They're On a Jihad Against Sobriety

You know things are getting weird in the Middle East when your best hope for getting a drink in Cairo is Osama Bin Laden's half brother:

CAIRO -- Diners in the revolving restaurant on the 41st floor of Cairo's Grand Hyatt once could count on a certain order to things: As surely as the torpid Nile coursed below and the Pyramids loomed in the distance, the whiskey, beer and wine flowed for hotel guests.

Then a Saudi sheik bought the Grand Hyatt, one of the city's leading luxury hotels. On visiting his new holding in April, Abdel Aziz Ibrahim declared the hotel dry and ordered managers to destroy its alcohol. Hotel workers poured out the bottles into drains running into the Nile, according to news reports at the time.

Ibrahim's imposition of prohibition reflects the disdain that some Muslims maintain for what they see as the libertine ways of Cairo. His action has sparked a five-star tussle with the Hyatt chain, which wants to restore liquor to the hotel, and has revived a debate over tolerance in Egypt.

Amid the wrangling, the Hyatt's thirsty have found refuge a few steps away in a dark bar that is also under Saudi ownership. Hassan bin Laden, half brother of Osama, is a prominent shareholder of the Hard Rock Cafe in the Grand Hyatt complex.

Vatche Yacoubian, general manager of Cairo Hard Rock, said business has jumped since the hotel went dry. The bar has a liquor license and intends to keep using it, he said.

Read the whole story here.

Rest of States to Utah: We Still Don't Get You

Utah being Utah, even when they are trying not to be so...you know, Utahish.

SALT LAKE CITY - Bar patrons in Utah, which has some of the nation's strictest liquor laws, will soon be able to get 50 percent tipsier off one cocktail. Be warned, though: no more "sidecars."

The amount of liquor allowed in the standard cocktail will increase from 1 ounce to 1.5 ounces after the Legislature approved the first major changes in years to the state's liquor laws. That's the standard used in most other states and countries.

Republican Gov. Jon Huntsman has said he wants the change so Utah won't appear so strange to the rest of the world. Utah is the only state to limit the amount of liquor allowed in a standard shot, according to the National Conference of State Legislatures.

But that wasn't the only measure included in the bill to make Utah "not seem so strange to the rest of the world". More:

Utah will become the only state to ban wine coolers and flavored malt beverages from grocery stores. Instead, they will be sold only in state liquor stores.

"I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that these alcopops are directed to our kids. It is a gateway drug," said Rep. Mike Noel, R-Kanab.[...]

In addition, bar patrons' option of ordering an additional 1-ounce shot to pour in their drinks, known locally as a sidecar, is being eliminated. Customers will still be able to order shots while they have a drink on the table, but only if it is of a liquor that's not already in their drink.

In other words, customers drinking a margarita couldn't order a shot of tequila, but they could take shots of vodka.

Ah, well, that all makes perfect sense. Full story here.

Damn Revenuers

Today's Washington Post has a great article on the government's war on illegal whiskey brewers and their way of life.

Since Prohibition, southwestern Virginia has been a hub of moonshine production, along with North Carolina and a few other Southern States. The tradition extends to the English and Scotch-Irish colonists who settled western Virginia and made grain-based whiskey and the Germans who specialized in apple brandy. When Franklin County was formed in 1786, the first county court met in a house with a tavern.
[...]
"People try to portray us as country bumpkins, but we're proud of being rednecks, and we're proud of the craft of making liquor," said Linda Stanley, the fast-talking special projects coordinator for the Franklin County Historical Society. "Around here, people still talk about the War Between the States, they still talk about making apple butter and they still talk about moonshine."
[..]
Like other residents, Wilson said he loves moonshine because with no federal or state taxes, it's cheaper than some store-bought liquor, and the raw, firelike taste is distinctive. He also had kind words for Smith, saying that the government should leave him alone. "What's the big deal? It's just some people getting drunk," Wilson said.

Agents and experts in the liquor trade said that because it's unregulated, moonshine has been found to contain lead, pesticides and other dangerous substances. "I've seen cows basically go to the bathroom in a creek and then that same water be run through a still to make liquor," McEntire said.

Whiskey made with water a cow took a piss in? Sign me up! Seriously. As for those damn revenuers, get a life!

Tips for Keeping the Fun Away this Holiday Season

Sorry for the inactivity today folks; my excuse can be found on my downstairs toilet bowl....Yuck. Luckily, with my time-tested home remedy of masturbation, marijuana and Guinness, I've come out of the other end of a nasty 24-36 hour bug relatively unscathed and ready to pick the keyboard back up. For something other than porn. Or craiglisting for whores. On to the blogging!

Newsweek helps you deal with sobriety this holiday season.

Six Ways to Avoid Holiday Booze Blunders
'Tis the season for uncomfortable moments if you don't drink alcohol or are hosting someone who doesn't. Here are our tips on teetotaler etiquette.

2. Turn off the Tap Know the early signs of drunkenness, such as slurred words, obscenities or unusual confessions. If you see insobriety, Post suggests removing the temptation. "Cork it, and put the wine away for the night."

They're ruining my game! That's me at 8:30 at the party, shouting fucks and motherfucks, as I wave my drink in the air and confide in the lady next to me that I have a pregnancy fetish, and it's not that weird. Really. What the fuck...Just last month I got thrown out of a bar in Seattle for swearing. That's all. And urinating on the bar. Whatever man, what's the world coming to?

1. Considerate Gifting Don't bring a bottle of wine or Scotch to a party unless you're asked to. Inquire first, or bring flowers or a dessert instead

That should never, EVER, be written anywhere. Who knows, maybe someone reads Newsweek, and might start thinking they shouldn't show up with a bottle...

2. Don't Ask Never ask anyone why they're not drinking, even indirectly. It can seem like a harmless ice-breaker, but in fact it's downright rude to hand a woman a Coke and say, "Expecting?"

I prefer, "What are you, some sort of up tight cunt?". See, that way you don't offend the fat broad if it turns out she isn't pregnant.

Full article here.

No AA for Me This Week

So says a new book about "Controlled Drinking". Which, I think is code for not taking your penis out at the office Christmas party while yelling, "Look at Mr Nose! Look at Mr Nose!" Not to say I'll be following any of this advice anytime soon, but it's still good to see these types of things in print.

I Like My Bolivian Hookers Dirty and Agitated

Trouble in the streets of Bolivia:

LA PAZ (AFP) - Hundreds of outraged prostitutes are ready to fight a morality campaign targeting their trade by marching nude in the streets of Bolivia's capital, a spokeswoman said Thursday.

[...]

Lily, speaking on behalf of the prostitutes, warned that prostitutes would "march nude in the streets of La Paz" and threatened to forsake checks from health authorities.

[...]

Organizers of the morality campaign have demanded the mayor close several hundred illegal brothels and enforce a ban on minors visiting them. The activists have also called for ensuring the houses of prostitution operate a good distance from churches, schools and hospitals.

The police have sent in reinforcements to the turbulent area but the campaign has spread to other towns and provinces.

Protecting protesting prostitutes. A military action we could all get behind. Full article here.

Thanks to Sean Higgins for the link, who btw, has a delightful article, well worth a read, up on Modern Drunkard on the U.S. Prohibition Party. From the piece on scheduling an interview with the party's presidential candidate:

Scheduling an interview with a presidential candidate usually takes a lot of negotiation and many phone calls. Not so with Amondson. A Google search turned up his e-mail address, and about half an hour later he agreed to an hour-long interview on the following day.

“I have all the time in the world,” he explains.

His campaign headquarters? He doesn’t appear to have one. It turned out that the phone number was for a local public library where Amondson spends a lot of his free time.

Full article here.

The 21 Drinking Age, Revisited

In 1984 Congress passed the National Minimum Drinking Age Act, which denied federal highway funding to states that did not raise their drinking ages to 21 within three years. This was the heyday of MADD and marked the federal government's first foray into alcohol legislation since Prohibition. I was born one year too late to be grandfathered-in so the memory of that Act is seared into my soul and it was a dark day in Reagan's presidency when he gladly signed it, surrounded by MADD staffers.

Twenty-three years later, it is time to reflect on the legislation that drove young adult drinking away from bars and college wine and cheeses and into the shadows. From the college perspective, former Middlebury President John McCardell supported lowering the age back to 18 in a letter last month to the NY Times:

So much of the drinking-age debate focuses on alcohol-related traffic fatalities, which have not changed much in the last decade.

Meanwhile, peer-reviewed studies have shown that more than 1,000 lives of 18-to-24-year-olds are lost each year to alcohol in places other than on the roadways -- behind closed doors, in dark corners, in remote and risky locations, where a law fundamentally at odds with social reality exacts its deadly toll. And these numbers are increasing annually at an alarming rate.

...Alcohol is a reality in the lives of young adults age 18 to 20. Most of the rest of the world acknowledges that reality with its laws. For some reason, the United States seems stuck in the virtuous mire of prohibition.

That sounds like the Drug War to me.

Any college student today can tell you about drinking in the shadows. I remember a day when it was done in bars and in college pubs (though for me in MA it was only the juniors and seniors who could drink) and it was a lot more "healthy."

Today William Saletan, a reliably libertarian Slate columnist, took up the issue.

Now That's What I Call Private Policing

If David Friedman and Jacob Sullum opened a bar together, this would probably be their solution to binge drinking and drunken rowdiness.

Some Pennsylvania bars are demanding customers' credit-card numbers and charging them if they vomit or otherwise damage property while drinking, Washington Square News reported Sept. 25.

Groups of six or more patrons at El Azteca restaurant and bar near Pennsylvania University, for example, are required to sign a contract that includes a credit-card number as insurance against damages by drunk patrons. If any member of the party vomits on the premises, for instance, all members of the group are hit with a $50 charge.

In other vomit news, doctors in Australia are urging their patients to vomit in government-run hospitals to get quick attention to their needs, the vomit-stained corpse of a 500-year-old "Llullaillaco Boy" shows that parents had a more libertarian view of child drug use in the good old days of death marches, and a woman too stupid to avoid slipping on a puddle of vomit in Wal-Mart provides a lot of ammo to those seeking tort reform.

Michigan Not Allowed to Penalize College Students for Making Correct Decisions

Good news for civil liberties and underage drunks in Michigan who choose to walk instead of drive.

LANSING, Mich. -- A federal judge has ruled that forcing a non-driver in Michigan to submit to a preliminary breath test without a search warrant is unconstitutional.

U.S. District Judge David Lawson in Detroit issued an injunction Wednesday blocking enforcement of a state law that penalizes pedestrians under 21 who refuse to submit to such a test.

The American Civil Liberties Union, which had sued on behalf of four college students, says Michigan is the only state in the country that requires a pedestrian to submit to a breath test without a warrant.

If a group like MADD believed in what their acronym stood for; they would have been fighting this law tooth and nail. Just a thought. Full article here.

Last Time I Read My Bible, Jesus was All Over the Wine

Not too long ago for a New Testament textual criticism class, I wrote a paper advancing the image of Jesus as a well-known boozer and late-night reveler. This isn't a new idea among New Testament scholars, (of which I'm not one) but it's one that doesn't make it out to the general, God-fearing public too often. I like to go a step further and claim that his drinking and socializing were big parts of his revolutionary style and charm -- That same revolutionary style and charm that scared the religious establishment at the time and led to his execution. Not only did this behavior lead to his death, it also led to the cult like following he had. A catch-22. He wasn't the first guy to announce himself as the Son of God, but he was the first one that scared the bejeebus out of the Jewish high priests, and garnered the kind of following that he had. I contend alcohol and his social networking, were two of the more important variables that allowed the narrative to work out like it did and create a major religion that has lasted some 2000 years. I'm not saying I'm right, but I don't think I'm totally wrong, and it's a fun case to make with your typical Evangelical crowd.[Which, if you study the New Testament in the south, you will spend a lot of discussion time in class with them.]

Anyways, whenever I make this case I'm accused of twisting the facts in order to justify my own behavior or attitudes towards drugs or alcohol. Or, as I'm accused of quite often, making an argument only for the sake of shock value. Hardly the case. My standard answer is always the same. Pick up the Book that you profess to base your entire life on and actually read it. It helps in understanding what you believe in. Me? I just find it interesting reading...

These are folks that got me thinking on this:

ATHENS, Ala. - Voters have a chance on Tuesday to return this northern Alabama city to the days of Prohibition.

A measure to end the sale of alcohol in Athens is up for a citywide vote, a rare instance where voters could overturn a previous vote to allow sales.

[...]

Christians who oppose drinking on moral grounds believe they have a chance to win, however small.

"If it can be voted out anywhere, it will be here because so many Christians are against it," said Teresa Thomas, who works in a Christian book store.

Full article here.

Your Tax Dollars Used to Find Startling Information: Old Farts Like to Drink Beer Not Take Shots

I don't know which is sadder that my tax money went to these studies or that the media considers them news.

Binge drinkers are more likely to have a beer can in hand than a shot glass, new research shows.

Unless you're talking about teens. They prefer the hard stuff.

The stereotype-shattering findings are reported in two studies by the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. [Editor's note: Stereotype-shattering? Uh, where have these reporters been?]

Access may play a major role in the choices of the two age groups, experts suggested.

For adults, beer is cheaper and easy to find, sold in gas stations and grocery stores. However, for teens, it may be easier to filch free booze from their parents' liquor cupboards, one of the researchers said. [editors note: if adults buy beer instead of liquor, wouldn't their liquor cupboards be empty? Or full of beer?]

Binge drinking — no matter which type of alcohol — is bad for your health. Excessive alcohol is acutely dangerous because of its role in car crashes, violence and other traumatic injury, and is blamed for 75,000 deaths annually. [Editor's note: Uh, shouldn't you say doing stupid shit like driving drunk and getting into fights with men twice is your size is bad for your health, not drinking per se?]

More here. If you're wondering I'm a binge drinker. As is any one who drank five or more drinks on at least on occasion in the last 30 days. How do the health fascists get away with this? A man has five beers at a company picnic and drinks nothing else the rest of the month and he's a binge drinker? Pleeeeeeeeaaaaaaasssseeeeee. Not surprisingly the health fascists have a solution, increase taxes on beer. I've said it before, and I'll say it again. The most important thing liberty-minded policymakers can do is to put a special tax on research studies. Researchers can study whatever they want they should just have to pay a special $100,000 federal tax for each report. I bet the junk science mill house would screech to a stop real quick.

MADD Worried About 'Overindulgence'

Holy shit. Has anyone else ever actually visited the MADD website? Jesus. They mention both Pairs Hilton and Lindsay Lohan on their front news page, addressing the important concerns of the day:

News reports indicate that actress Lindsey Lohan was arrested and charged with DUI today in Santa Monica , California .

Lohan is willing to break the law and jeopardize the safety and well-being of innocent people driving on our roadways. She needs and deserves to have an alcohol ignition interlock installed on her car.

MADD asks the judge hearing her to case to immediately mandate that she only drive a vehicle that is equipped with an ignition interlock and that the device remain on the car until she receives the help she so obviously needs to deal with her pattern of alcohol abuse

So obviously needs...Nice. This is all reminds me of my mother's basket weaving classes on high-powered estrogen. Or that time I accidentally walked into a Curves studio with a trench coat on and began masturbating. That didn't last too long. I think the trench coat in July was a dead give-away. Or my Groucho Marx sunglasses and mustache. Or the fact that my cock was out. Yeah come to think of it, that was probably it. But Christ, the difference between the broads in Curves, or in my mom's basket weaving class, and the fascists at MADD is that these people actually have influence. It's scary when they feel the need to comment on things like this:

WASHINGTON (AP) - Amtrak is trying to gin up new business by offering $100 in free alcohol to customers on some overnight trains.

The national passenger rail company is making the unusual offer to promote a new high-end service being offered on a trial basis for certain sleeper car trips.

[...]

Christina Messa, vice president of marketing for GrandLuxe, said the drinks promotion is part of an effort to revive some of the luxury of old-fashioned, cross-country train trips.

Mothers Against Drunk Driving questioned whether $100 in free alcohol was too much.

"This sounds like a lot of credit toward possible overindulging," said MADD spokeswoman Misty Moyse.

It's a train. A very high end train service as well. Where people shell out 5-7,000 for week long trips, like a cruise but no water. What business, other than being attention whores, does MADD have commenting on this?

And We Have an Answer

I found Cicero. Now I'm booking my flight.

Apartments Welcome Homeless Alcoholics
Now social-service agencies are conducting an experiment: Offering Steik and dozens of other homeless drinkers subsidized apartments where they can keep boozing at a fraction of the cost.

"The average citizen who hears about this project probably is appalled," said Bill Hobson, executive director of the city's Downtown Emergency Services Center, which constructed the apartments.

The Seattle apartments were built with taxpayer and privately donated dollars. The center expects to spend about $11,000 per resident to operate the building each year, less than 10 percent of the money chronic drunks would cost if left on the streets. Preliminary figures suggest the building will pay for itself in less than five years.

Before moving into an apartment, the 40-year-old Steik was a frequent visitor to the Seattle Sobering Center, a nonprofit agency where police bring homeless alcoholics to dry out. He spent 700 nights there in 2 1/2 years.

"I had a place to live every night as long as I was intoxicated enough," Steik said.

At the apartment building, residents pay less than $200 a month in rent and must buy their own alcohol. Seventy-five people live there, with more waiting to get in.

If they are going to spend your money, they might as well go about it in a smart way. Full article here.

Warning: Excessive Alcohol Consumption Could Cause You to Bone a Mexican Stripper and Contract Syphilis

From the BBC:

Alcoholic drinks will carry new health warning labels by the end of 2008 under a voluntary agreement between ministers and the drinks industry.
The labels will detail alcoholic units and recommended safe drinking levels

[...]

The proposed warning labels will include words such as "know your limits" or "drink responsibly", and the number of units each drink contains.

[...]

They will also give the web address for the education campaign group Drink Aware.

With some strong beers and ciders, a pint or a large bottle can add up to three units or more.Ms Flint said: "This landmark, voluntary agreement will help people calculate, at a glance, how much they are drinking and whether they are staying within sensible drinking guidelines...

[...]

Alcohol Concern welcomed the scheme but said it did not go far enough.

Don Shenkar, director of policy and services for the charity, said: "We'd like there to be more information in pubs and bars, in terms of the sensible drinking limits there.

What can you say? It's only a matter of time before we take the the alcohol out of beer and liquor all together. Seriously, it might not be that bad. Then I will have my imaginary cigarette, with my imaginary drink having a completely make believe good time. Awesome.

Full article here. Alcohol Concern's website here. Check out their blog, although it looks like someone has been having a few too many cocktails and slacking on their blogging duties. Drink Aware's website here. Take their test to determine what kind of functioning alcoholic you are. Alas, don't get your hopes up. They do NOT display high scores and initials anywhere on the site. Bummer.

Public Schools are Not Preparing Teens...

...for college-level drinking.

TOP COP No Longer

AURORA, Ind.. - A Cincinnati police officer who recently received an award from Mothers Against Drunk Driving (MADD) was arrested Wednesday in Aurora, Ind., on drunk driving charges.

Police Specialist Charles Beebe, 54, was arrested after Aurora police pulled him over in the city limits.

[...]

Beebe is a 32-year veteran of the Cincinnati Police Department. He was promoted to Specialist in 1990.Earlier this year, Beebe received a TOP COP award from MADD’s Southwestern Ohio chapter at the group’s annual luncheon, according to MADD’s website.

MADD’s Southwestern Ohio chapter released a statement today saying it was “disappointed to learn” of Beebe’s arrest, “especially in light of his history of getting drunk drivers off the road

Full aritcle here.

Having Fun Prevents Parkinson's

Hey, I didn't run the study, I'm just reporting the news.

People with Parkinson's disease are less likely to be smokers and coffee drinkers than their healthy siblings, according to a study of family members. The finding adds to a growing body of evidence that some substance in tobacco might protect the brain against this devastating neurological disorder and sheds new light on coffee's effects on the disease

[...]

Exactly why smoking and consuming coffee had an inverse association with Parkinson's disease remains largely unclear.

Dopamine link
One possible mechanism involves a signalling chemical in the brain called dopamine. The death of dopamine-producing cells in the brain appears to drive the progression of Parkinson's disease, and both smoking and drinking coffee can raise levels of the chemical.

Scientists have also found some evidence that a substance in tobacco smoke may boost dopamine levels by blocking the production of toxins that poison dopamine-producing cells (see Why the wicked weed wards off Parkinson's).

Full article here.

I Want to be a Stay-at-Home Dad, Without the Dad Part

If there are any ladies out there willing to work all day and support an offensive, juvenile alcoholic, let me know.

According to the US Census Bureau there are 159,000 stay-at-home fathers currently in the United States, a more than three-fold increase from 1996 when they numbered 49,000.

Researchers and associations that represent these fathers, however, estimate their number to be closer to two million, as the Census Bureau figures do not take into account fathers who work part time or from the home.

More here.

How Not to Convince People: Demonize Their Choices

Which side do I join??

I spend many hours with my favorite lagers, stouts, and ales. I'm well known as the guy who is constantly carrying a tumbler of Jameson (I go Bushmills if with a Catholic crowd; I'm a respectful traveler), stumbling around, calling hipsters cunts and getting punched in the face by English women, American women, my mom, etc.

On the other hand we have pot. Oh pot. Pregnant porn, granny porn, bestiality porn...Would I have found these genres (as quickly) if not for you? Or those times smoking hashish with the Afghani and/or the Pakistani (honestly who knows where those guys are from...all I hear is mountains and I spend the next hour nodding at everything they say). Would have never happened without marijuana. Oh, and I forgot midget porn. And that hole in the locker-room of the H.S. soccer-team that I coached. Well, that doesn't have anything to do with pot. But boy am I glad I found that hole. Am I ever. Did I ever fill it. Ah...the memories

Nick Gillespie highlights the battle, I've blogged about the intellectual stupidity of using the argument...We bring you Modern Drunkard vs. SAFER.

P.S. As I said, I've blogged on this before, so I'll leave the substance for another day, but check out some of the comments at Hit&Run. Too many are cheering on SAFER's propaganda as a fair counter to the Drug Warriors propaganda. Bullshit.

Tourism? In Alabama?

Good news for beer lovers in Alabama.

Bill would benefit city brewery with gourmet brew.

The hops have been freed - at least by the Alabama House Travel and Tourism Committee
The panel voted unanimously on a voice vote Wednesday to send a bill to the House floor that would permit the sale of beer with more than double the alcohol content that state law now allows.

[...]

The bill would also eliminate a law that limits the size of beer containers to 16 ounces.

Humm, what's this missing here?

The only opposition came from the Rev. Dan Ireland, executive director of Alabama Citizens Action Program.

Ireland said introducing the higher alcohol-content beers would only add to the problem of alcoholism.

"I'm talking about a very real problem and I hope you recognize it as a very real problem," he said. "I'm concerned about saving the kids. In this country, there is a problem with drinking and driving."

The children, of course...Think of the Alabamian kids who have avoided drinking up to this point, because the selection of the beer offered at their local Food Lion didn't meet their high standards. They have been demanding, "I want MY Belgian Beer!!!!"

I also found this snippet amusing: [emphasis mine]

Danner Kline, who operates the "Free the Hops" Web site, said the state is losing thousands of dollars in tax money because its residents are driving to Florida, Georgia and Tennessee to buy the specialty beers. He said it's also losing out on tourism trade.

Thousands of dollars? Wow, that's a lot of money. It's like a million dollars or something. Full article here. Free the Hops website here.

Washington State Court Says Innocent Must Be Proven Guilty

Good news for opponents of forced treatment, fans of the Constitution, etc.

Judges can't order people facing drunken-driving charges to undergo alcohol-use evaluations, get treatment or start going to Alcoholics Anonymous meetings in order to stay out of jail, the state Court of Appeals ruled this week.

Forcing people to talk to an alcohol counselor about their drinking habits and their alleged crime -- before they've been found guilty of anything -- violates their right to remain silent and raises other legal problems, the court said.

The cost of attending meetings was another issue the court looked at here. No word whether they delved at all into the religious or cultlike nature of AA itself. Whatever the court's reasoning, it's nice to see they got where they did.

More here from the P-I. Thanks to P-Dawdy for the tip.

Libertarian Black Wednesday: The Day's News Recap

After reading today's posts I have concluded that this day has been a dark day for liberty, our own libertarian Black Wednesday. Jeezooks, the cumulative effect is astounding.

A recap of today's news: England is fulfilling Orwell's dystopian prophecy, a dying woman who has a brain tumor and chronic nausea has to stop consuming the marijuana that eases her symptoms or be prosecuted, while fear of mass public urination means that we can no longer drink beer singles in our soon-to-be fluorescently-lit homes.

I hereby submit an observation: every day, we become less free. That is because each day legislators and regulators submit and pass new rules that control us more. Call this Leo's Law. I also hereby submit a libertarian proposal: that we demand that for each new law, one on the books be eliminated. That would make the government look much harder at what they impose and would keep us from becoming automatons innoculated at birth against "anti-social" behavior who wear helmets as we walk down the street.

We also need to address the current opinion vogue of "I like/don't like it, so let's ban it." One of the commenters on my bulb post noted that he likes fluorescent lights so he looks forward the banning of incandescents. Maybe that comment was in jest, but concept of favoring laws that mirror one's preference and also reduce individual choice and liberty ought to be screamed about. This is the sentiment that has led to so many smoking bans, as most people don't smoke and don't like it.

Let's Run the ANC's Out of Town

The Logan Circle advisory neighborhood commission ("ANC") is forcing the P St. Whole Foods to stop selling beer in single bottles, according to today's Northwest Current (no online version available.) The article states that the ANC

associates single sales of beer, malt liquor and ale with, "public drunkenness, littering and public urination." The restrictions aim to "stop behaviors the community doesn't want."

I associate the ANC with things that I don't want, like to live in a Nanny State. I buy beer singles all the time, to try new beers and splurge on beers that are unaffordable by the six-pack. I have never urinated in public in Logan Circle, at least that I can recall, but I think I am going to get smashed and take a pisser on ANC commission head Charles Reed's stoop this weekend after drinking a 40. Anyone want to join me?

Beer singles have already been banned in Ward 4 by prior rep Adrian Fenty.

Why Do We Keep TtP Reader Davey Allday Around?

Because he says stories like this remind him of himself:

Man burns genitals in "Jackass" stunt.

Refridgerator will toss you can of beer.

Red Sox and the Manny Nanny State

Daisuke Matsuzaka, the Japanese pitcher who joined my Red Sox this year after honing his gyroballing skills with his home country's Seibu Lions, finds himself in a bit of trouble here in the U.S. for... drinking a beer. On television. Legally. In Japan.

A slick commercial for Asahi “Super” Dry beer features Matsuzaka donning a Red Sox jersey and throwing in full uniform in front of a simulated frenzied throng. In between those shots, Matsuzaka, in street clothes, is shown first taking a couple of gulps from a large glass of beer. After a quick cut, the shot returns toMatsuzaka downing the beer and, with foam on his lips, smiling and sighing contentedly.

Asahi’s beer is No. 1 in overall sales in Japan and the ad campaign, which also features the Yankees’ Hideki Matsui, is nothing unusual for Japan, where athletes are often used in beer endorsements and can be seen drinking on camera.

But in the United States, beer cannot be consumed in TV ads and Major League Baseball does not allow its players to endorse alcohol domestically. Those rules do not apply to international markets, however.

The Red Sox have voiced tepid disapproval -- not even bothering to issue a press release. So the grumblings aren't coming from their end. The real trouble's coming from the (drumroll) U.S. government.

According to Arthur Resnick, director of public and media affairs for the Alcohol and Tobacco Tax and Trade Bureau in Washington, D.C., Matsuzaka’s Asahi ad may merit punitive action.

“Our jurisdiction runs to false and misleading ads,” said Resnick, who pointed to a 1995 ruling that says the bureau would consider unacceptable any ad “which depicts any individual (famous athlete or otherwise) consuming or about to consume an alcoholic beverage prior to or during an athletic activity or event,” or an ad that states that drinking alcohol “will enhance athletic prowess, performance at athletic activities or events, health or conditioning.”

As far as I can tell -- and my Japanese is probably about as good as is Resnick's -- this ad doesn't do either. Regardless, the ad doesn't even air in the fucking U.S.! It's only available here on them internets. If some little-known, nannying arm of the U.S. Treasury Department has any claim to jurisdiction over Japanese advertising that airs only in Japan, that's probably news to the Japanese.

More on the controversy in the Boston Herald here . Resnick railing against moonshine here.

Why Do We Need to Know

If teenagers have drank in the last 80 hours? I mean that's like 10 days or something. And I'm not going to do the usual big brother out to get teenagers rant because a)Who likes teenagers? b)I have no clue if this is a trend, an isolated event or a media sensation. It just popped up when I went to yahoo to check the email account that I use for my "friends" in Thailand and Vietnam.

PEQUANNOCK, N.J. - Some teenagers who drink over the weekend could be in big trouble come Monday morning: A New Jersey school district plans to institute random urine tests capable of detecting whether alcohol was consumed up to 80 hours earlier.

This however, does get me a bit hot.

The EtG test costs about $20, Reynolds said. The school's overall testing program is funded by a three-year, $120,000 federal grant.

Just great. Not only is my money going towards NOT getting teenage girls drunk, it's actually going towards discouraging teenage drinking. Thanks for making me work twice as hard. Really appreciate it.

Full article here.