My Advice to the GOP: Take Advice from People Who Have Won

Karl Rove's piece in Newsweek that every conservative pundit is doing post-Obama -- The GOP's Path to Power:

Losing the election has led to a debate about whether the GOP should return to its Reaganite tradition or embark on a new reform course. This pundit-driven shoutfest presents a sterile, unnecessary choice. The party should embrace both tradition and reform; grass-roots Republicans want to apply timeless conservative principles to the new circumstances facing America.

In the coming year, we will be defined more by what we oppose than what we are for; the president-elect and the Democrats in Congress will control the agenda. We must pick fights carefully and center them around principle. The goal is to have the sharp differences that emerge make the GOP look like the more reasonable, hopeful and inviting party—which is easier said than done. A road map [...]

I think that most of the discussions centered around the future direction of the Republican Party are pretty silly right now. Most of the pieces coming out on this topic are shockingly similar to most other journalistic enterprises -- one large, self-serving, masturbatory activity. Everyone near the right is telling you what they think the GOP should become now; and the most surprising part of it? Everyone thinks the GOP should be the total embodiment of their own self. Well, no shit. If it was up to me, the GOP as a political group would think just like me. But most likely that shift would only gain them one vote. Me.

The more interesting political discussion, and it's what someone like Karl Rove is good at, focuses on what the Republican Party needs to do in order to start winning elections again. Put aside whether you want them to win or not, and you certainly won't like all the answers; but that doesn't necessarily make those answers wrong either. Most people having this future-of-the-GOP discussion don't care if the GOP actually wins elections. If they want to give their opinion about which direction the party should take, go ahead, just don't pretend that it's the best advice to get Republicans elected.

On the worthy-ness of a Bush guy advice: I think Bush has been more-or-less a net loss for the Republicans over the past 4 years, but it isn't clear to me that any other type of Republican -- (one that wasn't a big-government, social-conservative) -- could have won in '00 and '04. Or that any other electoral strategy would have worked as well as the one that the Bush campaign put together. If that's the case Bush was only a failure for the GOP because he won. Which in most people's mind doesn't make him any less of a failure, but poltically it's much hard to pin the death of the Republican Party on him.

Too Rich For My Blood, Blood

Not News: They're scalping tickets to Barack Obama's inaugural. News: The tickets are going as high as $40,000. The solution: federal regulations of course:

Hoping to keep the inauguration from turning into the ultimate hustle, Sen. Dianne Feinstein (D-Calif.) is drafting legislation that would make it a federal crime to sell the free tickets to President-elect Barack Obama's swearing-in. She is also writing to Web sites requesting that they not permit tickets to be sold.

Only 240,000 tickets are available for the event. The offices of senators and House members have been flooded with calls and e-mails from constituents clamoring to be part of the historic day.

Feinstein, chairman of the Joint Congressional Committee on Inaugural Ceremonies, said she has heard reports of tickets going for $40,000. "This is unconscionable and must not be allowed."

Gil Duran, Feinstein's spokesman, said, "It kind of runs contrary to what this . . . is supposed to be about when scalpers fire up their engines and declare open season on the inauguration."

Lamar Latrell Is Heartbroken

The numbers are in and as I surmised earlier this week, all of those black voters excited by Barack Obama's message of hope and change turned around told gays to go to hell:

Seven in 10 African Americans who went to the polls voted yes on Proposition 8, the ballot measure overruling a state Supreme Court judgment that legalized same-sex marriage and brought 18,000 gay and lesbian couples to Golden State courthouses in the past six months.

Similar measures passed easily in Florida and Arizona. It was closer in California, but no ethnic group anywhere rejected the sanctioning of same-sex unions as emphatically as the state's black voters, according to exit polls. Fifty-three percent of Latinos also backed Proposition 8, overcoming the bare majority of white Californians who voted to let the court ruling stand.

Why did they oppose it? Because that's God's will, apparently:

"I think it's mainly because of the way we were brought up in the church; we don't agree with it," said Jasmine Jones, 25, who is black. "I'm not really the type that I wanted to stop people's rights. But I still have my beliefs, and if I can vote my beliefs that's what I'm going to do.

"God doesn't approve it, so I don't approve it. And I approve of Him."
***
"What the church does is give that perspective that this is a sacred issue as well as a social issue," said Derek McCoy, African American outreach director for the Protect Marriage Campaign. "The reason I feel they came out so strong on the issue is one, for them, it's not a civil rights issue, it's a marriage issue. It's about marriage being between a man and a woman and it doesn't cut into the civil rights issue, about equality.

"The gay community was never considered a third of a person."

And so there you have it, the glorious multicultural rainbow of Barack Obama's coalition. And don't forget he opposed gay marriage too.

Age Of Consent Law Goes Down in S.C.; 14 Year-olds No Longer Will

In other ballot initiative news, the only measure TtP took a bold stand on, preserving South Carolina's age of consent at 14 years of age, went down last night. In related news, Rob has pulled out of that deal for a time share in Charleston.

No Hope, No Change For Gay Marriage?

Did Barack Obama sink gay marriage last night? In one of the more ironic developments of the election, ballot proposals in Arizona and Florida that defined marriage as only being between a man and a woman passed last night. A third, in California, appears to have passed as well though the counting isn't finished yet.

With such a big night for the Democrats, how did this happen? Well it depends on which Democrats vote. An expert in ballot initiatives told me last week that the bans would likely pass if Obama boosted black turnout significantly. Black voters tend to be more conservative on social issues like this -- they love their bibles and Jesus -- but they typically turnout in smaller numbers on Election Day than other ethnic groups. This year they hustled to the polls to elect Obama. Apparently they gave gays the cold shoulder while they did it.

We'll see if the exit poll data bears this theory out.

Democrats Finally Get Big O; How Satisfying For The Rest Of Us?

I literally just came home from the Republican National Committee's erroneously-named victory night party in DC (I was there as a reporter). It was not as gloomy as you might think. The crowd -- young and mostly white -- ate and chatted like it was an ordinary happy hour. They all had seen the writing on the wall and knew they would lose tonight. They didn't have spirits to deflate, so why not party? And this time, there really was no sex in the champagne room.

Meanwhile, outside on the streets of DC, people went fucking nuts. Honking cars horns, shouting crowds, and random cries of "Obamaaaaaaaa!" could be heard. I saw one woman shout "Barack, bitch!" in a guy's face.

As I write this Barack Obama is leading 51-47% in the popular vote. If he keeps that percentage or builds on it, he'll be the most successful Democratic candidate since Lyndon Johnson in 1964. Bill Clinton, you'll remember, never broke 49% nationally. The lesson here? Republicans should never run Arizona senators for the presidency. They get their asses handed to them.

Seriously, congrats to Obama. He ran the better campaign, beating the pantsuit off of Hillary Clinton when everybody thought the old bag was unstoppable. He then cleaned the clock of the only Republican that polled better than him at the beginning of the year. He also expanded the Democrats' majorities in the House and Senate with his magical touch. That's quite a haul for the Kid from Hawaii.

The Republicans deserved to lose. They had no ideas, no direction, no responses to the problems the country faces. And even after getting shellacked in 2006 and losing control of Congress, they were never serious about rooting out corruption in their own ranks and just generally getting their shit together. I mean, a party that allows Ted Stevens, an 84 year-old guy facing a federal felony trial for taking bribes, to run for reelection deserves whatever punishment the voters give them.

So what's next? Damned if I know. Obama is a total enigma to me. Who knows what he believes in or what he'll do? If were lucky he'll be Clinton without the zipper problem and I'd be cool with that. Or he could be the second coming of Jimmy Carter, only even more sanctimonious. And while I agree with Rob its cool that we proved that we're willing to elect a black dude, the fact that it happened fairly easily shows it isn't that big of a deal (which is the way it ought to be).

As for me, I'm going to bed ...

Election '08 Drunkblogging: Preparing for the Obamacracy

It's 7 o'clock and we are about to have our first poll closings. I'm not going to promise any kind of extensive of live-blogging here tonight as I plan on drinking a lot. But who knows, I may get caught up in the moment and make amusing and horribly offensive racial comments. So stay tuned.

7:05 All the important early states are too close to call; as everyone has been saying IN, VA, GA will all be good indicators for how big of a blowout this is going to be. If it gets called early for Obama, it's gonna be ugly for McCain.

7:10 Links to keep an eye on -- The Corner, The Campaign Spot, MyDD, CNN.com for results, or NYT.com, and Weigel at reason.

7:20 At TtP we won't be reporting exit polling data (which if we were we would say it looks bad for McCain) because of our journalistic integrity and because we remember 2004. Also, I've been out of TtP's Baltimore Election Headquarters for most of the day and don't feel like going back and reading the data.If you want them just imagine numbers really high for Obama and really low for McCain. Or just click through the above links to MyDD or Campaign Spot.

7:58 Check it out, Karl Rove is a Mac user! I'm not sure what that means, nor do I have a Mac, I just felt like pointing that out to all you hip, lefty Mac users out there.

8:09 All the important early states are still too close to call, but we have important Senate races. Dole is out in NC, and McConnell stays put in Kentucky. RealClearPolitics has a good rundown on their homepage for all the races.

8:16 No results in from PA yet and ABC calls the state for Obama...VA doesn't look good for McCain either looking at that states actual results.

8:26 More Senate news: Sununu (try spelling that drunk) out in NH, Collins holds in Maine.

8:31 I think everyone has called PA for Obama now. NC looks bad for McCain, but still too close to call.

I've got a suggestion for McCain. It appears that McCain's major problem in this Election is that he won't be able to win enough states to get to 270 electoral votes. Simple enough to solve that one. Make up states. No one will notice. McCainanda or something. I dunno come up with a name or two...I can't do all your work for you Team McCain.

8:36 I'm already starting to dread the Obama acceptance speech...

8:40 Shocking exit polling data of the night: Voters seeking the "experienced" candidate voted overwhelmingly for McCain. Also, voters seeking the "really fucking old" candidate voted overwhelmingly for McCain.

9:18 That's gonna cause some problems for McCain. FOX calls OH for Obama. I think that is a serious nail in the coffin.

10:00 What's to say? I'm pretty drunk, looks like McCain is on his way to a solid loss, and it looks like Democrats will not get to 60 in the Senate.

11:02 So Obama wins. Juan Williams is nearly in tears on FOX News.

11:54 As I pour my last glass of whiskey, and drink my last beer (maybe) and we watch Obama give his acceptance speech, I'll offer some drunken thoughts on this election. First, I'm happy to see a black guy elected President. I'll admit, It's kinda cool knowing where we have come as a nation. But I sit here worried about the next couple years and things like card check, capital gains taxes, corporate tax rates, etc and most worrisome -- we just fucking elected Joe Biden as Vice President of our country. With that I pour another glass of whiskey and await some great blogging material over the next 4 years....

Bumpersticker Of The Day

Department of Schadenfreude

It appears that Elizabeth Edwards has kicked John Edwards out of the house:

"The wedding band is missing," the Washington Post reported yesterday after covering a speech the cancer-stricken mother of two gave in DC on Monday night. Edwards, the former North Carolina senator who ran for president twice, finally acknowledged three months ago that he had an affair with campaign videographer Rielle Hunter. He denies he's the father of Hunter's baby girl, although he has been spotted visiting mother and child. A source said Edwards is no longer living with Elizabeth and that the couple have separated. But reps for Elizabeth Edwards did not return calls and e-mails.

The People Have Spoken

... They just don't know what the fuck they said. Via The New Republic comes this fascinating factoid:

The Wisdom of the American People

From that LAT poll of Florida of Ohio (here is the PDF with all the numbers):

Already Voted:

Florida: McCain 49%, Obama 45%, Don't Know 6%

Ohio: Obama 57%, McCain 35%, Don't Know 3%

That's right: Almost 5% of Florida and Ohio voters that have already voted don't know who they voted for.

(Maybe these folks were just unwilling to answer the question, but that isn't how the poll reads).

This is one of those things you wish was wrong, but you know in your heart that it is true.

How To Arouse the Voters' Interest

Kudos to candidate Zane Starkewolf for coming up with a robo-call that you ordinary would have to pay $2.99 a minute to hear:

NAPA COUNTY (CBS13) ― A local congressional contest took a racy turn when an "enthusiastic" staffer recorded a robo-call that attracted an unusual amount of attention.

The robo-call went out on behalf of Republican challenger Zane Starkewolf starting Sunday, but was pulled by Monday. A female voice begins the message by saying "Mike Thompson has been a bad boy," in risqué tones.

Mike Thompson, Starkewolf's opponent, is the incumbent Democrat Congressmen representing the District 1 seat, which comprises the Sonoma, Napa and Yolo County regions.

***

"We all said no to the bail out," the voice message continues, "but Thompson backed Bush, just like he did with the Patriot Act."

"Uhh, vote Yes! for Zane," the message concludes.

Read the whole story here.

Live Blogging the Obama Half Hour Variety Show

7:56 p.m. EST I'm watching Fox News right now, waiting for this big Obama special. Fox has a focus group of undecided voters to watch the presentation. Fox talking head Shepard Smith is appropriately incredulous. How can these people still be undecided? The voters are indignant at the question. "We haven't heard enough from the candidates," they say. Bullshit, they're morons.

8:06 p.m. EST Okay, cheesy swelling music as he speaks from the podium. Not a good start.

8:09 p.m. EST Hmm, he starts off the taped part by defending the bailout bill that Congress passed. Of course, it is not enough. How could $700 billion ever be enough?

8:10 p.m. EST One of the talking heads mentions Obama's "common-sense Kansas roots". Yes, the Kansas roots he got by being raised in Hawaii and Indonesia.

8:12 p.m. EST So far, its one sob story after another set to sad, tinkly piano music. Was this produced by the people at the Lifetime channel?

8:13 p.m. EST Obama says he'll create 5 million new jobs with green technologies. Yes, but how much will it cost us to subsidize those jobs?

8:14 p.m. EST Every time a politician says something like a "new era of shared responsibility" I grab hold of my wallet and start thinking about buying more guns.

8:16 p.m. EST Okay, the current sob story is a Hispanic family where the mom is a teacher. They seem like decent folks, but they don't like how much milk costs. Yeah, who does? He's just going for cheap emotional points now, going right for the Oprah vote. Somebody should tell him he already has Oprah's vote.

8:19 p.m. EST He's going to fix education and fix health care. Apparently it just takes spending more tax dollars and offering more incentives. Why didn't anybody think of that before? P.S. He repeats the bogus statistic that 47 million people don't have health care.

8:20 p.m. EST Hmmm, his special has an awful lot of scenes of him getting roaring applause from crowds. The people, they love him. And he loves that they love him.

8:22 p.m. EST Hey, did you know Obama has "changed the way things are done in Washington"? Gone are the gifts from lobbyists and "business as usual" politics, we're told. I guess nobody told the Obama campaign this.

8:24 p.m. EST "This is our moment." Well, at least it is not just all about him.

8:28 p.m. EST "He's a man that can heal this country. He can bring bipartisanship," Bill Richardson says. Will Obama do this by laying his hands on the country?

8:29 p.m. EST "Hope over fear", "Unity over division", blah, blah, blah. I know some of you are thinking I'm too cynical. I wonder if I am cynical enough.

8:22 p.m. EST And back to your regularly scheduled program, game 5 of the World Series. I've heard it's kind of a big deal. Not as big as Obama though ...

Don't Hate The Playa, Hate The Game, Baby

Want to share your ideas with the coming Barack Obama administration? If you do, you better have a seriously fat wallet:

Aides to Sen. Barack Obama (D-Ill.) scheduled pricey luncheons, roundtables, readings, VIP receptions and policy dinners with campaign officials and advisers, offering donors a taste of his potential administration.
***
Much has been made of Obama’s canny mining of small-dollar donors, with constant e-mails asking for donations of as little as $5. The average donation in September was $86. Two-thirds of the $150 million was raised via the Web.

But his campaign also has an elaborate machine for courting big check-writers. Obama kept the checks flowing this month with a gold-plated schedule of headliners who would have new prominence in a Democratic Washington.
***
Among the offerings:

—Luncheon in New York with Dennis Ross, Special Middle East Coordinator under President Clinton — $10,000, $5,000, $2,500 or $1,000.

—Reception in Belmont, Mass., with Massachusetts Gov. Deval Patrick — $2,500, $1,000, $500 or $250.

—Reception in New York with Sen. Joe Biden (D-Del.), Obama’s running mate —- per couple $28,500, $14,250, $5,000 or $1,000.

—Reception in Chicago with Michelle Obama — $28,500, $10,000 or $2,500.

A Conspiracy of Haters Is Holding This Batshit Crazy Woman Down

Remember Cynthia McKinney? The crazy former Georgia congresswoman is running on the Green Party ticket year. The Washington Post caught up with her and discovered that she has, if anything, gotten crazier:

McKinney travels in a rented Hyundai Sonata, taking turns driving with an aide who has accompanied her on at least one all-night drive from Maryland to Louisiana. Her skeleton staff frequently has no idea where she is. The calendar on her campaign Web site is empty. Her phone goes unanswered; the box for her voice mail is full.

She is a Candidate of Mystery.

When she surfaces, as she did for two appearances and a live Internet discussion one recent weekend in Georgia -- the state that sent her to Congress six times and kicked her out twice -- she's got a lot to say about a lot of things, but not much about running for president. (She's on the ballot in 32 states, but not here in Georgia, where she blasts "restrictive ballot laws" and asks followers to write in her name Nov. 4.)

She believes there are "credible reports" that the U.S. military dumped 5,000 prisoners -- each with "a single bullet wound to the head" -- in Louisiana swamps using Hurricane Katrina as cover.

She believes that Jeb Bush -- the president's brother -- facilitated Colombian drug shipments into the United States when he was governor of Florida.

She believes the "corporate media" are censoring stories about the United States "restarting dirty wars in Latin America" and about "Bush's real problem with Eliot Spitzer," a head-turner that she dangles without specifying which Bush she is talking about or explaining.

"We don't really know who killed Martin Luther King," she says, rolling now as she addresses the Panther group in the auditorium. "We don't really know who killed Bobby Kennedy. We don't really know who killed John Kennedy. We don't really know who killed Tupac Shakur."

She's polling at one percent nationally in the only semi-recent poll I could find. Bob Barr? About three percent.

The Bridge To Nowhere But Oz, Bitch

Alaska's Republican Senator Ted Stevens, pork barreller extraordinaire and advocate of the Bridge to Nowhere, is going to jail. Boo-Yah!

Stevens, 84, was convicted of all the felony charges he faced of lying about free home renovations and other gifts from a wealthy oil contractor. Jurors began deliberating last week.

Visibly shaken after the verdicts were read — the jury foreman declaring "guilty" seven times — Stevens tried to intertwine his fingers but quickly put his hands down to his side after noticing they were trembling. As he left the courtroom, Stevens got a quick kiss on the cheek from his wife, Catherine, who testified on his behalf during the trial. He declined to talk to reporters waiting outside.

Despite my rather hopeful blog title, the AP story indicates that Stevens is "likely to receive much less prison time, if any" than the maximum 35 years in jail that he could get. Ah, but a man can dream, can't he?

The you gotta-be-fucking-me-part-of-the-story? His Senate career isn't necessarily over:

Despite being a convicted felon, he is not required to drop out of the race or resign from the Senate. If he wins re-election, he can continue to hold his seat because there is no rule barring felons from serving in Congress. The Senate could vote to expel him on a two-thirds vote.

"Put this down: That will never happen — ever, OK?" Stevens said in the weeks leading up to his trial. "I am not stepping down. I'm going to run through, and I'm going to win this election."

Most likely he'll just lose the reelection, but hey you never know. In any event, the real question is why didn't the numbskulls in the GOP leadership push Stevens into an early retirement? Why on earth did they let an 84 year-old geezer facing a serious criminal trial go ahead with another Senate bid? If anything exemplifies the corruption, stupidity and cowardice of the party, this is it. If the Democrats do crush them in the election, they'll have nobody to blame but themselves.

Fat Chick Tells Us to Vote for Obama, I Smell Vomit Somewhere on Me

The Baltimore Sun runs against the tide of the mainstream media and....endorses Barack Obama. Is there just a standard mad lips like form that newspapers use to write the Obama endorsement?:

Senator Obama's campaign has been extraordinarily open - inclusive across generational, ethnic and class lines. His top advisers include Democrats and Republicans, giving substance to his promise of bipartisan leadership. He created a disciplined organization that raised record sums yet stayed within budget. Senator Obama's campaign testifies to his managerial skill and talent for surrounding himself with smart, hard-working people.[...]

With the likelihood of vacancies on the Supreme Court in coming years, the next president will have an opportunity to shape the judicial branch's liberal-conservative balance for a generation on such crucial questions as abortion, civil liberties and civil rights. We believe that unlike Senator McCain, who has said he would name justices sympathetic to the views of the court's most conservative members, Senator Obama would avoid ideologically driven appointments that further polarize the country on contentious social issues.

Senator Obama is a relative newcomer on the national stage. But he has proved to be that rarest of public servants, an inspirational leader who would transcend any enduring racial barriers and call upon the best in the American character, a public servant who also possesses the finely honed political skills necessary to turn the nation's highest ideals into practical policies that benefit citizens.

That is why The Baltimore Sun endorses Barack Obama for president

Translation: We endorse Barack Obama because he's to the left on economic and social issues, he's running the (so-far) leading campaign, he has raised lots of money, and he seems to be a pretty cool guy.

That's how I read it, because one would think if you really cared about bipartisanship you would endorse the guy who has actually engaged in it, as opposed to the guy who just gets endorsements from politically opportunistic "Republicans". Or, if you cared about, "running a campaign within budget" you might want to look at the guy who is farther away from raising $1 billion dollars and has actually had to work to stay under budget, instead of the candidate who has enough cash to buy his own satellite TV channel. And we can just forget, as the Sun obviously has, that the important part of Obama's "disciplined campaign" isn't staying within a $700 million budget, instead it's running a Bush-like operation where everything is operated under a veil of secrecy. I'm pretty sure most journalist on the trail no matter how close they are to Obama '08's collective taint would agree that of all things the campaign may be, open is not one of them. Running that type of tight operation was most likely a deciding factor in the primary run when contrasted to Hillary's leaky ship.

I'm not making a case for McCain, I couldn't do that, but I've grown tired of giving credit to Barack Obama for things Barack Obama hasn't done. If you want him to win, just come out and say you want him to win because the direction he wants to move the country (decidedly left) is the direction you want the country to move. The media doesn't need to pretend to be unbiased anymore, that shtick is over. Just come out of the closet and say, "We want the lefty to win".

But as always take what I say with a grain of salt, or a speck of vomit. This is coming from a guy who still has pieces of wings stuck in his beard from 2 a.m. last night and for the love of him can't quite locate where the stench of vomit that's been following him around all morning is coming from. And speaks of himself in the 3rd person. So whatever. I'm going to go buy new pants.

Who Will Win The All-Important North Carolina Homeless Felon Murderer Vote?

The Washington Post has a story today about how North Carolina, a state once solidly Republican, is in play this election. The story argues that the economic downturn is causing North Carolina residents to rethink their allegiance to the GOP. Okay, that sounds about right.

But, umm, who does the Post pick to typify this changing trend towards the Democrats? One Warren Kent Vaughn. Now Warren is an odd person to pick in the first place since he is a black dude and they vote for Democrats over the GOP about 9-1. But this "typical" voter's story is even more interesting than that:

Warren Kent Vaughn and Brenda Williams were living in an empty 18-wheeler semitrailer not long ago, in love but homeless, their drug histories a drag on their dreams. Then they found salvation in Room 77 of the Queen City, Vaughn working as a live-in handyman, Williams as a maid. They worked seven days a week for chump change, plus room and board.

"It's been a struggle, but I ain't gave up, bro," said Vaughn, who was honorably discharged from the Army, got sucked into the dope racket, killed a man in a street scrap, served 14 years in prison, and on this recent day was tugging on his scraggly beard, work gloves in his back pocket.

***

The gale forces of the economy are blowing people in different directions, driving them to their presidential choices with an intensity that this state has not seen in some time. Many North Carolinians are either running toward a candidate or running away from one, the candidates now surrogates for folks' fears and aspirations. Even with his consuming worries, Vaughn found himself drawn to Barack Obama's quest as a symbol of the change Vaughn envisioned for his own life.

He even volunteered to register the ex-hustlers on the streets he once ran. And when they shooed him away, he kept insisting. "There are no limitations," he'd tell them. "Stop saying, 'I can't.' Just try, instead of saying, 'I can't.' " After all, Vaughn had found a job and shelter that wasn't under a bridge. His prospects were on the upswing -- just like Obama's in North Carolina, he figured.

Maybe I'm being overly cynical but I'm thinking that the "gale forces of the economy" had little to do with the fact that an ex-drug dealer and murderer who served 14 years in prison was having a hard time. In fact I'm willing to bet that he wasn't doing that well when the economy was on the upswing either.

On the other hand it is nice to learn that Obama is so magical that just believing in him can save you from poverty and destitution. I mean, imagine what he can do when he is actually elected president! It'll be Cheetos and handjobs for everyone!

Biden Still Fighting for Dumbest Veep Candidate Title

One upside to a Barack Obama administration (other than the inevitable Obama-Scarlett Johansson affair rumors) is that Joe Biden will be an endless source of amusement. Last week he talked about the "three-letter word" at the heart of Obama's economic recovery plan: Jobs, J-O-B-S, jobs." Today he did his part by telling the world an Obama administration will have a major crisis early on:

“Mark my words. It will not be six months before the world tests Barack Obama like they did John Kennedy. The world is looking. We’re about to elect a brilliant 47-year-old senator president of the United States of America.” he told a fundraising crowd in the Pacific Northwest on Sunday. “Remember I said it standing here if you don’t remember anything else I said. Watch, we’re gonna have an international crisis, a generated crisis, to test the mettle of this guy.”

Of course, it would still be better than a Biden administration, which would be "a national tragedy of historic proportions if it were to happen" according to Joe.

Who Could Have Stopped Obama? Da Bears!

As part of your NFL Sunday, TtP passes along this tidbit: Former Chicago Bears coach Mike Dikta wants you to know he's sorry he let Barack Obama become the next president:

Could Mike Ditka, the former head coach of the Chicago Bears, have changed the course of U.S. history?

It’s not that farfetched a question. Briefly, in the summer of 2004, Ditka was being pursued by Illinois and national Republican leaders to step in and run for the United States Senate against a newcomer to the political big leagues: Barack Obama, an Illinois state senator.

Jack Ryan, who was expected to be the Republican nominee on the November ballot in the Illinois race that year, had dropped out, and his party was scrambling for a replacement. They approached Ditka; he gave it serious consideration, and then, citing family and business obligations, said no.

The Republicans, in a puzzling move, then recruited Alan Keyes to come to Illinois from Maryland to run against Obama. Obama trounced Keyes, and now, if everything goes his way, may be a few weeks away from the presidency.

Turns out da coach is a serious, hard-core rightwinger:

So does he have any regrets about not running against Obama back in ‘04?

“If the wrong person gets into the White House, I’ll regret it,” Ditka said.

Then I take it he’s not a fan of Obama?

“Not at all,” he said.

Biden Fights the Dumbest Veep Candidate Title

Joe Biden is not going to give it up to Saran Palin without a struggle:

"John's last minute economic plan does nothing to tackle the number one job facing the middle class and it happens to be, as Barack says, a three-letter word: Jobs, J-O-B-S. Jobs."

Headline of the Day

Hip-Hop-Dancing Colin Powell Fuels Speculation He'll Endorse Obama

God Bless Fox News. Read the whole story here.

Someday Florida's 16th Congressional District Will Have A Representative That Can Keep His Dick In His Pants

Congressman Tim Mahoney, the Democrat who has Republican Mark Foley's old seat, has been keeping not one, but two mistresses. Oh, and he's currently being investigated by the FBI for possibly using federal money to pay one of the mistresses off. Not bad for a guy who ran two years ago on the theme pictured above.

Still, you can't say he wasn't working for the good people of the 16th District:

The FBI is also looking into whether Mahoney helped Martin County secure a $3.4 million reimbursement from the Federal Emergency Management Agency for hurricane damage in exchange for sex with a county official in 2007, the federal law enforcement official said.

The funds were approved late last year. A Martin County news release at the time noted "Congressman Tim Mahoney was instrumental" in helping secure the funds.

The Irish Say Obama Already Won

How badly did the debates go for McCain? This badly:

DUBLIN (Reuters) – Ireland's biggest bookmaker Paddy Power said Thursday it would pay out early more than 1 million euros (782,776 pounds) on bets that Barack Obama will be the next U.S. president, three weeks ahead of the election.

The Dublin-based bookmaker said it made the "unprecedented decision" to pay on bets taken so far, following Wednesday's final campaign debate between Obama and his Republican rival John McCain, which polls judged the Democrat to have won.

"We declare this race well and truly over and congratulate all those who backed Obama," Power said.

TtP Debate Drunkblogging - What the Fuck? '08, Part III: Temples of Boom

Okay, we are at the third and final presidential debate. Since these debates began Barack Obama has taken a double digit lead over McCain in most polls. In other words all Obama needs to do tonight is resist the urge to whip it out on stage and he's on the glide path to the presidency.

Okay, let's review the title fight.

The Heavy Favorite: Barack "Yes, I Can Bitches" Obama. Despite losing the first round, he is way up on points over all, having rope-a-doped his opponent very effectively. Granted, no one knows who he is and he has no record to speak of, but that's what is going to make his presidency so exciting.

The Longshot: John "I'd Rather Be Back in the Hanoi Hilton" McCain. He's far behind and this is his last shot. The big question: will he make this a suicide mission and attack with all he's got or will he just strategically withdrawal and accept defeat?

9:04 PM EST: Bob Schieffer starts off with a low, easy softball to both candidates: Why is your health care plan best? McCain starts off by smacking Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac. Nice to hear that but he follows that by plugging his expensive mortgage recovery plan. One step forward, one step back.

9:11 PM EST: Obama says we need an economic plan for the middle class then follows with a blizzard of wonkery regarding his plan. McCain then launches into a clearly rehearsed bit involving a plumber named Joe "trying to realize the American dream" that Obama supposedly met. McCain says he will stand up for Joe. No word on whether Joe's last name was "Six-pack".

9:14 PM EST: Obama tries to outflank McCain on tax cutting. McCain hits back, saying Obama told Joe the Plumber he wanted "to spread the wealth around". McCain wants to let Joe the Plumber spread the wealth around. Presumably through his own business.

9:16 PM EST: Obama: "Nobody likes to pay taxes. I'd like it if I could make it that nobody has to pay taxes again." If only there were some office Obama could get elected to where he could actually put that idea in motion ...

9:18 PM EST: So far, this is really boring. Advantage: Obama.

9:19 PM EST: Schieffer: What part of your own spending plans would cut in light of the financial crisis? Jim Lehrer asked that same question and both candidates dodged it then, as they do now. McCain does promise an across-the-board spending freeze and promises to cut ethanol subsidies. So he offers a few specifics. Good for him.

9:24 PM EST: McCain: "Senator Obama, I am not President Bush. If you wanted to run against President Bush, you should have run four years ago." Well, McCain is angry at least. We could have a bloodbath yet. Here's hoping.

9:28 PM EST: McCain says they could have avoided the recent nastiness of the campaigns if only Obama had agreed to the town hall meetings. The camera catches Obama smirking. And why not? He's winning. He's probably thinking of the champagne back in his hotel suite.

9:31 PM EST: McCain calls on Obama to repudiate the recent attacks by Congressman John Lewis basically accusing McCain of having a white sheet in his closet. Obama blows him off and says they should talk about the issues the American people want to talk about. McCain keeps pressing Obama on Lewis. Obama concedes it might have been "inappropriate." He then goes back to how the American people want to get away from the tit-for-tat. God damn, the man is smooth. He's gotta rein in the smirking though.

9:39 PM EST: Bill Ayers and ACORN come up. Obama roundly condemns Ayer's "despicable" acts, but for some reason does not call them "terrorist" acts. Hmmm ... On ACORN, he says, "They had nothing to do with us." Well, except for the the $800,000 Obama paid them.

9:47 PM EST: McCain says Canadian oil is fine, Venezuelan oil, not so much. Must be something in the chile peppers they grow down there.

9:52 PM EST: Obama: "I believe in free trade but ..." then launches into a about three pages worth of Big Labor talking points about how free trade is ruining America and NAFTA and other deals must be reversed. It's all bullshit, but he does sell it well.

9:54 PM EST: McCain says free trade is a "no-brainer". I agree, but I would have phrased it rather differently.

9:58 PM EST: Obama is happy. The dude cannot stop grinning. He thinks he's winning and he's probably right, but he's losing his cool, detached demeanor about it. Maybe he'll drop his guard and say something genuinely interesting. Here's hoping.

10:00 PM EST: Maybe he just did. I just heard Obama talk about "negotiating directly with the drug companies". That's liberalspeak for imposing price controls on the pharmaceutical industry. It probably flies past most people though.

10:03 PM EST: Both candidates talk directly to Joe the Plumber about their healthcare plan. Who will win Joe's vote? Never has so much ridden on the back of man best known for showing people the crack of his ass.

10:06 PM EST: McCain speaks briefly about "gold-plated cadillacs". Alas it is just a metaphor. My hopes for the first presidential debate on pimping your ride are dashed.

10:09 PM EST: McCain touts his votes for Supreme Court Justices Ginsberg and Breyer, two of the most liberal judges. Right-wingers across the country gnash their teeth in frustration.

10:14 PM EST: I'm finishing Dewars on the rocks number 5. The debate isn't looking any better. In 2012, I think I'll have to start using Absinthe.

10:17 PM EST: Obama: "Sexuality is sacred." Man, what did they do at those Reverend Wright services?

10:19 PM EST: Obama says education is a "national security" issue. He says, "There has been a debate between more money and reform. I think we should do both." Expect more of the former and a lot less of the latter.

10:21 PM EST: McCain responds on education by touting charter schools. Good, solid answer. Very dull too. I gotta give him some points though for saying that some of the best-funded schools have the worst performance. Obama returns to saying we have got to spend, spend, spend on schools. That sound you hear is the teachers unions shouting "cha-ching!"

10:28 PM EST: And that is it on the debate. Both men get final remarks. McCain goes first.

10:29 PM EST: McCain touts his history of fighting his own party and being a "careful steward" of the people's tax dollars. Is it just me or are those reasons to keep him in the Senate?

10:31 PM EST: Obama says "we need fundamental change in this country." Well, I never saw that one coming ... To be specific, he's for good things for the American people and their children. That's good to know.

10:32 PM EST: And that's it, the debate is over. Oh, thank God. I was getting ready to break into the vodka ...

The Wrap-Up: Pretty much a draw from my perspective. I liked McCain better on substance especially when Obama made it clear he's just another big government hack. But McCain didn't make the case that strongly -- certainly not as strongly as he needed to. He took several shots at Obama but never landed a real haymaker. Obama remains as smooth as an ice-cold brew on a hot summer afternoon. Even when he was saying some socialist bullshit I had a hard time getting upset. If I was an undecided voter (i.e., ignorant moron) I would have been confused but thought that Obama's ideas sounded okay. If Obama had a problem it was that he has become too confident, even cocky. The dude grinned more than Kate Moss at a cocaine taste-testing. But then people like their heroes to be cocky and confident. So the winner is Obama, by split decision.

So, prepare for four supremely chill years in the White House.

Pre-Debate Warm-Up

Cracked has 20 terrific ideas to make the debates more interesting. Number 18 is my favorite.

Standing Athwart History, Saying "Yes We Can"

I'm a little late to notice this, but Christopher Buckley, son of the late William F. Buckley, has endorsed Barack Obama mostly because he just doesn't like John McCain much anymore:

A once-first class temperament has become irascible and snarly; his positions change, and lack coherence; he makes unrealistic promises, such as balancing the federal budget “by the end of my first term.” Who, really, believes that? Then there was the self-dramatizing and feckless suspension of his campaign over the financial crisis. His ninth-inning attack ads are mean-spirited and pointless. And finally, not to belabor it, there was the Palin nomination. What on earth can he have been thinking?

Buckley is less convincing explaining why he is supporting Obama though since he admits he doesn't share Obama's liberalism. Still, Buckley says Obama is a Harvard man and all and his books prove that he is very well-spoken, so that's good enough.

This endorsement has resulted in Buckley dropping the humor column he penned for National Review. Over in Slate, Timothy Noah tries to make a bigger deal out of this than it is. The younger Buckley, unlike his father, has never been a major conservative figure or even a very stalwart one: He called for the Republicans to lose in 2006 too. Having said that, it is hard to disagree with Buckley's assessment of the current state of the Right:

While I regret this development, I am not in mourning, for I no longer have any clear idea what, exactly, the modern conservative movement stands for. ... So, to paraphrase a real conservative, Ronald Reagan: I haven’t left the Republican Party. It left me.

The Clintons Fight To Elect Whatshisname

The Washington Post today has an amusing report from a pair of Pennsylvania Democratic rallies in which America's first black president and his junk-in-the-trunk wife momentarily forget they are trying to help elect America's second black president:

[T]here are still some tender feelings -- most publicly those of Pennsylvania Gov. Ed Rendell, who gave a most unusual introduction to Clinton at her rally for Obama on Monday in Horsham, near Philadelphia.

"The proudest accomplishment I'll look back on is the seven-week campaign we ran for Hillary Clinton in Pennsylvania," Rendell said. About half of the several hundred people at the outdoor rally applauded.

"I have never seen a seven-week campaign catch fire the way that campaign did," Rendell went on. A smaller number of people clapped.

"It was wonderful to see people who would tell me, 'I'm never voting for Hillary Clinton,' by the end of that seven weeks were avid Hillary Clinton supporters," Rendell continued. This time nobody applauded.

Rendell was not quite done. "In Washington, D.C., if we lose all of our supporters, all the people who look out for us, there will be one man left standing," he said, "but that man will be a woman, Hillary Rodham Clinton."

Clinton tried to take over the microphone, uttering a "Whoa!" to admire the crowd -- but Rendell reclaimed the floor. "One last time!" he shouted, leading the crowd in a chant of "Hillary! Hillary!"

And this would be an Obama rally?

The sentiment was much the same in Scranton on Sunday, when Bill and Hillary Clinton joined Joe Biden and his wife at an Obama rally. Bill Clinton got nearly two-thirds of the way through his speech before speaking the words "Barack Obama," and he mentioned his wife more often than the presidential nominee.

"I expect to spend the rest of my natural life trying to show people how grateful I am [to those] who supported Hillary in her long quest this last year," the former president said. "I knew 37 years ago when I first met her that I'd never met anybody like her before and I might not ever meet anybody like her again."

Hillary Clinton, up next, had a modest proposal: "Go out and make the case, because Barack and Joe are not asking you to marry them. They are asking you to vote for them -- and vote for yourselves."

Indianapolis Is The Least Apathetic Place Ever!

How do we know this? Because 105% of its population is registered to vote. Local blogger Ogden on Politics has the details:

According to STATSIndiana, In 2007, Indianapolis/Marion County had an estimated population of 876,804. Of that number 232,607 were below 18 years of age, for a total of 644,197 people in Marion County/Indianapolis 18 or over and thus eligible to vote. (Indiana allows felons to vote as long as they are not incarcerated).

So we have 644,197 people eligible to be registered in Marion County/Indianapolis, and 677,401 people registered. Congratulations go to Indianapolis for having 105% of its residents registered!

Obviously the effort at eliminating duplicate registrations is not working well. Bloated registration rolls lead to the possibility of election fraud and undermines the confidence in the integrity of the electoral process. This is a situation that needs to be addressed by state and county election officials.

If Only The Pic Was Of Her Oiling The Gun

I don't see the supposed controversy here because Newsweek didn't really get Palin to pose with a shotgun. Instead it used an old, archived photo. So what? It is not like it was photoshopped. Any thoughts on seeing how well Palin handles big guns, Rob?

Mortgage Meltdown Update: What's Another $300 Billion?

Somehow while drunkblogging the debate, TtP managed to miss the one big piece of news that came out of it: McCain has proposed his own $300 billion housing plan. That's on top of the the $700 billion that Congress agreed to last week. The Wall Street Journal has the details:

McCain’s mortgage plan would have Treasury buy up $300 billion in actual mortgages. It differs from the Frank-Dodd plan by using Treasury as a direct financing source–a solution that is more plausible today because Treasury has already become a direct financing source for mortgage giants Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, has loaned $85 billion to American International Group, and is providing a credit line to the Federal Deposit Insurance Corp.

The $700 billion bailout, or troubled assets relief program, dubbed as TARP, would buy only the mortgage securities that are weighing down the banks, not mortgages themselves. The problem, as McCain proponents see it, is that this doesn’t stem the tide of homeowners defaulting on their mortgages. When homeowners default, the value of the mortgage-backed securities keeps falling, which makes them riskier to the banks and even harder to sell. In essence, the McCain proponents believe in helping the problem at its source.

The problem with this plan is that it really is a bailout. The federal government would be using taxpayer dollars to refinance these mortgages. At least in the Paulson-Bernanke plan we are buying the securities and then reselling them. We'll get some of the money back. McCain's plan directly rewards people who took out mortgages they could not afford. Then again, the WSJ story indicates it may be the best solution. So we're screwed.

UPDATE: As the Politico reports, McCain has made a subtle but important change to the plan that makes it considerably more expensive:

When McCain sprang his surprise idea at the start of the debate in Nashville, his campaign posted details online of his American Homeownership Resurgence Plan, which would direct the government to buy up bad home mortgages, allowing strapped people to keep their property.

The document posted and e-mailed by the McCain campaign on Tuesday night says at the end of its first full paragraph: “Lenders in these cases must recognize the loss that they’ve already suffered.”

So the government would buy the mortgages at a discounted rate, reflecting the declining value of the mortgage paper.

But when McCain reissued the document on Wednesday, that sentence was missing, to the dismay of many conservatives.

That would mean the U.S. would pay face value for the troubled documents.

TtP Debate Drunkblogging - What the Fuck? '08, Round Two

Okay, here we are for the second of the three debates. Because of the problems we had last week with the Palin-Biden debate, Rob and I are doing separate posts. So TtP readers are getting two drunkbloggers for the price of ... well, nothing really, you cheap bastards.

Who do we have on our title fight tonight?

The returning champion -- Barack "Smooth Like Kahlua" Obama. I scored the last debate as a win for McCain but a lot of people disagreed and now Obama has a sizable lead in the polls. Apparently the man is just so badass he cannot lose. Expect him to hold back tonight, knowing he just has to keep from being knocked out and he'll retain his belt.

The desperate challenger -- John "Night of the Living Dead" McCain. The old guy is down 8 points in the polls and this may be his last chance to turn this thing around. So don't be surprised if he goes apeshit on Obama tonight. His only chance is to do to the Chosen One what the Vietcong did to him for five years.

8:52 p.m. EST -- I'm watching Fox News tonight. Mort "Master of the Fucking Obvious" Kondracke is saying the Obama will try to link McCain to Bush and McCain will try to say that Obama is too liberal.

8:58 p.m. EST -- Brit Hume says Obama must come across as "well-spoken". Hey, he said it, not me ...

9:02 p.m. EST -- And the gladiators have returned to the coliseum ...

9:06 p.m. EST -- I had forgotten how much I hate Brokaw's voice. Why does the guy always sound so constipated? Seriously, I keep thinking he'll split to drop a duece in the john at any second.

9:08 p.m. EST -- 60 seconds in and Obama says the economy is Bush and McCain's fault. Drink!

9:09 p.m. EST -- I disagree with the conventional wisdom that McCain excells in these forums. He's shorter than Obama and his war injuries make him look like a hunchback at times. PLUS, he said "my friends". Drink!

9:11 p.m. EST -- McCain flubs his first joke, saying he wouldn't pick Tom Brokaw as Treasury Secretary. He then says Warren Buffet has helped to stabilize the economy and he's Obama's friend too. Damn, just a few minutes in and he's already falling behind.

9:14 p.m. EST -- McCain defends suspending his campaign, claiming he improved the bailout package. Well, if you're crazy try to make people think there is a method to the madness, I guess ...

9:18 p.m. EST -- McCain: Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac were "the matches that started this fire." He accuses Obama and his Democratic cronies of refusing to reign in the Fannie and Freddie. Obama says nu-huh it was McCain and his deregulatory buddies. Oh, and Fannie and Freddie lobbyists now work for McCain. Smooth ...

9:19 p.m. EST -- Obama says the reform bill McCain touted earlier was never passed. Well, yeah. Democrats blocked it. This bit he neglects to mention ...

9:21 p.m. EST -- Obama is so smooth tonight, I fully expect that he will not only win but he'll sell every audience member a new Honda Accord Hybrid and a set of steak knives.

9:23 p.m. EST -- "Senator Obama has never stood up to the leaders of his party." It's a good line. It would be better if McCain weren't breathing so heavy. He's just this close to sounding like Darth Vader.

9:26 p.m. EST -- McCain says "my friends". Drink.

9:28 p.m. EST -- Fox News cut away for a second to Obama while McCain spoke. Obama was smirking.

9:29 p.m. EST -- Obama says McCain would continue Bush's economic policies. Drink.

9:30 p.m. EST -- McCain promises to eliminate agencies and even whole departments of the government. The first actually libertarian point made tonight. "We are going to have to tell people that spending is going to have to be cut." He promises an across the board freeze.

9:33 p.m. EST -- I am disappointed. Where is the mean, nasty, my-enemies-are-scum McCain? Somebody slip the guy some viagra, stat!

9:36 p.m. EST -- Obama: "I disagree with McCain on an across-the-board spending freeze." So he just conceded that there will no shrinking the government in his administration. No surprise, but surprising to hear him say it it out loud.

9:39 p.m. EST -- Brokaw is being supremely anal about sticking to the format. Come on Tom, you're supposed to be a pro. You know that's just a jumping off point. Let them fight! I want to see blood on the floor. Maybe even folding chairs flying around.

9:42 p.m. EST -- Obama completely dodges a question on entitlement reform, spewing forth a stream of verbal diarrhea on taxes and the budget. In response, McCain calls for something like ... the military base closing commission. I know what he's getting at -- a bipartisan group that suggests a take-it-or-leave-it solution -- but I think the reference flies over most people's heads. Plus, he says "my friends" twice. Drink and drink.

9:46 p.m. EST -- McCain: "I was on Navy ships that had nuclear reactors. I know it is safe and clean." I think it's a good point and I agree; we could use more nuclear power. I just wish that point was made by somebody that still has all of his hair. Also he says "my friends". Drink.

9:50 p.m. EST -- McCain hits Obama for voting for the Bush-Cheney energy bill while he opposed it. He also says drilling is necessary to bridge the gap before we switch to green technologies. Good lines. Maybe he's not dead yet. Plus, he said "My friends." Drink.

9:53 p.m. EST -- Obama is a frighteningly good salesman for socializing health care. He says McCain's plan is "not the kind of change America needs." Drink.

9:56 p.m. EST -- McCain makes the pitch for his health care tax credit fairly well and hits Obama for the the implicit government mandates in his problem. Obama says flat-out healthcare should be "a right for every American." And he hits McCain for opposing expansion of SCHIP, the federal children's health program. And a good thing McCain did, too, 'cause it was a back door way of expanding federal control of health care by making teenagers and young adults "children". It's always for the children, isn't it?

10:02 p.m. EST -- McCain says the U.S. military is the greatest force for good in the world. Cue the swelling John Williams score. Plus, he says "my friends" twice. Drink and drink.

10:06 p.m. EST -- Obama tries a repeat of his last debate smackdown on the decision to go to war in Iraq. McCain looks like he wants a baseball bat.

10:08 p.m. EST -- Obama takes the bold stance that he would have acted to prevent the Holocaust if he was president in the 1940s. McCain promises to bring the troops home in victory and prevent genocide. Leadership requires a "cool hand on the tiller," he says. Are you referring to yourself senator? I'm confused. McCain also says, "my friends" twice. Drink and drink.

10:12 p.m. EST -- Question should we launch strikes in Pakistan without their permission? Sheesh. That's a softball. Obama knocks it out of the park, promising to kill Osama bin Laden. McCain says, yes, we should do this but we just should not announce that we are doing it. Ahh ...

10:16 p.m. EST -- Obama points to McCain and says, "This is the guy who said, 'Bomb, bomb Iran.'" Drink. McCain: "I was joking with a veteran friend." He says, "My friends". Drink.

10:23 p.m. EST -- McCain: "I looked into Putin's eyes and I saw a K, a G and a B." Careful, dude, Putin knows Judo and he likes to get sweaty and shirtless. Who knows what could happen if he got you alone ...

10:26 p.m. EST -- Obama says if we only go green, then we can rob Putin and Russia of petro dollars. Is he serious? Does he really believe that?

10:29 p.m. EST -- McCain: "We would not wait for the UN special council" to aid the Israelis if Iran attacks 'cause Russia and China would say no. Well, you cannot say it was not a clear answer. Again he comes down hard against a second holocaust. He says my friends twice. Drink three times. Obama says we should use all the tools to prevent that scenario then jives all over the place. He would go into "talks" to tell them to stop.

10:32 p.m. EST -- Brokaw's last question reveals that he dropped acid before the debate: "What don't you know and how will you learn it?" Obama says his wife could tell you. Sharp answer, funny, then segues into his stump speech. If he doesn't become president he could become an awesome cognac pitchman.

10:34 p.m. EST -- McCain: "I know what it is like to keep going in dark times." Like the last two or three weeks of your campaign?

10:36 p.m. EST -- And the crowd applauds wildly. Because it is over.

10:48 p.m. EST -- Whoa, George McGovern appears in an ad opposing the Big Labor-backed card check bill. That's coup for whatever business lobby recruited him.

Wrap: I'm watching Mitt Romney right now on Fox News. Asked if tonight was a game-changer for McCain, Romney said, "Well, we'll see tomorrow." And that was the guy on McCain's side ...

Obama won, pretty decisively. The townhall format was supposed to favor McCain. I don't think it did. It accentuated his physical infirmities while Obama got a chance to look tall, handsome and healthy. The only thing Obama lacked was a runway to strut on.

I liked McCain better on substance but both gave good performances and Obama made good cases for his plans. The main problem: no fireworks, no excitement. For a campaign that needed to turn things around McCain just didn't do enough. What's the point of having a batshit crazy candidate if he cannot go batshit crazy when he needs to?

The Blair Punk-Ass Bitch Project

What can make P. Diddy shit his pants in terror? Sarah Palin's reading habits. Watch the lamest voter registration ad of the year.

Sarah Palin Look-Alike Sought: "No Anal Required"

Hey, hot brunette MILFs in the greater L.A. area, now is your chance.

Reply to: gigs-836109998@craigslist.org [?]
Date: 2008-09-10, 8:20PM PDT


Looking for a Sarah Palin lookalike for an adult film to be shot in next 10 days.

Major adult studio.

Please send pix, stats etc. ASAP

Pay: $2000-3000

No anal required

For the record, no, I am not the producer. Via the Washington City Paper's Sexist blog.

Election 2008: Almost Over

As we approach the homestretch of an election season that seems to have been going on forever, I thought it would be fitting to take a ride in the way-back machine and have a look at our election coverage. OK, so "coverage" is stretching it. But most of the posts contain words. Some even understandable words that have a connection to election. So you get the idea.

Starting back on Feb 26, 2007, we tagged our first Election 08 post written by one of our former bloggers and owner (who, btw has moved on to start a successful and interesting blog. Hey, that's not a bad idea...a successful and interesting blog...). We were discussing the impacts of a recession -- or pointing out other people discussing the impact of a recession, same difference -- on the election when most people still thought this race was all Iraq. I drunk/drug blogged GOP and Democratic debates starting in June of '07 and we've continued that all the way through the first general election debate last week and the only VP debate tonight (stay tuned).

Mike Huckabee's run was well documented here with no doubt left about how we felt about the former-chubbster from Arkansas. Primaries of both parties were covered (with predictions that never came true) with the same booze and drug induced haze that you came to know from the debates. I first blogged on Obama not too long after joing TtP in October '06 about his admitted drug use. Back in Feb '08 while live-blogging a Democratic debate I announced my approval for a certain hot governor VP prospect mentioned in this Spectator piece.

There's still a month left in this thing, but it's fun to go back and take a look at where we have been after almost 2 full years of the campaigns. Anyone else looking forward to a break?

TtP Debate Drunkblogging -- What the Fuck? '08

Because Rob is indisposed (see below) I'm going to try to pinch hit for him tonight and blog the debate. This is the first time I've tried this, so bear with me.

So, who's in our title fight tonight?

Barack "The Iceman" Obama: One-term Democratic senator from Illinois; former Chicago lawyer and community organizer. Often compared to Jesus Christ by his followers, though they really want to avoid the "martyrdom" thing.

What does he bring to the fight? He's tall, handsome and well-spoken (yes, I said it), and noted for his supremely chill attitude. The big question? Is he too chill for his own good? This isn't a GQ shoot after all.

Experience? He went 22 debate rounds with Hillary Rodham "Plenty Likable" Clinton and came out on top. Well, not on her but you know what I mean. Still, he never landed a knock out blow, instead winning by decision.

John "Ol' Cranky" McCain: Four-term Republican senator from Arizona; former congressman, Navy liaison to Congress; Vietnam aviator and resident of the Hanoi Hilton, 1967-73. Often compared to John Wayne by his fans, except he prefers killing Arabs to Native Americans.

What does he bring to the fight? He has a unique combination of war hero gravitas (he fought in Vietnam) and being willing to fight rough and even dirty (he fought in Vietnam) and a capacity to just go batshit crazy (he fought in Vietnam).

Experience? Spent years after 2000 being hated by the Bush administration, Republicans in Congress and the conservative opinion journal/radio talk show world for supporting campaign finance reform, opposing the Bush tax cuts and supporting pro-immigrant immigration reform, among other things. He then won the nomination and beat them into submission.

Time: 8:05 p.m. EST Okay, I've got a bottle of Dewars open and plenty of ice in the fridge. The TV is tuned to CNN. We're ready to go.

Time: 8:11 p.m. EST Christiane Amanpour is discussing foreign policy. She's got those dusky good looks and a sultry British accent. Is it wrong for me to think, I'd hit that?

Time: 8:15 p.m. EST The commercials include a trailer for Oliver Stone's upcoming George W. Bush biopic. Looks like it is going to be a camp classic. Like Striptease but with less boobies. Or maybe not. With Oliver Stone you never know.

Time: 8:23 p.m. EST Technical glitch there for a minute, but things look okay now. During the interim, John Lennon sang the praises of Cisco Systems. Right now, oilman T. Boone Pickens is talking directly to viewers asking for federal subsidies for his windfarms.

Time: 8:28 p.m. EST CNN is reporting that congressional negotiations on the bailout package are back on track. So breathe easy folks, Congress is on the verge of sending $700 billion to Wall Street. That'll teach 'em to never to do it again.

Time: 8:32 p.m. EST Bill Bennett says he hopes that McCain talks about the surge. Yeah, I was wondering about that myself.

Time: 8:39 p.m. EST CNN shows us one of their focus groups, 32 supposedly all-American types. From what I can see, they are mostly fat couch potatoes, so yeah, they look all-American.

Time: 8:43 p.m. EST Factoid of the Moment: CNN points out that no Republican has won the White House without winning Ohio. So if McCain shows up in a Cleveland Browns jersey, we'll know why.

Time: 8:51 p.m. EST Gloria Borger handicaps the fight: "McCain is a street fighter and Obama is a constitutional lawyer" His nuance may be lost on viewers. Ah, the perils of being too smart.

Time: 8:52 p.m. EST My question: Whose fucking idea was it to have a debate on a Friday in the first place? Who is watching this anyway?

Time: 8:54 p.m. EST CNN reports that the Wall Street Journal ran an ad on its website by the McCain/Palin campaign claiming they won the debate. The McCain campaign says the Journal ran the ad in error. Well, no shit. So what the fuck happened? I dunno. CNN moved on to something else.

Time: 8:56 p.m. EST Programming note: I have switched from whiskey to vodka. I'll need all the power I can get to make it through this.

Time: 9:00 p.m. EST Okay, and the candidates have come on the stage and touched gloves. We are ready to go.

Time: 9:05 p.m. EST And the first question in the foreign policy debate is about fiscal policy and the bailout ...

Time: 9:07 p.m. EST Obama says he is for a bailout so long as it is good for homeowners and the American people. Glad we cleared that up. He adds a shot at McCain as essentially responsible for the crisis because he is with Bush, you know. So he went about 60 seconds before he made a partisan jab.

Time: 9:09 p.m. EST McCain opens with a shout-out to Ted Kennedy, who is back in the hospital. Classy. Not much substance otherwise though.

Time: 9:11 p.m. EST Obama claims he foresaw the mortgage crisis last year and warned about it. He throws in another anti-Bush jab too. He doesn't answer Jim Lehrer's question about whether he'd support the congressional deal though. McCain says he "hopes" he will.

Time: 9:14 p.m. EST McCain defends his call to fire SEC chairman Chris Cox. "We have lost the sense of accountability," he says. Surprising move, but he's making the best of what a lot people thought was a crazy idea.

Time: 9:14 p.m. EST A French expat friend calls me about the debate. She doesn't like McCain at all, but thinks he's winning, even though we are just 10 minutes into it. "The roles are set," she says. She also says she thinks they are both left-handed.

Time: 9:16 p.m. EST McCain throws his first jab, hitting Obama over his earmarking. Obama doesn't respond. He returns to trying to say McCain is just a George Bush clone. Geez, get a new line man.

Time: 9:22 p.m. EST Obama is slow to react, he stutters too much, he sounds too rehearsed. He returns to Bush-bashing like it is a magic formula or something: "You are neglecting the struggles of ordinary people. That is a continuation of the last eight years." McCain sounds more natural, more at ease and yet somehow more passionate. Still, it's early in the debate.

Time: 9:26 p.m. EST Man, this debate is wonky. Obama calls McCain on health benefits. He wants to tax benefits, Obama says. McCain returns fire by saying he voted against the pork-stuffed energy bill, trying to tie him to oil and energy companies. Obama says, well, I tried to strip some of those things from the bill. That's lame.

Time: 9:31 p.m. EST Good question by Lehrer: what will the bailout bill force you to dump out of your campaign promises? Obama says he doesn't know, but concedes he won't be able to afford everything now, then rambles on and on for a while. McCain says spending cuts are a must now. He calls for eliminating ethanol subsidies, and cutting back on Pentagon spending. "We need to get cost overruns under control. I know how to do that." He even promises to put people in jail. Good responses, though nothing in his response indicates what on his wish list he would give up. The old fart is sharp tonight.

Time: 9:31 p.m. EST Obama says if I'm the most liberal senator it is only because I was opposing "the misguided policies of George W. Bush." Again, I'm glad we cleared that up. Obama then gives a shout out to his buddy and co-sponsor on bills, Tom Coburn, the most conservative senator.

Time: 9:34 p.m. EST "There is no doubt that as president, I am going to have to make some tough decisions," Obama says. I think you are getting ahead of yourself senator.

Time: 9:39 p.m. EST For the second time, McCain says it was well known that he was not Miss Congeniality in the Senate. He must like that line. Either that or he just wants people to know he looks ugly in a dress.

Time: 9:43 p.m. EST Obama says he took a risk opposing the Iraq war in 2002. Is that really the case? He was a state senator at the time, representing what I'm guessing was a pretty liberal district. I mean it's not like he opposed motherhood and apple pie.

Time: 9:47 p.m. EST Obama responds to a McCain jab on the surge by saying that he is very proud of his vice presidential pick, Joe Biden. No so swift, but he recovers by hitting McCain over his supporting the war in 2003. McCain hits back by saying that we are winning now and the troops want to win: "You don't understand the difference between tactics and strategy," McCain says and somehow gets the upper hand. Man, if Obama cannot beat him on this issue, he's in trouble.

Time: 9:52 p.m. EST Lehrer says, "Having resolved Iraq, we'll go to Afghanistan."

Time: 9:56 p.m. EST McCain hits Obama for supporting strikes in Pakistan (umm, doesn't Bush now support this?). McCain says it's wrong to say that out loud. If we have to do that then we do it, we just don't tell anyone. Obama amazingly lets this pass.

Time: 10:03 p.m. EST McCain hits back against the warmonger charge by saying he opposed sending Marines to Lebanon. He then rattles off a number of other similar international conflicts. He then invokes a weeping mother whose son died in Iraq and gave him a bracelet to remember her son. Obama replies, well I've got a bracelet too. "No U.S. soldier ever dies in vain because he is carrying out the orders of his commander-in-chief," Obama says. Umm, doesn't that step on his anti-war message?

Time: 10:08 p.m. EST McCain comes down hard against having a second Holocaust. Another thing I am glad we cleared up.

Time: 10:10 p.m. EST I am beginning to wonder if Obama is Kenyan for "Dukakis". Seriously, Obama's lack of passion, his Ivy League love of nuance in debate is killing him.

Time: 10:14 p.m. EST McCain goads Obama into reaffirming that he'd meet with leaders from Iran and other rogue regimes whenever he feels it'll help. He cites Kissinger, as if that'll win people over. McCain replies he won't set the meeting schedule before he is in the White House. "I don't even have a seal yet." Sharp shot. Obama is not just naive but dangerous, McCain says. He quotes Reagan's "trust but verify" line too.

Time: 10:19 p.m. EST And on to Russia! Clearly Obama made certain he knew how to pronounce "South Ossetia" correctly.

Time: 10:23 p.m. EST McCain one-ups Obama by saying he went to South Ossetia. He then pronounces the names of a series of Eastern European/Russian places, the kind of names that have 15 consonants to every vowel.

Time: 10:25 p.m. EST Has Obama showed passion or anger once tonight? Not that I saw. McCain, on the other hand, shows it again and again. In fact, he sounds like he is restraining himself.

Time: 10:29 p.m. EST Lehrer asks how likely are we to have another 9/11 attack? Oh, come on. Nobody knows the answer to that one.

Time: 10:33 p.m. EST Obama promises to restore American standing in the world. Well, he's got the all-important liberal expat vote behind him now. He then congratulates McCain for opposing torture. Dang, he really doesn't know how to play this game, does he?

Time: 10:36 p.m. EST I just noticed how Obama has a habit of referring to himself as "we". It's subtle but it kind of gives away his ego.

Time: 10:38 p.m. EST And McCain goes for the gut in his closing remarks. Hey, did you know he was a prisoner of war? And he loves our vets?

Time: 10:39 p.m. EST After the end is called, Obama tells McCain, "Good job."

Time: 10:42 p.m. EST In the postgame Gloria Borger says Obama won because he "held his own." Way to lower the bar, Gloria. David Gergen calls it a draw.

Time: 10:42 p.m. EST Watching the post-debate analysis, I must confess that I don't like Anderson Cooper much. That's mostly because my ex-girlfriend loved him. Hey, babe, I want my albums back, alright?

The Wrap-up: Well, if it wasn't clear enough from my posts above, I think McCain won decisively. Obama had no major screwups but he was on defense throughout the night and was otherwise slow, uncertain and lacking passion. He kept returning to trying to link McCain to Bush. It made him look too much like a hack. McCain seemed more confident, more knowlegeable and more at ease. He also hit Obama thoughout night without somehow looking too mean. The repeated line that Obama just doesn't understand seemed to get under the cool one's skin.

As I write this the experts at CNN say Obama won narrowly because he didn't lose. And so the conventional wisdom forms. Me? I'm getting another drink. See you later folks.

Debate Goes On

So says McCain:

WASHINGTON - Republican John McCain agreed to attend the first presidential debate Friday night even though Congress doesn't have a bailout deal, reversing an earlier decision to delay the event until Washington had taken action to address the crisis.

With less than 10 hours until the debate was scheduled to start, the McCain campaign announced that the Arizona senator would travel to the University of Mississippi. The campaign said that afterward McCain would return to Washington to continue working on the financial crisis.

Sad to say that a traditional drunk blogging here at TtP for this first, and up-to-now the most significant event in the 2008 campaign, will not happen. This blogger will be serving drinks to the American public that is supposedly in a recession teetering into a depression but yet can still afford $100 bar tabs. Go figure. I might DVR it and do a delayed drunk blogging this weekend, but I wouldn't count on it. If anyone else wants to take my place tonight, let me know, this blog is yours for the night.

San Fran Paper Endorses McCain-Palin; Readers Freak Out

The San Francisco Examiner threw its support behind the Republican ticket yesterday. Tomorrow's headline will presumably be "Hell Freezes Over."

America is at war overseas and in an economic crisis here at home. Many of her citizens believe the country is on the wrong track. It is for times such as these that men like John McCain are made, to put country first so that it can be put right in its time of need. For this reason, The Examiner endorses McCain for president and his running mate, Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin, for vice president.

In the comments section, the readers made it clear they were not amused:
torr melling: "you must be joking. this has to be the most pathetic 'endorsement' of a candidate i've ever read.
leelaa: "wow! i am appalled! i am offended! i read the examiner daily. i may just stop because of this pathetic opinion for favoring yet another idiot in the white house."
Mark: "This MUST be a joke. Did someone hack onto the website?"

McCain To Pause Campaign, Then Hit Rewind Until He Gets Back To Leading in the Polls

What a weird election...McCain to suspend campaign to work on bailout package. Also wants debate moved until a later date. No word yet on whether he is OK with the November 4th election date. Fox News:

John McCain announced that he will suspend his presidential campaign on Thursday to return to Washington to help with Wall Street bailout negotiations. He urged his opponent Barack Obama to do the same.

The Arizona senator also asked the Presidential Debate Commission to postpone Friday’s scheduled debate with Obama so that he can work on the financial crisis bailout plan now on Capitol Hill.

“America this week faces an historic crisis in our financial system. We must pass legislation to address this crisis. If we do not, credit will dry up, with devastating consequences for our economy. People will no longer be able to buy homes and their life savings will be at stake. Businesses will not have enough money to pay their employees. If we do not act, ever corner of our country will be impacted. We cannot allow this to happen,” McCain said in remarks to reporters from New York.

So we sit through more than two years of campaigning without a break and with just 6 weeks left until we decide what egomaniac we put in charge of this country they want to put a hold on the campaign? I don't think politics in a democracy work like that. I'm OK with them pretending to stop the "campaign" even has they ham it up for the cameras on Capitol Hill. It's a silly lie to try and convince us of, but they're politicians, they make up silly lies all the time. What annoys me is this talk of delaying the debate....Why? Because there is some "crisis" going on? There's always a crisis happening somewhere across the world, but our democracy shouldn't stop, or pause for them. It's more symbolic than anything, but that counts for something.

The Way Linda Describes the US, It's Almost As If She Doesn't Live Here...Ohhh, Wait, That's Right, She Doesn't

There are few things in life, outside of those that rhyme with weenager lirls and big clits, that really get me up. Wait, I didn't do that correctly. Let's try this again -- There are few things in life that really get me up, outside those that rhyme with hot, pre-teen girls and lassive baginas. Um, whatever...close enough.

The point is, outside of young girls and big genitalia, I really love to experience a European waxing about America's red vs blue, cosmopolitan vs country bumpkin, small town vs big city divide. I love it and it doesn't get much better than this example in the Guardian; where I come to learn about a type of rape that must be such an epidemic that we as a nation should be dealing with it. Frankly I'm embarrassed that I've never heard of it. More on that further down, but first the meat of the piece. Warning: I'm going to selectively chop this article up; if you can get the whole feel of the piece by reading it here.

So clear is the divide between big-city and small-town America that one American friend said to me: "These whitebread Republicans are like children - someone has to tell them what to do and what to think, they're incapable of independent ideas."[...]

I asked a sophisticated and well-travelled Republican why he voted the way he did. He described growing up "dirt poor" in a small town in Northern California where joining the military was your sole ticket out; where the people in his family who depended on welfare stayed where they were and the ones who worked their fingers to the bone managed to make a better life for themselves. For him, joining the army led directly to an education. In fact, it led all the way to Princeton. But how, I asked him, baffled, could someone as intelligent as he is believe that George W Bush was anything but a cretin?

She's correct that in our country there are people who would rather be treated as children, and be told what to do and how to think (although I think the argument could be made that it's a bit more pervasive on the island she lives on) but it's not unique to middle America. Our city dwellers live in nanny state paradises that tell them what they can eat, where they can smoke, and what they can (not often) and can not use to protect their property and lives.

So America is stuck. Two countries, mutually irreconcilable, who never meet each other and don't want to, either. Who distrust each other at best, despise each other at worst. And who have absolutely no understanding of the other.

Hyperbole anyone? How the fuck does she describe Zimbabwe? Or any other shit hole in this world where people actually can't live with each other?

I've never stepped foot in the state of Wisconsin, can't even spell it --but true story -- I've had sex with three women from Wisconsin. Fucked two chicks from Michigan, I've never been there either. What am I trying to say? That women can't resist me? That the stories of encounters with Rob travels across state lines and hundreds of miles to horny girls everywhere in this great country?...Well, yes, that is what I'm saying. But you could also make the argument that we are more connected than ever, and more comfortable interacting with people than ever before. For most Americans everything in life isn't politicized yet, thank God. We can respect differences and still try to have sex with the person. That's all I'm trying to say.

Were I an East Coast Democrat, which is the only kind of American I can ever imagine being, I would have no objection to small-town Republicans - to their church-going and their hunting rifles and their flag-decked porches and their meatloaf with gravy, and their lemon chiffon cake. I could admire their intimacy with the wide prairie and the vast sky.

The problem is that when they're running the whole country, they want to take away abortion rights, drill for oil in Alaska (a Palin policy), ignore climate change, and start unwinnable wars. With the small-town Republican mindset in charge, the rest of America and the rest of the world is forced to live by small-town values, which aren't much help when you're trying to decide what, if anything, can be done about Iranian nuclear ambitions or more humbly, workplace date rape.

I can't go on much longer; I'm tired from all this blogging, haven't done it in a while. SO I'll make a few last points. First, what the fuck is lemon chiffon cake? I grew up in a town of a couple thousand and I have no idea what lemon chiffon cake is..Most importantly -- What is is workplace date rape? And why haven't I tried heard of it? Are people slipping mickeys in the lunch room? I just want to know what workplace date rape is, and google isn't much of a help...Any ideas?