He Keeps His Brain In An Undisclosed Location Too

This has already been all over the blogosphere, but TtP might as well acknowledge it too. You that super-duper secret "secure location" that Dick Cheney used? Well it's a bunker to house the vice president in case of some massive terrorist attack. Except that now that we have Joe Biden as veep, it ain't so secret anymore:

Vice President Joe Biden, well-known for his verbal gaffes, may have finally outdone himself, divulging potentially classified information meant to save the life of a sitting vice president.

According to a report, while recently attending the Gridiron Club dinner in Washington, an annual event where powerful politicians and media elite get a chance to cozy up to one another, Biden told his dinnermates about the existence of a secret bunker under the old U.S. Naval Observatory, which is now the home of the vice president.

Way to go, Joe. While you're at it why not tell a table full of journalists what places in the US are totally unprotected from a terrorist attack while you're at it?

Joe Biden: Where's The Fire? It's Wherever I Am, Baby

Via Drudge, I see that Joe "The Mouth" Biden has been at it again. This time he has been reassuring people -- in his own unique way -- that the stimulus dollars are being spent wisely:

Vice President Joe Biden brought a clear message to this tiny Eastern North Carolina town Wednesday: The federal recovery money isn't just for big banks and auto companies.

Biden and U.S. Secretary of Agriculture Tom Vilsack announced a new wave of $10.4 billion in federal stimulus money for home loans across the country, and billions more for essential services in rural communities such as Pikeville, which is getting money for a new fire station. Biden used the outdated, current station as a backdrop. Pikeville is just north of Goldsboro in Wayne County.

"We're investing in places like this all across the country," Biden said, "to demonstrate the vital role towns like this play in the recovery."

Most of the money for the station that was announced Wednesday, however, had been secured last year under the Bush administration, according to fire department officials.

From the Raleigh News & Observer. Read the whole thing here.

If only somebody at the fire station had let him play with the siren. That would have made the story perfect.

So If Last Night Was a Democratic Pep Rally, Does That Make Joe Biden the Mascot?

I watched a good portion of last night's quasi-SOTU. And by good, I don't mean that I watched anything that would qualify as "good", only that I watched most of the sophomoric show in between the LSU - Florida basketball game.

An important caveat -- A mistake was made in staying sober. I wasn't at my house and only had access to a few glasses of wine. No pills, nothing to smoke, no hard liquor. How anyone actually watches one of these things sober is beyond me. Turns out there are a lot of things you miss when slipping in and out of alcohol and barbiturates induced comas. But don't get me wrong -- you're better off for it. My thoughts from last night:

--What the fuck was Nancy Pelosi wearing? The morning-beer-shits-color straitjacket she had on last night was hideous and off putting to even this observer who usually finds the lady and her massive boobies quite attractive. Put the outfit together with a level of exuberance that was downright offensive after what she's done to the American taxpayer recently and it was very hard to watch her behind the president.

--Is Joe Biden the dumbest guy on earth? I think so. He's a caricature of Joe Biden. The grin and finger points to the crowd, he's obnoxious like no other. And what the fuck was with Obama saying, "No one messes with Joe!". Seriously, this is supposed to be a serious speech during a serious time and he gives a shout-out to the goofy VP? What a joke.

--Were we supposed to feel better about the $1 trillion that was just taken from us, when Obama confirmed that Joe Biden would be overseeing the stimulus raping of America investment and recovery act? 'Cause I don't.

--How long can Obama get away with blaming Bush and a former Republican congress for deficit? You would think it would be hard to do when you've signed off on spending in you're first month like no other president has ever done. Basically I'm making Nick Gillespie's point that he made so well.

--We learned you're against America if you drop out of high school.

--Solar panels and windmills are still going to be the drivers of tomorrow's jobs. Let me repeat: Solar panels and windmills...

--Did anyone hear anything about free trade? Honest question. I might have missed it. I definitely heard one reference to companies that ship our jobs overseas.

--More and more Obama strikes me as the prototypical pragmatic office bureaucrat that forces me to sit in hour long meetings about carpet. Anyone else get this vibe? I'm using pragmatic in a pejorative manner. I think anyone who considers themselves a pragmatist is usually worthless. So Obama will have lots of meetings with lots of breakout sessions where people will talk about a lot of things that will never happen. All just to repeat mistakes made 40 years ago. Great.

First In What is Sure To Be a Long List of Apologies

Biden apologies for mocking John Roberts:

Vice President Biden made his first -- and probably not last -- apology for a joke gone bad, reportedly calling Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts to offer a mea culpa for cracking wise about Roberts' flubbing the oath of office during President Obama's inauguration.

I must have written it somewhere on this site over the past 6 months, but out of an abundance of caution I'll repeat it and I'll be sure to repeat it for at least the next four years:

I'm much more scared of Joe "I'm a fucking moron" Biden becoming President than I am of Obama as President. It's what made the criticism of Sarah Palin so foolish IMO, during the campaign. Joe Biden is a first rate idiot, a guy who may be fun to watch on TV but certainly shouldn't be within one step of the Presidency.

Remember, this is the guy who wanted to split Iraq up into 3 parts, does anyone every call him out on what would have been a frighteningly stupid and dangerous decision, had he actually been able to make any decisions? He's reckless and has the IQ and ego of a college frat boy. Joe Biden should hold no position in power higher than that of official food taster for the President.

Biden Still Fighting for Dumbest Veep Candidate Title

One upside to a Barack Obama administration (other than the inevitable Obama-Scarlett Johansson affair rumors) is that Joe Biden will be an endless source of amusement. Last week he talked about the "three-letter word" at the heart of Obama's economic recovery plan: Jobs, J-O-B-S, jobs." Today he did his part by telling the world an Obama administration will have a major crisis early on:

“Mark my words. It will not be six months before the world tests Barack Obama like they did John Kennedy. The world is looking. We’re about to elect a brilliant 47-year-old senator president of the United States of America.” he told a fundraising crowd in the Pacific Northwest on Sunday. “Remember I said it standing here if you don’t remember anything else I said. Watch, we’re gonna have an international crisis, a generated crisis, to test the mettle of this guy.”

Of course, it would still be better than a Biden administration, which would be "a national tragedy of historic proportions if it were to happen" according to Joe.

Biden Fights the Dumbest Veep Candidate Title

Joe Biden is not going to give it up to Saran Palin without a struggle:

"John's last minute economic plan does nothing to tackle the number one job facing the middle class and it happens to be, as Barack says, a three-letter word: Jobs, J-O-B-S. Jobs."

Best-Dressed Biden Protests Wal-Mart

If you have ever seen Senator Joe Biden on the Metroliner like I have you know his hair is blow-dried and has seen some Aquanet and his suits look very continental and expensive. And in recognition of Biden's fabulous knack for style, he was named by Esquire the 14th best dressed man in the world, just after New England Patriot's hero Tom Brady and music star Andree 3000. I would personally never mention Biden in the same magazine that mentions Tom Brady.

Mr. Esquire Sexy Man Aquanet Freedom-cuff Senator just took a stance against Wal-Mart, which creates jobs which people freely take because they are not US Senators and have to make a living. On Wednesday, Biden headlined a news conference for a movement called Wake Up Wal-Mart.

"My problem is that I don't see any indication they care about the fate of middle-class people," Biden said.

Well, actually, Wal-Mart employs people who want jobs. And they sell a lot of Aquanet in Delaware.

Breaking News: Biden for Limited Government (Fine Print: But Only for Iraqis)

Plugged-in Sen. Joe Biden, in a New York Times op-ed today, has proposed partitioning Iraq, saying that a weak central government will help the country's Shiites, Sunnis and Kurds live together in perfect harmony.

The idea, as in Bosnia, is to maintain a united Iraq by decentralizing it, giving each ethno-religious group — Kurd, Sunni Arab and Shiite Arab — room to run its own affairs, while leaving the central government in charge of common interests. We could drive this in place with irresistible sweeteners for the Sunnis to join in, a plan designed by the military for withdrawing and redeploying American forces, and a regional nonaggression pact.

Irresistible sweeteners? What is that, some sort of plan to make every Iraqi Equal? If so, what a Splenda idea!

Biden continues:

The central government would control border defense, foreign affairs and oil revenues. Baghdad would become a federal zone, while densely populated areas of mixed populations would receive both multisectarian and international police protection.

Decentralization is hardly as radical as it may seem: the Iraqi Constitution, in fact, already provides for a federal structure...

So does ours, asshole. It actually requires it. And you don't pay it any mind. Or is your RAVE Act what passes as "common interests"?