Wildcard Weekend Football Preview

Washington (+3.5) at Seattle (-3.5)
With four consecutive wins to close out the season, the Redskins are the hottest team in the NFC. After a convincing victory over the Cowboys – who kept Mr. Romo in the game until they were down 20-3 – the Redskins feel confident that they can beat anyone. The Seahawks have been very inconsistent, finishing their season with a 41-44 loss to the Falcons. While the loss meant little, the fact that they gave up 41 points to the Falcons cannot be inspiring for the Seahawks, and is certainly a confidence booster for the Redskins.

Matt Hasselbeck and the Seahawks rely a great deal on the passing game. Because Washington’s defense has been primarily focused on stopping the run as of late, they must alter their defensive game plan in order to get their fifth win in a row. The way Greg Williams has schemed and the players have played, I think they solve the Seahawks. Seattle’s “12th man” may play a large role in giving them a significant advantage on their home turf, but Washington’s 12th man – Number 21 – could play an even bigger role on Saturday night. Final Score: Redskins 24 – Seahawks 20.

Jacksonville Jaguars (-2) at Pittsburgh Steelers (+2)
The visiting Jaguars are a slight favorite in this game, which is sure to be a hard fought battle between two very physical football teams. The Jags actually have a better record (11-5, compared to Pittsburgh’s 10-6 record) and would likely have won their division if it wasn’t for Peyton’s team. With Willie Parker out, the Steelers have to depend on Davenport, who is not the same type of home-run threat as Parker. Their best lineman – Aaron Smith – is out. The Steelers also have a bunch of other key players who are banged up, like Troy Polamalu and Hines Ward. The Jags are healthier. And with Fred Taylor playing at an incredibly high level right now, I can’t see Pittsburgh winning this game, even with home-field advantage. Final Score: Jaguars 19 – Steelers 13.

New York Giants (+2.5) at Tampa Bay Buccaneers (-2.5)
Coming off the most satisfying loss imaginable, the Giants have some momentum entering the playoffs. They played the Pats as tough as anyone else this year and Eli Manning resembled a real quarterback. Both are good signs for New York. The Bucs come into this game as the champs of their division, but really don’t benefit by playing at home, as the Giants are an incredible 7-1 on the road. Tampa Bay’s momentum is nonexistent, losing three out of their last four games. I think Brandon Jacobs has a big game, helping New York to a first round victory. Final Score: Giants 24 – Buccaneers 17.

Tennessee Titans (+9) at San Diego Chargers (-9)
This is the only game that sports oddsmakers do not think will be closely contested. The home team is a clear favorite, and for good reason. They have L.T., Gates, home-field advantage, and L.T. I’m not too impressed with the 11-5 record – they got to play Oakland and Kansas City twice each. Still, they’re a better overall team and the news is getting worse for the Titans. Their field general Vince Young is out. After losing TE Bo Scaife to a season ending injury, they announced that receiver Roydell Williams is also out for the duration of the season. The Titans won’t be able to mount enough offense to keep pace with San Diego. Without some luck in the form of well-timed turnovers, Tennessee will fall behind, get a heavy dose of L.T., then fall behind by more. Final Score: Chargers 30 – Titans 20.

Weekend Football Preview

Two games this weekend stand out in the minds of everyone that matters. “Everyone that matters” means, basically, Redskins fans. The Patriots are chasing history and could be 16-0 after Saturday night. The Redskins face the Cowboys in a game that actually means something. So like I said, to the important people in this world, these two games are all that matter.

New England Patriots (-14) at New York Giants (+14)
Both organizations are asking themselves the same question as they prepare for the final game of the regular season. This question is “Should we try to win this game or should we focus on the postseason?” Well folks, being as wise as I am, I have the answers. The right answers.

For the Giants, the answer is: “It doesn’t fucking matter what you do – you will still lose. So rest your shitty starting QB and your ailing WR and whoever else you care about.” See how easy that was? They already have solidified their postseason status, and they really don’t have any incentive to win, other than to prevent the Pats from making history. In the four weeks before their win against Buffalo in extreme weather conditions they played four mediocre NFC teams. In these games, they lost to Washington, struggled against Philly and Chicago, and were trounced by the Vikings. Against the best of the AFC, I don’t think they stand a chance, given what New England has to play for.

To the Patriots, I answer their question with a few questions of my own. How many teams have had a perfect season? OK, now, how many teams have won a super bowl? And don’t you guys have a few trophies already? Right… If you haven’t figured it out yet, I think the Patriots should focus on attaining that 16-0 record. I’d rather have that under my belt than one more trophy.
You may also ask how long the starters should remain in the game. I’d say keep ‘em in the game until you have the game on lock. Against the Giants, this should be mid-third quarter at the latest. I’ll predict that the Pats get up comfortably, take out Brady, and run the ball more than usual with some success. Final Score: Patriots 30 – Giants 17.

Dallas Cowboys (+9) at Washington Redskins (-9)
This game against bitter rivals means everything for the Redskins, and very little for the Cowboys. With a youthful Todd Collins at the helm, Washington has rebounded from a four game losing streak with a run of three consecutive victories. They have put themselves in a “win and you’re in” situation where a win secures the 6th NFC playoff spot. They must do it against their most hated division foe.

Wade Phillips hasn’t said with certainty who he’s playing and who he’s benching. He has insinuated that he will not “slow down” despite clinching home-field advantage throughout the playoffs. But with Romo nursing a thumb injury and other players banged up, he’d be an idiot to play at full-force. We know T.O. is out. Should he risk injuring anyone else? Absolutely not. Sure, they would like to have 14 wins instead of 13. But the distinction isn’t nearly as important as protecting the team’s starters.

Even without T.O. and Romo, the Brad Johnson-led Cowboys could beat Washington. I emphasize could. Washington, with momentum and all the incentive in the world, should win. Collins shouldn’t make many costly mistakes and the running game should continue to be effective. The Redskins should win and I believe they will. If they continue their success on the ground and on the defensive side of the ball, the Skins could actually be a force in the playoffs… but we can worry about later. For now, I’ll speak on behalf of my fellow Redskins fans when I say, “WE WANT DALLAS!” Final Score: Redskins 26 – Cowboys 21.

Weekend Footbal Preview

Chicago Bears at Minnesota Vikings (-10)
“A.P.! A.P.! A.P.!” That’s what the fans will be screaming Monday night in Minnesota, where Adrian Peterson and the Vikings are fighting for a very attainable wildcard playoff spot. It is also what I will be yelling on Monday night, as he is a staple of my fantasy football team, which was able to get to the finals despite the zero-point-output from A.P. last week. Shit, I’m yelling it now.

At home + On turf + Playoffs on the line + Two headed monster of A.P. and Chester Taylor = A win for the Vikings. I could write about how pathetic and disappointing the Bears have been this season… but instead, I’ll write… “A.P.! A.P.! A.P.!” Final Score: Vikings 31 – Bears 17.

Arizona Cardinals at New Orleans Saints (-3.5)
Both teams are 6-7, and both teams are clinging to slim playoff hopes. Whoever loses this game will fall to 6-8, and will have no chance to reach the postseason (I think the loser will be statistically eliminated, but I’m not sure). The Saints have been extremely inconsistent this season, after the slow 0-4 start. Brees has been playing well and could easily throw for three or four touchdowns against Arizona.

On the other team, beat-up Kurt Warner is still starting for the Cardinals. Also beat-up are their two standout WR’s, Larry Fitzgerald and Anquan Boldin. But for some odd reason, I think the Cardinals will win this game. I don’t even have a logical or reasonable explanation for this belief. Maybe it’s Warner’s good looks. Or maybe I’m just under the influence of a large quantity of drugs, or alcohol, or both. What was I saying? Oh yeah, the game… Final Score: Cardinals 26 – Saints 22.

Redskins at Giants (-4.5)
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: Eli Manning sucks. Every night, he looks in the mirror, closes his eyes, and prays that when he opens them, that he’ll see Peyton in that mirror. It hasn’t worked out for him yet. In the game against the Redskins, Eli’s opposing QB is Todd Collins. A statistical plus for Todd is that he hasn’t thrown a pick in about a decade. The problem is, he’s 85 years old and hasn’t started in any games since World War II.

The Giants have an impressive pass rush, led by their two start DE’s. The Redskins may not be able to provide the senior citizen with enough time to operate in the pocket. If the Skins can get the running game rolling, then they have a good chance to beat the Giants, who aren’t a particularly high scoring team. If Portis and Betts combine for more than 150 yards on the ground, Washington will win. If New York shuts down the running game, the lesser Manning will get the W. I think it will be the latter. Final Score: Giants 22 – Redskins 16.

Weekend Football Preview

With the Redskins getting a victory against the Bears in the Thursday night game, their playoff hopes are still technically alive. But in order to actually reach the postseason, they probably need to beat EACH of the following teams: the Cowboys, the Giants and the A.P. led Vikings. This would be very hard for a good football team. For Washington, it’ll be damn near impossible. So just hope that no one else dies before next season…. Here are my predictions for a few of the Sunday games.

Giants (+2.5) at Eagles (-2.5)
I’m not sure how, but the Giants have an impressive 8-4 record. Being in the NFC, where everyone sucks, doesn’t hurt. People are beginning to see that Eli Manning isn’t Peyton… or more like is isn’t even CLOSE to Peyton. His quarterback skill set may be closer to that of Dallas Clark. Or Ryan Leaf. Or my mother.

The 5-7 Eagles are actually favored in this game. Actually… let me rephrase that… Brian Westbrook is favored in this game. Westbrook is more important to his team than any other one player in the NFL. The guy is the focal point of their running game AND passing game. He’s their go-to guy in the red zone. If the Eagles were a winning football team, he would get my vote for NFL MVP. So what if I don’t actually get a vote. I don’t know if McNabb will start and I don’t care. He and Feely are interchangeable in this Westbrook-centered offense. Anyway, I think the Eagles win in Philadelphia. Final Score: Eagles 19 – Giants 12.

Chargers (even) at Titans (even)
The Titans were rolling along until they lost to the division rival Jaguars a few weeks back. Now, both the Chargers and the Titans are at 7-5 and both are fighting for the playoffs.

Vince Young will be forced to make plays with his arm, as San Diego will pack defenders into the box to shut down Tennessee’s seventh ranked rushing attack. He did well against Houston last week, but will probably not see the same success against the Chargers’ secondary.

The Chargers should win this game, and will, so long as they feed the Ball to L.T. He rushed for 177 yards last week and is again looking like the dominant force he was a year ago. Look for him to have a big day, and to open up the passing options in their WR’s and TE Antonio Gates. I think Gates scores a touchdown; I think L.T. scores 2. Final Score: Chargers 27 – Titans 22.

Steelers (+10.5) at Patriots (-10.5)“I don’t know Anthony Smith.” This was Patriots defensive end Ty Warren’s response to question about Smith – a Pittsburgh safety who guaranteed a win this Sunday against New England. The funniest part is that this statement is probably the truth. Nobody knows who the fuck Anthony Smith is. The guy’s in his second pro season and is only starting because of an injury to Ryan Clark earlier in the season.

Well, the prediction is probably wrong. This game’s 10.5 point spread is not an absurd one (like prior Patriots games), but it is pretty accurate. The 9-3 Steelers have allowed the fewest points and fewest total yards of any NFL team. They could present problems for Tom Brady and the Pats offense. Still, the undefeated Patriots will probably get another win at home. Final Score: Patriots 24 – Steelers 16.

Weekend Football Preview

Packers (+7) at Cowboys (-7)

This Thursday night game presents a battle between the two elite teams of the NFC. ESPN is touting the game as a showdown of Favre v. Romo – the gunslinger of old v. the up-and-coming young gunslinger. While that is an accurate assessment, the key to this game, I think, will be which defense holds up best.

Everybody knows about the offensive success of both teams, particularly in the passing game. But the success of their defenses has also contributed a great deal to the lofty 10-1 records held by both teams. The Packers have the 12th ranked defense in the NFL, a significant improvement from their recent history. The Cowboys are ranked 7th overall in the same category. Slight edge goes to Dallas here. And even with his experience, Farve is capable of making a costly mistake at any time, slightly more so than Romo. This game should be an exciting one. Since the game is in Dallas, I think the ‘Boys have a slight edge. Final Score: Cowboys 31 – Packers 27.

Seahawks (+3) at Eagles (-3)

The Eagles looked great against the Patriots, didn’t they? All week, everyone was saying that they’d get blown out, and then Feely comes in and almost leads Philly to an improbable victory. So after playing a very competitive game against New England, the Eagles should have no problem beating the Seahawks, right? Well, I think this assumption is wrong.

I just do not think the Eagles can play at that level two weeks in a row. They haven’t looked that good all season, so why would I expect a repeat performance? Seattle will prepare for the McNabb-less Eagles and focus on stopping Brian Westbrook (they could be moderately successful, but the guy will still have a great fantasy day…). Hasselbeck and his WR’s will have a good day in Philly. Feely won’t look quite so impressive. Final Score: Seahawks 24 – Eagles 19.

Bills (+5.5) at Redskins (-5.5)

The tragic loss suffered by the Washington Redskins this week overshadows any discussion of the upcoming game against the Bills. Sean Taylor’s death is a devastating blow to his family at home and the Redskins organization. Personally, I enjoyed watching Taylor mature as person and develop into one of the game’s most respected players on the football field. We will never realize just how far his potential would take him. As horrible as this situation is, the team must move on from this tragedy and play out the rest of the season.

The Redskins playoff hopes are extremely slim at this point. At 5-6, they have to finish the season 4-1 to have a realistic shot at the postseason. With games at the Giants, at the Vikings, and at home against the Cowboys, finishing with only one loss is unlikely.

Against Buffalo, however, the ‘Skins should get back to .500. With the loss of Sean Taylor on their minds, I think they play hard and play well against a very beatable Buffalo team. Final Score: Redskins 27 – Bills 19.

Weekend Football Preview

Browns (-2.5) at Ravens (+2.5)

Besides the fact that they are both in the AFC North, what do these teams have in common? Well, poop is brown. So the Browns resemble poop in that regard. And the Ravens play like shit. Shit is poop. And poop is brown. You get the idea…

Yet again, the quarterback controversy is rampant in Baltimore. I don’t see why anyone could have strong feelings FOR either one of these guys. The only argument a reasonable person could make for starting Steve McNair or Kyle Boller is that the other guy is even more pathetic. The coaching staff has determined that McNair sucks more, so Boller will start this weekend. The Ravens will rely on McGahee in this game, and could be pretty successful against Cleveland’s 28th ranked rush defense. Cleveland’s QB, Derek Anderson, has actually looked like he belongs in the NFL (as opposed to either Ravens’ QB). He has done a great job spreading the ball to TE Kellen Winslow, wideout Braylon Edwards, among other targets. Last week, the Browns lost to a very good Steelers team by 3. This week, they will beat the Ravens by more. Final Score: Browns 28 – Ravens 16.

Raiders (+5) at Vikings (-5)

To all those fantasy owners who are mourning over the loss of Adrian Peterson – I feel your pain. I rolled the dice by giving up multiple players to attain the great AP. Unfortunately, his injury will probably sideline the rookie phenom for the remainder of the season. More bad news for the Vikings organization is that Tavaris Jackson is still the starting QB. As someone notorious for making bad decisions, this guy could have trouble against an Oakland pass defense ranked 4th in the NFL and holding opposing QB’s to a 73.8 passer rating.

Minnesota will try to fill the void with Chester Taylor. On the other side of the field, the Raiders have a new RB of their own. Since being named the feature back a couple weeks ago, Justin Fargas has been playing surprisingly well. I think both starting running backs have decent days. I think Jackson makes a few mistakes, which helps Oakland win this game. Final Score: Raiders 19 – Vikings 13.

Redskins (+10.5) at Cowboys (-10.5)

Sorry Redskins fans. In recent years, games between these teams have been competitive. This year, the ‘Skins will be swept. Dallas is too strong across the board for the Redskins to compete, especially in Dallas. Tony Romo has performed exceptionally well this season. He may not be Tom Brady, but he’s close. And the most recent injury to the Redskins secondary – Sean Taylor’s sprained right knee – may be too much to overcome. Dallas boasts the 3rd ranked passing offense in the NFL. Without their enforcer, I think the Redskins give up lots of yards through the air.

With a weakened defense, Washington’s only hope is to mount a respectable offence, which they have been unable to do with any consistency this season. If Gibbs, or Saunders, or whoever has the authority, keeps the reigns off of Jason Campbell, they may be able to move the ball effectively through the air. With all the injuries to the Redskins receivers, this becomes unlikely. Clinton Portis cannot do it all – certainly not enough to match the Cowboys’ potent offense. Final Score: Cowboys 30 – Redskins 20.

Weekend Football Preview

Ed-Delayed, but I excuse the writer who was tough to track down this week between Antlantic City and a fight in New York this weekend.


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Had I posted a weekend preview last week, I would have been correct in all of my predictions. Trust me. It’s too bad that I was intoxicated all of last week and unable to function at all, much less write anything coherent. Call it alcohol-induced-writers-block.

Jaguars at Titans (-4)
In arguably the best division in the NFL, these two teams are battling for second place behind Indy – the likely AFC South champs. The 6-2 Titans trail the Colts by only one game; the 5-3 Jags are an extra game back. A Titans win solidifies their status as an elite team in the AFC. A Jacksonville victory keeps them on par with Tennessee, where a loss would drop them into the crowded middle of the AFC playoff hunt. Needless to say, this is a big game for both squads.

The Jags suffered an opening day loss against Tennessee, where they allowed a team-record 282 rushing yards. They won’t let this happen again. I don’t think Vince Young is going to beat this defense with his arm, either. The game is large for both teams, but larger for the Jaguars. I think their QB, David Garrard, comes to play, and plays well enough to win a low scoring game. Final Score: Jags 17 – Titans 13.

Lions at Cardinals (-1)
How bad is Kurt Warner? If last week’s game tells us anything, it’s that Warner is a horrible quarterback and his Cardinals might as well start focusing on the 2008 NFL Draft. Offensively against Tampa Bay last week, Arizona looked like a high-school football team. A bad one. To compete with this 6-2 Lions team, Warner needs to step it up. With weapons like Larry Fitzgerald and Anquan Boldin, stepping it up should be a possibility. But I don’t think it will happen this week, even against Detroit’s 30th ranked pass defense.

Arizona is favored by a point and I’m not sure why. Sure the Cards are at home, but Jon Kitna and the Lions are hot. This win would give them a truly impressive 7-2 record and keep them close to the NFC North division leaders – Green Bay. I think their offense keeps rolling, and the one-armed-Warner and the Lions offense doesn’t keep pace. Final Score: Lions 24 – Cardinals 17.

Eagles at Redskins (-2.5)
The Redskins should win this game. Outside of the forgettable game against the Patriots, the Washington secondary has been stellar. They should be able to focus on shutting down Brian Westbrook, while still keeping the Philly WRs from doing any major damage. Injuries to their top three cornerbacks throughout the season have been tough to deal with, but the Skins have still been able to stop the pass for the most part. I see now reason why they can stop the low flying Eagles.

The Redskins are at home. McNabb is slow these days. Portis seems to be revitalized. The Redskins should win. I think they will. Final Score: Redskins 23 – Eagles 20

Weekend Football Preview

I was three for three last week, after choosing an admittedly easy array of games. In Week 8, I take a different approach. Let’s see how it pans out.

Steelers (-3.5) at Bengals (+3.5)
Pittsburgh (4-2) currently sits at the top of a surprisingly average AFC North division, while Cincinnati (2-4) is curled up pathetically on the bottom. If the Bengals want to have a realistic shot at the playoffs, these cats must quit being pussies. They must scratch and claw for every yard. They must viciously devour their prey… Ok that one was a stretch… But what I’m saying is that Cincinnati has to play with more emotion, especially on defense, to become a contender.

If they can’t get pumped to play the rival Steelers at home, then they deserve to be in last place. Cincy is 2 – 1 at home, the loss coming against the immortal Patriots. Willie Parker and the Steelers boast the second best rushing attack in the NFL, which they will undoubtedly rely on this week against Cincinnati’s rush defense – ranked sixth worst in the league. We know about the offensive weapons that the Bengals possess. I think they come to play and the defense plays just hard enough. Final Score: Bengals 26 – Steelers 24.


Raiders (+7.5) at Titans (-7.5)
Besides their lopsided week 6 loss the Chargers, every game the Raiders have played has been a hard fought battle. Oakland almost beat Denver at home, but ultimately lost by a field goal in overtime. They beat a decent Browns team. Last week, they lost to the resurgent Chiefs by 2. Their schedule hasn’t been particularly hard, but it hasn’t been particularly easy, either. My point is that this Raiders team doesn’t suck as much as most people think.

Will the Raiders beat the Titans on Sunday? I don’t know, but I do know they could. ESPN’s entire expert panel is picking Tennessee to win. I’m not. The Raiders must have success on the ground with their pair of solid RB’s – LaMont Jordan and Dominic Rhodes. They rank an impressive fifth in the NFL with 145.8 rushing ypg. These backs may have a difficult time against a Tennessee defense allowing only 59.7 rushing yards per game, tops in the NFL. This defense is due for a letdown game. LaMont looks like he’s healthy and back to his start-of-season form. I think he has a fine day, helping Oakland upset Tennessee. Final Score: Raiders 17 – Oakland 14.


Redskins (+16) at Patriots (-16)
Tom who? Randy who? Oh, Brady and Moss. Of course. You can’t even pretend to not know about these guys, unless you admit to not following sports. Just one of these excuses won’t do. Brady is frustratingly charismatic and confident off the field, and equally frustrating to opposing defenses on the field. Moss is an alien, with a ridiculous ability to rise off the ground and catch any balls thrown his way – sort of like a slutty Southwest passenger, except with more athletic ability. And smaller boobs. So before going any further, I’ll state the obvious – the Redskins will lose this game.The sixteen point spread does seem a little excessive, but the Patriots have been dominating everyone and the Redskins have been sputtering. However, the Redskins do have a small ray of hope. His name is Sean Taylor. He leads the league in INT's, with 5 through six games. He doesn’t speak, but he hits hard. He, like Randy Moss, is a freakish alien of an athlete. The Redskins may be able to use him to neutralize the standout New England WR. Still, Washington has to stifle the rest of the Patriot’s offense and have a nearly flawless offensive effort of its own. Maybe Taylor knocks Moss out of the game in the first minute. Redskins fans probably aren’t that lucky. Final Score: Patriots 32 – Redskins 17.



Ed---We've taken to writing posts that are so long they would embarrass even the most boring Russian novelist. It may be time to put the old article section to use for occasions like this. For now, enjoy scrolling, and scrolling and scrolling through one tediously long post after another.

Weekend Football Preview

Two out of three ain’t bad. Last week, I was close, but the Packers were somehow able to squeak out a win against the Redskins. My Patriots domination prediction was accurate, so I think any praise coming my way is well deserved. I guarantee that these Week 7 picks will be right - partly because I’m the shit, and partly because I’m not picking any difficult games.]

Colts (-3) at Jaguars (+3)
This Monday night game should be a great game to watch. The Colts still have that potent offense and that incredible QB, Peyton Manning. What you didn’t know is that their defense has been very good, too. Indy’s defense has allowed a mere 278.2 ypg, the fifth best in the NFL. The Jags defense has also been solid, currently ranked eighth in the same category.
David Garrard has been as efficient as any passer in the league. He has thrown 6 TDs, no interceptions, and has a QB rating of 104.7. This is a match-up of two quarterbacks playing excellent football. Because of the high profile nature of the Monday night game, I think the more polished Manning has more success. This will be a well played football game, as the Colts will win by a touchdown. Final Score: Colts 24 – Jags 17.

Vikings (+9.5) at Cowboys (-9.5)
Last week, the Cowboys were beat by a better team. That team, the Patriots, is the BEST team, and very few intelligent people thought the Cowboys had any real chance to win. New England didn’t win by three touchdowns because of Romo’s play (he threw for 2 TDs and only one INT). It was Dallas’ porous secondary – giving up 388 yards and 5 TDs through the air – that cost them the game.

I think this game will be close. Minnesota’s Adrian Peterson is coming off a spectacular 224-yard three touchdown performance against the celebrated Bears D. Their starting RB, Chester Taylor, had a decent showing with 83 yards on the ground. If the Vikings can have this much success running the football, they could win this game. The Cowboys understand this concept, and will stuff the line of scrimmage – forcing QB Tarvaris Jackson to beat them through the air. A prepared Dallas team won’t let this happen. And on the other side of the ball, the Cowboys should be able to exploit a Vikings defense that is weak against the pass. Final Score: Vikings 20 – Dallas 27.

Cardinals (+8.5) at Redskins (-8.5)
The Redskins are nine point favorites. I repeat – the Redskins are nine point favorites. What the fuck is going on here? The last time the Redskins were nine point favorites over anybody, the forward pass hadn’t been invented yet. I guess odds-makers know that Kurt Warner is suffering from an injury that may keep him on the bench and that if he can’t play, Tim Rattay will start for the Cardinals. Gregg Williams and the Redskins defense are licking their collective chops right now.

Washington outplayed Green Bay last week in most facets of the game, but lost due to a plethora of mistakes by their offensive skill players. Most notably, Santana Moss was charged with two drops, but let another slip through his fingers and into the hands of a Packer for an interception. This is uncharacteristic for Moss, who was coming off of an injury, and I doubt it will continue. This week, the Redskins secondary will match up well with Arizona’s stud WRs (Boldin and Fitzgerald). Arizona’s only hope is to get the ground game going with Edgerrin James to take some pressure off of whichever mediocre QB. Washington’s defense will do a good enough job to stop Edge, and neither Arizona QB will be able to carry the offense. Final Score: Redskins 21 – Cardinals 10.

Weekend Football Preview

Rams (+9.5) at Ravens (-9.5)

Last week, I said the Ravens would lose to the 49ers. This did not happen – thanks to the Ravens’ nine-point offensive explosion. I’d love to pick the Rams here, but they are horrible and Gus Frerotte will be throwing the ball. This is the same guy who, while with the Redskins, thought it would be a good idea to run full-speed, head-first into a padded cement wall to celebrate a touchdown. You can’t get much dumber.

The winless Rams will almost certainly lose. The score will not be too lopsided, though, because in order for that to happen, the Ravens would have to score a lot of points. The Ravens offense is incapable of doing this. Fuck the McNair and Boller controversy – put Ed Reed at the QB position. They couldn’t do WORSE than zero touchdowns, right? Final Score: Ravens 16 – Rams – 10.

Patriots (-6) at Cowboys (+6)

Pats v. Cowboys. Brady v. Romo. Talented/annoying WR v. talented/even more annoying WR. Best of the good conference v. best of the shitty conference. For all its hype, this game will be a huge letdown. Both teams have been winning convincingly, but New England has been utterly dominating teams from the more respected AFC. Dallas has looked solid for the most part, but that ugly win Monday night against the pathetic Buffalo Bills makes me question how good they really are. Tony Romo looked pathetic, throwing 5 INTs and losing one fumble. He can’t afford to make those mistakes against the Patriots.

So picture a large stallion (the Pats) and a normal sized human (the Cowboys). I predict, basically, that the hoofed beast from New England will bend the ‘Boys over and thoroughly dominate them. For a vivid depiction of this image, think horse sodomizing man. NOW you see. Final Score: Horse… I mean… Patriots 34 – Cowboys 19.


Redskins (+3) at Packers (-3)

Explosive offense with a gun-slinging QB. Am I talking about the Packers? Am I talking about Lions, who the Redskins demolished in week 5? Does it matter? Well, it does matter… a little. The ‘Skins were able to mount a good pass rush without blitzing last week against Detroit’s offensive line, enabling them to keep their secondary in coverage. Washington’s 34 point output can be attributed to Detroit’s lousy defense and also to an exceptional performance by Jason Campbell, who was named NFC’s offensive player of the week.

The Packers have a pretty stingy defense. And QB Brett Favre has been playing as good as anyone in the league. Both teams seem to be more energized this year – which should result in an excellent game. If Favre limits his mistakes, he will be able to take advantage of the athletic, yet inexperienced, Redskins secondary. If Washington can force him into making a couple ill-advised throws into coverage, look for the Gibbs/Saunders offensive to grind their way to a win. I think Favre will throw two INTs, which will be just enough for Campbell, Portis and Co. to capitalize. Final Score: Redskins 24 – Packers 20.

Feel free to discuss.

Weekend Football Preview

Below is the first installment of our Weekend Football Preview, sent in by our roving gambling/football correspondent Jim. His credentials as both a gambler and sports fan are impeccable, as a loser at the former and a fan of losers in the latter. Seriously, all the credit in world to the guy; Jim actually offered to do this --to which I said "You want to write something? For free? On a Friday?" And history was made. Enjoy.

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Here are a few game predictions for week 5 of the NFL season. If I were a gambling man, which I am not, I would recommend not gambling at all. Gambling leads to losing money, binge drinking because you’re upset you lost so much money, losing more money because you are so drunk, and ultimately...hookers...Wait, did I recommend NOT gambling? Anything that leads to hookers should be encouraged. So strike what I said before – bet the house on the following predictions:

Baltimore (-3) at San Francisco (+3)

The Ravens, and their celebrated defense, are not that good. Look at their last three games – they beat a mediocre Jets team by a touchdown at home in week 2, barely held on to beat Arizona by a field goal at home in week 3, and were embarrassed by ex-Raven Jamal Lewis and his Cleveland Browns in week 4. In week 5, the team with the most successful ground attack will walk away with a W. The Ravens will focus on shutting down Frank Gore; the 49ers will focus on shutting down Willis McGahee. I think Gore has more success against an overrated Ravens D. Final Score: San Fran 20 – Ravens 14.

San Diego (+1) at Denver (-1)

If Norv Turner isn’t an absolute moron, his Chargers will beat Denver. Being an absolute moron would be not feeding the ball to L.T. Last week, Tomlinson had 116 yards on 14 carries in the first half. He carried just six times in the second. If L.T. is on my football team, he’s doing everything – running, passing, returning kicks, calling plays, receiving dome from my daughter or sister on the sideline – whatever he wants. And he certainly wants more than six carries in any half of football. This week he faces a Denver defense that ranks 31st in the NFL against the run. Norv, don’t be a moron. Give L.T. the rock. Or dome. Final Score: Chargers 24 – Denver 20

Seattle (+6) at Pittsburgh (-6)

The Steelers were upset by a pesky Cardinals team last week. Before that, their three wins were against suspect opponents – 2-2 Cleveland, 1-3 Buffalo and 2-2 San Francisco. Pittsburgh faces their hardest opponent in the Seahawks this week. If Seattle wants to be considered a powerhouse in the NFC, they need to win this game. I think they come to Pittsburgh and hand the home team a loss. So here’s my upset pick of the week. Final Score: Seahawks 27 – Steelers 19.