If We're Starving How Come We Have Such Goddam Fat Asses?

Shocking news in the Washington Post today. Children are starving - everywhere!

The nation's economic crisis has catapulted the number of Americans who lack enough food to the highest level since the government has been keeping track, according to a new federal report, which shows that nearly 50 million people -- including almost one child in four -- struggled last year to get enough to eat.

And this, of course, is a major, major problem, say people whose job it is to get federal money to fund their programs:

"This is unthinkable. It's like we are living in a Third World country," said Vicki Escarra, president of Feeding America, the largest organization representing food banks and other emergency food sources.

And sure enough, the Post reports that the Obama administration is pumping $85 million more tax dollars into subsidized food programs.

I, on the other hand, being the insensitive, uncaring prick that I am, thought: "If the poor are starving, then how come every one I see has a Michelin-size spare tire around their gut? Riddle me that, Batman."

So I re-read the story paying close attention for any statistic that would show how the hunger is really hurting people. Are hospitals reporting more children being delivered with low birth weights? Are schools reporting students being malnourished? That sort of stuff. But that isn't there. And I have to believe if there were statistics on that the Post would use them.

Instead it refers to reports of "food insecurity". That refers to people "who lack a dependable supply of adequate food ... and those whose food shortages are so severe that they are hungry." And where do those numbers come from? Way down towards the end of the story we are told:

In the survey used to measure food shortages, people were considered to have food insecurity if they answered "yes" to several of a series of questions. Among the questions were whether, in the past year, their food sometimes ran out before they had money to buy more, whether they could not afford to eat nutritionally balanced meals, and whether adults in the family sometimes cut the size of their meals -- or skipped them -- because they lacked money for food.

So the numbers came from people saying, yeah, I'd like to have more food in the fridge, but I cannot afford it right now. Or as I call it, balancing a budget. Shit, I would say yes to that survey, but I don't think I fit the image the hunger activists are trying to send..

Look, I am not such a prick that I will say that nobody ever goes hungry in the U.S. But to compare us to third world countries -- where people really do sometimes starve to death -- is bullshit just because a recession has us all cutting back. When I start seeing fewer gigantic asses on the streets, then I'll believe we have a hunger problem.

James McWilliams Reminds Us All Why We Hate That One Vegetarian We Know

Good God Almighty. Fuck this poor miserable soul who's only joy in life to suck the joy out of others lives and starve poor people to death. Did I mention he also looks like a weasel who wears glasses? Because he does. Not even a cute weasel with glasses that you would dress up in a little sweater and take for walks around the city and people would say, "Aw, that's a cute weasel. Can I pet him?"

No, that's not him. Instead he looks like the type of weasel that carries rabies. And syphilis. Definitely looks like a weasel with syphilis. No one wants to pet a rabid weasel who has syphilis. Trust me.

Here's the weasel in a Washington Post op-ed demanding an apology from meat-eaters:

We know more than we've ever known about the innards of the global food system. We understand that food can both nourish and kill. We know that its production can both destroy and enhance our environment. We know that farming touches every aspect of our lives -- the air we breathe, the water we drink, and the soil we need.

So it's hard to avoid concluding that eating cannot be personal. What I eat influences you. What you eat influences me. Our diets are deeply, intimately and necessarily political.

God damn, we're all doomed. Fucked to an eternity of douche bags like this one telling us what is and isn't politically conscionable to eat, wear, drive, fuck and everything else in between.

If what YOU FUCKING EAT isn't personal what is? Is the pornography I choose to watch a personal decision? Or no, because it would offend just about any reasonable person? Seriously, If this guy is offended by eating chicken he would shit-a-brick at my browsing history.

More:

This realization changes everything for those who avoid meat. As a vegetarian I've always felt the perverse need to apologize for my dietary choice. It inconveniences people. It smacks of self-righteousness. It makes us pariahs at dinner parties. But the more I learn about the negative impact of meat production, the more I feel that it's the consumers of meat who should be making apologies

I don't care about your self pity. My concern isn't about you feeling out of place at a dinner party. What I care about is your types making meat more expensive for poor people. That's my concern. I want beef, chicken and pork to be cheap and widely available, because it's the 21st century and we're a rich, developed society with a huge middle class. It wasn't always like this asshole. Meat was a luxury. Protein was a luxury.

That's the elephant in the room. [I was working on this post before I read this post by Sonny Bunch, so excuse the redundancy] These people want to price certain types of food out of certain types of people's budgets. You don't think that fat guy in Iowa is eating properly. You also think he doesn't hold cows in the proper esteem. It offends you. So you want meat to so expensive that poor people can't afford to eat as much of it as they are now. That's pretty shitty no?

Why Not Use a Comment Card?

Protesting foie gras, WTO-Seattle style, in Columbia, MD:

The owners of a Columbia restaurant arrived for work today and discovered that someone had smashed windows, put glue in door locks, and used red spray paint to leave a pointed message on a stone walkway: "Get rid of the foie gras."

Steve Wecker, an owner of the Iron Bridge Wine Company, an upscale wine bar and restaurant on Route 108 in western Howard County, said the damage occurred overnight. Four windows were smashed.

"I appreciate people's passion, but I think that when you smash in windows, you're crossing the line, " said Wecker, who operates the six-year-old restaurant with his brother, Rob.

Full article here. For which the Sun headline reads "Vandals protest use of foie gras at Columbia restaurant" Vandals yes. Protesting? Not quite. Since when is destroying private property termed "protesting"? Some colorful signs and some naked chicks is protesting, not broken windows and locks...

Please Tell Me This Is Not One Of The 11 Herbs And Spices

A KFC in Manchester, N.H., received what the employees thought was a call from the corporate HQ on safety procedures but turned out to be a hoax. How did they figure this out? Read on:

Firefighters were called to the restaurant on Hooksett Road because employees reported eye and skin irritation from a fire extinguisher. When emergency crews arrived, they found three employees disrobed outside of the building.

The employees told police that the restaurant got a call from someone claiming to be from corporate headquarters who asked them to test their fire suppression system. When they did and reported that they had chemicals from the extinguisher on their clothes, the caller told them they needed to take their clothes off.

The workers said they became suspicious when the caller then told them to urinate on each other.

Hmmm, looks like they're onto you, Rob.

Bonus links: Chicks using a KFC sink to bathe in here. Mel Gibson is Colonel Sanders here.

Philadelphia Culture On Display

In case you missed it, Philly held its annual Wing Bowl the other day. It's good to know that, even in the depths of a recession, America is a place where a plucky young lad can still live out his dreams of greatness:

Jonathan Squibb, a skinny kid from Camden County, is your new Wing Bowl champion.

"Super Squibb," 23, scarfed down 203 wings, 23 more than Richard "Not Rich" Razzi, who placed second, and 50 more than the third-place eaters Henry "Hank the Tank" Goldey and Don "Da Disposal" James, chomping his way to glory and winning a new Mini Cooper and a $7,500 diamond ring yesterday morning at the 17th annual wingding, at the Wachovia Center.

Going into the contest - 610 WIP's annual celebration of gluttony, beer and strippers - Squibb, a Winslow Township resident and Rutgers grad, was handicapped at 9-1 odds by WIP's Al Morganti, who is credited with creating Wing Bowl.

"Nobody believed in me but my family, but I knew I could do it," said Squibb, a Wing Bowl newcomer who's "in career transition right now."

Many photos are up on the Philly.com website, including some interesting backstage shots.

Everybody Loves A Quarter-Pounder At The Golden Arches

People For the Ethical Treatment of Animals recently had a Superbowl ad rejected for being too racy. According to the L.A. Times, PETA "refused to remove shots including models licking pumpkin, rubbing pelvic regions with pumpkin and rubbing asparagus on their breasts". PETA responded with their usual did-they-replace-the-protein-in-their-diet-with-crack? hyperbole, claiming that all the ad did was:

drive home the fact that vegetarians make better lovers. And I'm pretty sure that most Super Bowl fans would find the ad a lot more appealing than the impotence and other not-so-sexy effects that a steady stream of chicken wings and burgers can have on their love lives.

Why so grouchy NBC? Sounds like someone’s not getting enough um…vegetables. I’m thinking network execs could really benefit from a broccoli booty call.

Liars. As this Slate article points out, while vegetarians are generally more health-conscious and therefore fitter, this has nothing per se to do with giving up meat. It just means exercising more, eating more fiber, etc, makes you have better sex. Duh.

In fact there are several studies that show that giving up meat means you lose interest in meat -- yours or anyone else's:

Vegetarian diets tend to correlate with higher rates of zinc deficiency, which is closely associated with lower testosterone levels and depressed sex drives. Vegetarian women are also more likely to develop amenorrhea (loss of periods), a condition that's usually accompanied by low testosterone, vaginal dryness, and poor libido. Finally, the notion that overweight people are less sexually active isn't entirely accurate (for women, at least): A recent analysis published in the journal Obstetrics & Gynecology shows that overweight women might, in fact, be slightly more active.

Sorry, PETA, but when people want meat, they want meat.

Nanny Statism Will Prevent Fat Asses

That's what some people in L.A. think anyway:

LOS ANGELES, July 12 -- Citing alarming rates of childhood obesity and a poverty of healthful eating choices, a city councilwoman is pushing for a moratorium on new fast-food restaurants in South-Central Los Angeles.

"Some people will say, 'Well, people just don't have to eat it,' " said Jan Perry, the Democrat who represents the city's overwhelmingly African American and Latino District 9. "But the fact of the matter is, what if you have no other choices?"

The whole story is here.

Question: Is there some reason that these people cannot -- Oh, I dunno -- make a fucking sandwich for lunch before they go to work or school?

Oh, and there is a racism angle too:

The proposed ordinance, which takes a page from boutique communities that turn up their noses at franchises, is supported by nutritionists, frustrated residents and community activists who call restrictive zoning an appropriate response to "food apartheid." [Emphasis added.]

"There's one set of food for one part of the city, another set of food for another part of the city, and it's very stratified that way," said Marqueece Harris-Dawson, executive director of Community Coalition, based in South-Central.

So, remember eating a fast food burger is the moral equivalent of supporting aparthed. Just though you'd like to know.

There is, however, an exception for franchises patronized by the people writing these ordinances such as west coast bakery chain Marie Callender's, noted restaurant lobbyist Andrew Casana:

"You can't play the obesity card and then invite in a place that sells pies," Casana said.

Senate Less Efficient Than That Wendy's Near Your Office Run By That Pimply Kid

The U.S. Senate is moving to privatize the cafeterias used by staffers and other Capitol Hill employees. Why, you ask? 'Cause they're tired of losing millions of dollars by running it themselves -- $18 million(!) since 1993:

The financial condition of the world's most exclusive dining hall and its affiliated Capitol Hill restaurants, cafeterias and coffee shops has become so dire that, without a $250,000 subsidy from taxpayers, the Senate won't make payroll next month.

The embarrassment of the Senate food service struggling like some neighborhood pizza joint has quietly sparked change previously unthinkable for Democrats. Last week, in a late-night voice vote, the Senate agreed to privatize the operation of its food service, a decision that would, for the first time, put it under the control of a contractor and all but guarantee lower wages and benefits for the outfit's new hires.

What went wrong? Well, it turns out that if you let the Congress run something, there's a very high probability that they'll fuck it up:

In a letter to colleagues, Feinstein said that the Government Accountability Office found that "financially breaking even has not been the objective of the current management due to an expectation that the restaurants will operate at a deficit annually."
***
The Senate Restaurants, as the food service network is known, has a range of offerings, from the ornate Senate Dining Room on the first floor of the Capitol, where senators and their guests are served by staffers wearing jackets and ties, to the huge cafeteria in the Dirksen Building and various coffee shops throughout the Senate complex.

All told, they bring in more than $10 million a year in food sales but have turned a profit in just seven of their 44 years in business, according to the GAO.

In a masterful bit of understatement, Feinstein blamed "noticeably subpar" food and service. Foot traffic bears that out. Come lunchtime, many Senate staffers trudge across the Capitol and down into the basement cafeteria on the House side. On Wednesdays, the lines can be 30 or 40 people long.

The irony of this situation is not lost on the lawmakers:

Sen. Robert Menendez (D-N.J.), speaking for the group of senators who opposed privatizing the restaurants, said that "you cannot stand on the Senate floor and condemn the privatization of workers, and then turn around and privatize the workers here in the Senate and leave them out on their own."

Bald Eagle? Tastes Like Chicken ...

Animal conservationist Gary Paul Nabhan has come up with a novel way of saving endangered species -- slather them with barbecue sauce:

There are more than 1,000 plants and animals once commonly eaten in the United States that are threatened or virtually extinct, Nabhan says, and saving them means creating market demand for flavors that have fallen off American dinner plates. His combination cookbook and history, Renewing America's Food Traditions: Saving and Savoring the Continent's Most Endangered Foods, documents many of these once-common foods that reflect our culinary heritage. It's also a call-to-action on how to recover foods at risk before they go the way of the passenger pigeon.
***
"If we create local market demand for these — if we take these place-based heritage foods and make them the pride of our fairs and festivals and thanksgivings and picnics again — they will come back from the brink of extinction," Nabhan said in a conversation with Andrea Seabrook.

Now there's some environmentalism I can get behind. Frankly I've been dying to try me some fillet of panda ...

Read the whole story here (on NPR, no less).

Hat Tip: Lene Johansen.

T-Boneheads

In the you-gotta-shitting-me news of the week, the White House has asked a federal court to prevent meatpackers from testing for mad cow disease more often. Why? 'Cause if they found a case of mad cow that might turn people off of steaks.

The AP says:

WASHINGTON - The Bush administration on Friday urged a federal appeals court to stop meatpackers from testing all their animals for mad cow disease, but a skeptical judge questioned whether the government has that authority.

The government seeks to reverse a lower court ruling that allowed Arkansas City, Kan.-based Creekstone Farms Premium Beef to conduct more comprehensive testing to satisfy demand from overseas customers in Japan and elsewhere.

So Creekstone wants to do extra testing on its own to reassure customers' concerns. And the government says no way, you cannot do that:

Less than 1 percent of slaughtered cows are currently tested for the disease under Agriculture Department guidelines. The agency argues that more widespread testing does not guarantee food safety and could result in a false positive that scares consumers.

"They want to create false assurances," Justice Department attorney Eric Flesig-Greene told a three-judge panel of the U.S. Court of Appeals for the D.C. Circuit.

But Creekstone attorney Russell Frye contended the Agriculture Department's regulations covering the treatment of domestic animals contain no prohibition against an individual company testing for mad cow disease, since the test is conducted only after a cow is slaughtered. He said the agency has no authority to prevent companies from using the test to reassure customers.

"This is the government telling the consumers, `You're not entitled to this information,'" Frye said.

What's going on here? Well, it turns out that other meatpackers are afraid that Creekstone's testing could become the norm for the industry. So they are leaning on the government to stop it:

Larger meatpackers have opposed Creekstone's push to allow wider testing out of fear that consumer pressure would force them to begin testing all animals too. Increased testing would raise the price of meat by a few cents per pound.

This stinks like fresh cow patties for a variety of reasons. If a private business wants to adopt safety measures over and above the federal regs that's their own business. The government should only be involved in setting minimums, not regulating every single aspect of the industry. It's pretty sleazy too how the whole industry is able to lean on the government to do its dirty work and bully one company that refuses to get in line.

And finally, as somebody for whom cheeseburgers are a staple of my diet, I would like to know if the next one will give me a crippling brain disease. I think that is somewhat more important than worrying about what the public reaction might be if there was a "false positive". Hey, feds, worry more about an actual infected cow slipping through the net.

Bananas Go Bad!

In the world of Pointless Studies that Get Published in Papers and Picked Up by Wires, do you think the guys who got this gig of going through the trash of 2,100 Britons are looked down upon? The guys who are "always picked last for the studies". They whine about, "never getting to do the studies that involve sex, drugs or booze". I sure would. Daily Mail:

The astonishing scale of wasted food has been revealed with figures suggesting that the nation bins 4.4million apples every day of the year.

Even worse, families throw away around one third of all the food they buy, according to a study.[..]

They surveyed some 2,100 householders, going through their bins to discover exactly what families are throwing out.

Gross. So you need to go through the trash of a few thousand people to determine that a lot of produce goes bad before you can eat it? Or that people waste a lot of the food they buy?

I don't know what I love more about living in such a prosperous time; a) that we are rich enough that we can afford to throw out shit loads of food and not starve or, b) that we are rich enough to carry out studies that showcase how rich by pointing out what everyone knows -- that we can afford to throw out shit loads of food and never worry about starving. It's quite a time we live in.

How Much Can You Love Your Local Restaurant?

I am in love with the food at Buck's Fishing and Camping, a NW DC restaurant. Chef Carole Greenwood cooks up the best food in the city, focusing on local ingredients and I just cannot praise the food enough.

But do not ask for a substitution. There is an element of fear here. Everyone in my neighborhood knows the drill of the food Nazi coming out to the table and screaming to regulars who had been going there for years and were trying to show the place off to newcomers, "If you don't like how the steak is cooked I will give it to my dog!" Carole does not have a dog. But she does have a bark.

The low of lows was last week when I was eating at the bar and Carole came out screaming to the wait staff: You fucking bitches!

Anyway, I thought I would pass on my favorite eccentric DC great food haunt to you.

The Flagging Green Revolution in Africa

In Africa, where rural development is largely ignored, many believed that farmers were primed for a green revolution. New seed technologies have shown great promise in the past by spurring the development of East Asia. In Africa, daunting obstacles to development have stymied any attempt to fuel an agrarian boom.

Chronic corruption and local attitudes and poverty have made it difficult for these seeds to catch on. In a place of the world where famine is a realistic possibility, an African green revolution remains a tantalizing scenario, but according to The New York Times complications always arise.

Thanks Little Monkey Dude!

Backstory.

A.V., R.I.P

The A.V. Ristorante, a DC landmark for nearly six decades, is closing up shop this week. The owners are earning a well-deserved reward for sticking with their fringes-of-downtown business, selling to a developer for untold sums.

Friends first took me to the A.V. in the early 1990s, when I was an undergrad here in town, and the restaurant's New York Ave. neighborhood was beginning to become less dodgy. (For those who remember, these were also the days of Mt. un-Pleasant, the un-Social Safeway, the old 930 Club, and the legendary DC Space.)

Though the city around it has changed, the A.V. -- to its credit -- never did. From today's WaPo:

In pinstriped, blow-dried, ever-ceremonial Washington, A.V.'s was unabashedly devoid of artifice, a place where a hardhat could sit next to a congressman, and both could end up sighing and looking at their watches as they waited for the famously surly waiters to bring their dishes.

In recent days, patrons have come for a last look at the marble fountain of Neptune astride three horses in the courtyard; at the suit of armor in the front window; at the golden porcupine fish inexplicably dangling over the cash register.

I made it to the A.V. one last time about ten days ago. The food was better than it had been the last time I dined there two or three years ago, though not as good as it had been a dozen or so years back.

My favorite A.V. memories were picking up a pizza there with my girlfriend on a hot summer night and bringing it down to the Mall for a quiet park-bench dinner at dusk -- with frisbees casting long shadows as they cut through thick pollen in the air -- or heading to the back bar after a gut-busting multi-course feast to sip one of the restaurant's signature liquers, or dining in the kitschy, fountained summer terrace.

Will the DC area ever seen anything like the A.V. again? Probably not. Just in case, though, I'll keep tabs on where A.V. regular Antonin Scalia ends up getting his inexpensive Italian grub.

PETA Veep or Jerky, Boys?

The take home from today's NYT piece on Farm Sanctuary and other food nannies:

“I think there is a shift in public consciousness,” said Bruce Friedrich, vice president of international grass-roots campaigns for PETA. “When Cameron Diaz learns that pigs are smarter than 3-year-olds and she’s like, ‘Oh my God, I’m eating my niece,’ that has an impact.”

The impact is that what Friedrich said just made my head explode. A mathematical representation of the intellectual heirarchy of the four living beings mentioned in the above excerpt goes something like this: Niece > Pig > Diaz > Friedrich.

No worries, though. Why listen to fools like Friedrich and Moby when you could be eating the only jerky with a PhD?

NYC's Trans Fat Ban Ignored at Home, Followed Elsewhere

New York City's trans fat ban, which kicked in earlier this month, is getting about as much respect from restarauteurs as it should. Which is not much, according to the New York Post.

Under the new law, restaurants were supposed to switch to cooking oils or spreads that contains less than 0.5 grams of trans fat per serving by this month.

But a survey of several popular city eateries - from swanky bistros to late-night diners - found shocking levels of trans fats in some dishes.

A Post reporter visited 12 restaurants in three boroughs and asked for a side of fries - only to discover that five contained the dangerous fat.

Just one of the guilty chow houses - Moonstruck Diner on West 23rd in Chelsea - 'fessed up to having trans fat.

"We haven't made the switch," said an employee to a Post reporter posing as a customer.

Seattle and its environs implemented a similar trans fat ban last week.

Are customers even clamoring for their food to be deep-fried in healthier oils? Not really. Kentucky Fried Chicken is finding its Canadian customers don't find its transition to trans-fat-free fried chicken finger-licking good, and the new cooking oil has "actually hurt sales and profit".

More on the NYC ban and other dumb Big Smaller-Portion Apple laws here.

Orvillean Logic

Orville Redenbacher, the guy who urged Americans to "do one thing and do it better than anyone," would have been 100 years old today.

And while I'm pretty sure he wasn't thinking that "one thing" was Cinnabon® Cinnamon Butter flavored Gourmet® Popping Corn, we wish him a happy birthday just the same.

Expectant Moms Don't Need Nannies

Steven A. Shaw, a co-founder of eGullet, had a great op-ed in yesterday's NYT on sushi, pregnancy, and the unintended consequences of America's growing aversion to risk.

But rational analysis doesn’t hold sway with the pregnancy police.

“Why take any risk?” they ask. The medical establishment and the culture at large have twisted logic around to the point where any risk, no matter how infinitesimal, is too much. So powerful is this Puritanical impulse that, once a health objection is raised, however irrational the recommended behavior, it’s considered irresponsible to behave any other way.

There’s a temptation to say there’s no harm in this type of thinking. Women should simply not eat sushi for nine months; surely that’s no big deal.

But there are problems with this approach. For one thing, between the warnings about parasites in sushi and about mercury in certain species of fish, pregnant women are being scared off fish altogether. And that’s bad news, since the fatty acids in fish are the ideal nourishment for a developing baby.

For another thing, the sushi ban is insulting to Japanese culture. It speaks of ignorance and prejudice to reject one of that culture’s basic foods based on unfounded health claims. And perhaps most important, pregnancy should be a time of joy, not stress. The result of an over-regulated pregnancy is fear and negativity. Perhaps the best antidote would be to relax with a salmon roll and a nice sake.

More on Shaw here. Oddly, Shaw's was one of two sushi op-eds in yesterday's NYT. Second here.

Some Competitive Eating Records Were Made to be Broken (By Someone Like Nicole Richie)

Congratulations to Lup Fun Yau, who won this year's Premier Travel Inn All You Can Eat Breakfast Challenge by eating nearly six full English breakfasts in twelve minutes. Judging from the plate in front of him, that's an impressive feat. Unlike this one:

Lup recently became the world's fastest doughnut eater after scoffing six in three minutes.

Wait a minute -- six doughnuts in three minutes? That's the record? Are you kidding me?

I can eat two in a minute no problem. Anyone can. I ate half a doughnut (one of those not-so-good sugar-dipped plain ones from Starbucks) in exactly two seconds this morning.

Am I missing something? Seriously, is there anyone reading this who thinks they can't eat six doughnuts in three minutes?

I'm no competitive eater -- and I have great respect for the men and women of the sport -- but I'm thinking I can at least double Lup's count in three minutes. I could probably double his count in two minutes, which means I could also match his total in only one minute.

Random Foodstuffs

R.I.P. Edwin Traisman, the inventor of Cheez Wiz.

Fourteen Chicago aldermen signed on to a measure to repeal the city's foie gras ban.

Cheddar-fries and comic-legend Andy Capp is getting his own statue in Hartlepool, England.

Banana-creme Twinkies were on, then off. Now they're on again.

Flooding devastates a small Australian town. Beer un-devastates them.

It's not a fruit, it's bananas - B-A-N-A-N-A-S.

Make That Four Free Dodger Dogs

The NL West leading Los Angeles Dodgers sure know how to treat their fans right. Their pitch? All-inclusive seating.

Launched this season, the outfield eat-a-thon opens 90 minutes before the first pitch and lasts until the start of the seventh inning. Ticket prices range from $20 for group sales to $40 for day-of-game walk-ups. Some games are $25 during designated promotions.

"The fans love it," said Marty Greenspun, Dodgers executive vice president and chief operating officer.

"It was an isolated area that we could really focus and test," he said. "No one has done this big of a seating section for this price in all of professional sports. It's been a hit since day one."

Some items aren't in play -- beer ($8 and $10), ice cream and candy are sold from carts at regular prices. But they are included at some other major-league ballparks, which do versions of the eat-til-you-drop concept in smaller seating areas.

The concept was tested three times last season before being launched in April.

Since then, the Dodgers say the section has sold out eight times in 24 home games, with attendance averaging 2,000 in the 3,000 seats.

The Dodgers have ranked second in attendance in the majors for three consecutive seasons, but the right-field pavilion often sat empty in the 56,000-seat stadium. It opened only if the left-field seats, which cost $10, sold out or for large groups. Last season, right-field seats cost $6-to-$8.

"Even with our great attendance, there's still seats that go unsold," Greenspun said, explaining that this model was a way to offer fans a defined price.

Greenspun said a handful of other professional sports teams have contacted the Dodgers about copying the idea, including the NBA's Philadelphia 76ers. The Milwaukee Brewers sent their stadium operations chief to check it out.

Fans are allowed four items per trip to the food counters under the stands. Soda stations offer unlimited drinks and bottled water is free.

"Before, no one wanted to work here. It was a hassle," said Joe Herrera, a 10-year stadium employee. "We used to have the registers and a lot of angry people backed up. Now, the lines go fast and customers don't complain."

At times during a recent game against the Brewers, lines were eight-deep as workers quickly handed over fistfuls of grub. The only registers are at the merchandise counter and beer carts.

"Who can turn down an all-you-can-eat?" asked Lori Nelson, who settled into the bench seats with her two children and her daughter's 18-year-old boyfriend. "It's like going to Vegas."

The boyfriend, Joe Grable, started his evening with two hot dogs, two sodas and nachos. "Right here is probably $30 worth," he said. "This is awesome."

In the rest of the stadium, Dodger Dogs sell for $4.75 and small sodas are $4.75.

Stadium vendors, including Coca-Cola, California Pizza Kitchen and Kraft, want to test their products on the right-field crowd, Greenspun said. Baby Ruth has already passed out free candy bars.

[Ellipsis]

Greenspun doesn't even try to spin the food frenzy so that it jibes with the nation's increased emphasis on eating healthy.

"This is really not about gluttony," he said. "This is really about offering a new fan amenity. It's all up to individual choices."

You bet. And if that's not enough to fill an eminent-domained ravine, how about 1B Nomar Garciaparra chowing down with fans during Carne Asada Sundays?

Unrelated LA obesity hysteria here.

Take That Fat Police

A delicious new study is out showing that many people with otherwise "normal" body weights--as measured by the unreliable BMI--and physiques are actually dangerously fat. It's the funniest thing I've run into on the food front since the whole "fat free dining prevents all bad things" paradigm went down the drain a few years ago. Here, although thin people appear to look just fine and are in shape on a physical--and mythopeotic, no doubt--level, they have "dangerous" fatty deposits around their hearts and livers and such. This state of affairs led one researcher to say:

"'Normal-weight persons who are sedentary and unfit are at much higher risk for mortality than obese persons who are active and fit,' said Dr. Steven Blair, an obesity expert at the University of South Carolina."

Not that we all aren't at risk for mortality. Researchers claim that the TOFIs--thin-outside, fat-inside--must address their inner blubber through exercise. Watching the drift in public health advocacy in this country over the last decade from education to coercion to banning and social shunning, I am looking forward to the state--bet it's Arkansas--that's the first to make exercise compulsory for all citizens. Unless they have a note from their doctor.

Vegans Murder Baby

So says a Georgia court in the case of two vegan parents who fed their newborn a diet consisting of soy milk and apple juice. Their baby, a son named Crown Shakur, died at six weeks of age from malnourishment. Of course, this was all about saving animals or oppressing a baby with breast milk:

"He was so emaciated that doctors could count his bones through his skin. The couple maintained during the trial that they did the best they could for the boy while adhering to their vegan lifestyle, a strict form of vegetarianism.

"'We are against animal cruelty, so why would I be cruel to my son?' said [Lamont] Thomas, 31.

"'Why would I do something with his body? We are against animals being murdered, why would we be cruel to him and try to do something to his body?'"

Yes, lots of animals are killed in the delivery of breast milk. And this is the crowd that's driving goose liver and trans fat bans?

Can You Tell I'm Hungry?

Today's lunchtime links are chock full of all that McDonald's goodness.

Battle a dolphin in a game of sea tennis. Test your wits by headbutting a McFish.

Watch a crappy VHS copy of a McRib commercial from the mid-1980s.

Relive Bird v. Jordan in their insane game of Big Mac horse.

Check out this funny McDonald's training video from the 1970s.

Sporting Nonsense: Chelsea FC Bans Celery, Salad Tossing

I don't know where even to begin. So I'll just let The Guardian take it away, and add some emphasis where appropriate.

Chelsea have banned celery from Stamford Bridge and ordered fans to stop throwing it during matches after the Football Association launched an investigation into instances of salad tossing at their recent matches.

Two referees have now mentioned celery being thrown onto the pitch during their official reports of Chelsea matches, while Arsenal's players complained of being pelted with the vegetable when they tried to take corners during the first half of the Carling Cup final.

Blues fans have been bringing the vegetable to games for over two decades in homage to their terrace chant 'Celery'...

[Ellipsis]

[A team statement] went on to direct fans to a hotline they could call to report others seen carrying celery, promising that "all calls will be treated in confidence".

As if that makes any sense whatsoever, here's the pertinent part of Celery:

Celery, Celery,
If she don't come,
I'll tickle her bum,
With a lump of celery.

A team song that quite possibly constitutes the origin of the salad toss !?!?! Awesome! Sure beats the hell out of some measly, recycled anthem like "We will rock you!" or "Hey, now. You're an all-star!". More salty ole' Chelsea songs here.

All of this leaves me not with a bad taste in my mouth but, instead, with some lingering questions. For instance, is Cel-Ray OK? Do Vanderbilt students laugh every time they see this? Can I buy a beer for the person who captioned The Guardian's celery photo?

One final note for all you current or budding lawyers: I'm captain of Estoppel FC, a soccer team I got together with some fellow students. We're currently 0-0.