depressing Friday I decided I’d clear up some of the common misconceptions surrounding sociopaths and why we men would want to share a bed with them. Let's dive right into my Top 5 reasons for the attraction:

1) Possibilities – Have you ever had sex with a pregnant midget while your girlfriend watches in the corner? No? Well me neither. I know, sad…I’ve never had sex with a pregnant midget. I’ve never even fooled around with one. It’s actually on my bucket list. Yes I have a bucket list. And yes, sex with a pregnant midget is on it. It is MY bucket list after all. What does this have to do with anything? A sane, stable woman would probably never agree to this. Point 1 why men are attracted to crazy women. I call it the Pregnant Midget Three-Some Possibility.

2) The burn out relationship – You know how stars go through a burnout phase at the end of their life? They have this really intense period where they balloon up in size, get really hot and then explode into themselves. (Don’t hold me to that description. I’m basing that on a Magic School bus show from when I was in 4th grade. So it could be missing a few things) my point, --these relationships end on their own terms. There’s no sitting down over coffee and having some talk about how you’re not sure this relationship is working. That you need something more, and she deserves something more...blah..blah..blah. Maybe instead she tries to stab you in your sleep. Maybe she steals $300 from your bedroom, or even worse..drugs. The possibilities are endless. But either way the relationship ends in fiery blaze of glory. Or blood. Most likely a restraining order. But not painful talking about bullshit feelings.

3) See point #1 again. Really. It’s that important.

4) Story material – Men exist solely for the whole purpose of telling other men stories about their experiences with friends and women. It’s a pretty important thing. I’m still using my story of the two sister laws that I was fucking from 2 years ago. Still my go to. I know it’s pretty pathetic. It’s what a stable relationship will do to your story inventory. My point is not that I’m a pathetic human being who has no life whatsoever anymore. My point is that neither one of those women were sane. They were both delightfully crazy; I feared for my life constantly for about 2 months. If I documented those 2 months I would have chapters of material. In fact, I’ve pulled stories from those affairs for blog jokes many times over the past two years. So crazy women=good stories that will have shelf life. Don’t sleep on a man’s ego.

5) Uh…See point #3. Yes. It’s that important.

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