To the People

The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively, or TO THE PEOPLE.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Annoying Shit In the Workplace

Allow me to vent a litte...

1) What the fucks the deal with office cleaning people? I've documented my run-ins with a particular lady (Who's since stopped working on my floor. There's a real chance that I had something to do with that.) who made it a habit to disrupt my shits as often as she was able to. Now I've got this fat cleaning guy who pounds on the stall to see if anyone is there when he comes in for his afternoon cleaning session. Scares the shit out me, especially when I'm watching streaming porn on my phone with ear buds in.

Here's a thought -- Ever think to look under the stall doors? Most people aren't double amputees. You should be able to see feet.

2) I need an office chair that isn't made out of super-odor absorbent fabric. When I lift my ass off my chair my nostrils are greeted with a smell that is a cross between cat urine and human shit. My ass and chair are causing a hostile workplace for the rest of my body. And probably my cube mates. Not cool.

3) Holy fuck I'm tired of douchey IT manager types. Why is it that IT managers are 10x more douchey than other managers in the office? And that's not easy. Most managers are in fact real big douchebags, but IT guys take it to a whole new level. I've got one (not my manager, I don't work in IT) who tries to fist bump me in the hallway. The dude is 40 years old and severely overweight. I'm only fist bumping you if I've just made fun of you. Otherwise please put your fist away.

4) I received an email from a senior director with the subject "Dick Hug". It was about a guy named Dick Hug. Not annoying, but funny.

5) My cube is in a hallway. I'm expected to do work in a hallway. It's crazy the way we tolerate open office space. Cube walls aren't sound proof. They are 5 ft plastic walls. People lean on my cube walls and have conversations with people in the hallway. So if I have something to say to one of these assholes I stand on my chair and interupt their conversation about their kids school, or whether to go to PF Changs or Panera for lunch. They consider me the rude one. Fuck you. Your the one having a conversation 2 ft away from my desk about pointless bullshit. You wouldn't stand in some one's office and do that would you?

6) I have the slowest computer that has ever been used for a professional purpose ever. If you are my age or younger you can remember computer (or typing) class in high school. Remember how slow those spyware infested machines were? My is worse. I've got a typewriter with a screen. I'll go to minimize my browser when my boss sneaks up behind me and it'll wait until she walks out to leave my screen.

I used to have a great computer. Responsive, quick...all that. Then I started having problems printing to a particular printer. So one of the IT techs switched my computer out for what he called the"intern" computer.

Couple things -- Would that be the first thing you try if you were having trouble printing on your home computer? Go out and replace you computer? Of course not. This guy is an idiot. It didn't fix anything. Also, the intern computer? That's the computer I get? Based upon how little I do at work, I can only imagine how much time the interns at this shithole spend surfing the web picking up god knows what viruses and malware along the way. I've got the computer equivalent of Antonio Cromartie's dick.

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