The Story That Makes You Want To Poop All Over America

I hate America. WSJ:

PALMDALE, Calif. -- Schoolteacher Shana Richey misses the playroom she decorated with Glamour Girl decals for her daughters. Fireman Jay Fernandez misses the custom putting green he installed in his backyard.

But ever since they quit paying their mortgages and walked away from their homes, they've discovered that giving up on the American dream has its benefits.

Both now live on the 3100 block of Club Rancho Drive in Palmdale, where a terrible housing market lets them rent luxurious homes -- one with a pool for the kids, the other with a golf-course view -- for a fraction of their former monthly payments.

I WANT YOU BOTH TO DIE.

Both these assholes also get free coffee once a month at Dunkin Donuts. When's free coffee day for Underpaid Non-Profit Workers?? Never, that's when. Fuck you Dunkin Donuts. I'll take Caribou's over-priced coffee any day of the week over your Indian inspired brown water.

Houses for free, coffee for free. Pensions that non public-sector employees could only dream of. I mean that. I dream of guaranteed pensions and retirement. Kitties too. [Speaking of cats....Have any of you seen this? The Furminator. Probably the most bad-ass invention ever. Review to follow after my old lady and I are rolling around in piles of fur on our bed, like mountains of $100 bills.] All these riches made possible by the ass-sweat of renters and taxpayers alike.

You can't even call them stupid for spending like a Caligula and buying (I'll use that term loosely in this case) homes they couldn't afford AND doubling up on the debt with improvements like putting greens and helicopter landing pads, or whatever it is that stupid white people put in their homes. No, people like me are the ones left looking like idiots in this equation. I rent an apartment that is roughly the size of my cube here at work. Roughly...The cube may be a little bit bigger. And has better heat.

These assholes not only walk away from hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt but also get to rent houses with pools and access to golf courses. FUCK YOU. These people should be thrown in jail. It's stealing, plain and simple. From the bank, and from the taxpayers who are subsidizing this madness. I don't care what their credit will look like, that's no punishment. I want to see them behind bars. If we live in a country that throws people in jail for smoking I think it's only fair that this type of behavior is punished just as harshly. It's hurting a lot more people than marijuana smoke could ever hope to.

If nothing else at least these people are cutting back once they have thrown the debt off their shoulders...Right?

Some are leaving behind their homes and mortgages right away, while others are simply halting payments until the bank kicks them out. That's freeing up cash to use in other ways.

Ms. Richey's family of five used some of the money to buy season tickets to Disneyland, and plans to take a Carnival cruise to Mexico in March. Mr. Fernandez takes his girlfriend out to dinner more frequently. "We're saving lots of money," Ms. Richey says.

*Sigh*...Motherfuckers.

Via City Paper where some good, and not-quite-as-angry comments are made.

How To Survive A Recession: Boobies AND Facelifts

Reuters reports that plastic surgeons are seeing a rise in the number people coming to them who are also job-seekers. Why? 'Cause in a recession it pays to be shallow:

... some surgeons and patients are now citing increased interest in surgery among people wanting to look younger and "fresher" for the ever-competitive job market.

***

"Before the economy turned down, people would come in because they wanted to have more fun and enjoyment out of life," he said. "But now plastic surgery has become a necessity for some. People cannot only rely on their skills in this market. They want to look refreshed and youthful so they can compete for jobs," [plastic surgeon Payman Simoni] he said.

The American Society of Plastic Surgeons released a recent survey showing that American women were looking at cosmetic surgery to get a competitive edge in the workplace.

About 13 percent of the 756 women surveyed, between the ages of 18 and 64, say they would consider having a cosmetic medical procedure to make them more confident and more competitive in the job market.

***

Manhattan plastic surgeon Stephen Greenberg saw an opportunity in this growing trend and recently began promoting a "Job Fighter Package" for men and women.

"We've probably done no less than 50 to 60 tune-ups since launching the package about five months ago," Greenberg said, noting that not all the "tuneups" have involved surgeries, but also less costly and invasive procedures like cosmetic injectables.

Sex: Not Recession-Proof After All?

Here's an interesting article by the Associated Press about how the various branches of the "adult entertainment industry" are weathering the recession. The bottomline? Better than the rest of us, but they are feeling the pinch too:

CHICAGO (AP) — As a bartender and trainer at a national restaurant chain, Rebecca Brown [pictured above] earned a couple thousand dollars in a really good week. Now, as a dancer at Chicago’s Pink Monkey gentleman’s club, she makes almost that much in one good night.

The tough job market is prompting a growing number of women across the country to dance in strip clubs, appear in adult movies or pose for magazines like Hustler.

Employers across the adult entertainment industry say they’re seeing an influx of applications from women who, like Brown, are attracted by the promise of flexible schedules and fast cash. Many have college degrees and held white-collar jobs until the economy soured.

“You’re seeing a lot more beautiful women who are eligible to do so many other things,” said Gus Poulos, general manager of New York City’s Sin City gentleman’s club. He said he got 85 responses in just one day to a recent job posting on Craigslist.

But the influx of people into the business is undercutting profits:

Still, analysts say, the industry isn’t immune to the economic recession. Business is down an estimated 30 percent across all segments, including adult films, gentleman’s clubs, magazines and novelty shops, said Paul Fishbein, president of AVN Media Network, an adult entertainment company that has a widely distributed trade publication and an award show.

“In the past, people have said this industry is recession-proof,” said Eric Wold, director of research for financial services firm Merriman Curhan Ford. “I definitely don’t see that; maybe recession-resistant.”

Strip club dancers and managers said they’re drawing in the same number of customers, but fewer high rollers.

“They’re not getting the big spenders,” said Angelina Spencer, executive director of the Association of Club Executives, a trade group for adult nightclubs. “They’re not getting the guys who come in and drop $3,000 to $4,000 a night anymore.”

Still, the clubs’ operating structure leaves them with low overhead and profit margins of up to 50 percent, Wold said.

The article closes with Brown explaining one of the other attractions of the business. There will always be an audience for naked women. Therefore, she says, "I have job security." Well, at least until gravity wins out.