To the People

The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively, or TO THE PEOPLE.

Thursday, November 05, 2009

Taking an Office Dump

I'm a huge advocate of office dumps -- and I'm not talking about taking the occasional shit while at the office -- I'm saying that during the week I take all my dumps at work. I operate under the theory that if I have the choice between being paid for taking a crap and not being paid for taking a crap, I always choose the former. You never know when that day comes where no one is willing to pay you for taking a huge dump. So you know, carpe diem and all that.

I've never had a problem with this until the last year at my new-ish job. This building has a cleaning lady who hits our bathroom twice a day. Sounds great, but unfortunately her cleaning schedule matches up with my shitting schedule. It's become an issue. She does this thing where she walks in to see if anyone is in there, and if someone is she waits outside by her cart for you to leave so that she can enter and clean. See where this is going? Now, I'm pretty immune to shame , but even for me this is starting to get awkward. I'll be the only guy in the bathroom, she'll be waiting 5-10 minutes for me and I've left the not-so-pleasant after effects of my previous night of drinking in the bathroom for her. To make matters worse you have to walk right by her on the way out. I've mumbled "sorry" before just because I don't know how I'm suppose to acknowledge her. She can't be happy with me, and quite frankly I'm not happy with her either. She's sapping all the enjoyment I should be getting from taking a dump on the company dime.