Happy Memorial Day Folks

Enjoy the weekend!

101 Pics of Girls in Princess Leia's Slave Girl Outfit from Return of the Jedi

To get you through hump day. View the rest here (SFW - maybe). You can thank me later.

How To Survive A Recession: Boobies AND Facelifts

Reuters reports that plastic surgeons are seeing a rise in the number people coming to them who are also job-seekers. Why? 'Cause in a recession it pays to be shallow:

... some surgeons and patients are now citing increased interest in surgery among people wanting to look younger and "fresher" for the ever-competitive job market.

***

"Before the economy turned down, people would come in because they wanted to have more fun and enjoyment out of life," he said. "But now plastic surgery has become a necessity for some. People cannot only rely on their skills in this market. They want to look refreshed and youthful so they can compete for jobs," [plastic surgeon Payman Simoni] he said.

The American Society of Plastic Surgeons released a recent survey showing that American women were looking at cosmetic surgery to get a competitive edge in the workplace.

About 13 percent of the 756 women surveyed, between the ages of 18 and 64, say they would consider having a cosmetic medical procedure to make them more confident and more competitive in the job market.

***

Manhattan plastic surgeon Stephen Greenberg saw an opportunity in this growing trend and recently began promoting a "Job Fighter Package" for men and women.

"We've probably done no less than 50 to 60 tune-ups since launching the package about five months ago," Greenberg said, noting that not all the "tuneups" have involved surgeries, but also less costly and invasive procedures like cosmetic injectables.

Wishing All Of You A Happy St. Paddy's Day!

Too-ra-loo-ra-loo-ra!

Image via Virginspeak.

How To Make Money In A Recession: Boobies

Yeah, the recession is hurting everyone ... except apparently Hooters and its imitators:

They're called "breastaurants."

You've seen them or even eaten there, places like Hooters or Wing House. They are hot spots where wings, sports, beer and yes, beautiful women, all converge.

In an economy where businesses are losing money and closing, these breastaurants are raking in the cash.

Hooters, which originated in Clearwater, posted huge profits last year to the tune of one billion dollars.

"People get in a fun atmosphere around Hooters, and I think they feel that," Bob Passwaters tells us. He's been doing marketing for Hooters for nearly two decades. "Of course, you have the girls and the food, kind of a neighborhood escape."

An escape where the food is inexpensive, and entrees are under $10.

These breastaurants offer a carefree atmosphere where Passwaters says, people can forget about the bad economy and eat a good meal.

"They just love getting away from sitting at their computer seeing all the bad news in the markets going down and this is going down," Passwaters told us. "Heck, let's go to Hooters and have some chicken wings and relax a bit."

The above picture is from the Tilted Kilt Pub & Eatery, where I presume the girls will put a tilt in your kilt.

Dentist, Massuese...Who Can Keep Those Jobs Straight?

If I knew dentists were giving out happy endings I wouldn't always be so anxious about my annual trip:

The attorney for a Woodland dentist told jurors that his client massaged women's chests as part of a medical treatment.

Defense attorney Michael Rothschild told the six-man, six-woman Yolo County jury that Mark Anderson was treating his female clients for temporomandibular disorder, or TMD. The attorney says the condition affects the muscles of the upper body.

Anderson faces 19 felony charges for skin-to-skin contact and one misdemeanor for touching a patient's breasts over her clothing. The incidents occurred between February 2005 and his arrest in August 2007 and brought complaints from 18 women.

The good news for any prospective dentist out there is that you can molest over a dozen women for 18 months until you get caught. So if we've learned anything from this disgraced pervert of a dentist, it's that you should only grope gassed up women for 16, 17 months top, before stopping for good.

Carnival time in Rio

It's 22 degrees in Washington DC this morning with the wind chill knocking it down to 12. Meanwhile in Brazil they are celebrating Carnival. Guess where I'd rather be. More photos of the good times other people are having can be found here. And no, I am not bitter. Not at all.

Well, I Have A Position For Her ...

Meet Melody Morales. This caliente seniorita is suing a New York restaurant, for, ummm, not letting its customers stare at her tits and pinch her ass. For reals:

The 21-year-old Latina lovely is the latest woman to sue over working conditions at the Hawaiian Tropic Zone, where employees in skimpy beachwear parade nightly before diners.

"Not to brag, but I look good in a bikini," Morales said Tuesday. "I could have done a perfect job there."

The suit says Morales went with her mother to the restaurant last March in search of a job. It claims a manager told her to get lost, saying, "I am not going to ruin my business with your Latin accent."

This really hurt poor Melody because, umm ... well, let her explain:

"It was kind of like my dream to work at the [Hawaiian Tropic Zone]," she said. "It's the bikini, I guess."

Damn, what a coincidence. It's my dream to have her serve me beers and nachos, then rub my shoulders. Slowly. And then faster.

Wow, small world isn't it?

Having said that, why is this lawsuit necessary? The owner may be a dickhead for not hiring her, but it still should be his call. And I'm having a hard time believing this is a real civil rights milestone either. Tell you what Melody, I'll vote with my feet and patronize whatever place you're working at, bueno? Donde esta su casa?

The Economy Has Truly Gone Tits Up

The economy has gotten so bad that the breast implant business is, well, sagging. From the NY Daily News:

With the stock market in a tailspin and home values dropping, demand for breast implants is sagging too, city docs say.

"The number of the bigger surgeries has gone down for sure," said Dr. David Shafer, a Manhattan plastic surgeon. Breast enlargement surgery can cost anywhere from $4,000 to more than $10,000.

"People are definitely thinking twice right now," said Dr. Sydney Coleman, another Manhattan surgeon. He said his colleagues in the lucrative field are starting to feel the pinch. "They're complaining about it," he said, "and they don't usually complain."

Nipple Outrage

A sign of the times: New mothers protest for right to show nipples on the internet:

Web-savvy moms who breast-feed are irate that social networking sites like Facebook and MySpace restrict photos of nursing babies. The disputes reveal how the sites' community policing techniques sometimes struggle to keep up with the booming number and diversity of their members.

Facebook began as a site just for college kids, but now it is an online home for 140 million people from all over the world. Among the new faces of Facebook are women like Kelli Roman, 23, who last year posted a photo of herself nursing one of her two children.

One day, she logged on to find the photo missing. When she pressed Facebook for an explanation, she got form e-mails in return.

Facebook bars people from uploading anything "obscene, pornographic or sexually explicit" — a policy that translates into a ban on pictures depicting certain amounts of exposed flesh.

Roman responded by starting a Facebook group called "Hey, Facebook, breastfeeding is not obscene!"

I've been half following this story over the past week or so, and not just because my first jacking material was a black-and-white You're a Mom Now book - complete with breastfeeding and where-babies-come-from-pics, but also because I'm totally fascinated with all things social networking.

I'm not sure I really get the draw of a site like facebook (although now that I know that young mothers are posting pictures of their nipples on the site, I may spend a bit more time changing my status to things like "Rob is jerking off to you breastfeeding"), but I'm intrigued by how fast this stuff has exploded into mainstream culture.

Alas, We Won't Get To See What's Down Under

Sigh in disappointment at this story, reported by south Australia's Adelaide Now:

FEDERAL sports minister, Adelaide's Kate Ellis has been offered $30,000 to strip for a men's magazine.

Zoo Weekly asked the minister for youth and sport to pose, but she rejected the offer today, the magazine said.

"She had a chuckle at the idea but has decided against it," her spokesman told Zoo.

The invitation came a few weeks after Ellis, 31, the country's youngest ever federal minister, was voted Australia's "sexiest" MP by her political peers including nearly 70 federal MPs and senators.

Zoo editor Paul Merrill said he was very disappointed.

"It's easy to see why so many members stand to attention when they catch a glimpse of Kate," Merrill said.

"We're naturally sad that she's turned down a shoot and deprived her constituents of a much needed morale boost in this global recession.

"But Zoo is starting the campaign today to make her our next prime minister anyway."

Via Fark.com, which says it's hoping she's just holding out for more money.

Why? Because It's Friday, Dammit

Yeah, I think I'll be checking out that new Bond film.

Salma Hayek Loves To Share Her Boobies

Headline of the Day: Salma Hayek is addicted to breastfeeding

The 'Frida' actress, who gave birth to daughter Valentina in September 2007, has revealed she can't bring herself to stop breastfeeding.

She said: "I'm like an alcoholic. It is like, I don't care if I cry, I don't care if I am fat, I am just going to do it for one more week, one more month, and then when I see how much good it is doing her and I can't stop. It is a very powerful thing, you know."

Read the whole story here.

I think Hayek breastfeeding is a beautiful thing. Even when my view of it comes from a telephoto lens peering through a window that really needs to be washed, I can't help but marvel at the majesty of nature. And her boobs.

In related pregnancy fetish news, Rebecca Romijn shows off her baby bump here.

She's Creating a Minaret in My Pants

Growing up in Virginia, the wildest girls were always the kids of strict, Godfearing parents. It is nice to see that this tradition carries over to the Muslim world. Yes, the girl at left is the daughter of a fundamentalist radical. Daddy must be so proud.

Meet Yasmin Fostok, the daughter of Omar Bakri. That name may not mean much to people in the U.S., but he's a notorious figure in England. A radical Muslim sheik, he praised both the 9/11 attacks and later terrorist bombings in the UK. He was for a while literally Osama bin Laden's London spokesman. He did this all while living on the dole, becoming the exhibit A in arguments for reforming the country's welfare system.

Bakri was later forced into exile in Lebanon, but apparently his daughter stayed behind ... and became a stripper. Oh praise Allah!

Yasmin told The Sun: 'I've done pole dancing, but I like to keep it quiet.

'I don't normally do topless work, but I'm willing to go topless if the venue is right.'

One friend told the newspaper: 'Bakri would have a heart attack if he saw his daughter on stage. She was brought up a strict Muslim and had all of his extreme teachings about morality drummed into her head.

'But she has been leading a wild double life thrashing about on stage in pole dancing clubs and drinking and partying like there's no tomorrow.

Read the whole story here, including a boyfriend's description of her as "very adventurous in bed". As a result of this unwanted exposure, the girl is now in hiding.

Obama Wouldn't Let Muslims In th....Hey, Look at those Boobies!

Two really dense campaign workers wouldn't let headscarf wearing women in a camera shot during an Obama rally. Politico:

Two Muslim women at Barack Obama's rally in Detroit Monday were barred from sitting behind the podium by campaign volunteers seeking to prevent the women's headscarves from appearing in photographs or on television with the candidate.[...]

That incident began when the volunteer asked Aref's friend Ali Koussan and two other friends, Aref's brother Sharif and another young lawyer, Brandon Edward Miller, whether they would like to sit behind the stage. The three young men said they would, but mentioned they were with friends.

The men said the volunteer, a twenty-something African American woman in a green shirt, asked if their friends looked and were dressed like the young men, who were all light-skinned and wearing suits. Miller said yes, but mentioned that one of their friends was wearing a headscarf with her suit.

The volunteer "explained to me that because of the political climate and what's going on in the world and what's going on with Muslim Americans it's not good for her to be seen on TV or associated with Obama," said Koussan, who is a law student at Wayne State University.

Fantastic stuff. I hope the Obama campaign sticks with this new style of politics, that seems eerily similar to old style identity politics.

In more important news...The Obama camp pointed out that the above picture, taken the day after the no headscarf incidents proved that he doesn't hate Muslims. I dunno about that, to me it just proves that he likes 19 year old boobies.

Politico story here.

Oh the Humanity!

Angela Merkel dresses to impress at an Opera House opening in Norway.

She's the one on the left in case you weren't sure. The one with the 1995, 14y-old-boy-skater-bowl-cut. What the fuck is the deal with that hair? Explains the breasts flopping out of the low-cut dress; she needed something to distract people from her hideous, asexual haircut. Or rather, not distract, but prove that she is in fact a 50-something female head of state, and not a 15 year old boy on the JV soccer team who listens to Nirvana and wears Vans sneakers.

Previous Merkel hi-jinks here.

Show Me Some Boobies!

My Dad passes this along with the subject line -- "Your readers might be interested in this info..."
Gizmodo:

When we're driving cross country, navigating the backroads of America with our trusty GPS unit, we always think, "boy, I wish this thing had fewer gas stations and more titty bars." Hurrah for NUDAR, the site that hopes to catalogue every single nude, topless, pastie, bikini bar, nude beach and nudist resort in the continental US. You can contribute by sending in the location of nude places so people can download the "Points of Interest" to their GPS devices for use on the road. I'll show you point of interest, baby.

Brilliant! It pains me to say so; but it looks like my trusty, and always rock solid BONAR is now obsolete. What will technology replace next?

For All Our Fans Who Got to Us by Googling "Hot Monkey Sex"

Fred Thompson may not understand basic economics but monkeys do.

It turns out that one of humanity's oldest professions may be even older than we thought: In a recent study of macaque monkeys in Indonesia, researchers found that male primates "paid" for sexual access to females — and that the going rate for such access dwindled as the number of available females went up.

According to the paper, "Payment for Sex in a Macaque Mating Market," published in the December issue of Animal Behavior, males in a group of about 50 long-tailed macaques in Kalimantan Tengah, Indonesia, traded grooming services for sex with females; researchers, who studied the monkeys for some 20 months, found that males offered their payment up-front, as a kind of pre-sex ritual. It worked. After the females were groomed by male partners, female sexual activity more than doubled, from an average of 1.5 times an hour to 3.5 times. The study also showed that the number of minutes that males spent grooming hinged on the number of females available at the time: The better a male's odds of getting lucky, the less nit-picking time the females received. Though primates have been observed trading grooming for food sharing or infant care, this is the first time this kind of exchange has been observed between male and female primates in a sexual context, says lead researcher Michael Gumert of Singapore's Nanyang Technological University, demonstrating that the amount of time a male macaque "will invest in [its] partner" depends largely on how many options it has around.

This research suggests several things.

First, if grooming your date to get sex is prostitution than so is buying her dinner. Or for that matter listening to what she has to say. If I lived in Alaska I would probably hang on my date's every word. At least if she was watching me closely. If I thought she wasn't paying attention I would watch a cartoon monkey dance in my head while she talked. But I would at least pretend like I was paying attention. Because I live in DC, where single women are everywhere, I can happily tell women to fuck off and let me watch Family Guy.

Second, when law enforcement wastes taxpayer resources arresting prostitutes they're acting as a price support mechanism that keeps the price of hookers artificially high. Or in monkey math, more arrests = more grooming. Since corruption runs rampant in many law enforcement agencies, we should assume that police are trying to keep prices high for area pimps.

Third, here are pictures of Kelly Brook bathing topless. Not directly related, but I would love to groom her. NSFW BTW.

My Kind of Soldier

This is outrageous.

A woman has been kicked out of army training because she has silicone breast implants. Alessija Dorfmann, 23, said: “I am devastated. It has always been my dream to be a soldier and have a great figure.

“Now my fake boobs have cost me my job.”

She has appealed against the ruling by top brass in Hamburg, Germany, who said implants increased risk of injury.

The Case for Legalizing Same-sex Marriage Outlawing Heterosexual Marriage

I love it when people who oppose legalizing same-sex marriage say that letting gays marry would undermine the institution of marriage. If that's the standard than we should outlaw heterosexual marriage too.

It seems like only two months ago that Pamela Anderson was aglow with happiness over her quickie Las Vegas wedding to Rick Salomon. Actually, it was. But the 40-year-old ex-"Baywatch" beauty has filed for divorce from her 38-year-old husband after just two months of marriage.
[...]
Salomon is best known for making a sex videotape with Paris Hilton, his girlfriend at the time, and was previously married to actress Shannen Doherty. Anderson was previously married to singer Kid Rock and Motley Crue drummer Tommy Lee.

Great scientific analysis of Pamela Anderson's breasts here. Slightly NSFW.

Mind Your Own Business, Spain

Irish airline Ryanair has released a for-charity calendar featuring its "air hostesses" (flight attendants, I guess) in bikinis. And this aerospace engineer simply can't think of a better combination than bikini-clad Irish women and 737s.

But a Spanish government-funded women's rights institute is not happy.

MADRID, Spain: Spain's government-run Women's Institute has labeled a 2008 calendar for low-cost airline Ryanair featuring bikini-wearing air hostesses as sexist and said it would be sending letters of complaint to Irish and EU authorities.

The institute, which defends women's rights, said that while the fact that the proceeds from calendar sales would go to charity was positive, the photographs "represent the stewardesses as sexual objects" and "reinforce discriminatory stereotypes."

"It is significant that that only women are used, in a sector in which there is a considerable percentage of men," the institute, which is part of the Labor and Social Affairs Ministry, said in a statement.

I guess Spain thinks that Ryanair is the first to think of selling a calendar featuring scantily-clad women. I mean, hasn't this made it to Spain yet?

No word yet on whether the EU is actually going to act on this. But this is one thing about a multi-nation continental "government" that worries me. Spain could have prevented the calendar from being sold within its borders and called it a day. But now it wants papa EU to (presumably) prevent Ryanair from selling its calendar period.

Let's hope the EU gives this Spanish government organization the same treatment that the Spanish king gave Hugo Chavez.

Hooters Girls of the World, Unite For A Cause

Q. When do SWAT teams NOT make the national MSM news?

A. When they raid the wrong houses, kill dogs, and put guns to the heads of children or the elderly.

Q. When do SWAT teams make the national MSM news?

A. When they pose with armed Hooters girls.

If we could only unite an army of busty libertarians to bring down any and all threats to civil liberties... And just one picture of Dick Cheney with his head wedged in cleavage would probably do more to bring him down than any well-researched article or report on his Constitution-stomping shenanigans.

Depressing but true, folks. I'm going to pack the ol' assault rifle in the armored car and go get myself some buffalo wings.

Story here.

Suspected Skank Turns Out to be a Skank

Remember that hot 23-year-old college student who Southwest Airlines almost kicked off a flight for dressing too slutty? Well, now she's posing for Playboy. Jesus, Buddha, Allah, I love you all!

Kyla Ebbert appears in a series of pictures — some in lingerie, some nude — under the heading, "Legs in the Air."

"They're very tastefully done," Ebbert told The Associated Press on Thursday. "I don't see anything wrong with the female body."

Wow. We have so much in common.

Safe for work story here.

Off and On

Off my vacation destination list:

El Alto, Bolivia.

Prostitutes in the Bolivian city of El Alto sewed their lips together Wednesday as part of a hunger strike to demand that the mayor reopen brothels and bars ordered closed after violent protests by residents last week.

On my vacation destination list:

Western Australia.

CANBERRA (Reuters) - An Australian barmaid has been fined for crushing beer cans between her bare breasts while an off-duty colleague has been fined for hanging spoons from her friend's nipples, police said Wednesday.

Which One Doesn't Fit?

Celebrating breast cancer awareness among a culture that doesn't even appreciate boobies. It's heresy. A sham. Makes a mockery out of boobies everywhere.

Polish Politics: the Most Entertaining in Europe

If the Polish Women's Party secures any seats in the upcoming round of elections, I may have to order Polski C-Span. In what maybe the best political advertising campaign of all time the Polish Women’s Party has taken to posing in the nude on their party posters. Time add a bunch of candidates to the world leaders I’d like to bone list.

Alas, it looks like the Polish Women's Party will need all the help they can get to defeat the dastardly Law and Justice Party ruled by the Kaczynski twins. Sounds like the makings of a really bad soap. For the finer points on Polish Politics go check out Foreign Policy’s Passport.

Man of the Year

Thank you Jim McBride. And thank your mother too. Your proof that any kid with a love for boobies can become famous if he just applies himself. You truly are doing the lord's work.

Jim McBride has made it his life's work to know how much naked female flesh appears in movies -- an obsession apparently shared by millions of people.

So far McBride, a.k.a. Mr. Skin, and a staff that includes his mother, who works as a "skintern," have chronicled nude women in more than 25,000 movies and television shows.

It is all recorded on his Web site, www.mrskin.com, which has been running for eight years, and on Saturday McBride launched into print, publishing "Mr. Skin's Skintastic Video Guide" to "the 501 greatest movies for sex and nudity on DVD."

"It's the greatest job in the world," said McBride. "As a kid I used to tape as many movies as I could with nudity and then I'd save the nude scenes on separate tapes. I really amazed my friends with my nudity knowledge growing up."

[...]

"We have eight to 10 people who just go through movies and television shows... for nudity, female nudity only," he said. "We don't do male nudity. I think it's mainly because this job is so fun I didn't want to make it work."

He said his Web site, which had a 35 percent boost to nearly 7 million hits a month after it featured in this year's hit movie "Knocked Up," was a celebration of female nudity that only chronicles mainstream movies, not pornography.

Why Suzy Shuster Should Have Her Vagina Slashed

Over at The Huffington Post, Suzy Shuster has a long but interesting post in support of legislation in California that would require pet owners to spray or neuter their cats and dogs or face fines. She even gets a few zings in at people like me.

There are people who feel neutering a male dog is akin to defacing it, and some male owners just seem to have some strange and pathetic testicular infatuation with their dog's manhood -- or as I like to call it, Ball Infatuation. To those I say, "Gentlemen, measure your own worth by your own, well, you know, not your dog's."

I've blogged before about the hypocrisy in the animal rights movement and its relations to the socialist thinking that dominates it (i.e., it's wrong for humans to hurt animals for our own benefit, but OK to hurt them if it's "for their own good", with their own good being decided by humans - white, liberal, over-educated humans at that). I won't belabor this point. I'm sure you want me to shut up already and get back to linking to pictures of women with nice racks. For the record, I don't think animals have any rights. So neuter your dogs if you want. And pit them against each other in a dog fight if you like. Just don't say there's a difference between the two. And oh yeah, pictures of Ice-T's wife's gigantic breasts here.

Boycott Southwest Airlines Until They Rescind Their Anti-Skank Policy

I'm not one to boycott things, except sobriety and chastity, but I definitely won't be flying Southwest anytime soon. It seems wearing an outfit like the one in the picture to the right is enough to get Southwest flight attendants to try to bar you from flying. Frightening. Not in a scary movie kind of way. In a "how will I ever rub one off in the airplane bathroom" kind of way.

Southwest Airlines stands behind a flight attendant's decision to confront a passenger about her "revealing" clothing for wearing a white denim miniskirt, high-heel sandals and a sweater over a tank top.

[...]

[The skank] said a male flight attendant approached her two months ago after she had taken her seat and asked her to change her outfit, according to a report.

"I asked him what part of my outfit was offensive," Ebbert told the San Diego Union-Tribune. "The shirt? The skirt? And he said, 'The whole thing.'"
[...]
The airline asked Ebbert to go home, change her clothes and return for a later flight, but she refused, according to the report. Despite the back-and-forth, the airline relented.

That male flight attendant is obviously gay. I say obviously not because he told a woman to cover herself up, but because he's a flight attendant.

Full story here.

Most People Go to the WaPost for Hard News and Commentary. Me? I'm Just there for the Facebook Articles

Can one ever get enough of the Facebook and "social networking" space fillers? I sure hope not, because I blog on everyone of them. Every single last one of them. Without them how would I know that 75% of college cellphone users send and receive text messages? Or that a lot of people between the ages of 18-25 use e-mail? Bet you didn't know that. Or that fat girls prefer to meet people online first? 'Cause I've never boned a fat chick that I met online. Never. Ever. And if I did she would probably just be considered big boned with huge breast. And not really fat....Either way, enjoy reading another pointless, major newspaper story about the current generation and their obsession with being "connected" all day long. I'll leave you with a the only part of the article that I can identify with.

In some cases, Cohen says, technology itself is the old friend from home: Online games, porn and social networking sites can be seductive de-stressors that interfere with face-to-face interaction.

I'm Back (German Cleavage Edition)

I'm finally back from vacation, not that anyone noticed since I don't post anything even when I'm not on vacation. Anyway, a German bus driver may be the only heterosexual bus driver in the world not interested in looking at his passengers' cleavage.

A German bus driver threatened to throw a 20-year-old sales clerk off his bus in the southern town of Lindau because he said she was too sexy, a newspaper reported Monday.

"Suddenly he stopped the bus," the woman named Debora C. told Bild newspaper. "He opened the door and shouted at me 'Your cleavage is distracting me every time I look into my mirror and I can't concentrate on the traffic. If you don't sit somewhere else, I'm going to have to throw you off the bus.'"
[...]
A spokesman for the bus company defended the driver.

"The bus driver is allowed to do that and he did the right thing," the spokesman said. "A bus driver cannot be distracted because it's a danger to the safety of all the passengers."

The busty passenger was featured in the German newspaper Bild, complete with pictures. If you speak German, please do us all a favor and search the newspaper's website for her picture.

God Bless Mormons

Eight wives, 16 breasts. Do the math people.

Polygamy, once hidden in the shadows of Utah and Arizona, is breaking into the open as fundamentalist Mormons push to decriminalize it on religious grounds, while at the same time stamping out abuses such as forced marriages of underage brides.

[...]

Historians say [Mormonism founder Joseph] Smith took at least two dozen wives, some of them before 1843, the year he announced a revelation from God saying polygamy was a crucial key to entering the Kingdom of Heaven.

"I don't think the revelation that Joseph Smith received came from Christ," said John Llewellyn, a retired Salt Lake County policeman who once practiced polygamy but now campaigns against it. "I think it came from his Y (male) chromosome."

More - a lot more - here. Gratutious link to pictures of Carmen Electra dancing with the Pussycat Dolls here.

Winning Islamic Hearts and Minds, One Nip at a Time

Via The Corner:

CAIRO (Reuters) - Cairo's al-Azhar Islamic University on Monday suspended a lecturer who suggested that men and women work colleagues could use symbolic breastfeeding to get around a religious ban on being alone together.

The lecturer, Ezzat Atiya, had drawn on Islamic traditions which forbid sexual relations between a man and a woman who has breastfed him to suggest that symbolic breastfeeding could be a way around strict segregation of males and females.

[...]

The Dubai-based channel Al Arabiya quoted him as saying that after five breastfeedings the man and woman could be alone together without violating Islamic law and the woman could remove her headscarf to reveal her hair.

Clever, I guess. Jesus, what absolute shit-holes these countries are. You have scholars coming up with ideas like symbolic breastfeeding, only because they need a way around segregation of the sexes. Another reminder of why it is so repulsive that we send billions of taxpayer dollars to prop up these totalitarian regimes in the name of realism. And they still hate us. Enough all ready. What's the point? Eventually these places will descend into revolution and the new guys/radicals who come in to power, will use past US support for the former dictator against us. It's a losing proposition no matter how you look at it.

Full article here.

God Made Lindsay Lohan's Right Nipple

So, I'm sure he wouldn't have a problem with me linking to a picture of it exposed. Just click on the pictures for the uncensored shots. NSFW. Unless you work for Penthouse magazine. Or Reason. Or possibly Family Research Council, if you can argue that you have to look at the pictures to write an action alert condeming them. Sadly, the celebrity nipples I really want to see - Salma Hayek's - are too covered up. As my dad used to say, what's the point of gaining two breasts sizes by being pregnant if you're not going to show them off. Or was it the homeless guy in my neighborhood who said that. I can't remember. They both smell like urine when they drink. Oh wait, that's me.

Sure You Won't Lose Weight, But It's Still Fun

I guess I haven't been keeping up with my breast-feeding and obesity news. I didn't know that the conventional wisdom was that they we're linked somehow. So a recent report challenging this conventional wisdom is totally unexpected.

While breast-feeding has many benefits, it won't prevent a child from becoming fat as an adult, says a new study that challenges dogma from U.S. health officials.

The research is the largest study to date on breast-feeding and its effect on adult obesity.

"I'm the first to say breast-feeding is good. But I don't think it's the solution to reducing childhood or adult obesity," said the study's lead author, Karin Michels of Harvard Medical School.

More here. Related in only a dirty-old-man kind of way is news that Jaime Pressly's breasts are ballooning from her pregnancy. She says, "When my milk comes in, I'm going to be able to feed a small village." I'll be the first in line. More on that story here.

Korean Automakers Don't Know Marketing 101

Sex sells. I know because I buy it. So I'm not sure what the South Koreans are smoking.

South Korean carmakers plan to cut down on the number of scantily clad models at the Seoul Motor Show hoping people will look at the cars instead.

The show, which starts in April, usually attracts thousands of camera-wielding men snapping pictures of young women models in revealing costumes whose images quickly make their way to Web sites in the world's most-wired country.

"We would rather have the spectators' attention on our cars than the attractive ladies," said Hyundai Motor Company spokesman Jake Jang.

Uh, ok. Have fun trying to sell your cars to the three people who show up.

I Would Like to Taste Her Pudding

Scarlett Johansson has been crowned the Harvard Hasty Pudding woman of the year. Leave your pudding jokes in the comment sections.

DCers: Express Your Love for Sex Workers on Valentine's Day

Hate Valentine's Day and live in the DC area? Come to this:

Sex Workers’ Art Show Tour 2007
Feb. 14th
Rock and Roll Hotel
1353 H St, NE
8pm ~ $15

The Sex Workers' Art Show Tour is coming to DC! The show is an eye-popping evening of visual and performance art created by people who work in the sex industry to dispel the myth that they are anything short of artists, innovators, and geniuses! This year's incredible lineup of performers includes international burlesque sensation Miss Dirty Martini; acclaimed Whitney Biennial artist Julie Atlas Muz; award-winning author of How I Learned to Snap Kirk Read; stripper historian and activist Jo Weldon; author of Happy Baby Stephen Elliott; member of the internationally renowned Japanese performance collective Dumb Type, Cono Snatch Zubobinskaya; enigmatic operatic musician and performer Reginald Lamar; feminist smut purveyor and queer film starAmber Dawn; and tour founder and ringmaster Annie Oakley.

Proceeds will benefit HIPS. More here.

Boobies in The Workplace

I rarely find myself in a position of opposing work-place breast exposure. It's traditionally one of my stalwart positions. Yes on breasts. But this attitude that the US workplace trails behind the rest of the world in regards to taking care of employee family concerns is scary. Since when did the right to breast feed at work become a right? Or better yet, since when did bringing your kid to work become a right?

The United States lags far behind virtually all wealthy countries with regard to family-oriented workplace policies such as maternity leave, paid sick days and support for breast-feeding, a new study by Harvard and McGill University researchers says

Fortunate for the three TtP readers that have kids (or kids they know about) Washington and state capitals around the nation are hammering out the details on a plan that would fix low unemployment and impressive economic growth.

The Labor Department is examining regulations that give workers unpaid leave to deal with family or medical emergencies — a review that supporters of the rules worry might be a prelude to scaling back these protections, as requested by some business groups. Comments to the agency on the 1993 Family and Medical Leave Act — which grants eligible workers up to a total of 12 weeks of unpaid leave a year — are due by Friday.

At the same time, Sen. Chris Dodd, D-Conn., plans to announce Thursday that he will propose new legislation that would enable workers to take six weeks of paid family leave. Congress also is expected to reconsider the Healthy Families Act, a bill introduced last session that would require employers with at least 15 employees to provide seven paid sick days per year.

Full article here. Related good news on our economy here. And yes, the only non-drug subjects I blog on are the ones that greet me when I open internet explorer. Deal with it. See anyone else around here today?

Putting Leeches on Strippers' Breasts is My New Thing

I'm SLOMming, are you SLOMing? The latest stupid anti-drug ad below. It's from the drug czar's office. And no, it's not a joke.

Ban Piercings! And Also Maybe Breasts!

An 18 year old diabetic girl who had "[H]er breasts pierced for her 18th birthday" (wait - her breasts? We mean nipples, right? RIGHT?) had her left breast surgically removed last week.

While the piercing didn't cause the necrotizing fasciitis infection in and of itself, it provided an entry point for the bacteria. The girl's status as a diabetic contributed to her suceptibility to infection.

This is only the third documented case of boob gangrene in the world.

$20 says the fine people of Crawfordsville, Indiana are calling for restrictions on the piercing industry by next week. Sure, the girl was 18. Sure, she knew the general risks and her individual risk as a diabetic before she signed on for the procedure. BUT PLEASE. SOMEONE SAVE US FROM OURSELVES. I'm taking over/unders for those of you who think it'll be the mom spearheading things.

Florida Court Protects Women's Right to Protest Law Against Toplessness While Topless

From Florida, a victory for women and the men who love their breasts.

A woman, who was arrested when she exposed her breasts to protest laws that bar women from publicly going bare breasted, can demonstrate topless as part of a legitimate political protest, an appeals court has ruled.

More, and grainy, blurred-out images of biker chicks here.

The Volokh Conspiracy considered the "yucky" elements of public nudity here.

Abolish Price Controls (on Touching Boobies)

Oh, you crazy Finns. I was wondering how far socialists would take their anti-price-gouging lunacy.

A fee of 25,500 euros ($32,000) is way too much for a woman to charge a man for fondling her bosom, a Finnish district court ruled.

The court jailed a couple in their twenties for more than a year for charging a 74-year-old who suffers from dementia a total of 25,500 euros to enjoy the woman's breasts on 10 occasions.

"Based on general life experience alone, it is indisputably clear that a 25,500 euro charge is disproportionate to the compensation in question," Judge Hasse Hakki, who heard the case, told Reuters Friday.

But he said the court in Kokkola, about 300 miles north of Helsinki, would not decide "the proper financial value of the compensation."

The retiree filed charges against the couple, who were convicted of extortionate overcharging, even though he told the court he paid the price willingly at the time.

$32,000 does sound like a lot just to touch some boobies. Although I guess it depends on the boobs. I would probably pay that much to touch the right kind of breasts. They would have to be spectacular. And come with a free car.

4,000 year history of price controls here. Playboy's guide to breasts here. Cooks.com recipes using chicken breasts here.

Titty Tuesday

I know, I know. I should just move to Massachusetts and marry The Superficial already; but I don't want to be the guy that proves Santorum right (you know, if we allow men to marry other men, pretty soon people will want to marry their favorite blog, or if you're Davey Allday, a bottle of campari.) It would be a crying shame, however, if I didn't alert our readers to the following breastalicious posts.

1) First, someone who is clearly doing the lord's work snapped a picture of Victoria Beckham's right nipple as it slipped out of her top. Post and PG pics here. Uncensored nipply nipple here (NSFW). And she's with some creepy doesn't-know-he's-gay guy, who looks like Jim Dangle from Reno 911. Yeah, I would like to Reno her 911. Or stalk her until she calls 911. Or take her to Reno and crash my plane into her twin towers (what, too soon?). By the way, Jim Dangle's weapon of choice: "Preparedness is the most effective weapon...unless the guy has a bike chain."

2) Two, Scarlett Johansson loves her boobies. And so do you, admit it. Admit it! Judging by the size of her glasses, she must be blind as a bat. Which means I have a shot at her. At least until I open my mouth. No, she doesn't have bat-like hearing. I just say what's on my mind. And what's on my mind right now is that I would like to move to Massachusetts and marry her breasts. Not her, just her breasts. And if we get a divorce I want half of them. You know, for my collection of celebrity breasts. It's not as creepy as it sounds. It's creepier.

'No' Means Yes (To Breasts)

Bon vivant Philip Dawdy has a great column up in the Seattle Weekly on a referendum challening the city's arcane strip-club rules.

The Planning Commission's argument may not have gone over well in quasi-suburban West Seattle and Phinney Ridge, but in neighborhoods like Capitol Hill, the reaction has been more like "bring 'em on." That can happen only if Referendum 1 succeeds. In this case, a "Yes" vote means you like Nickels' nanny-state rules; while "No" means you're happy with the relatively tame status quo. Killian points to polling his strip-club funded group, Seattle Citizens for Free Speech, has done, which shows that 72 percent of Seattleites are fine with the idea of strip clubs operating within the city limits (the poll doesn't get into how stringent a set of rules strip clubs should adhere to).

My friend's parents just moved in to one of the plum downtown towers Dawdy refers to in his piece, and so I find his most enduring point to be that strip clubs don't wreck the area around them, as critics often claim. Learn why here.

I'd previously noted the idiocy of Seattle's titty-bar regulations here.

BIG BREASTS

Now that I have your attention, let's talk about big breasts. It's been many weeks since I last posted a Hump Day Lunchtime Threesome. My apologies. I've been super busy. It's hard out here for a pimp right now. I hope to return to that deliciousness next week. Until then, here are two stories from The Superficial.

First, Victoria Beckham is so poor she can't even afford buttons for her shirt and is forced to walk around London exposing her bra. Damn you, poverty! I'm launching a fundraising drive for her, although it's not so much a fundraising drive as a long night of masturbation to these pictures.

Second, Pamela Anderson participated in a protest against fur by stripping down in the window of Stella McCartney's London boutique. I would do a Google search to see if breast implants contain gelatin or other animal parts, but I'm too busy looking at a scantily shielded profile of her breasts. God, they're big. You could fit a couple of midgets in those things. Not full-size midgets, of course; but midget midgets. You know, the ones that are much shorter than other midgets. Can you imagine a midget living inside one of Pamela Anderson's breasts? Think that's stupid? Well, you know who didn't think it was stupid? Fox Television. They bought my script, and the series comes out next year.

China Debates Lactating Breasts for Hire

Echoing a debate raging (OK, not exactly raging) here in the U.S., the Chinese media (and, by association, the Chinese government) is considering whether selling one's breast milk is ethical.

[T]the right of a woman to sell her breast milk, an occupation in China, that like the West, disappeared decades ago, has sparked heated debate, the Beijing News said.

Yue Jiangmei, a 22-year-old mother from China's northern Hebei province, left her baby with a relative to work in Wenzhou, a city in the booming eastern province of Zhejiang, the Beijing News said.

"My daughter was 7 months old and able to be nourished with baby food and milk powder," the paper quoted Yue as saying.

She responded to an advertisement offering five times her salary, or about 4,000 yuan ($500) a month, to work as a wet nurse for a Wenzhou family.

Supply. A willing seller. Demand. A willing buyer. That's all I need to know.

Breast Feed or Else

The US government is pioneering a new form of sexual harassment: forcing women to breast feed their babies. Under the guise of public health. And they are spending tax dollars on a big ad campaign.

It's an in-your-face approach showing pregnant women in dangerous situations, suggesting that not to breastfeed is to put your baby at risk.

Women are ticketed for breast feeding, so will they be ticketed for not doing so? A Washington Post blog raises this and other ironies. Breast feeding also gets in the way of having a career.

The latest government figures show more than 70 percent of moms try breastfeeding when their babies are born, but that six months later, only 36 percent are still breastfeeding. One reason, doctors say, is that more than 60 percent of mothers go back to work.

Maybe They Should be Forced to Offer Mastectomies, Too

Apparently it's not enough that Victoria's Secret sells bras. Certain lactating women believe the lingerie giant should be forced to permit them use of the store's dressing rooms as a baby-feeding depot, according to the Boston Herald.

A Quincy mother says she was humiliated when an employee of the lingerie franchise’s Faneuil Hall store flatly refused to allow her to breast-feed her daughter, directing her to a public restroom outside.

“I was upset. I was embarrassed. My heart was breaking for my daughter,” said Jessie Chandler, who ended up going home to feed her 9-month-old daughter, Charlotte. “I felt powerless to do anything.”

Powerless, but not so powerless that she wasn't able to drive home and feed her daughter. (Why she couldn't just feed the baby while seated comfortably in her car in the store's parking lot isn't clear.)

While Victoria's Secret apparently has in place an existing policy that permits breast feeding in its stores, according to Anne Merewood, director of the breast-feeding center at Boston Medical Center,

“If they’re going to make their money off of selling things for women’s breasts, they ought to recognize all aspects of the breast."

Anne's right. And since her workplace presumably makes money off of providing services for women's breasts -- examining and performing surgery on them -- I think the Boston Medical Center should also be compelled to "recognize all aspects of the breast" and start selling bras and nipple rings, and maybe some lotions, and nipple clamps, and lactation porn, and Juggs, and...

In Defense of Smaller Breasts

Not really. But I guess if I'm going to defend private employers' rights to fire their employees for any reason, I've got to come down on the side of a dance company that allegedly fired one of its dancers because, she says in a lawsuit, "her bra size 'naturally increased' from a C cup to a D". Though it looks like the "increase" brought her up to only about a 29D.

New TtP Feature: Your Hump Day Lunchtime Threesome

First, a link to pictures of Jordan (Britain's Pamela Anderson) showing off her collection of rare coins. That she keeps in her breasts for safe keeping. Jesus, she must have at least 1,000 quarters in there. A guy could have a good time at the arcade with those. A real good time. You know, with her big breasts full of quarters. (Link possibly not safe for work, although she is technically wearing clothes).

Second, Scarlett Johansson is entertaining her boyfriend's desire for meditation-oriented Tantric sex. Which is good for men everywhere, because it means she's not getting the serious deep pounding she really needs. Now is the time to hit on her at parties. Come on, get your nerve up. Just drink a Red Bull and do it. Links to recent pictures of her in the world's ugliest bikini here, here, and here.

Finally, Nick Lachey goes all Jedi Knight and shit and tells all of America that he doesn't want to pork Lindsay Lohan and doesn't understand why anyone would. And that's smart, because she loves the insults as much as she loves her ass spanked. And that's a lot. At least in my dreams. Which is as close as she will ever get to me, because I'm so not in to her and don't see why anyonhe would be. In related Lohan news, she recently threatened to deport a woman sleeping with her latest fling (gratuitous photo of Lohan eating hot tamales included).

Putting a Lid on Seattle's Best Breasts (Garage, Band Edition)

First Seattle tragicomic goddess Courtney Love vowed to hide her enhanced 41-year-old breasts for good. Now the city council there has voted 5-4 to force strip clubs to abide by some arcane new regulations -- such as that "dancers stay 4 feet from patrons, and that the clubs maintain at least parking-garage brightness*** throughout the premises". (Emphasis and asterisks added.)

What's next? Will the city demand a bra to constrain sasquatch's "pendulous breasts"?

***How bright is "parking-garage brightness" in Seattle, you ask? I'm not sure, but I recommend you check the "local energy code for parking garage lighting requirements" before even trying to produce an aureola round an areola in the Emerald City. You will also want to carefully study Chapter 15 of the city's Energy Code, which among many rules offers this simple-to-follow lighting exception:

The top level of a parking garage is allowed to be included with the covered parking garage category provided that the luminaires on the top level meet IESNA requirements for Full Cutoff Luminaires.

You will also want to download and review several spreadsheets contained in the city's commercial "lighting forms" summary and checklist. At this point you may note that some of these forms are "not required," but that others -- the "Seattle amendments" -- are "NOT" included, though it's not clear if they're required or not.

This would be about the time where you might give up and just move your strip club to a parking garage. Or to Vancouver. And who could blame you?

[Cross-posted at The Agitator.]

Finally, another reason to blog about breasts

Thanks to The Agitator I’ve learned about these strange PETA products and the bitch girls. In particular, I’m drawn to a post by Bitter about breastfeeding in public. Her take: “Just because you wanted to make rugrats doesn't mean the rest of us have a desire to hear your kid scream or see you half naked. They are yours, don't force your lifestyle on the rest of us.” I (ahem) touched this issue not so delicately last month.

Today's Breast Story

... brought to you by Reuters. Brazil gives us regional jets, bikini wax, and of course those wonderful nuts. And now, stolen breast implants. A truckload of 400 of them, to be exact, and now causing a bit of a shortage.

Figueiredo explained demand is the highest in July, during the southern hemisphere winter, as women schedule surgery during the winter school holidays, which precede the beach season.

Of course, manufacturers of these particular gel sacs have figured out a way to prevent their being legitimately installed in anyone's chest. They're numbered. So illegally-obtained implants can only be used in illegal operations.

I've never understood the appeal of breast implants, personally. I'm pretty good at spotting women who are just plain out-of-proportion, and I was raised thinking we should do the best we can with what we've got anyway.

Natalie Portman, Keira Knightley, Ziyi Zhang... don't ever change.