Goin' to the Chapel ...

Chicago Tribune columnist Steve Chapman says he favors gay marriage but is nevertheless disturbed by the California Supreme Court ruling:

At stake was not whether gay couples may acquire the rights and duties of marriage in a state-sanctioned framework. As the court acknowledged, they can already do so under the domestic partnership law. But it's not enough for them to get the substance of marriage. The court said they must also get the same terminology.

It reached this conclusion through a lot of philosophizing about "the right of same-sex couples to have their official family relationship accorded the same dignity, respect and stature as that accorded to other officially recognized family relationships." But the state constitution (like the federal one) does not traffic in mushy terms like "dignity" and "stature." When a court puts such heavy reliance on amorphous concepts, it telegraphs that it will not be tied down by the actual words of the state charter.

For further proof, consider that while the California constitution forbids discrimination on the basis of "sex, race, creed, color, or national or ethnic origin," it does not forbid discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation. The justices somehow found something in the document that the authors thought they omitted.

Read the whole thing here and discuss.

Double Standard?

The stupid military policy set 15 years ago as a "compromise" policy by Congress and President Clinton almost came around to bite an openly gay Representative.

WASHINGTON — The Pentagon at first blocked Rep. Tammy Baldwin's domestic partner from traveling on a military plane with a congressional delegation on a trip to Europe but gave in after House Speaker Nancy Pelosi intervened.

The Pentagon said it was merely following House rules, which do not define domestic partners as spouses. Pelosi's office countered that the Pentagon has its own rules about who can go on its planes.

Both sides agree that Defense Secretary Robert Gates reversed the decision to keep Azar off the plane after getting contacted by Pelosi, D-Calif.

I think the Pentagon made the right decision. I actually wish, however, that they would have prevented Rep. Baldwin's domestic partner from getting on that plane.

If the Pentagon would have kicked a Congresswoman's homosexual partner off a military airplane, a good portion of Congress would be outraged. And while Congressmen who support "don't ask, don't tell" may find it easy to tell gay people they'll never meet that they cannot serve in the military, it might hit home a little more when they have to tell a fellow Congresswoman that her partner cannot travel with her on routine business travel.

Even though both Democratic presidential candidates claim to oppose the policy, I don't believe they are sincere enough to pursue any real change if they get what they're really after in this campaign: being elected president. I hope I'm wrong and I'm just being overly cynical. But I think something like a personal conflict between people who have to work together every day (or, most days) would be a lot more effective in bringing about a change in the policy.

"Don't ask, don't tell" will eventually dissolve, and eventually sexually orientation will not affect military service. But the policy has already been around for over 15 years, so if it takes congressional infighting to get rid of it, so be it.

Ethics Panel Slaps Craig; He Likes It

The Senate Ethics Panel (yes, I was surprised to learn it existed too) today released a reprimand of Sen. Larry Craig, R-Idaho*. The official document was, no doubt, sent to Craig underneath the stall door of the public restroom in Union Station. From the AP:

In a letter to the Republican senator, the ethics panel said Craig's attempt to withdraw his guilty plea after his arrest at a Minneapolis airport was an effort to evade legal consequences of his own actions.

Craig's actions constitute "improper conduct which has reflected discreditably on the Senate," the letter said.

Given the fact the Congress' approval ratings are right there in the toilet with Craig, that arguably is the biggest accomplishment of his Senate career so far. Unless you count that time he met Freddie Mercury on vacation in Berlin and inspired him to write "We Are The Champions" but I digress.

*corrected

Drag King for a Day

Sexuality is becoming extremely confusing. I always cherished my SF work trips as I could bliss out being surrounded by the world's best self-selection of beautiful lesbians and getting awesome booty. It was a very simple exchange. Then something happened: a lot of them started growing beards and going transgender. If I am not into men then why would I be into women who are pretending to be men, with fake facial hair and "packing" to boot?

SF still has a huge reservoir of hot "normal" lesbians but the transgender thing is huge there, as they all seem to flock to the place that most tolerates them.

Emily Yoffe of Slate waded herself into this complex dynamic when, as Slate's Human Guinea Pig, she agreed to become a Drag King. Her super interesting story and video of her performance are here.

Other subplots abound, as Montgomery County recently made it illegal to discrimate based on gender identity, versus actual gender, in bathrooms and locker rooms. I know the proponent of this legislation, Dana Beyer, who works for a key MoCo committee. And I see Dana at cocktail parties and "she" is very nice but I am 100% opposed to opening women's toilets and locker rooms to anyone who is not female by birth. Some things are sacred, such as a same-sex locker room.

I Was Only Jokin'

The excuse that probably won't fly:

Vatican official says he only pretended to be gay
VATICAN CITY - A Vatican official suspended after being caught on a hidden camera making advances to a young man says he is not gay and was only pretending to be gay as part of his work.

In an interview published yesterday, Monsignor Tommaso Stenico told the daily La Repubblica he frequented online gay chat rooms and met with gay men as part of his work as a psychoanalyst. He said that he pretended to be gay in order to gather information about "those who damage the image of the Church with homosexual activity."

Yes....And I'd like to take this opportunity to tell everyone who saw me in the alley last night, next to the dumpster with what may or may not have been an obese tranny that I was only pretending. Pretending to be enjoying my time with the tranny hooker as part of my work. What -- please don't tell me you thought all these tranny jokes were pulled out of a "101 Tranny Jokes"...It's a good bathroom read, but the jokes...eh, a little stale.

Full article here.

You Craiging?

Thanks, Sen. Larry Craig. I've been thinking for a while about the need for a neat little word to describe someone who publicly engages in very homophobic behavior while secretly engaging in very homosexual behavior. A lot has been written on his toe-tapping misadventures already, so I'm enjoying all the new, uh, twists. Like this:

[Matt Foreman, executive director of the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force] did express some empathy with Craig in regard to the reaction of his GOP Senate colleagues. They have called for an ethics committee review of his case, which they did not do in response to revelations that Sen. David Vitter, R-La., was on the contact list of a Washington-area escort service.

"The double standard is shocking," Foreman said. "We'll throw the closet queer under the bus, but if you see a female prostitute, that's just fine."

A Simple He Said/He Said Misunderstanding

Everyone is covering it, and I'm a day late to it; but how can we not get into the story of the foot-tapping, homosexual Republican Senator arrested in a public airport restroom for "lewd conduct"? From Roll Call:

Sen. Larry Craig (R-Idaho) was arrested in June at a Minnesota airport by a plainclothes police officer investigating lewd conduct complaints in a men’s public restroom, according to an arrest report obtained by Roll Call Monday afternoon.

Was this officer on special detail? Or is the problem of random gay sex in America's airports so out of control that we have dedicated undercover officers patrolling restrooms? I remember the first I-95 solo trip I ever made down the coast to Florida. My Dad gave me just one piece of advice -- and I'm tearing down the 3rd wall of TtP so appreciate the honesty here -- He said "Watch out for the rest stops late at night Rob. You know what goes on there." I never was sodomized. At first I thought it was something about my look, but now I realize that I didn't know the secret foot taps back then:

“At 1216 hours, Craig tapped his right foot. I recognized this as a signal used by persons wishing to engage in lewd conduct. Craig tapped his toes several times and moves his foot closer to my foot. I moved my foot up and down slowly. While this was occurring, the male in the stall to my right was still present. I could hear several unknown persons in the restroom that appeared to use the restroom for its intended use. The presence of others did not seem to deter Craig as he moved his right foot so that it touched the side of my left foot which was within my stall area,” the report states.

See, stories like this worry me. I'm perverse, disgusting and sexually depraved; but I had no idea about the complex choreography involved in hooking up with random men in restrooms. Some would say I shouldn't. Others might teach me how. But I just think it's something one should know about when going through life.

So what's Craig's excuse for all this?

Craig stated “that he has a wide stance when going to the bathroom and that his foot may have touched mine,” the report states. Craig also told the arresting officer that he reached down with his right hand to pick up a piece of paper that was on the floor.

Full article here.

UPDATE: After Craig retires to criss-cross the continental US in his RV hitting every imaginable rest stop possible; Trent Lott stands to be the only former member of The Singing Senators to still be serving in the Senate.

A New Twist on Homophobics Turning Out to be Gay

It's almost conventional wisdom now that someone who is an outspoken gay-basher must secretly be gay. But now a white legislator has added a twist. If you're a white Republican who is secretly attracted to black men, then pretend to be a racist to provide yourself some cover. I can't do this story justice, so just read it yourself. Via David Weigel Wiegal at Hit & Run.

Discrimination, Because Of Discrimination, As A Result Of Discrimination

Since I'm on an overseas business trip for the first time, I have read my employer's relocation handbook almost cover to cover. The company allows you to bring your spouse and dependents, with certain restrictions.

My company also allows relocation benefits to a "Same gender domestic partner". Jesus, I'm out of breath after that. Anyway, to briefly paraphrase the qualifying criteria for SGDPartnership, the parties must: (I'm paraphrasing)

* live together and are "emotionally committed" (?), long term
* plan to remain partners in the long run
* be unrelated
* share joint financial responsibility

It goes on to state that the partnership is equal in substance to marriage.

Ok fine, I see where this is going. Said company notices that gays can't legally get married in most of the US, but it decides that this is unfair and extends a similar option to homosexuals. But what if a heterosexual has an opposite gender domestic partner to whom he or she wants to extend relocation benefits. No dice. Sorry, you have to be legally married.

This is discrimination #1. It boils down to this: An unmarried homosexual can relocate with his partner and the relocation benefits apply as though that partner was his legal spouse. A heterosexual cannot, at least not with equal benefits. However, I can hardly fault the company for this. It is a natural result of discrimination #2:

Heterosexuals can enter into legal marriage, but homosexuals cannot. Besides religious doctrine, which has no place in free government, there is really no reason for this. However, I'm going to step over this to shorten the post, since this discrimination has been discussed extensively by libertarian-folk and liberals.

However, if we can set gender aside for a minute, legal marriage itself is discriminatory (#3). I've never been married and am certainly no expert on marriage law. But what is it about two people being emotionally connected that makes them legally "one" in the realms of taxes and ownership?

It seems as though this unnecessarily complicates an emotional relationship between two individuals. Couples break up. Not always, no, but it happens. And it just doesn't seem right that when it happens, it has to end with a long, ugly court battle in which the two parties fight each other over someone else's (government's) rules. If they choose to live together and share their possessions, fine. They have every right. But they need to set their own conditions. If a private bank or broker wants to offer a joint account or investment to a domestic couple, and the couple agrees to it by contract, I have no problem with that. I just don't see the need for a legal "template".

I'll concede that I'm probably oversimplifying this. But in principle, I don't see how any unmarried individual can be justly treated differently under the law than a married individual.

The McGreevey Effect

Is your husband a queer? Not sure? How could you be. I mean, it's not like the HIV or something; who knows who has the gay?

ABC Pointless Story Division News knows how you can tell if your husband likes the cock, and shares their tips with us. These are exact excerpts folks.

• If your husband thinks you are a nymphomaniac or "pushy and aggressive" because you want sex twice a week.
  
  
• If your husband is turned off by the thought of touching your vaginal area or performing oral sex on you.
  
  
• If his best friend is gay.
  
  
• If he hangs out in gay bars.
  
  
• If he enjoys watching gay porn movies and surfing gay porn Web sites.
  
  
• If he brags about gay men complimenting him on his looks.

Is it like ADD, if I hit 4 out of 6 can I be classified as gay? And what about those last 4. This list reminds me of those horrible money saving tips you see online and in print media. Tip 1: Save more money than you were before. Tip 2: Stay out of debt. Genius. I'd never thought of those before. You mean if my husband, after going out to Leather Larry's Hide-A-Way, comes home and spends a few hours surfing the net for videos of cum-slurping men, that he MIGHT, just might be gay? Wow, now that you put it like that...

But always remember this before you rush to accusations:

Buston is skeptical that there are clear signs of gayness. "Straight men like to cook and decorate and there are gay men who like to do construction work so it's hard to generalize like that."

Full article here.

Headline of the Week

Man Describes Alleged Attack By 7 Lesbians In N.J.

Claims '06 Incident Was Hate Crime Against Straight Man
A man who was beaten and stabbed after a street fight with seven avowed lesbians testified Wednesday that he thought he was going to die after they jumped him last year.

Catttyy. Full article here.

Tony Blair is Gay

Not homosexual gay or happy gay; but awful gay. Like wearing slacks without a belt gay, or George Bush gay. Like "that's so gay" gay. And yes I know criticizing people for not dressing right makes me sound gay. Homosexual gay. And making fun of the word gay could get me arrested in England. Or put under strict curfew. Which is why Tony Blair is so gay. But not as gay as Vladimir Putin (he he, Putin, what a fun name to say) who is no longer inching but galloping towards Stalin gay. Interestingly, a google search for "Stalin" and "gay" finds this 2002 BBC News story about the Russia government prosecuting a novelist for writing about a fictional homosexual relationship between Stalin and Khrushchev. A search for "gay" and "tony blair" turns up this excellent music video from a few years ago making fun of him and George Bush. There's an interesting wikipedia page on the history and evolution of the words gay and ghey here. The latter is what I'm supposed to use when saying things like Ann Coulter's offensive comments are so ghey; but would you know what I mean? No. That's because ghey is gay. Like Lou Dobbs gay. God that man is a douche bag. I'm proud to say that my post entitled "Ron Paul on Douche Bag Lou Dobbs' Show, Minue the Douche Bag" is the first and second thing to pop up on a google search for "Lou Dobbs" and "douche bag".

Fundamentalists Ponder the Morals of Aborting Gay Fetuses

A leading Southern Baptist reverend has caused a stir by a writing a blog post with the title: "Is Your Baby Gay? What if You Could Know? What if You Could Do Something About It?" While the prospect of homosexuality going the way of Down's Syndrome is horrifying, there are good aspects of this fundamentalist navel gazing.

First, fundamentalists hate gays so much that they might drop their obsessive crusade to ban abortion so that they could abort their gay fetuses.

Second, by contemplating that homosexuality is genetically predetermined and not a lifestyle choice, Reverend Mohler essentially makes a case for gay rights.

The fundies are up in arms over these two points. One commented,

"this is such a delicate and risky conversation to have for a number or reasons . . . We're going to have to be extremely prayerful and careful about making any decision to tinker with a child's genetic or biochemical construction. We may be awfully close to violating the sanctity of that child's life and their integrity as a person."

Another warned,

"What he said lends credence to the fact that it's God's creation. His brothers in faith would be more surprised than liberals with his comments."

To view Mohler's blog, which also has a great post decrying the fact that America now has a Congressman who is "an admitted atheist," go here.