Oily is Never a Good Look...

Oh hey...here I am. I heard Rob was looking for me. I recently got a new job blogging/doing creative shit for a failing fashion dot com, so I've been avoiding reality and living in that world for the past week or so. But I'm back with more environmental/not quite libertarian (boohoo) stuff for you guys.

So I had a first hand experience with the oil spill on Sunday. I headed down to the beach with a friend. When we arrived on the sand we went to take our shoes off when these two girls stopped us and said, "um, you guys probably shouldn't do that, there is oil and grossness everywhere." We couldn't see the oil and the water looked fairly blue, but we put our shoes back on and walked towards the ocean. When we got back up to the street I looked down at my feet and there was what looked to be tar stuck all over my white Converse. I bent down and touched it, and when I brought it up to my nose, I knew immediately what it was. Black sand, saturated with oil. Totally sad, disgusting, and awful. Hours later I could still smell it on my fingertips. Completley ruined my sneakers too.

My secret hate-sex partner, Gavin Newsom, is being a real coconut scented douchebag about the whole thing. Go figure.

Which leads me to my next point: If you live in or around SF, there is a training TONIGHT on how you wonderful civilians can help clean up the bay. Hey, personal responsibility...

I'd be there, but you know, Gossip Girl is on.

I got Newsom-ed!

Yesterday I took everyone's advice and decided to use my dental insurance while I've still got it. I found myself a nice practice down near Fisherman's Wharf and, after about 45 minutes of sweet sweet Novocaine (does anyone else kind of enjoy the dentist once you can't feel anything?), I headed home, a nice stroll through the Embarcadero and the Financial District. As I was approaching the Bart station, I noticed a large crowd had gathered in front of me. They were holding signs that I couldn't read (I should see the optometrist too!) and stopping people on the street. I used to live in New York, so I am a natural at looking down at the ground, hunching up my shoulders, and just paying attention to whatever is on my headphones (the new Radiohead, probably). But one of these guys actually reaches out and touches me. I take my headphones off, all "oh hell no!", and he looks at me and says, "Hey, you wanna meet your mayor?" Its Election night, and Gavin Newsom, my infamous mayor, best known for his "erstwhile" sexual meanderings, is having a party up by the Ferry Building.

Ok, so here is the thing, I know that Newsom has done nothing for affordable housing. I know that he is not doing everything he said he would since he got elected last time. I know that he's a womanizer and an all around sly motherfucker, but I mean, have you looked at this guy? Jesus H Christ! I could look at this guy all the God Damn Day!

So when this crony asks me, do I want to meet my mayor, I am immediately all, "um, hell yes?!"...and upon saying that, I realize that I can hardly open my mouth. I am so Novocained up that I look like half my face is paralyzed, stroke style. I can't...meet Gavin...like this!!!

But its all happening so fast! Without thinking, I cover my mouth with one hand and reach out to shake Gavin's with the other.

"I just went to the dentist..." I say, both with my terrified eyes and puffy, dead lips.

"Awe," He coos, as he brushes his hand down my right arm, and lets out a soft, sexy caretaker sort of laugh, "You're so cute."

Like I said, SLY.MOTHER.FUCKER.

The Right to Party

It really feels like there is some kind of costume party every weekend here in San Francisco. From Bay to Breakers to the Folsom Street Fair, city-dwellers and East Bay residents alike have ample opportunities to break out that Sponge Bob No Pants costume and a flask of whisky and parade down the street, hopefully scoring an alley-beej along the way. However, the biggest party of the year is undeniably Halloween.

SFGate:

"Halloween traditionally is a big event in gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender communities, but the celebration in the Castro neighborhood over time has become a regional party attracting hundreds of thousands of people."

Unfortunately, Halloween is a no-go in SF this year (or so the city decrees). Last year, nine people were shot during the festivities, including a pregnant woman. The principle decided the students cannot be trusted, and cancelled the fucking Prom. They even took away the toilets.

But I, like most SF residents, expect crazy-fun riots, some looting here and there, and major major orgies. I'll take pictures for ya'll. Should be fun.

From Sunny San Francisco...

"I looked out and saw the mountain engulfed in flames with a trail at least three miles long coming down"

As the West Coast contributor to TtP, I thought I should say something about what is going on over here. It is intense and tragic and sad and people are pretty much, totally freaking out (as they should). Most people up here in San Francisco have friends and family down in Southern California that they are terribly worried about. Though the majority of residents are being evacuated and moved to safety, it is still quite horrible and unfair that this should have to happen to anyone.

We can only hope, expect, and demand that this disaster will not mirror ones of the past. And though it is easy to say, "well, the people in Southern California are rich and white so of course they will not suffer as much as those whose lives were destroyed by Katrina", the truth is...with the way our government is today...you can't really count on anything.

And also, like Leonardo said, it's fucking HOT everywhere. So in case you had any doubts about what our colossal footprint is doing to our ecosystem, look no further than the sweat beads on your forehead and the eye witness news coming straight from LA, glowing on your ostentatious big screen television.

Helmet Hair or Skeletor?

This image is making it's rounds on Facebook and various female-centric blogs. I guess it's a big deal amongst "my people", but truth be told, I just briefly glanced at it and rolled my eyes.

I can see why it's so infuriating, but I don't think its worth the spike in blood pressure. We've all had a few beers and the conversation of "who we would rather do, Hillary Clinton vs. Ann Coulter? (and/or) John Edwards vs. Mitt Romney?" Unfortunately (or not), our most basic instinct is sex, not bureaucracy.

So really, what is the point in getting all worked up about a chart made by some meat-head graphic arts major with a raging hard on for lady's pant-suits?


Christ, I am just glad someone of my generation was able to name 18 women in politics!

POWcat?

Call me sentimental (I do live in San Francisco, after all) but I can't seem to get enough of stories about dogs being lost states away from their owners, only to return months later, a bit bony but bursting with love. I think its pretty sweet when hippos become friends with koalas and shit like that. And it makes me feel a little better about existing in such a crappy world when cats figure out how to dial 911 to save their heart-attack suffering owners. In our post-LOLcat age, anthropomorphizing the shit out of everything just seems to feel right, you know?

But even if you hate this stuff, and all of your emotions are repressed under a sports-team jersey, a six pack of cheap beer, and a vernacular that includes the word "gay"as an insult, this New York Times story about cats in Iraq might make you well up on your lunch break.

Excerpt:

"The bloodiest suicide bombings, even miles away, have the sound and feel of the apocalypse, causing humans to freeze, no matter how often they experience it. Cats need to hear it only once. As they skitter to the safety of trees and bushes, they enter the blast and the tremor on the hard drive of their brains. On the next occasion, come the blast, they barely stir."

And yes. I am completely serious.

A Steinem in the Bedroom

ScienceDaily reports SELF-INDENTIFYING FEMINISTS ARE MORE FUN IN THE BEDROOM! (can I get a group "duh!"?)

A study done by some Wizards of the Obvious at Rutgers found that, even though meat-heads may avoid them, feminists are not only more satisifed in relationships, but they are also more satisfying for their partners:

"... having a feminist partner was linked to healthier heterosexual relationships for women. Men with feminist partners also reported both more stable relationships and greater sexual satisfaction. According to these results, feminism does not predict poor romantic relationships, in fact quite the opposite."

So gender equality makes for healthier relationships? You don't say! In other news, repeatedly poking yourself in the eye may cause blindness.

Head to Toe: No Longer an Option?

SFGate is reporting that due to lack of space, some 50-60 "criminals" in San Francisco's biggest jail have been forced to sleep on the floor. In fear of a lawsuit for trampling on basic rights, early releases have been scheduled for those convicted of petty crimes.

Sheriff Michael Hennessey said,

"If they keep bringing more people in for low-risk crimes, at some point I'm not even going to take them...And that point is coming up pretty darn soon."

But wait!...then the Sheriff said something very un-Sheriff-like:

"You can't continue to crack down on drugs, crack down on the homeless and make more typical drunk-driving and violent-offender arrests without having the jail space to put them in," Hennessey said. "And you can't keep hiring more cops - who if they're doing their jobs are going to make more arrests - without having the space."

What I am sensing here, Sheriff Hennessey --- and you can totally refute this --- is that you don't necessarily think all of these people who committed "petty crimes" should be in jail in the first place? Implying that, maybe, we should seek other ways to deal with "crime" so as not to make an Alcatraz out of an AA meeting?

Oh, and what is that? Mayor Gavin Newsom agrees with you?

"For his part, Mayor Gavin Newsom is "committed to pursuing a variety of options" to address the overcrowding, a spokesman said. Those include home detention monitoring and residential drug treatment."

Oh, hold the phone! I think my brow just furrowed and my bureaucracy bullshit meter just buzzed! I'll get back to TtP in ten years when this story develops!

What happened to Plan A?

Barr Pharmaceuticals, the company behind the illustrious Plan B, have created a Canadian website called ShareYourOops.com. The site makes intentional humor out of an unfortunate situation, thus eliminating the shame associated with going to the pharmacy and telling the judgemental person behind the counter that, "Oops...it broke."

Visitors to the site are asked to rate their most common/funny/ubiquitous reasons for needing Plan B and then the scores are tallied up so that we can all feel a bit of the "yeah that happened to me too" solidarity.

While amusing and frank, the site kind of rubs me the wrong way (pun intended). A lot of the ShareYourOops.com's reasons for needing Plan B are just excuses for when you were either too drunk, lazy, or plain irresponsible to put on a condom at all. Excuses such as "awe...tht [sic] sucks" as well as "Saranwrap and elastic sucks" are the "the dog ate my homework" of unprotected sex. Of course people should still be proactive about the consequences of their actions/accidents (and yes, I fully support all free and fair trade of Plan B (disclosure: I even sold it to minors when I worked at Planned Parenthood)) but I guess I just wish we didn't always feel the need to make a cutesy jokes about everything. Especially when, you know, you can still get chlamydia and stuff.

Work is Hard!

Pulled from the brainiacs at CNN.com: "Work is Stressful 'cuz Your Boss is a Meanie!!!"

After a heart attack, forensic psychologist Helen Smith decided her job was just too much to handle. She managed employees, paid the rent on an expensive office, and had to deal with scary criminals all day. So what did she do? Fired her employees, began working from home, and started a blog! Of Course!

"Smith acknowledges that not everyone can rearrange work the way she did.
"I am very lucky that I was my own boss," she says."

And yeah, she is lucky. Really lucky! Had she been born elsewhere in the world, Helen might have had to deal with a whole different set of stresses , and you know tough it out.