Let's Do Some Creepy Internet Searching!

It's been awhile, so let's take a break on this rainy Monday to peer into the dark disturbing place that is the internet, with an installment of -- How You Got Here.

As always, this is a list of some of the more popular daily internet searches that directed serial killers the world over to our little corner of the web. For past entries check here.

Note: Some of TtP blog post have been included in previous versions of How You Got Here. However, I try to include keywords that have not been. Also, I'd like to include a link through to the google search so that you can see our ranking on any particular creepy phase. Alas, I've learned after several uncomfortable discussions with my friendly IT overlords (Hi Anthony!) that perhaps a history of google searches such as "grandpa porn", "sheep fucker", and "horse fucker" on my work computer is not the best of ideas with the labor market as it currently is. Fair enough. Onto the list!

-- gloryhole locations in md -- TtP page: Smoke 'Em (Thru the Glory Hole) While You Can. Things that aren't a shock about this search -- The creep who searched for this is still using AOL.

-- masturbating while driving -- TtP page: I Think I've Seen This On YouPorn


-- transexual husbands -- TtP page: Ann Coulter, Still a Transexual


--bolivian sex movie -- TtP page: I Like My Bolivian Hookers Dirty and Agitated


-- midget clown arrested for coming into home -- TtP page: Our Pedophilia tag...Which reminds me, I've been meaning to get rid of that...

--dogsfucking people.com -- TtP page: Our Bestiality tag

This last one isn't particularly creepy, but I found it interesting. The top keyword today is: pissed off skins fans. Which I'm happy to say we are the number one result as of 4:34 pm via a google search. Proud moment for us all here at TtP. Here's Archibald's post: A 'Skins Fan's Lament.

Nipple Outrage

A sign of the times: New mothers protest for right to show nipples on the internet:

Web-savvy moms who breast-feed are irate that social networking sites like Facebook and MySpace restrict photos of nursing babies. The disputes reveal how the sites' community policing techniques sometimes struggle to keep up with the booming number and diversity of their members.

Facebook began as a site just for college kids, but now it is an online home for 140 million people from all over the world. Among the new faces of Facebook are women like Kelli Roman, 23, who last year posted a photo of herself nursing one of her two children.

One day, she logged on to find the photo missing. When she pressed Facebook for an explanation, she got form e-mails in return.

Facebook bars people from uploading anything "obscene, pornographic or sexually explicit" — a policy that translates into a ban on pictures depicting certain amounts of exposed flesh.

Roman responded by starting a Facebook group called "Hey, Facebook, breastfeeding is not obscene!"

I've been half following this story over the past week or so, and not just because my first jacking material was a black-and-white You're a Mom Now book - complete with breastfeeding and where-babies-come-from-pics, but also because I'm totally fascinated with all things social networking.

I'm not sure I really get the draw of a site like facebook (although now that I know that young mothers are posting pictures of their nipples on the site, I may spend a bit more time changing my status to things like "Rob is jerking off to you breastfeeding"), but I'm intrigued by how fast this stuff has exploded into mainstream culture.

Time To Find a New Job, One Where I Can Be Trusted with a Computer and Dirty Words

As part of an ongoing effort to make my day at the office exponentially more miserable than each previous day, my employer has upgraded their content filtering software to SonicWall. At any given time based upon content; TtP, Hit&Run, DrugWar Rant, Classical Values, The Agitator, and many more blogs are blocked. It's no doubt the most effective way to filter content at work -- block everything.

If an employer wants to do this, they of course have every right to do so. If I don't like it, I can get a new job (anyone offering?), perhaps one with a more mature attitude towards their employees. However, just because they can do this type of nannying, doesn't mean that they should. It doesn't strike me as an effective way to hold on to young talent, or to promote a happy and productive workforce.

My Real Name is Timothy Akers. I'm 38, 215lbs, Play WoW in My Mother's Basement and Jerk Off to Hentai Porn. Happy?

Meant to post this yesterday..Kentucky lawmaker seeks to ban To the People along with just about everything else on the Internet:

Kentucky Representative Tim Couch filed a bill this week to make anonymous posting online illegal.

The bill would require anyone who contributes to a website to register their real name, address and e-mail address with that site.

Their full name would be used anytime a comment is posted.

If the bill becomes law, the website operator would have to pay if someone was allowed to post anonymously on their site. The fine would be five-hundred dollars for a first offense and one-thousand dollars for each offense after that.

Representative Couch says he filed the bill in hopes of cutting down on online bullying. He says that has especially been a problem in his Eastern Kentucky district.

I bet it's a problem. You know why? Because everyone in Eastern Kentucky is stupid. And ugly. Stupid and ugly. Actually, they are more retarded than anything else. Stupid, ugly and retarded. Impotent as well. A lot of impotent retards is what you would find in Eastern Kentucky, if you were ever dumb enough to go there.

Anonymous Cyber-Bullying: Get In On It While You Can

Do Privacy Rights Extend To Internet Sex Auctions?

In one of those stories where you think there has just gotta be more going on than what is being reported, a woman is suing a Web site to learn the identity of the man who impregnated her.

She has narrowed it down to six guys she met on an online sex auction. And, no, she never got their names:

BERLIN (Reuters) - A woman in Germany who became pregnant after an online sex auction has won a court battle to force the Web site that hosted the sale to reveal the names of the winners, so she can find out who's the father.

Six different men won Internet auctions to have sex with the woman in April and May last year. They were only known to her by their online names, a spokesman for a court in the southwestern city of Stuttgart said Wednesday.

"The woman wanted to discover which one of the men had made her pregnant," the spokesman said. "So she needed their contact details. Of course, if they're not willing to go along with the gene test, she'll have to take them to court."

The woman asked the site's operator to reveal the true identity of the men, but it refused, citing a confidentiality clause in its terms and conditions.

The court ruled in her favor, saying the child's right to know who its father was took precedence.

I don't know what it is but the weirdest stories of this type always seem to come from Germany. It must be something in the bratwurst.

Read the story here.

Hammerin' YouTube

MC Hammer looks to give this Internet thing a go, it what is sure to be a winning approach -- Challenge YouTube for a share of the online video market. Brilliant!

Hammer, whose real name is Stanley Burrell, is choreographing a new career as co-founder and chief strategy officer of Menlo Park-based DanceJam.com.

The Web site, scheduled to debut in mid-January, will try to upstage YouTube and become the Internet's hub for sharing and watching dance videos.[...]

Drawing upon the popularity of reality shows like "Dancing With The Stars," DanceJam will stage head-to-head competitions where contestants submit videos that will be judged by viewers. The site also will provide demonstrations and information about a wide variety of dances, ranging from the Boogaloo to the Krump.

Arone, Hammer and Young have spent several months videotaping people around the country dancing. They say they have stockpiled about 100 gigabytes of video to help launch DanceJam.

James McQuivey, a media analyst with Forrester Research, doubts that will be enough to lure people away from Google Inc.'s YouTube, which listed 1.7 million dance videos in its index as of late December.

Full article here. Reminds me of my idea to have a website dedicated to sex. Then I was told it had been done a time or two...

When You're Thinking Pizza, Santa's Thinking Oral Sex

My last few posts have been kind of serious, but this is just too good not to share:

Last year, Microsoft encouraged kids to connect directly to "Santa" by adding northpole@live.com to their Windows Live Messenger contact lists. The Santa program, which Microsoft reactivated in early December, asked children what they wanted for Christmas and could respond on topic, thanks to artificial intelligence.

The holiday cheer soured this week when a reader of a United Kingdom-based technology news site, The Register, reported that a chat between Santa and his underage nieces about eating pizza prompted Santa to bring up oral sex.

One of the publication's writers replicated the chat Monday. After declining the writer's repeated invitations to eat pizza, a frustrated Santa burst out with, "You want me to eat what?!? It's fun to talk about oral sex, but I want to chat about something else."

The exchange ended with the writer and Santa calling each other "dirty bastard."

Merry Christmas, cocksucker.

Does A Big Carbon Footprint Imply A Big Carbon Penis?

The topic of this article from Techworld.com is actually the carbon footprint of Google and other IT companies. But I was impressed by something else:

The number of servers used by Google and the rate at which they grow almost beggars belief. In March 2001, Google had around 8,000 servers.

In a January, 2005, CBS 60 Minutes TV programme, Google said it had over 100,000 servers on which it stores a cached version of every page it knows about on the Internet.

The New York Times article reckoned the total had grown to 100,000 servers in 2003 and 450,000 spread across 25 global datacentres in June 2006.

Now it is one year later and we can reasonably suppose that the total has passed half a million and that they are spread across 40 to 60 datacentres, meaning an average of over 8,000 servers per datacentre. Once the five new US datacentres are built that would mean an additional 40,000 servers taking the server total to 550,000, unless older datacentres are retired.

Emphasis mine. British spelling not mine.

Cool. The Internet is huge and only growing larger. Personally, I think amount of easily accessible information spread all over the world is worth the carbon emissions involved in sustaining it. That's not to diminish Google's efforts to reduce its emissions, of course, as long as they are voluntary.

Carrot Top Phenomenon

Anyone know what's going on the recent surge in Carrot Top interest? Our CT traffic has increased ten-fold over the past several days as thousands of Top fans flock to our one and only entry on the red-haired prop comic from earlier in year. "is carrot top gay?", "carrot top gay" and "carrot top" account for most of our google hits this week. Which, incidentally, are more normal than the usual google searches that get web surfers to TtP. "Horse on man porn", "fuck my wife", "men brazilian wax" are usually our top getters...

Rachel Ray hits are way up too. Unfortunately, most of that traffic is being driven to Baylen's sympathetic post on the TV cook from 2005, instead of posts on her love for her dog and her husband that likes to pay hookers to pee on him....Allegedly of course.

Good Luck Taking My Horse on Man Porn From Me

Sure, this is from Brussels -- home to great beer, ugly people and the bureaucratic nightmare that is the EU -- but I think we have more of this "cracking down" on the Internet to come, even in America. It might not work, and we've seen regimes in Iran, and China have a tough time exerting control over the Internet, but that doesn't mean guys with ties won't give it a go and fuck a lot of shit up in the process.

BRUSSELS (Reuters) - Internet searches for bomb-making instructions should be blocked across the European Union, the bloc's top security official said on Monday.

[...]

"I do intend to carry out a clear exploring exercise with the private sector ... on how it is possible to use technology to prevent people from using or searching dangerous words like bomb, kill, genocide or terrorism," Frattini told Reuters

Full article here. And as a bonus - since we here at TtP think Internet freedom is mostly about being able to watch whoever we want have sex with whomever they want -- on demand no less -- I give you our Bestiality tag, complete with the always popular Is Sheep Fucker a Sex Offender? post....Enjoy.