Unkept--Check...Haggard--Check...Hot Model--.......

I've been told on a few occasions that I look like a well-kept homeless man. It doesn't bother me. I think it's a little rude when they don't include the well-kept preface, but, eh -- what can I do about it? Shave? Maybe. Sleep for more than 4 hours a night? Could give it a shot. Cut back on drugs and alcohol? Next. Get a haircut? Whoa. I'm not sure I like the direction this is going...Besides, I like the rugged street man look. It's very unassuming, cheap and simple to maintain. Come to think of it, women do kinda scurry away from me in stairways and alleys...Humm, anyways, according to the Sun Online I should have a supermodel on my arm instead of the tranny heroin addict that is currently there. Sounds good. Where do I need to go to get these women?

Selena has dated her fair share of hunks, but has given up on gorgeous guys because they’re dull – both in and out of bed.

‘I can’t imagine anything more boring than classic handsome looks,’ she says. ‘I prefer no teeth, baldness and piercings to model looks. I like celebs such as Adrien Brody and Mackenzie Crook rather than Brad Pitt.

[...]

And Selena is not alone. In a recent study, sociologist Diane Felmee found only a third of women said looks were the first thing that attracted them to a man. Most preferred a sense of humour or financial and career success.

Researchers at Newcastle University also believe ugly men exist as a way of repairing our gene pool. Women would rather date men with good genes, who can fight disease easily, than a classically beautiful man.

Yeah, I'm all about the ugly women because I find gorgeous women to be boring. How ridiculous does that sound?? I thought so. Full article here.

Unexpected News of the Day: Hot Teeny-Boppers Attract Attention in Workplaces Usually Filled with 40-year Old Slobs

The Denver Post reports:

Teen jobs beset by unwanted advances
Youngsters are more likely to be harassed and less likely to know what to do. But feds are filing lawsuits and educating workers.

As millions of American teenagers venture into the workplace for the summer, an increasing number are facing sexual harassment on the job - ranging from lewd comments to sexual assaults - by co-workers, managers and even customers.

Teen workers - partly because of their youth, inexperience and low workplace status - experience higher levels of sexual harassment than adults, say federal investigators, lawyers and experts. And teen victims often are reluctant to report harassment.

Although I didn't rely on statistics, interviews or facts from organizations with acronyms; I did do a similar study in my office last week during Take Your Child to Work Day. It involved a lot of leering and winking...and I gave a lot of advice like, "Stay away from mid-west women." And, "Never trust a lady who will not let you remove her socks while fucking." Come to think of it, I didn't really learn anything or even study much, but I did scare a lot of children, and when you really stop and reflect, isn't that all that matters?

And I can't forget, my new favorite pick-up line...

One mother found out from her daughter that she had been sexually harassed by a store manager and a co-worker. At one point a rebuffed co-worker put his hands around her neck and said, "What would your boyfriend do if I snapped your neck?" When the case was settled, her daughter was awarded $111,250.

Expensive yes, but a quarter of the time I bet that works. Full article here.

One More Reason to Restrict My Dating to Invalids and Seniors

From the Post -- wait, actually the NYT....Or is it the Post? No never mind, I think it is the Post doing its best NYT impression. [emphasis mine]

The hot spot du jour of Manhattan nightlife looms large over Fifth Avenue and 42nd Street, where crowds of stylish YoCos -- young cosmopolitans -- were jostling inside one evening last week for the right to pay the $15 cover.

[...]

"We've both been going to bars and clubs less because events like these are more provocative," said Paul Torres, an MTV producer holding hands with his girlfriend of eight months, IT manager Amy Stemmler, also 30. Recent dates have included a museum crawl at MoMA and a discussion titled "Was the 20th Century a Mistake?" by German director Werner Herzog.

Unless Herzog is shamelessly taking advantage of a flamboyantly homophobic, closeted homosexual having been eaten alive by a grizzly bear; I have no time for him. Which, incidentally, Grizzly Man makes for a much better first date then you might think. Just take out an improvisational re-creation of the mauling, which, in retrospect might not have been the smartest move at the time. I was going for the fences -- big laughs folks, big laughs.

If Woody Allen were Cupid, one of his romantic inventions might be a New York singles spelling bee night with categories including "sex," "medical conditions" and "uncomfortable things."

[...]

"One guy had to spell 'chlamydia' and then 'erectile dysfunction' -- and he got both right," Lemesh said. With a chuckle, he added, "But then the women have to worry about a man [who] knows how to spell 'chlamydia.'"

Something tells me that at a spelling bee/singles mixer; running into a guy with chlamydia should be the last thing for a female attendee to worry about. Full article here.