Enough of the Financial Talk; How About Some Drugs, Sheep that are Asking for It and Dead Hookers?

Links for your enjoyment.

Can I get rid of Comcast yet? Sprint unviels WiMax; city-wide "hot-spot" coverage for Baltimore.

This sounds like the type of guy I would trust to give information that may send people to jail:

Informants have different motivations for working with police, but the details they provide — names, places and times — can be key in major investigations and can lead to arrests.

Until last week, Timothy Ian Boland, a 31-year-old Robbinsdale man, was one of them. He's now accused of playing a role in the death of his brother's girlfriend and has been charged with second-degree murder and second-degree aiding and abetting a murder.

"At this point, his value as an informant is zero," Sommer said.

But Boland's arrest won't compromise any of the task force's investigations, he said.

Of course not. But is it nuts to think that it should? I don't think so...

TtP asks the question in Feburary '06 -- Is Sheep-Fucker a Sex Offender? I'm happy to report that the Michigan Court of Appeals says no.

A Calhoun County man who sodomized a sheep will not have to register as a sex offender because the sheep cannot be considered a victim of sexual assault under Michigan law, a court ruled this week.

Jeffrey Scott Haynes, 45, is serving a 2 1/2 - to 20-year prison sentence after pleading no contest to sodomy in 2006. He was found trespassing on a farm in Bedford Township in January 2005. The farmer called police when she realized one of her sheep was injured. A DNA sample taken from the sheep matched Haynes, a career criminal with convictions dating to 1985.[...]

Haynes, who was sentenced as a fourth-time habitual offender, is at Parr Highway Correctional Facility in Adrian. He has been convicted of home invasion, forgery and uttering and publishing.

Question to my lawyer readers: What's the difference between forgery and uttering and publishing?

While most people might automatically think murder when they find a dead hooker buried in a garden with her underwear around her knees, and her legs tied together with a plastice bag ALONG with signs of strangulation; the Baltimore Coroner would disagree. A brief story about the abnormally high rate of "undeclared" deaths in Baltimore as well as a reminder that someone is going around killing prostitutes in this city.

The Maryland Medical Examiner’s Office in Baltimore consistently posted higher numbers of undetermined deaths than other states or large cities. In 2004, for instance, 341 deaths were ruled undetermined in Baltimore City, and 807 in the state of Maryland. The same year, Washington, D.C., had 76 undetermined deaths.

In McClary’s case, Wecht said undetermined appeared to be the “proper” ruling. “In a case like this, where they need more information, it’s the right thing to do,” Wecht said.

McClary’s body was discovered Aug. 30, 2006, on Beaufort and West Belvedere avenues, where former police Commissioner Leonard Hamm’s stepdaughter Nicole Sesker was found strangled this year.

“We always thought it was suspicious,” said Rhonda McClary, Tyra’s sister. “We’ve really never had any closure. It’s been very hard for her mother.”

There have been 26 prostitutes killed since 1998, according to records reviewed by The Examiner.

Officer, the marijuana in my possesion only looks like a lot because it's fluffy. Oh, and I stayed late after work to drink booze. Now, why did you pull me over?

No More Tolerence for Horse Fucking. Even If the Horse Wants It

Neatherlands:

THE DUTCH Parliament has voted to make sex with animals a crime.

The vote ends two years of debate and now means 'animal pornography' carries a penalty of up to six months in prison.

The current Dutch law only forbids bestiality when animals are found to have been mistreated.

Smoking bans, animal sex bans...The Dutch are quickly eliminating all reasons for me, I mean anyone, to visit their country.

Full story here.

Of Course He Does

Another man bites fucks dog story:

Two black-and-tan German shepherds have been put in the care of animal welfare workers as authorities investigate a Palm Beach Gardens man accused of sexually assaulting the dogs.[...]

County attorney Shannon Fox said in court papers that the man, who lives in an apartment with his mother, had repeatedly performed sexual acts with the dogs.

No arrest had been made by Wednesday evening but "an ongoing investigation" is under way, according to a Palm Beach County Sheriff's Office spokeswoman. An animal custody hearing will take place May 29. Neither the man or his mother could be reached for comment despite calls to their residence.

Officials said the investigation, which began more than a week ago, prompted renewed calls for a law making it a felony for people to have sex with animals.

Full story here.

PETA Wouldn't Like My 'Fuck a Bear Challenge'

PETA gets upset about a Bear vs Man pizza-eating challenge at a county fair.

CINCINNATI, Dec. 17 The People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals wants the city of Cincinnati to ban the display of wild animals.[...]

The request was partly inspired by the situation of Lakota, a 720-pound bear displayed at the Hamilton County Fair in August. The bear entered a pizza-eating contest against fair-goers as part of a show by World Animal Studios.

I think the 720-pound bear can hold his own in a pizza- eating contest. Full story here.

Friday Links

I've just spent the last 2 days shitting, vomiting, and whimpering in the fetal position as I've done my best to overcome the effects of reduced-sale oysters from Wal-Mart. Oysters....From Wal-Mart? They were like 15 for $4...Try getting that deal at a market or any raw bar.

Enough of my complaining, on to the links!

No set up needed for this story:[emphasis mine]

PALMETTO -- A 63-year-old man who authorities say twice pushed his entire arm into a horse's vaginal cavity was jailed Tuesday on a felony-level animal cruelty charge.

Manatee County sheriff's deputies said the man, Bradenton resident Leslie M. Gee, who is not a veterinarian, caused "unnecessary pain and suffering" to the horse, a bay mare named Bella, stabled in the 2500 block of 29th Street East in Palmetto.

Palmetto, Florida....In case you were unsure..

David Beckham has arrived; did you miss the coverage? Hopefully he can squeeze a game or two in between all those steamy photo shoots and interviews...

The folks at Bureaucrash had some fun with the "Yes Men" outside of the Cato Institute. Check the video out.

McCain actually has less cash on hand than previously reported. How about a paltry $250,000 after you subtract the $1.75 mill in debt that the campaign currently holds.

It's stories like this, and days without cicero that make me feel alone and shamed at TtP:

HAGERSTOWN, Md. (AP) - A former Ku Klux Klan leader sexually assaulted his 15-year-old adopted sister to punish her for sloppy housekeeping and rowdy behavior, the girl testified in court Thursday.

Monday Thursday Morning Afternoon Reading

Hope everyone had a wonderful 4th, I sure did. Squeezed a full round of golf in before the rain started and then it held off enough to get the meat on the grill. Could have used today off....But when you are making the big, non-profit bucks there are certain expectations of you....

Controversy abound over replacing the H.L. Mencken statue in Union Square. The Sun provides this quote from Mencken as his response to the bickering over his memorial.

"If, after I depart this vale, you ever remember me and have thought to please my ghost, forgive some sinner and wink your eye at some homely girl."

Done and Done.

Beer shakes and the power of wine.

Now this is just stupid. God, what a wonderful time we live in where people have the time and energy to spare on advocacy like this:

Tina Patael of Baltimore plans to wake up bright and early today, buckle a dog collar around her neck, go outside and chain herself to a doghouse for six hours.

Ninety-eight people in 31 other states will be doing the same on and around Independence Day as part of "Unchain the 50," an event sponsored by Dogs Deserve Better, a non-profit animal rights organization fighting to toughen laws against keeping dogs chained for long periods.

Dogs Deserve Better has held its annual "Chain Off" around the July 4 holiday for the last 5 years in order to raise awareness about dogs who are kept chained or penned for long periods, sometimes their entire lives.

Go to the Dogs Deserve Better website, where you are immediately greeted by their celebrity spokesman...Officer Romano from TJ Hooker. He informs us: "The only chain Cubby has is attached to my heart." Well...That's not too queer. The big question remains, what is more revolting...Thinking about how much peanut butter Officer Romano goes through on a monthly basis, or the fact that this website has a link on its navigational panel that says Get Laws!. I'm voting for Get Laws!. Here's the bit from the How To section for lobbying:

Third, inhumane laws and policies do not reflect the views of the majority, but rather those of anti-animal minorities with a strong local or national presence. Fourth, this will not change until animal advocates voice their feelings to the legislators and let them know they will be held accountable in the voting booth."

[..]

6) KNOW YOUR OPPOSITION. Its important to think about the type of people or groups that may oppose your ordinance. Know their arguments and be ready to counter. These might be hunters or low end breeders, or if you live in Alaska or the cold climates, sled dog groups. These people have large packs of dogs and frequently keep them chained. They are a working animal to them, not a companion.

Fuck those working stiffs and their opinions on how to best take care of their own property. They just aren't enlightened enough to understand how to best care for their dogs....

Easy There Guys

Hey you sinister, pro-pot lobby groups, let's not lose sight of what St. Patrick's Day is all about.

BOULDER — If everyone getting drunk on St. Patrick’s Day would smoke marijuana instead, the car crashes, fist fights and sexual assaults would plummet, pro-marijuana advocates said today.

[...]

"I’ll come back to the dorm about 1 a.m. and there will be people screaming in the hallways, writing rude things on the wall, verbally abusing and sexually abusing other people," University of Colorado sophomore Summer Weirich said, describing a typical scene when people have been drinking. "Guys try to wander in your room and see what you’re doing, see if they can hook up."

She makes a good point there. However, wandering into rooms and asking if the occupant(s) want to bone is my go-to move. Drunk or sober, doesn't matter.

If I was just talking to Summer one-on-one, I would first ask her if she really meant this, or if she is was just making the usual, larger point in regard to the hypocrisy of how we deal with drugs as opposed to alcohol. Then, I would take off my pants. I would end our "discussion" by advising her to blame the idiot who comes into her room, for coming into her room uninvited. Not the booze they consumed that night.

I speak from experience; you won't see me blaming the pot when my roommates catch me rubbing-one-out to horse/girl action. I'm also usually dead sober...So maybe that analogy doesn't work too well...But, it did give me excuse to use the bestiality tag one more time. Bestiality!

Full article here.

We Can Only Pray the Dog Has Rabies

Rachel Ray attacked, defending her own dog's honour. Word on the street -- though I can't confirm these rumours, mostly because I just made it up right now -- is that she is engaged in some sort of mutual, sexual relationship with her pit-bull Isaboo that led her to take such offense from another dog's advance to Isaboo. I broke the story here first folks, Rachel Ray loves the dog cock.

UPDATE:Superficial has a post on the attack, complete with Rachel Ray pictures of her dressed in what appears to be her witch costume from the 3rd grade.

Danger Exposed: Search Engines

From Jersey 101.5 FM

Lawmaker Demands that Youtube Yank Huffing Videos
"It's very hard to watch. While parents are not watching, the kids are," said Fisher. "The problem is [YouTube] isn't removing the videos fast enough. It's exposing it to millions more people around the globe who, just by typing in a word, can see all this dangerous behavior."

Fisher said YouTube has agreed to pull the videos. However, it may be hard to catch them all considering thousands of new videos are posted on YouTube every day. YouTube is a democracy of sorts on the internet. Usually it takes users objecting to a video for the website administrators to respond by yanking the offensive material.

I'm guessing the State Assemblyman has never googled "horse fucked guy to death". Now that's dangerous behavior.

Update:There is the snuff video from that Seattle farm incident (which was my point about dangerous content on the internet); but I'm not in a place where I can access and post a link to it.

You Will Have to Pry My Graphic Images of Margaret Thatcher Being Raped by a Horse Out of My Cold, Dead Hands

I was only in London for a week, but apparently I caused so much trouble the United Kindgom is tightening its obscenity laws.

Watching and possessing images of rape and sexual torture is to be made a criminal offence, punishable with a jail term of up to three years...The new laws -- which will cover pornography online and offline -- will ban possession of images depicting "scenes of extreme sexual violence", plus other obscene material like bestiality or necrophilia.

For example, it would cover violence that is, or appears to be, life-threatening or is likely to result in "serious and disabling injury".

God, this is counter-productive. It's like outlawing masturbation to prevent fornication. People need to release themselves somehow. I pay midget hookers to read Hayek outloud while I fuck them.

Is Sheep-Fucker a Sex Offender?

A Michigan man found guilty of having sex with a sheep has been sentenced to up to 20 years in prison. That's ridiculous, but does his crime also make him a sex offender?

Tamara Towns, an assistant prosecutor for the county, argued that [Jeffrey] Haynes should be ordered to register as a sex offender because once out of prison, he could prey on children or vulnerable adults.

Don't get me wrong: I'm not defending Haynes's right to have sex with someone else's sheep. (He and his willy got wild and wooly with Dolly on someone else's farm.) But I fail to see how a man who likes to have sex with livestock poses any elevated danger to humans.

The sentence Haynes received is absurdly harsh -- even for someone like him who was on probation at the time of his crime. Just how absurd is evident when we look at a similar case in draconian Nigeria that was reported today. In the Nigerian case, an 18-year-old butcher who had sex with a sheep that subsequently died earned just a 3-month sentence. (The moral of that story, of course, is that a person should never have sex with an animal while also in the act of butchering said animal.)

For those of you who prefer fictional bestiality to the real deal, the Guardian shared an excerpt from a miserably written work of sheep-sex fiction a few years back.

Calling Stavros Milos?

Going back to Cicero's discourse on animal rights versus animal welfare, some people like to have sexual intercourse with animals. It's illegal in 33 states, but not in WA. Hence what is, I hope, the most puzzling and disturbing sentence I'll have to read today.

The investigation was launched this month after authorities discovered the July 2 death of a man who suffered internal bleeding after engaging in anal sex with a horse at the farm, Sgt. John Urquhart said.

So how do the libertarians out there feel about bestiality?