Laura, I'm Catching Olympic Fever

To paraphrase Mel Brooks, it's good to be the president.

Via: IDontLikeYouInThatWay.com.

Dave Barry on China: It's Filled With Chinese

The humor writer is in the Far East to cover the Olympics. Will he make it out alive?

The Olympics are a HUGE deal for China. Everywhere you look in this teeming capital city, you see vague shapes in the distance that might be large impressive Olympic things if you could actually get a good look at them, which you can't because the air is swarming with toxic particles the size of Milk Duds. The Chinese government has been trying to reduce air pollution by shutting down factories -- thereby threatening the world's strategic supply of Guitar Hero -- and ordering Beijing residents to cease teeming during the Olympics. But air quality is still a big issue, as evidenced by the controversial decision by the International Olympic Committee to allow marathon competitors to ride motorcycles.

Nevertheless, there will be no problems whatsoever during these Olympics, which will without question be the greatest Games ever held. Why do I say this? I say it because Chinese government authorities are closely monitoring us journalists and controlling our use of the Internet. They can cause trouble for us if we write something they don't like, or mention a topic they want us to avoid, such as

ERROR ERROR ERROR YOU ARE HAVING TECHNICAL INTERNET PROBLEM ERROR ERROR ERROR

So the Chinese government is a little scary. There are police and army officers stationed roughly every 14 feet throughout Beijing; I'm pretty sure there's one in my hotel closet.

He's only being half-facetious. On his blog he points out exactly how the government is messing with his website:

And here's an interesting fact: I can't see this blog in China. I can post to it, but I can't see it. I was told that all TypePad blogs are blocked over here. This bothers some people, but I for one welcome my new Chinese overlords.

What Are Authoritarian Governments Good For? Negative Examples

Fascinating article in today's Wall Street Journal about China's efforts to clean up the air in time for the Olympics. They're not making much progress despite some pretty drastic measures. That has some environmentalists worried. Why? Well ...

Scientists from around the world are studying the antipollution efforts to see what, if anything, succeeds -- and what the costs are. These conclusions could affect policies in countries like India whose fast-growing economies are following similar patterns of industrialization and car ownership. Though countries including the U.S. and Japan have used similar tactics to curb pollution, scientists say the speed and sheer extent of China's changes make it an ideal laboratory to measure what works.

***

China's authoritarian government can compel companies and citizens to comply with regulations more easily than other countries can. The government's antipollution measures have disrupted workday commutes for hundreds of thousands of residents, and caused tens of thousands of workers to go on forced holiday, with reduced pay.

So if Beijing can't succeed -- even in the short term -- the current experiment could bode ill for the ability of other industrializing countries to curb pollution. "If China can't control pollution, a country like India can't either," says Shaw Chen Liu, director of the Research Center for Environmental Changes at Academia Sinica, a Taiwanese institute that helped China lay out plans to improve air quality for the Games.

Good to know that climate change types are taking their cues from Communist China. Thank goodness, the message that's coming out of China is that it's methods don't work.

Beijing Watch You Long Time

Hey Olympic corporate sponsors, enjoy your blue balls while you are over at the games in China:

BEIJING (Reuters) - China's government has told discos, karaoke bars and other entertainment venues to install windows in private rooms and ensure staff dress modestly from Oct 1 as part of an effort to crack down on prostitution and drugs.

According to rules released on the Ministry of Public Security's website entertainment venues must install transparent partitions between rooms that ensure "the whole environment of the consumer's entertainment area in the room can be seen."

"When open for business, the transparent part of rooms and windows to rooms at singing and dancing entertainment venues must not be obstructed," the rules say.

Discos, karaoke nightclubs and other bars in China frequently have private rooms for hire, and are a favorite places for businessmen to entertain guests, sometimes with prostitutes, which is illegal in China.

Staff clothing is also covered in the new rules. "Staff members should dress tastefully, and not be too exposing."

Other rules demand closed circuit television cameras be installed and security guards placed at discos.

No Torch Trouble in North Korea

Non-news of the day:

The Olympic torch made an incident-free passage through the streets of Pyongyang on Monday, a day after a series of clashes between pro and anti-Chinese demonstrators marred the relay south of the Korean border.

Today's Special: Frog-Fried Rice

Let's hear it for the protesters across France who gave the commie bastards in Beijing fits early today. They turned the Olympic torch relay into a spectacle wackier than a Jackie Chan movie outtake:

Paris' Olympic torch relay descended into chaos Monday, with protesters scaling the Eiffel Tower, grabbing for the flame and forcing security officials to repeatedly snuff out the torch and transport it by bus past demonstrators yelling "Free Tibet!"

The relentless anti-Chinese demonstrations ignited across the capital with unexpected power and ingenuity, foiling 3,000 police officers deployed on motorcycles, in jogging gear and even inline skates.

Chinese organizers finally gave up on the relay, canceling the last third of what China had hoped would be a joyous jog by torch-bearing VIPs past some of Paris' most famous landmarks.

Thousands of protesters slowed the relay to a stop-start crawl, with impassioned displays of anger over China's human rights record, its grip on Tibet and support for Sudan despite years of bloodshed in Darfur.

Oh, what I would have paid to be there when the Free Tibet protesters took on the French policemen wearing inline skates defending the Olympic torch. Will Ferrell, eat your heart out.

Since it is never a bad time to bring this up, here's a great catalog of the crimes the Chinese regime. One of the guys who wrote it, Hu Jia, is currently locked away for the crime of insulting his government.

2010 Olympics To Feature Extra Pole-Vaulting

A group of Canadian "sex trade workers" (you know, hookers) are fighting for the legal right to incorporate their co-op brothel. They want to get this done in time for the 2010 Olympics in Vancover so they can having people shouting "Oh, Canada" in at least 35 languages:

Brothels are illegal in Canada, but the country's prostitution laws have recently been challenged in the court as unconstitutional. Prostitution itself is legal, however solicitation, procuring or living off the avails of prostitution can land you in jail.

The group hopes to win an exemption from Parliament by showing it would be safer to have prostitutes work in a single facility in Vancouver that they control, rather than plying their trade on the streets.

The Conservative federal government has warned it will oppose the effort, which critics have said will only perpetuate the idea that prostitution is acceptable.

It took the group six months to draft a business plan and bylaws for the organizations, but it had no trouble from the British Columbia provincial government getting incorporated, [brothel spokeswoman Susan] Davis said.

That was probably the most relaxing lobbying session those provincial government officials ever had. The rest of the story is here.