Amy Winehouse DEATH WATCH 2008

In case you've ever been relaxing over a weekend, smoking some crack and 5 cigarettes at a time and wondered, "Can I get emphysema in my 20's?" Amy Winehouse has gone out and done the research for you. The answer is yes.

LONDON - Soul diva Amy Winehouse has damaged her lungs by smoking crack cocaine and cigarettes, her father said in an interview published Sunday.

The Sunday Mirror quoted Mitch Winehouse as saying that Amy has early stage emphysema and an irregular heartbeat, and has been warned that she will have to wear an oxygen mask unless she stops smoking drugs.

Nothing says sexy like an oxygen mask at 24.

Full story here.

To Do List: 1) Become a Chill Black Man 2) Run for President 3) Bone Scarlett Johannson

and apparently it needs to be in that order. From the Politico:

Every presidential candidate can use a sexy blonde movie star to liven up his or her campaign, appear at big money events and rally the entertainment community. Sen. Barack Obama’s go-to Hollywood hottie is Scarlett Johansson, a starlet who trades frequent e-mails with the presumptive Democratic nominee, campaigns tirelessly on his behalf, hosts lucrative fundraisers and even appeared in that “Yes We Can” viral video that got 10 million views in its first week online.

I hate my life.

Full story here.

Good to Know We Have Drug Laws On the Book to Save Privileged Former Child Stars

Tatum O'Neal -- "My dog died so I needed some blow":

NEW YORK - Tatum O'Neal has told a newspaper that she was distraught over the loss of her dog when she went looking to buy drugs from a Manhattan street dealer last weekend.

The 44-year-old actress says in Tuesday editions of the New York Post that she lost her Scottish terrier about three weeks ago.

She spoke to the Post in a telephone call after being arraigned Monday on a charge of criminal possession of a controlled substance. She entered no plea.

O'Neal says that her arrest Sunday "saved" her from possibly ruining her life. Police have accused her of buying cocaine.

Good for her. Count yourself as the exception to the rule. I can think of more than a few people who weren't so lucky as to be "saved" by our drug laws. Unless getting shot to death, or thrown in prison counts as being saved...

Lindsay Lohan to be Immortalized with a Statue in the Ukraine

KIEV, May 15 (RIA Novosti) - The town of Komsomolsk in central Ukraine is to erect a monument to a 'drunken pig,' the national UNIAN news agency reported on Thursday.

The monument, which portrays a pig lying on its belly with its snout in a trough, will be installed near a local cafe.

"This monument symbolizes those people who make pigs of themselves by drinking far too much," said Oleg Ryabo, the local sculptor responsible.

Full story here.

In other not-really-related celebrity news, via The Superficial comes this weeks Signs of the Apocalypse: Amy Winehouse and Pete Doherty share what appears to be a kiss making us all wonder what horror could be unleashed from Amy's vagina if they bred, and Lindsay Lohan's mom, Dana, wins a Mother of the Year Award.

... And That's Why It's "Harrison" Not Harry

Actor Harrison Ford, 65, recently invited along a film crew to watch as he had his chest waxed. Did he do it for a movie part? Did he lose a big time bet? Is his girlfriend Calista Flockhart really into smooth-chested guys? No, no, no. He did it for -- wait for it -- the environment:

Harrison invited Access Hollywood and our guest correspondent Mel B exclusively along as he embarked on a personal project to promote going green.

And just how did Harrison, who is the vice chair of the global environment group Conservation International, want to get his message across?

By waxing his chest, of course.

In an effort to showcase the pain involved in deforestation, Harrison willingly subject himself to the painful process of stripping his chest of all its follicles.

Having worked with CI for 15 years, it was Harrison’s hope that his trip to the salon might just shock people into thinking “green.”

You know it was really going to be hard enough to enjoy Indiana Jones and the Early Bird Special knowing that the two-fisted hero on screen is in reality an AARP member more likely to be driving 45 mph in the passing lane than escaping death in some exotic locale. Did he really have to make it even harder by revealing himself to be just another empty-headed Hollywood douchebag?

Amy Winehouse Confirms: "I am a legend...I want to take drugs"

Amy Winehouse is my hero. My Badass Hero:

Grammy award-winning singer Amy Winehouse could be facing arrest and a possible six month jail sentence after she allegedly attacked TWO men while on a drug-fuelled bender.

The drug addict singer, 24, faces a police quiz after claims she 'headbutted' a man who was trying to help the singer get a cab outside a bar, and then was said to have allegedly punched a second victim in the face.

According to the Sun, a source said the singer also kissed a mystery man at a nightspot, and in one bar threw drinks around and overturned tables while she screamed 'I am a legend...I want to take drugs'.

Awesome stuff. Honestly though, isn't it pretty common knowledge in England that you approach Amy Winehouse after dark at your own risk? It's like playing with bears, then all of a sudden, one bites you in the neck killing you, and your all like, "wha' happened?? I was just playing with a 700lb brown bear and now I'm dying" Amy Winehouse is like that bear. Only not trained. And constantly on drugs. But both their bites are ferocious and potentially deadly.

More from London's night demoness:

After arriving home at 4am Amy then had to break into her own home in the early hours yesterday after losing her keys.[...]

It is also claimed at one point she emerged and tried to punch and headbutt a man in the street before buying the early editions of yesterday's papers and heading for home, where she had to gain entry via the garage.[...]

OK, in all fairness to the booze saturated diva; I doubt too many of us would hold up well to the scrutiny of a dozen photographers and reporters following us around during a normal weekend bender. I'm not saying I headbutt people who open cab doors for me, but I've been known to play Homeless Tossing on Cross St a time or two...OK, so it's every weekend. Don't judge me until you've tossed a 90lb homeless man down the street. Too much fun.

Full story here complete with lots of pictures.

Patrick Swayze Attempts to Smoke the Cancer Out

God Bless him. The man doesn't have a quitting bone in his cancer-ridden body. Wolverines!

Puffing on a cigarette is not the most sensible thing to do when you're battling cancer.

But if, as reports suggest, Patrick Swayze has only a few weeks to live, he may think it makes little difference.

The once-athletic star of Dirty Dancing, Ghost, and action films such as Point Break looked gaunt as he dragged on a cigarette while waiting for his private plane.[...]

Swayze has been a 60-a-day smoker for years, and research shows that smokers are twice as likely to get pancreatic cancer as non-smokers.

That's a lot of cigarettes, for a lot of Man. Semi-related question: If you're not a famous actor who owns a ranch in Nevada, is it possible to be a 2 1/2 packs a days smoker anymore? I had a bet going this past summer with a few friends who said I couldn't smoke 100 packs in 100 days -- merely a pack a day -- and while I stopped the challenge because I realized that the $100 payoff was what I paid for about 20 packs; I still was having trouble doing a pack a day during the work week. Now, with total work place bans, as well as bans inside most social gathering places where you would traditionally smoke, it strikes me as awful hard to be a regular 2+ packs a day smoker.

Full story here.

Dumb Celebrity Quote

HT to TheAgitator for the link to the article. The quote:

"My favorite thing about Bhutan is they measure their country's wealth, not based on dollar amount but on gross national happines," [actress Cameron] Diaz said.

That's "GNH" for you less 3rd-world-happiness-savvy readers. The full context is here. From elsewhere in the same article:

Bhutan, a country that received particular praise from Diaz for its environmental policies, has one of the highest infant mortality rates (103 infant deaths per 1,000 live births) and lowest life expectancies (54 years) in the world.

True, this doesn't necessarily correlate with happiness. But it's enough to make me (and I assume Diaz, too) hesitate to pack my bags and move for the sake of the clean air.

At the bottom of that article's page, there was a link to this one. The title: "Environmentalist Laments Introduction of Electricity." Yes, it's every bit as bad as it sounds. I can't do it justice by pulling a clip, so check out the whole thing (it's short).

My Best Chance To Stalk Scarlett Johansson...Missed

A whole slew of stars were in Baltimore over the weekend, shooting the film He's Just Not That Into You, including the future, but most likely, imaginary Mrs. Rob. Or if you like -- the future, but chained to the radiator Mrs. Rob...a la Black Snake Moan.

A-list actresses Scarlett Johansson and Jennifer Connelly will be in town this weekend, shooting the final scenes for He's Just Not That Into You to lend some geographic authenticity to the romantic comedy set in Baltimore.

A friend saw Scarlett out this weekend in our lovely, but small city bringing tears of pain to my face from the near miss.

Oh No Tom! Don't Leave Us!

Sizemore is done with the drugs...for good.

BAKERSFIELD, Calif. (AP) — Tom Sizemore says he's done with drugs.

"I'm not trading my whole life for some powder," the 45-year-old actor told The Bakersfield Californian in a jailhouse interview published Friday.

"God's trying to tell me he doesn't want me using drugs because every time I use them I get caught," Sizemore said.

I know, I know, who's going to produce some of the finest dialogue known to man, in amateur-hooker-porn now? I'd say -- knowing Tom Sizemore like I don't; he won't soon forget his fans, and make a few more returns to a life of drugs and debauchery.

P.S.: I did my best, while here at work, to dig up a transcript, or link to the famous Sizemore-sex video. No luck. I'm not sure if its the same as his official video, "The Tom Sizemore Sex Scandal"-- where he claims to have had sex with Paris Hilton among other things. But the one I'm talking about involves 3 prostitutes and lots of drugs. And some hilarious dialogue. And possibly some cock-to-face-slapping. But I could be making that last one up. Or confusing it with my weekend. Who knows.

Why Would Owen Wilson Try to Kill Himself?

On any given day, many Americans want to kill themselves. But why would Owen Wilson, a smart, good-looking and rich Hollywood star who has dated some of the most attractive women in the US with thousands more lining up for him be in the ranks of hoi polloi suicidal depression?

Early reports say Wilson took a razor to his wrist and gobbled a bunch of pills. Perhaps he is human like the rest of us and just about wanted to die when he saw the pic to the left of his former lover Kate Hudson making out with her new boyfriend in a supermarket. That pic appeared the day before his suicide attempt.

[A couple of side questions: where do Hollywood stars get those bottles of pills and how come no one in my Safeway ever makes out in the aisles?]

If Owen was indeed extremely upset by Kate's supermarket makeout, then perhaps he screwed up when he talked to the media about "boning" her. Even worse:

'For sure I wasn't the first guy to kill time with Kate in her trailer between takes either. Hell, my brother boned that chick every day on the set of "Alex and Emma" four years ago, just like Matthew McConaughey did when he co-starred with Kate in "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days"', Owen says.

And he goes on to state that her easiness with fellow actors was the main reason that convinced him to do a movie ("You, Me and Dupree") with her: 'That's why I jumped at the chance to make "You, Me and Dupree" with her. Luke and Matthew told me about this thing she does with a scarf and a couple of ping pong balls. I just had to see that one for myself'.

I Want to Spend Hours Locked in a Room with Amy Winehouse, Call Girls and Drugs

I'm a few days late to this, but I've been busy all weekend trying to find my own Amy Winehouse in various methadone clinics, heroin shacks and zoos. All I have to show for the weekend is a few scratches, a missing testicle and what seems to be a nasty infection from what may or may not have been a rabid raccoon. All in all a pretty good weekend for Rob.

Amy denied Blake was the cause of the argument, 24 hours earlier after which the 23-year-old singer, who has spent most of the summer in and out of rehab for crack and heroin addiction, was seen with bandages covering her arm, blood-spattered shoes and a gashed knee.

And in a series of texts between the Rehab singer and celebrity blogger Perez Hilton, she defended her husband who she claimed "saved my life".

Amy told Perez: "Blake is the best man in the world. We would never ever harm each other... I was cutting myself after he found me in our room about to do drugs with a call girl and rightly said I wasn't good enough for him. I lost it and he saved my life."

Full article here. Via the Superficial.

Mandy Moore Back Together with Andy Roddick?

If that reads like a vapid celebriblog headline, well, that's because it is. I normally don't get my celeb news the dead-tree way, preferring repeated visits to The Bosh or Hollywood Tuna. Alas, today I had to go downtown, and picked up copies of the WaPo and Politico to bide my time.

The WaPo reports Mandy Moore was spotted

...sipping "extra dirty" martinis[*] and ordering a protein-heavy lineup of rockfish, red snapper and Kobe beef with four friends at Georgetown's Mie N Yu Monday night.

Meanwhile, the Politico notes that Andy Roddick, ,

...and his coach, Jimmy Connors, are staying at the Ritz in G-town. Roddick just loves walking around G-town, as he did Sunday afternoon.

He's in DC for the Legg Mason tournament, which is most noted as the tourney that draws fewer good players and more nobodies than any other. (To illustrate that point, Legg Mason never even succeeded in dragging humorless DC d-bag Pete Sampras home to Rock Creek Park.)

So Moore and Roddick, huh? Both in Georgetown. Same time. Coincidence? Or are they rekindling things after more than three years apart?

I pretended to be someone trying to write like Chuck Klosterman about celebrities and DC here. Get Legg Mason tickets -- I've only gone before when I got free tix -- here.

*About this extra-dirty martini thing... I went out with some friends last night, and several ordered this drink. They're friends and wonderful people, but I just about wanted to ram the stem of their glasses into their eyes. Who the hell wants to drink a glass of gin that has the visual clarity of goldfish-bowl water? Who? Why?

Lindsay Lohan Wrecks Her Car in a DUI (Why Don't Wealthy Celebrities Hire Cars or Take Taxis?)

Reputable source x17 reports that Lindsay Lohan has been in a DUI wreck. Worse, she had coke in her car! To see the pics go here, as x17 won't let anyone download them. A nice quote from that site:

She had coke in the car! At the presser, it was announced that narcotics were found in the car by officers at the time the vehicle was towed and impounded. You can see in X17's video, Lindsay's bodyguard Jaz driving the wrecked car away from the scene of the accident just after it occurred (didn't he think to take that white powdery substance outta the glove box?!).

But the big question is why rich celebrities such as Lohan, who like to party, have had previous run-ins with the law and shell out money to hire bodyguards are so reluctant to hire a driver or take a taxi. Lohan, I guess, would rather wrap her car around a tree.

The NFL is full of millionaire DUI offenders, most notably the prison chain gang d.b.a. the Cincinnati Bengals, but also Sean Taylor of Washington and many others. And then there is Paris Hilton, who has to do a stint in the big house for her second drunken driving charge.

Maybe I am more afraid than they are, as I would get a cell mate, unlike Paris Hilton, but their idiocy in the face of how affordable it would be for them to avoid these problems is amazing.

First Jesus & Mary Chain Sighting in 8 Years + Scarlett Johansson Backup Vocals = Awesome

Wishing for 'Piss Christ,' Again

Brooklyn sculptor Daniel Edwards, who last year gave us (not that we asked for it) the work of art that is Britney Spears Giving Birth on a Bearskin Rug, has come up with an even more absurd work: Anti-DUI Spread-Eagle Naked Paris Hilton with Chihuahua Tinkerbell, Who Paris Owned When I Started the Damn Sculpture but has Since Been Discarded. OK, it's not called that, but that's what it is.

Learn more at a website set up for the exhibit's opening, the not-at-all-creepy ParisHiltonAutopsy.com, which includes this note about exhibit extras:

"Paris' internals, which include her small intestines, and other elements, are removable to assist teens with an empathetic view of drunk driving tragedy from the coroner's perspective."

More here at Gothamist.

If Only He had Called Her a Cunt

Something about Alec Baldwin; it might be the voice, or maybe just my underlying but blatant homosexuality, but, I find him....irresistible. From an AP article:

The festering bad blood between movie-star exes Alec Baldwin and Kim Basinger erupted Thursday when an angry phone message from Baldwin to his daughter was made public.

On the recording, Baldwin can be heard berating his 11-year-old, Ireland, "You are a rude, thoughtless little pig."

"You don't have the brains or the decency as a human being," he says, apparently upset that she did not answer her phone for a planned call.

Hecklerspray has more, including the mp3 audio at the bottom of the page.

Happy 75th to Cheeta, Who is Apparently Gay

I've always found it existentially jarring that film star Cheeta the chimp only played a chimp named Cheeta in films. Before you wrap your head around that and other Cheeta minutiae, it's time to wish the world's oldest chimp a happy 75th birthday.

Cheeta, whose coat is now peppered with grey hair, marked the occasion with a party featuring sugar-free cake and diet soft drinks in the California desert town of Palm Springs, famous as a retirement community for old movie stars.

He has lived there with his trainer for the past 16 years.

[Ellipsis]

Mr Westall said there was plenty of life left in the veteran actor, adding: "He likes to go to the drive-through and get a hamburger."

More -- including word Cheeta's diabetic -- here. Nauseating NBC 11 shot of Cheeta snogging said trainer here.

On a personal note, it's my sister's 27th birthday today. She's deathly afraid of monkeys (to the extent that she named her cat "Monkey" in an unsuccessful attempt to conquer her fear). Happy birthday, Brit.

An Outrage! Send the AU Protestors to Scarlett's House!

At TtP we try to stay true to our commitment to keep our readers current on anything Scarlett Johansson. News, interviews, humorous quotes from the delightful young star. Our dreams and fantasies -- that could include feces, small children and animals. Truth be told, I've tried to convince Baylen that this libertarian blog thing is past it's prime. Done and overdone. Instead, why not all Scarlett, all the time? She's 22, does about 7 movies a year. Plenty to write about. Even if there isn't, we can just do what we always do and make shit up. Always works.

Why can't I get to the point of this Scarlett post? Because I don't want to. Because I can't bring myself to put the following down on pretend paper....

Scarlett Johansson is insisting on a no-nudity clause in all her movie contracts.

The curvaceous 22-year-old is determined to be seen as a serious actress and now won't commit to any role without the clause.

Please be a rumor. Please be a rumor...

Full article here. Via Celebritology.

My Ears

There's an interesting and raging Internet debate over the meaning of Alanis Morisette's cover of the Black Eyed Peas' "My Humps" (watch it below). Is it parody? And who exactly is she making fun of? Fergie, for singing such crappy lyrics? Tori Amos, for trying to seriously cover pop songs? Herself? And why is she releasing it now? As an April Fool's joke? Even though April Fool's is about, uh, fooling people not releasing satire (but then she doesn't know the meaning of ironic either). Anyway, I'm not going to risk losing readers by stating my opinions on this subject. Lose readers by suggesting people have a constitutional right to have sex with the dead, sure. But over Alanis Morisette, no way.



Via The Superficial, who continues to bring the world important, up-to-the-minute updates on the walking piece of poo known as Lindsay Lohan.

Wooly Willy Britney

TtP reader, and feta-on-Denzel-Washington fan, Jenny suggests that the new, bald, unshaven Britney Spears looks a lot like Wooly Willy. You decide.

Newsflash: Britney Spears Source of New Venereal Disease

Uh, what the hell is that growing out of her crotch? Seriously. I think it might be a dog. But can we really be sure? This is Britney Spears we're talking about. I'm telling you right now if I hook up with a woman tonight and there's a dog coming out of her crotch I'm going to freak out. For real freak out. Like learning your partner has a Karl Rove fetish freak out. Or remembering that time you pulled out a chair at a bar in New Orleans and stuck your hand in someone else's cum freak out. If I was some crazy evangelical I would show my daughter this picture and say, "this is what happens when you kiss boys". God, Britney Spears is gross. Like feta and vomit gross. You know, it would be totally disgusting to eat, but then you would be like "oooh, feta". Only there's no feta with Britney Spears. Just vomit. And a dog growing out of her snatch. Anyways, good morning!

Via The Superficial.

Totally-Not-News-Turned-News-Story Turns Out to be Good Blog Material

I'm not sure when exactly the Associated Press stopped being a legitimate news source, but I'm going to call the time of death at Wednesday, March 14th, 7:37 PM ET. That's the time that the AP posted a "news" story about how Paula Abdul considers Simon Cowell to be "a really good friend". Look I get it that America loves to see a junkie and an asshole bicker back and forth on national television. Why do you think I've been pitching this talk show staring me and Baylen? But Abdul's and Cowell's feelings towards each other - on or off the screen - is not news. But then I don't consider sports results to be news, and I lament the fact that serious papers carry them. What I can say - besides the fact that I would love to fuck Paula Abdul with a broken beer bottle - is that I'm glad the AP at least carried these remarks:

Were they at first attracted to one another, as Cowell has suggested?

"Oh, puh-leez! He makes this stuff up," Abdul says. "He said, `Paula, people want us to hook up so bad.' I said, `That's disgusting.' He goes, `Paula, I know you want me,' and I go, `Like a cold sore.' We have fun playing up the chemistry, but there's also times when I would cross the other side of the street so I wouldn't have to look at him."

Wow. I don't know who I like more. Simon Cowell for using the "America wants us to hook up" line or Paula Abdul for pretending she doesn't already have cold sores.

Oh God, Please Make This Come True

Great reality show ideas, via Celebritology. Give Mr. Lohan a chance and make it happen Hollywood!

...including a pitch for another reality show in which he and Lindsay would be put on a desert island along with Paris Hilton, Jessica Simpson and their dads.

And then there is this:

"And he's got other ideas, like going out on Sunset Boulevard and giving a prostitute a hundred dollar bill -- not for sex, but for her time so he can talk to her and try to save her. He wants to make things right with the world. And especially with his family."

Good for him. I'm sure you're asking yourself, "What about Rob? I'm sure he has some white-hot concepts that he's itching to put on the Networks." Well I'm glad you asked. My top reality show ideas in no particular order. I'm speaking in my Producer voice, so 3rd person here I come!

1. Put Rob on the cast of The Hills. Watch as he recreates his weekends in So Cal with the Hills crowd. Mostly will consist of him calling them "rich cunts, selfish no-good whores," followed by "I think you are hot, do you what to have a three-some." Of course he will be waving his drink drunkenly; sporting his "look", which for lack of a better term could be called the "Old Navy Retro '97." The highlight of this show would be during the late-night hours when Rob inappropriately rubs himself under the table, or on top, while giving Lauren the thousand-yard stare.


2. Put Rob on the cast of Maui Fever. Uh...pretty much same plot outline as above.


3. Only MTV unrelated concept. And I've Rob has been really selling this one hard -- Grab Mel Gibson. Get a room. Add tequila and a different minority every week. Laughter to follow

Now, why can't I get any traction on these?

Hollywood's Calling for the Movie Rights

Fat falsetto singer John Popper of the late, neo-hippy band Blues Traveler

was arrested near Ritzville after the vehicle he was riding in was clocked going 111 mph, the Washington State Patrol said.

[Ellipsis]

A police dog searched the vehicle, finding numerous hidden compartments. Inside were four rifles, nine handguns, a switchblade knife, a stun gun and night vision goggles.

Popper told officers he collected weapons, the patrol said.

The vehicle also had flashing emergency headlights, a siren and a public address system.

"Popper indicated to troopers that he had installed these items in his vehicle because (in the event of a natural disaster) he didn't want to be left behind," the patrol said.

Reason to move from Seattle: Mt. Ranier might blow, and the Alaskan Way Viaduct will crumble. Even bigger reason: Having to deal with that plus John Popper's shrill voice blaring at you from his SUV's PA system as he fires his stun gun at you indiscriminately on the I-5. More here.

Spears' Shears: Conspiracy Theory Forms

An urban legend is already forming around the idea that Britney Spears shaved off her hair to avoid detection of her prior drug use. My first thought on hearing this was, but doesn't she have other hair? Yes, of course, but The Explainer of Slate explained it to me.

Head hair grows about half an inch every month, so a woman with shoulder-length hair carries around a two-year record of her drug use.

So, presumably, Brit didn't need to shave off her "eyebrows" as her drug use was in the past, and eyebrow hair is not so long, or at least we hope it isn't.

Who Dies First?

Britney Spears or Fidel Castro?

I Would Like to Taste Her Pudding

Scarlett Johansson has been crowned the Harvard Hasty Pudding woman of the year. Leave your pudding jokes in the comment sections.

RIP, Anna Nicole Smith

Anna Nicole Smith is apparently glamorous, fabulous and outrageous no more. More.

Charlize Theron is Probably Reprehensible

Actress Charlize Theron, who's produced a new documentary, East of Havana, about teenage rappers living under the Cuban dictatorship, told CNN's milquetoast Rick Sanchez during an interview yesterday that the U.S. is, like Cuba, not free. Here's my transcription.

Sanchez: Do you think the lack of freedoms in Cuba are parallel to the lack of freedoms in the United States?

Theron: Well, um, yeah, I would compare those two.

[...]

Sanchez: Sounds like you don't have a very high opinion of the United States...

Theron: Oh my God! You're so wrong... I absolutely love... Why do you think I live in the United States?

[...]

Theron: I want to make out with you right now.

Video here If Broadway Joe can't get away with this shit -- hey, at least his meltdown was funny -- then neither should Ms. Theron.

In Theron's defense, she did have some more thoughtful words on the topic for the Miami Herald yesterday:

Theron said that many of the young people she met questioned Fidel Castro's regime.

'I think the younger generation is starting to say, `You know what -- it doesn't work. We're not happy. We want to have freedom of speech. We want to be able to travel,' '' she said.

OK, fine. But such questioning may not extend to her co-filmmakers, who -- though they give the de rigeur shout out to freedom in this Latina interview -- also link to some equally de rigeur 'Oh, the wonderful Cuban healthcare/education/arts' bullshit from the film's MySpace page.

If you're looking for a better way to spend your time on something Cuban, go check out 1997's ¿Quién diablos es Juliette?, the true story of a young prostitute who is the inspiration for and subject of a documentary hatched on the spot during the filming of a music video starring Fabiola Quiroz-Brown, the Mexican wife of Stone Roses frontman Ian Brown. Good stuff. Honest.

No One Ever Says "When I Grow Up I Want to Work in Fast Food"

I've worked at a number of fast-food joints over the years, including Long John Silvers in high school (lets just say that the girls working there smelled like fish & chips and not because they worked there) and Taco Bell a couple years after I left college (still the best job I've ever had - drunk college chicks and free tacos). So I certainly know the merits of working in fast-food. At the risk of getting too hokey, it really did prepare me for something better. But there was something better, and it's foolish to insist that working in fast-food is some sort of a dream come true.

A leading restaurant association has called for the cancellation of a TV commercial featuring Britney Spears' estranged husband, Kevin Federline, as a failed rap star working in a fast-food eatery.

In a 30-second ad for Nationwide Insurance, Federline is shown dreaming he is a rap star but then snaps out of it to face reality -- he's working at a burger restaurant.

[..]

But the National Restaurant Association's Chief Executive Steven Anderson has written to Nationwide saying the ad leaves the impression that working in a restaurant is demeaning and unpleasant and asking the commercial to be dumped.

"An ad such as this would be a strong and a direct insult to the 12.8 million Americans who work in the restaurant industry," wrote Anderson, head of the association that represents 935,000 U.S. restaurants. "Developing creative concepts that accomplish the marketing strategies for a product should not require denigrating another industry."

The really funny part is that K-Fed is literally one step away from working in fast-food.

More here.

More Proof Having a Child Not the Same as Being a Mother

The Sun has captured the rarest of images. No, they didn't get a shot of an ivory-billed woodpecker. Rarer, still. Look: it's Britney Spears carrying her kid!

Hey, I for one would have been sufficiently impressed with separate photos of the two appearing within days of each other in the same zip code.