T-Boneheads

In the you-gotta-shitting-me news of the week, the White House has asked a federal court to prevent meatpackers from testing for mad cow disease more often. Why? 'Cause if they found a case of mad cow that might turn people off of steaks.

The AP says:

WASHINGTON - The Bush administration on Friday urged a federal appeals court to stop meatpackers from testing all their animals for mad cow disease, but a skeptical judge questioned whether the government has that authority.

The government seeks to reverse a lower court ruling that allowed Arkansas City, Kan.-based Creekstone Farms Premium Beef to conduct more comprehensive testing to satisfy demand from overseas customers in Japan and elsewhere.

So Creekstone wants to do extra testing on its own to reassure customers' concerns. And the government says no way, you cannot do that:

Less than 1 percent of slaughtered cows are currently tested for the disease under Agriculture Department guidelines. The agency argues that more widespread testing does not guarantee food safety and could result in a false positive that scares consumers.

"They want to create false assurances," Justice Department attorney Eric Flesig-Greene told a three-judge panel of the U.S. Court of Appeals for the D.C. Circuit.

But Creekstone attorney Russell Frye contended the Agriculture Department's regulations covering the treatment of domestic animals contain no prohibition against an individual company testing for mad cow disease, since the test is conducted only after a cow is slaughtered. He said the agency has no authority to prevent companies from using the test to reassure customers.

"This is the government telling the consumers, `You're not entitled to this information,'" Frye said.

What's going on here? Well, it turns out that other meatpackers are afraid that Creekstone's testing could become the norm for the industry. So they are leaning on the government to stop it:

Larger meatpackers have opposed Creekstone's push to allow wider testing out of fear that consumer pressure would force them to begin testing all animals too. Increased testing would raise the price of meat by a few cents per pound.

This stinks like fresh cow patties for a variety of reasons. If a private business wants to adopt safety measures over and above the federal regs that's their own business. The government should only be involved in setting minimums, not regulating every single aspect of the industry. It's pretty sleazy too how the whole industry is able to lean on the government to do its dirty work and bully one company that refuses to get in line.

And finally, as somebody for whom cheeseburgers are a staple of my diet, I would like to know if the next one will give me a crippling brain disease. I think that is somewhat more important than worrying about what the public reaction might be if there was a "false positive". Hey, feds, worry more about an actual infected cow slipping through the net.

Bananas Go Bad!

In the world of Pointless Studies that Get Published in Papers and Picked Up by Wires, do you think the guys who got this gig of going through the trash of 2,100 Britons are looked down upon? The guys who are "always picked last for the studies". They whine about, "never getting to do the studies that involve sex, drugs or booze". I sure would. Daily Mail:

The astonishing scale of wasted food has been revealed with figures suggesting that the nation bins 4.4million apples every day of the year.

Even worse, families throw away around one third of all the food they buy, according to a study.[..]

They surveyed some 2,100 householders, going through their bins to discover exactly what families are throwing out.

Gross. So you need to go through the trash of a few thousand people to determine that a lot of produce goes bad before you can eat it? Or that people waste a lot of the food they buy?

I don't know what I love more about living in such a prosperous time; a) that we are rich enough that we can afford to throw out shit loads of food and not starve or, b) that we are rich enough to carry out studies that showcase how rich by pointing out what everyone knows -- that we can afford to throw out shit loads of food and never worry about starving. It's quite a time we live in.

How Much Can You Love Your Local Restaurant?

I am in love with the food at Buck's Fishing and Camping, a NW DC restaurant. Chef Carole Greenwood cooks up the best food in the city, focusing on local ingredients and I just cannot praise the food enough.

But do not ask for a substitution. There is an element of fear here. Everyone in my neighborhood knows the drill of the food Nazi coming out to the table and screaming to regulars who had been going there for years and were trying to show the place off to newcomers, "If you don't like how the steak is cooked I will give it to my dog!" Carole does not have a dog. But she does have a bark.

The low of lows was last week when I was eating at the bar and Carole came out screaming to the wait staff: You fucking bitches!

Anyway, I thought I would pass on my favorite eccentric DC great food haunt to you.

The Flagging Green Revolution in Africa

In Africa, where rural development is largely ignored, many believed that farmers were primed for a green revolution. New seed technologies have shown great promise in the past by spurring the development of East Asia. In Africa, daunting obstacles to development have stymied any attempt to fuel an agrarian boom.

Chronic corruption and local attitudes and poverty have made it difficult for these seeds to catch on. In a place of the world where famine is a realistic possibility, an African green revolution remains a tantalizing scenario, but according to The New York Times complications always arise.

Thanks Little Monkey Dude!

Backstory.

A.V., R.I.P

The A.V. Ristorante, a DC landmark for nearly six decades, is closing up shop this week. The owners are earning a well-deserved reward for sticking with their fringes-of-downtown business, selling to a developer for untold sums.

Friends first took me to the A.V. in the early 1990s, when I was an undergrad here in town, and the restaurant's New York Ave. neighborhood was beginning to become less dodgy. (For those who remember, these were also the days of Mt. un-Pleasant, the un-Social Safeway, the old 930 Club, and the legendary DC Space.)

Though the city around it has changed, the A.V. -- to its credit -- never did. From today's WaPo:

In pinstriped, blow-dried, ever-ceremonial Washington, A.V.'s was unabashedly devoid of artifice, a place where a hardhat could sit next to a congressman, and both could end up sighing and looking at their watches as they waited for the famously surly waiters to bring their dishes.

In recent days, patrons have come for a last look at the marble fountain of Neptune astride three horses in the courtyard; at the suit of armor in the front window; at the golden porcupine fish inexplicably dangling over the cash register.

I made it to the A.V. one last time about ten days ago. The food was better than it had been the last time I dined there two or three years ago, though not as good as it had been a dozen or so years back.

My favorite A.V. memories were picking up a pizza there with my girlfriend on a hot summer night and bringing it down to the Mall for a quiet park-bench dinner at dusk -- with frisbees casting long shadows as they cut through thick pollen in the air -- or heading to the back bar after a gut-busting multi-course feast to sip one of the restaurant's signature liquers, or dining in the kitschy, fountained summer terrace.

Will the DC area ever seen anything like the A.V. again? Probably not. Just in case, though, I'll keep tabs on where A.V. regular Antonin Scalia ends up getting his inexpensive Italian grub.

PETA Veep or Jerky, Boys?

The take home from today's NYT piece on Farm Sanctuary and other food nannies:

“I think there is a shift in public consciousness,” said Bruce Friedrich, vice president of international grass-roots campaigns for PETA. “When Cameron Diaz learns that pigs are smarter than 3-year-olds and she’s like, ‘Oh my God, I’m eating my niece,’ that has an impact.”

The impact is that what Friedrich said just made my head explode. A mathematical representation of the intellectual heirarchy of the four living beings mentioned in the above excerpt goes something like this: Niece > Pig > Diaz > Friedrich.

No worries, though. Why listen to fools like Friedrich and Moby when you could be eating the only jerky with a PhD?

NYC's Trans Fat Ban Ignored at Home, Followed Elsewhere

New York City's trans fat ban, which kicked in earlier this month, is getting about as much respect from restarauteurs as it should. Which is not much, according to the New York Post.

Under the new law, restaurants were supposed to switch to cooking oils or spreads that contains less than 0.5 grams of trans fat per serving by this month.

But a survey of several popular city eateries - from swanky bistros to late-night diners - found shocking levels of trans fats in some dishes.

A Post reporter visited 12 restaurants in three boroughs and asked for a side of fries - only to discover that five contained the dangerous fat.

Just one of the guilty chow houses - Moonstruck Diner on West 23rd in Chelsea - 'fessed up to having trans fat.

"We haven't made the switch," said an employee to a Post reporter posing as a customer.

Seattle and its environs implemented a similar trans fat ban last week.

Are customers even clamoring for their food to be deep-fried in healthier oils? Not really. Kentucky Fried Chicken is finding its Canadian customers don't find its transition to trans-fat-free fried chicken finger-licking good, and the new cooking oil has "actually hurt sales and profit".

More on the NYC ban and other dumb Big Smaller-Portion Apple laws here.

Orvillean Logic

Orville Redenbacher, the guy who urged Americans to "do one thing and do it better than anyone," would have been 100 years old today.

And while I'm pretty sure he wasn't thinking that "one thing" was Cinnabon® Cinnamon Butter flavored Gourmet® Popping Corn, we wish him a happy birthday just the same.

Expectant Moms Don't Need Nannies

Steven A. Shaw, a co-founder of eGullet, had a great op-ed in yesterday's NYT on sushi, pregnancy, and the unintended consequences of America's growing aversion to risk.

But rational analysis doesn’t hold sway with the pregnancy police.

“Why take any risk?” they ask. The medical establishment and the culture at large have twisted logic around to the point where any risk, no matter how infinitesimal, is too much. So powerful is this Puritanical impulse that, once a health objection is raised, however irrational the recommended behavior, it’s considered irresponsible to behave any other way.

There’s a temptation to say there’s no harm in this type of thinking. Women should simply not eat sushi for nine months; surely that’s no big deal.

But there are problems with this approach. For one thing, between the warnings about parasites in sushi and about mercury in certain species of fish, pregnant women are being scared off fish altogether. And that’s bad news, since the fatty acids in fish are the ideal nourishment for a developing baby.

For another thing, the sushi ban is insulting to Japanese culture. It speaks of ignorance and prejudice to reject one of that culture’s basic foods based on unfounded health claims. And perhaps most important, pregnancy should be a time of joy, not stress. The result of an over-regulated pregnancy is fear and negativity. Perhaps the best antidote would be to relax with a salmon roll and a nice sake.

More on Shaw here. Oddly, Shaw's was one of two sushi op-eds in yesterday's NYT. Second here.

Some Competitive Eating Records Were Made to be Broken (By Someone Like Nicole Richie)

Congratulations to Lup Fun Yau, who won this year's Premier Travel Inn All You Can Eat Breakfast Challenge by eating nearly six full English breakfasts in twelve minutes. Judging from the plate in front of him, that's an impressive feat. Unlike this one:

Lup recently became the world's fastest doughnut eater after scoffing six in three minutes.

Wait a minute -- six doughnuts in three minutes? That's the record? Are you kidding me?

I can eat two in a minute no problem. Anyone can. I ate half a doughnut (one of those not-so-good sugar-dipped plain ones from Starbucks) in exactly two seconds this morning.

Am I missing something? Seriously, is there anyone reading this who thinks they can't eat six doughnuts in three minutes?

I'm no competitive eater -- and I have great respect for the men and women of the sport -- but I'm thinking I can at least double Lup's count in three minutes. I could probably double his count in two minutes, which means I could also match his total in only one minute.

Random Foodstuffs

R.I.P. Edwin Traisman, the inventor of Cheez Wiz.

Fourteen Chicago aldermen signed on to a measure to repeal the city's foie gras ban.

Cheddar-fries and comic-legend Andy Capp is getting his own statue in Hartlepool, England.

Banana-creme Twinkies were on, then off. Now they're on again.

Flooding devastates a small Australian town. Beer un-devastates them.

It's not a fruit, it's bananas - B-A-N-A-N-A-S.

Make That Four Free Dodger Dogs

The NL West leading Los Angeles Dodgers sure know how to treat their fans right. Their pitch? All-inclusive seating.

Launched this season, the outfield eat-a-thon opens 90 minutes before the first pitch and lasts until the start of the seventh inning. Ticket prices range from $20 for group sales to $40 for day-of-game walk-ups. Some games are $25 during designated promotions.

"The fans love it," said Marty Greenspun, Dodgers executive vice president and chief operating officer.

"It was an isolated area that we could really focus and test," he said. "No one has done this big of a seating section for this price in all of professional sports. It's been a hit since day one."

Some items aren't in play -- beer ($8 and $10), ice cream and candy are sold from carts at regular prices. But they are included at some other major-league ballparks, which do versions of the eat-til-you-drop concept in smaller seating areas.

The concept was tested three times last season before being launched in April.

Since then, the Dodgers say the section has sold out eight times in 24 home games, with attendance averaging 2,000 in the 3,000 seats.

The Dodgers have ranked second in attendance in the majors for three consecutive seasons, but the right-field pavilion often sat empty in the 56,000-seat stadium. It opened only if the left-field seats, which cost $10, sold out or for large groups. Last season, right-field seats cost $6-to-$8.

"Even with our great attendance, there's still seats that go unsold," Greenspun said, explaining that this model was a way to offer fans a defined price.

Greenspun said a handful of other professional sports teams have contacted the Dodgers about copying the idea, including the NBA's Philadelphia 76ers. The Milwaukee Brewers sent their stadium operations chief to check it out.

Fans are allowed four items per trip to the food counters under the stands. Soda stations offer unlimited drinks and bottled water is free.

"Before, no one wanted to work here. It was a hassle," said Joe Herrera, a 10-year stadium employee. "We used to have the registers and a lot of angry people backed up. Now, the lines go fast and customers don't complain."

At times during a recent game against the Brewers, lines were eight-deep as workers quickly handed over fistfuls of grub. The only registers are at the merchandise counter and beer carts.

"Who can turn down an all-you-can-eat?" asked Lori Nelson, who settled into the bench seats with her two children and her daughter's 18-year-old boyfriend. "It's like going to Vegas."

The boyfriend, Joe Grable, started his evening with two hot dogs, two sodas and nachos. "Right here is probably $30 worth," he said. "This is awesome."

In the rest of the stadium, Dodger Dogs sell for $4.75 and small sodas are $4.75.

Stadium vendors, including Coca-Cola, California Pizza Kitchen and Kraft, want to test their products on the right-field crowd, Greenspun said. Baby Ruth has already passed out free candy bars.

[Ellipsis]

Greenspun doesn't even try to spin the food frenzy so that it jibes with the nation's increased emphasis on eating healthy.

"This is really not about gluttony," he said. "This is really about offering a new fan amenity. It's all up to individual choices."

You bet. And if that's not enough to fill an eminent-domained ravine, how about 1B Nomar Garciaparra chowing down with fans during Carne Asada Sundays?

Unrelated LA obesity hysteria here.

Take That Fat Police

A delicious new study is out showing that many people with otherwise "normal" body weights--as measured by the unreliable BMI--and physiques are actually dangerously fat. It's the funniest thing I've run into on the food front since the whole "fat free dining prevents all bad things" paradigm went down the drain a few years ago. Here, although thin people appear to look just fine and are in shape on a physical--and mythopeotic, no doubt--level, they have "dangerous" fatty deposits around their hearts and livers and such. This state of affairs led one researcher to say:

"'Normal-weight persons who are sedentary and unfit are at much higher risk for mortality than obese persons who are active and fit,' said Dr. Steven Blair, an obesity expert at the University of South Carolina."

Not that we all aren't at risk for mortality. Researchers claim that the TOFIs--thin-outside, fat-inside--must address their inner blubber through exercise. Watching the drift in public health advocacy in this country over the last decade from education to coercion to banning and social shunning, I am looking forward to the state--bet it's Arkansas--that's the first to make exercise compulsory for all citizens. Unless they have a note from their doctor.

Vegans Murder Baby

So says a Georgia court in the case of two vegan parents who fed their newborn a diet consisting of soy milk and apple juice. Their baby, a son named Crown Shakur, died at six weeks of age from malnourishment. Of course, this was all about saving animals or oppressing a baby with breast milk:

"He was so emaciated that doctors could count his bones through his skin. The couple maintained during the trial that they did the best they could for the boy while adhering to their vegan lifestyle, a strict form of vegetarianism.

"'We are against animal cruelty, so why would I be cruel to my son?' said [Lamont] Thomas, 31.

"'Why would I do something with his body? We are against animals being murdered, why would we be cruel to him and try to do something to his body?'"

Yes, lots of animals are killed in the delivery of breast milk. And this is the crowd that's driving goose liver and trans fat bans?

Can You Tell I'm Hungry?

Today's lunchtime links are chock full of all that McDonald's goodness.

Battle a dolphin in a game of sea tennis. Test your wits by headbutting a McFish.

Watch a crappy VHS copy of a McRib commercial from the mid-1980s.

Relive Bird v. Jordan in their insane game of Big Mac horse.

Check out this funny McDonald's training video from the 1970s.

Sporting Nonsense: Chelsea FC Bans Celery, Salad Tossing

I don't know where even to begin. So I'll just let The Guardian take it away, and add some emphasis where appropriate.

Chelsea have banned celery from Stamford Bridge and ordered fans to stop throwing it during matches after the Football Association launched an investigation into instances of salad tossing at their recent matches.

Two referees have now mentioned celery being thrown onto the pitch during their official reports of Chelsea matches, while Arsenal's players complained of being pelted with the vegetable when they tried to take corners during the first half of the Carling Cup final.

Blues fans have been bringing the vegetable to games for over two decades in homage to their terrace chant 'Celery'...

[Ellipsis]

[A team statement] went on to direct fans to a hotline they could call to report others seen carrying celery, promising that "all calls will be treated in confidence".

As if that makes any sense whatsoever, here's the pertinent part of Celery:

Celery, Celery,
If she don't come,
I'll tickle her bum,
With a lump of celery.

A team song that quite possibly constitutes the origin of the salad toss !?!?! Awesome! Sure beats the hell out of some measly, recycled anthem like "We will rock you!" or "Hey, now. You're an all-star!". More salty ole' Chelsea songs here.

All of this leaves me not with a bad taste in my mouth but, instead, with some lingering questions. For instance, is Cel-Ray OK? Do Vanderbilt students laugh every time they see this? Can I buy a beer for the person who captioned The Guardian's celery photo?

One final note for all you current or budding lawyers: I'm captain of Estoppel FC, a soccer team I got together with some fellow students. We're currently 0-0.