The Blair Punk-Ass Bitch Project

What can make P. Diddy shit his pants in terror? Sarah Palin's reading habits. Watch the lamest voter registration ad of the year.

Around the Dial

What has happened to television? Can anyone answer this question? Do they make anything, anymore that doesn't require the viewer to be high as fuck in order to watch the show? It doesn't seem that way.

Has anyone bothered to catch the Real World this season? It's great; MTV has officially completed their project with the show taking it from semi-socially relevant, to a show filled with hot, slutty blondes. No blacks, no gays, just 3 hot blondes, one extremely desperate and extremely awkward not-hot chick and 3 white guys. I haven't even seen them leave their house. It's just get-fucked-up-at-home, yell at each other a little bit, then someone fucks someone else. I love it.

They just now got their "job", after 15 episodes (granted a Real World season typically runs 50-70 episodes) and that job is to work for a travel agency. Brilliant. Who wants to watch them do something worthwhile like work with retarded kids in some mountain-side camp? I sure don't. Who needs retarded -- or even worse -- sick kids on their television screen at night? MTV has answered that question…

The Magic of Free Markets

Via the Superficial, I learn that reality stars cunts like LC from The Hills makes somewhere in the range of $10,000-25,000 an EPISODE. Fine whatever, if that's the going rate I'm glad MTV pays it. I can't get enough of these shows. This though, threw me for a loop:

[...]Or speaking fees—around $5,000 to $10,000 per appearance, says Robert Tuchman of TSE Sports & Entertainment.

What? Someone is hiring these girls for speaking gigs? I'd hire them at a $10,000 "appearance fee" if it didn't involve speaking. Or clothes. I'd just make them hold up big signs that read "Rob is the Best." Or, "My! What a Large Cock Rob has!" And so on and so on. But hiring them to speak? To people? For $5,000-10,000 a pop? Wow. What a world we live in. Check out Hills episodes online for a better appreciation of these master wordsmiths.

Oh God, Please Make This Come True

Great reality show ideas, via Celebritology. Give Mr. Lohan a chance and make it happen Hollywood!

...including a pitch for another reality show in which he and Lindsay would be put on a desert island along with Paris Hilton, Jessica Simpson and their dads.

And then there is this:

"And he's got other ideas, like going out on Sunset Boulevard and giving a prostitute a hundred dollar bill -- not for sex, but for her time so he can talk to her and try to save her. He wants to make things right with the world. And especially with his family."

Good for him. I'm sure you're asking yourself, "What about Rob? I'm sure he has some white-hot concepts that he's itching to put on the Networks." Well I'm glad you asked. My top reality show ideas in no particular order. I'm speaking in my Producer voice, so 3rd person here I come!

1. Put Rob on the cast of The Hills. Watch as he recreates his weekends in So Cal with the Hills crowd. Mostly will consist of him calling them "rich cunts, selfish no-good whores," followed by "I think you are hot, do you what to have a three-some." Of course he will be waving his drink drunkenly; sporting his "look", which for lack of a better term could be called the "Old Navy Retro '97." The highlight of this show would be during the late-night hours when Rob inappropriately rubs himself under the table, or on top, while giving Lauren the thousand-yard stare.


2. Put Rob on the cast of Maui Fever. Uh...pretty much same plot outline as above.


3. Only MTV unrelated concept. And I've Rob has been really selling this one hard -- Grab Mel Gibson. Get a room. Add tequila and a different minority every week. Laughter to follow

Now, why can't I get any traction on these?