Your TtP STD PSA

I'm late to the party, but April is STD Awareness month. In honor of encouraging testing, I'm proud to announce that according to recent test results that are framed and hanging on my cubicle wall -- this reckless blogger is currently STD free. I pass along these obvious lab screw-ups results not to encourage the unprotected sex, or risky sexual activities that I have so fortunately gotten away with in the last few years; but rather to say that if even I can test negative for 7 STDs that there is a really good chance that you can too.

I recommend tSTD. It's a pretty cool service that cuts out the doctors visit and returns the results within 48 hours. Insurance doesn't cover it, but if you need a full battery of tests and you don't have all the symptoms, insurance probably won't cover you at a clinic either. The price isn't too bad, only $250 for all the important ones. They give you your results over the phone and post them to a secure web site, so that you can prove to your pesky partner that you really are disease free. Give them a try.

This is Better Than the Time I Claimed I Didn't Have Chlamydia...Or Gonorrhea...Or Syphilis...Or Gental Warts

Ok, so it wasn't "one time". More like every every time...But girls today are so demanding. They're all like, "Are you clean?" or "Whats that large bump doing on your penis?" or even better "Where's the puss coming from?" I mean really.....Such high standards from women willing to have sex with me...Demanding is a better word.

Anyways, Amy Winehouse pulls a "Rob" and claims she doesn't use drugs. As she is passing out during the interview with Blender. No joke. From Holy Moly:

Channeling Marks & Spencer voice): This is the Amy Winehouse who was hospitalised after a drug overdose in August. But she doesn't take drugs.

This is the Amy Winehouse who was arrested in Norway for possession of marijuana. But she doesn't take drugs.

This is the drug-free Winehouse who was speaking to Blender magazine when she made the claim that she doesn't take drugs.

This is the Amy Winehouse who fell asleep three times during the interview with Blender magazine.

This is the Amy Winehouse who said, "I take, like, anti- ... I take stuff for my depression. Prescriptive stuff. But I don't take it.

"I don't have the time [for drugs]... I'm a really big drinker. I used to be there before the pub opened, banging on the door." And never, repeat never, at any time taking drugs. Well I believe her. And as Chris Morris pointed out, alcohol isn't a drug, it's a drink.

P.S. If you happen to be female and run into me at a bar, these are all just jokes, really. I mean I swear -- nothing to pass on from me to you. Except sweat. Boy do sweat a lot, but I consider that an asset. Not sure why, but I do.

Friday Fun-Time Links

I'm tweaking the post headline, but the content stays the same. Disturbing, humorous and educational, I bring you the Friday links.

Who would've thought the guy to the right would be caught hiding in a grade school bathroom?

GRAPEVINE, Texas -- Police said they have arrested a man who hid in both the boys and girls bathrooms of an elementary school for an hour on Thursday.

[...]

He admitted being in the school only to relieve himself," said Sgt. Bob Murphy of the Grapevine Police Department. "He didn't have an explanation for the hour he spent in the two restrooms."

How's that global War on Drugs going?

Drug traffickers are waging a highly effective publicity campaign in Mexico that began with a chilling show of brutality in Acapulco: two police officers' heads, streaming with blood, were stuck on metal spikes outside a downtown building with a fluorescent cardboard sign. "So that you learn to respect," it read in thick black letters

I'm gonna go out on a limb, and say not too well.

Somehow, Chicago finds something new to ban.

Doesn't this make news every 6 months or so? Gonorrhea, the new herpes.

Last, but certainly not least, Rich Lowry defends Imus...sorta.

Whew, the Only Mid-West Girls Whores I Fuck are from Wisconsin

Condoms are for wimps.

Record number of STDs reported in Minnesota
ST. PAUL — Sexually transmitted diseases including chlamydia, gonorrhea and syphilis climbed to a record high last year, the state Health Department reported on Monday.

The data show that 16,428 cases of sexually transmitted diseases were reported in 2006. Nearly 13,000 of those cases included people infected with chlamydia.

AP article here.