I Didn't Know Down Syndrome Was Contagious

I've been missing in these parts after a few unfortunate events.

First, as you can tell from the picture above, I was bitten by a chipmunk and quickly began my transformation into part human/part chipmunk superhero. Makes for busy days.

Second, I continued my shitty luck with laptop power cords as my third cord in as many years bit the dust, putting my home computer out of commission until I discover a new source of bio-generated, cordless power or I just buy a new cord for $60. I'm not through with the horse manure windmill yet so it might be another week or so until the laptop is back up and operational.

Third, I made up that part about the chipmunk superpowers. Sorry. Just a nasty infection in a tooth that I need a root canal performed on. BORING. Tomorrow is the root canal. I've had the BEST WEEK EVER.

I've also completely missed this Massa scandal, which at first I thought was a good thing. Stupid Washington bullshit....NOT. How the fuck did I miss this?!? This story that was made for this crappy blog. DAMN YOU INFECTED NERVE.

I'll just say this one thing about Rep Massa and the controversy surrounding the man -- Let he who has not engaged in ticklefests with his male co-workers cast the first stone.....Predictable silence. I thought so.

Term of the Day: Skank Agent

Consider yourself informed. And yes, I WOULD do the girl on the left.

Special Alert To All TtP Readers In Georgia

Especially if you are a teacher. The good news is you can actually legally sleep with that hot, hot piece of jailbait ass who has been giving you that look all semester. The bad news is that that right is about to be taken away from you:

MARIETTA - Teachers across Georgia may legally engage in sexual relationships with students 16 or older if the sex is consensual.

That is what the state Supreme Court held last summer when it ruled, 5-2, in Chase v. The State, a case out of Richmond County. The decision has immediate effects in Cobb County, where at least two former high school teachers are charged with sexual assaults of students older than 16.

***

A lawmaker from Gainesville has already drafted legislation for the 2010 session to crystallize the illegality. And a Cobb lawmaker, Rep. Rob Teilhet, says if that bill can't be passed quickly, "I don't know what we'll do this year of any value."

You know, Teilhet, ol' buddy, sometimes inaction is an option.

Lesson Learned Fellas

That lesson being -- If you are going to have sex with a drunk 18 year old college freshman in a bathroom stall, be sure to film it on your cellphone.

More on a date rape that wasn't at Hofstra University:

NEW YORK — The police were looking for him.

Then the man Nassau County, N.Y., police said they’d identified as the fifth suspect in an alleged gang rape at Hofstra University on Long Island shared a crucial piece of evidence with the family of another suspect.

A cell-phone video. It was just five minutes and 58 seconds of grainy footage from a public men’s bathroom in a college dormitory, according to a defense attorney for one of the four men who was later charged. It did not show the entire incident, the attorneys acknowledge.

Read the whole article, it's pretty troubling if you're the type of guy who is having consensual drunk sex in bathroom stalls and/or regularly participating in group sex with emotionally unstable females. So more or less all my friends who read this blog.

The short version of the story --- A Hofstra co-ed had drunk group sex in a bathroom stall. The next morning she claims she was raped in a lurid manner involving her being tricked into a bathroom and then tied to a toilet while being assaulted. People get angry, suspects are arrested, a press conference is held. A couple days later while searching for a missing suspect the cellphone video turns up, showing nothing more than a dirty girl in a dirty situation. Charges were dropped against the equally dirty young men.

What I didn't see in the article was anything about pending charges against the lady who falsely accused. One can only hope that charges are soon to follow.

More at doublex.

Headline of the Day

Springfield man gets 90 days for shooting wife during sex

The subhead reads: "Wife insists the incident was accidental." Now that is standing by your man. The story itself is somewhat short on details on what precisely happened though. I'll it to you readers to imagine it in all its Freudian glory.

Despite the fact that the incident took place in Springfield, the shooter's name was not Homer, surprisingly enough. Read the whole thing here.

Things Not To Do In Provo, Utah

Do not put a mattress inside your van, attach a sign to a window that says "free candy inside" and then just park in random neighborhoods. Turns out some people might get alarmed by these activities. This has been a TtP public service announcement.

C'mon, What Else Is There To Do In Tallahassee?

The Florida state legislature is considering a ban on bestiality. If passed, this would this would knock down to 15 the number of states left in the US where a man and a sheep can party like the Greeks of old. (You know the ones I mean.)

The best part of this story from the Miami Herald is this bit where Democratic State Senator Larcenia Bullard had a bit of trouble understanding the concept of "animal husbandry":

Rich's legislation would target only those who derived or helped others derive ''sexual gratification'' from an animal, specifying that conventional dog-judging contests and animal-husbandry practices are permissible.

That last provision tripped up Miami Democratic Sen. Larcenia Bullard.

''People are taking these animals as their husbands? What's husbandry?'' she asked. Some senators stifled their laughter as Sen. Charlie Dean, an Inverness Republican, explained that husbandry is raising and caring for animals. Bullard didn't get it.

''So that maybe was the reason the lady was so upset about that monkey?'' Bullard asked, referring to a Connecticut case where a woman's suburban chimpanzee went mad and was shot.

Didn't I See This On A Hotel Pay-Per-View The Other Night?

A hot teacher sleeping with one of her students? Old News. Hot female teachers sleeping with female students? Also old news. Hot female teacher sleeping with female student, then getting into a catfight with her mother? Now that I haven't heard before.

Dentist, Massuese...Who Can Keep Those Jobs Straight?

If I knew dentists were giving out happy endings I wouldn't always be so anxious about my annual trip:

The attorney for a Woodland dentist told jurors that his client massaged women's chests as part of a medical treatment.

Defense attorney Michael Rothschild told the six-man, six-woman Yolo County jury that Mark Anderson was treating his female clients for temporomandibular disorder, or TMD. The attorney says the condition affects the muscles of the upper body.

Anderson faces 19 felony charges for skin-to-skin contact and one misdemeanor for touching a patient's breasts over her clothing. The incidents occurred between February 2005 and his arrest in August 2007 and brought complaints from 18 women.

The good news for any prospective dentist out there is that you can molest over a dozen women for 18 months until you get caught. So if we've learned anything from this disgraced pervert of a dentist, it's that you should only grope gassed up women for 16, 17 months top, before stopping for good.

Never Miss Another Hot Teacher/Teenage Boy Story Again!

We here at TtP work hard to make this a quality blog. It is our intention, for example, to bring to your attention every story involving teachers getting it on with their students that we come across.

We do overlook some of them though. This blog is just a sideline for Rob and myself and we can't devote all of our time to it. Speaking for myself, my day job of producing and directing bumfight videos keeps me pretty busy. (And yet the Motion Picture Academy keeps ignoring me every Oscars ...)

Luckily, I've come a cross a SFW website devoted solely to keeping track of student-teacher sex, badbadteacher.com. A real labor of love for its owner, it is exhaustive and constantly updated.

There you can read about Shannon Hrozek, for example, a Houston teacher caught going down on a 16 year-old student by her principal. We highlighted her case before because she was "the third Spring ISD teacher charged with having sex with a student in the last four months."

They've updated the story several times since then including charges that Hrozek was involved with another teenage boy. They have missed the latest update from the local ABC station though, her rather novel defense:

[Hrozek] had taken the stand to tell the jury face to face her version of what happened. She spent most of the time on the stand explaining that she had passed out and she doesn't remember anything, and that she was in a heavy sleep at the time the alleged assault happened.

Hrozek told the jury she takes at least five different types of medications for anxiety, depression and attention deficit disorder. Her attorney, Katherine Scardino, showed the jury the pill bottles. Because she was on medication, Hrozek testified, she passed out and does not remember the alleged sexual encounter with her 16-year-old male student in January 2008 at Westfield High School.

In other words, she was giving a blowjob in her sleep. This raises two obvious questions: what was the medicinal concoction she was taking and are the components available over the counter? 'Cause otherwise I've gotta go back to med school. And I don't wanna do that now 'cause I'm this close to signing a contract with ESPN10 for "Wednesday Night Skidrow Action."

It's Like Raaaiiinn On Your Wedding Day

Even when I've been tired out by the election, politics, and the drug war; it's the hope of stories like this that keep me coming back to the blog day after day (or day after every other day..)

Sex Offender Wins Jackpot In Charity For Sex Abuse Victims

Alaska (ChattahBox) – A convicted sex offender has won an Alaskan lottery that was being organized to help aid victims of sexual abuse.


The $50,000 jackpot was gathered by organizers with Standing Together Against Rape (STAR), a group dedicated to helping people who have suffered the trauma sexual assault.

Alec Ahsoak, a 53 year old convicted sex offender, was charged and jailed on sexual assault charges against minors in both 1993, and 2000. He has promised to give $100,000 of his winnings back to STAR in what he calls an ‘act of God’.

How's that pledge coming?

After taxes, Ahsoak took home $350,000. No official reports of a donation back to STAR have so far been made.

Exactly. I wouldn't count on that donation guys, $350,000 buys a lot of candy and trench coats.

Age Of Consent Law Goes Down in S.C.; 14 Year-olds No Longer Will

In other ballot initiative news, the only measure TtP took a bold stand on, preserving South Carolina's age of consent at 14 years of age, went down last night. In related news, Rob has pulled out of that deal for a time share in Charleston.

Vote Rob the Blogger for Congress -- Florida's 16th District

Fuck it. I think I have a chance. Judging on the the creeps the voters have elected the last two cycles, I feel that my shady sexual past, coupled with a complete lack of morals and ethics will run well in Florida's 16th Congressional district. Wish me luck.

But a document obtained by ABC News reveals new allegations of threatening behavior and sexual harassment toward a female staffer, that go far beyond Mahoney's public confession, including claims that he urged one of his mistresses to serve as a "tease" for big donors.

The former Congressional staff member, Patricia Allen, was paid $121,000 by Mahoney after she was fired and threatened to sue.

The settlement was reached after Allen hired a lawyer who sent the Congressman a "demand" letter, listing specific examples of Mahoney's alleged "gross misconduct" and "stalking" including:


"a) Calling Allen late in the evenings and demanding "phone sex;"


b) Demanding that Allen answer his calls or face termination;


c) Demanding that Allen attend fundraisers and "tease c-ck" to bring in more donations from the male members of the public;


d) Demanding that Allen engage in sexual conduct with another woman for his enjoyment."


Current and former staffers told ABC News the allegations contained in the "demand letter" sent to Mahoney were backed up by tape recordings of phone calls between the Congressman and Allen.

I want to be a United States Congressman.

Full article here.

TtP Vacation Planning Tips: London

An official UK police commission report recommends that the country legalize public sex:

People caught having sex in public should only be arrested as a last resort, according to draft guidelines being issued to police.

Police should instead turn a blind eye to consenting adults in parks and public toilets, a senior officer said.

Deputy Chief Constable Michael Cunningham, of Lancashire Police, said in a report that previous responses had alienated the gay community.

It's still just a recommendation and the BBC story indicates it's not likely to be accepted any time soon. It's at moments like this that we need Catherine Zeta-Jones to turn to public activism. Very public activism.

How To Find a TtP Blogger This Halloween

The state of Maryland is now requiring convicted sex offenders to have the above sign placed out in front of their house.

The signs began arriving last week in the mailboxes of the about 1,200 violent and child-sex offenders across Maryland. The signs were accompanied by a letter explaining they must stay at home, turn off outside lights and not answer the door on Halloween.

The best part of the story is the letter the state sent to the offenders:

"Halloween provides a rare opportunity for you to demonstrate to your neighbors that you are making a sincere effort to change the direction of your life."

Somebody Please Cast Megan Fox In the Movie

Let's face it: stories of teachers seducing students have been so common in recent years that it's hardly news anymore. Heck, even hot 20-something teacher-babes seducing boys has gotten routine. So how does one make this news these days? Well, Indiana teacher Brooke Biggs has found a way:

SOUTH BEND, Ind.---- A teacher and coach was charged with child seduction after authorities said she made sexual advances toward a 16-year-old girl.

Brooke M. Biggs was formally charged Friday in St. Joseph Superior Court with two counts of felony child seduction following her arrest Thursday. She was released from St. Joseph County Jail on $2,000 cash bond Friday.
***
Investigators found Biggs and the girl had exchanged thousands of text messages including some with references to ''making out,'' and Biggs later admitted to police that she had been on a bed with the girl, kissing, the affidavit alleged. The girl later told police that Biggs had kissed and fondled her in August during a visit to her home while her parents were away, the document said.

Wouldn't you know it, the girls at the school all say she was a way cool teacher:

"She's my favorite teacher," 8th grade Grissom student Aundraya Leemreis told WSBT.
***
"Both my daughters like her very much," said Candace Brown. "They respect her and look up to her."

"Miss Biggs is a great teacher and I trust her," another parent said.

"She's a lot of fun," said Grissom 8th grader Aundraya Leemreis.

Enough of the Financial Talk; How About Some Drugs, Sheep that are Asking for It and Dead Hookers?

Links for your enjoyment.

Can I get rid of Comcast yet? Sprint unviels WiMax; city-wide "hot-spot" coverage for Baltimore.

This sounds like the type of guy I would trust to give information that may send people to jail:

Informants have different motivations for working with police, but the details they provide — names, places and times — can be key in major investigations and can lead to arrests.

Until last week, Timothy Ian Boland, a 31-year-old Robbinsdale man, was one of them. He's now accused of playing a role in the death of his brother's girlfriend and has been charged with second-degree murder and second-degree aiding and abetting a murder.

"At this point, his value as an informant is zero," Sommer said.

But Boland's arrest won't compromise any of the task force's investigations, he said.

Of course not. But is it nuts to think that it should? I don't think so...

TtP asks the question in Feburary '06 -- Is Sheep-Fucker a Sex Offender? I'm happy to report that the Michigan Court of Appeals says no.

A Calhoun County man who sodomized a sheep will not have to register as a sex offender because the sheep cannot be considered a victim of sexual assault under Michigan law, a court ruled this week.

Jeffrey Scott Haynes, 45, is serving a 2 1/2 - to 20-year prison sentence after pleading no contest to sodomy in 2006. He was found trespassing on a farm in Bedford Township in January 2005. The farmer called police when she realized one of her sheep was injured. A DNA sample taken from the sheep matched Haynes, a career criminal with convictions dating to 1985.[...]

Haynes, who was sentenced as a fourth-time habitual offender, is at Parr Highway Correctional Facility in Adrian. He has been convicted of home invasion, forgery and uttering and publishing.

Question to my lawyer readers: What's the difference between forgery and uttering and publishing?

While most people might automatically think murder when they find a dead hooker buried in a garden with her underwear around her knees, and her legs tied together with a plastice bag ALONG with signs of strangulation; the Baltimore Coroner would disagree. A brief story about the abnormally high rate of "undeclared" deaths in Baltimore as well as a reminder that someone is going around killing prostitutes in this city.

The Maryland Medical Examiner’s Office in Baltimore consistently posted higher numbers of undetermined deaths than other states or large cities. In 2004, for instance, 341 deaths were ruled undetermined in Baltimore City, and 807 in the state of Maryland. The same year, Washington, D.C., had 76 undetermined deaths.

In McClary’s case, Wecht said undetermined appeared to be the “proper” ruling. “In a case like this, where they need more information, it’s the right thing to do,” Wecht said.

McClary’s body was discovered Aug. 30, 2006, on Beaufort and West Belvedere avenues, where former police Commissioner Leonard Hamm’s stepdaughter Nicole Sesker was found strangled this year.

“We always thought it was suspicious,” said Rhonda McClary, Tyra’s sister. “We’ve really never had any closure. It’s been very hard for her mother.”

There have been 26 prostitutes killed since 1998, according to records reviewed by The Examiner.

Officer, the marijuana in my possesion only looks like a lot because it's fluffy. Oh, and I stayed late after work to drink booze. Now, why did you pull me over?

Sex Crime Friday Links

Gary Glitter is running out of South East Asian countries to call home. Gee...I wonder why he doesn't want to leave?

Glitter faces detention after refusing to board flight from Thailand

Disgraced former glam rock star demands to be allowed to stay in Thailand after deportation from Vietnam

The disgraced former glam rocker Gary Glitter could find himself behind bars again after refusing to board a flight to London following his deportation from Vietnam after serving a jail sentence for sexually abusing children.

The 64-year-old, whose real name is Paul Gadd, today remained in the transit lounge of Bangkok airport, where he had been due to change planes, but will be transferred to a detention centre if he continues to thwart efforts to send him back to the UK

Could Glitter be anymore obvious about wanting to have sex with little asian children? At least try to pretend like you aren't so eager to stay in countries that are pretty much only known for being an easy place to score pre-teen tail. Instead of trying to only go to Cambodia, Singapore and Thailand after being expelled from Vietnam after Gary already served a prison sentence for molesting 2 little girls; he should throw in at least one country that isn't noted for its pedophilia tourism. I dunno, like a Canada. Or Iceland.

Why you never trust ice cream truck drivers or men who coach sports teams who don't have a kid on the team -- Ice cream man pleads guilty to sex crimes:

There are disturbing new details about a man who pleaded guilty to a sex crime. According to an arrest report, back in March, an ice cream truck driver lured a mentally challenged 16-year-old boy with the promise of free ice cream.

Detectives say that's when Ibrahim Alsmadi touched the teen and forced the teen to touch him. Last week, Alsmadi pleaded guilty to open or gross lewdness. He still would've been selling ice cream to kids had city leaders not stepped in.

Not really a sex crime..But it's a crime in Dubai and it involves sex. Close enough.

A BUSINESSMAN accused of having sex on a Dubai beach with a fellow Brit claims they were only kissing.

Father-of-one, Vince Acors, 34, of Homesdale Road, Bromley, appeared before Dubai's Court of First Instance last Tuesday with sales rep Michelle Palmer, 36, in a hearing brought forward from August 21 to avoid intense media attention. Police allegedly caught the pair having sex on Jumeirah Open Beach, on July 5 this year and charged them with having an illicit affair, performing an indecent act in public and consuming alcohol.

The duo face up to six years in jail in the Islamic city if found guilty.

Yet one more reason why I will never step foot in Dubai. No booze, no sex and no drugs. Sounds like a great time.

Uh...I Think I'm OK with this Law

Columbus, Ohio:

Columbus -- It's a sad day when we have to pass laws to stop perverts from stealing and then drinking youngsters' urine.

But that's just where things stand in summertime Columbus, where two Republican lawmakers recently announced their intentions to introduce such a measure, in light of the recent actions of repeat offenders near capital city and their tendencies toward children.

State Sen. Steve Stivers and Rep. Jim Hughes, both Columbus-area Republicans, said their bills would make it a crime in Ohio "to collect urine, blood, tissue or other bodily substances without consent of the individual." (For those who give their consent: Yuck.)

Yuck indeed. If you're looking for examples of not-nanny-state-laws in action, this would be a good starting point.

More on the "tendencies" of some child predators that led to this law:

The bills stem from two incidents that occurred earlier this year. In June, according to the lawmakers, a convicted sex offender was discovered at a recreational facility "attempting to obtain and drink the urine of boys using the facilities," according to a release. "Despite the fact that the same man has been arrested for similar incidents numerous times over the years, area police could only charge him with criminal mischief because there are no laws on the books to specifically prohibit this activity."

And in July, another known sex offender was spotted repeatedly around another suburban community, armed with comic books and in the vicinity of children who were "around the same age as the 7-year-old boy he admitted to raping in 1996," according to the release. "Area police could do nothing but monitor the situation because he had not yet broken any laws."

Use your imagination to fill in the blanks on just how he was attempting to obtain urine; but I find I prefer to imagine the perv in a toilet costume, running through the park shouting YIPPEE!!

Full story here.

Short Bios of Past and Present TtP Bloggers? Close, But Not Quite

My gut reaction would be to generally oppose civil confinement laws (although they're a better alternative than Bobby "I'll Cut Your Nuts Off" Jindal's approach to pedophiles), but the profiles of some of the winners confined to Ward's Island in this Village Voice piece makes me re-think my opposition to confinement laws:

Christopher James, 26, whose life was disastrous from the start. He was born with the umbilical cord wrapped around his neck, causing a lack of oxygen to his brain, and two genetic syndromes that cause eye-movement problems, small testicles, and reduced fertility.[...]

All of these early problems, according to a state psychiatrist, contributed to what came next: an inability to control deviant sexual behavior. James was kicked out of his house and arrested for his first offense at age 19, after a seven-year-old girl accused him of touching her vagina. Out on probation, he was arrested a second time for fondling a 17-year-old girl while she was sleeping. That incident was caught on tape after the family he was living with put cameras up because they thought James was stealing from them. By 2005, he was behind bars and in trouble for violently raping a fellow inmate.

Jesus, this guy didn't take a break. Pre-arrest -- molesting. Probation -- molesting. Jail -- raping. Impressive resume. And all because of small testicles and shifty eyes.

More creeps here.

Wisconsin Supreme Court Releases Eagerly Anticipated Necrophilia Ruling

Here's something that I'm pretty damn sure even Rob wouldn't try:

MADISON, Wis. -- Three men are now facing attempted sexual assault charges after the Wisconsin Supreme Court ruled on Wednesday that people can be charged with sexual assault when the victims are dead.

Back in 2006, the three men -- Alexander Grunke, his twin brother Nicholas Grunke and their friend Dustin Radke -- were arrested on suspicion of digging up the corpse of a woman in order to have sex with it.

Lower courts dismissed the attempted third-degree sexual assault charges against the trio, saying that state law doesn't criminalize necrophilia.

However, the state Supreme Court overturned that ruling.

The court's ruling reinstates the charges against the three.

The men allegedly went to a southwestern Wisconsin cemetery in September 2006 to remove the body of Laura Tennessen, 20, of Cassville, who was killed in a recent motorcycle crash. One of men apparently saw an obituary photo of her and asked the others to help dig up the body so he could have sex with it. The men went to the cemetery with shovels, a crowbar, a tarpaulin, and a box of condoms, which the men had purchased that evening on their way to the cemetery. They used shovels to reach her grave but eventually abandoned their plan and were caught by authorities.

Buying a box of condoms on the way to the graveyard? Suddenly I feel waaay better about my social life.

Read the whole thing here.

Things Not To Do In A Muslim Country

Get drunk, pick up complete stranger, fuck said stranger on beach in broad daylight, tell the Muslim cop who tried to stop you once earlier to go fuck off, then hit the officer. Turns out, it doesn't work out so well:

Publishing firm manager Michelle was arrested after a cop saw her having sex on Jumeirah Beach. It is believed she was put in a cell.

She had earlier got drunk during a champagne brunch which turned into an all-day binge.

Michelle, 30, linked up at the bash with the British holidaymaker, known only as Vince, and joined him for a walk along the shore.

A police officer later spotted the pair having sex on the sand and let them off with a caution.

But the same cop arrested them both when he returned soon after – and found them at it AGAIN.

Sources said Michelle, who works in Dubai for magazines firm ITP Publishing, launched an angry four-letter tirade after her second romp was halted.

She is alleged to have called the cop a f****** Muslim **** and tried to hit him with her high-heeled shoe before being restrained.

Sex outside marriage is considered an offence in Dubai – one of the seven states which make up the United Arab Emirates.

Michelle was later charged with that, plus indecent behaviour in public, being drunk in public, and assaulting a police officer.

Authorities have warned her she faces between three months and six years in jail in the Arab state.

Her lover faces a similar sentence. And last night unconfirmed reports from Dubai suggested the desperate pair had MARRIED in a bid to reduce their jail terms.

They were understood to have hastily organised a civil ceremony soon after their release on bail.

So, Even if You Don't Plan On Raping a Child, You Might Want to Avoid Louisiana

Christ, this seems a tad extreme. Gov Bobby Jindal Signs Castration Law.

I feel better about executing a convicted child rapist than I do about chemically, or even physically castrating him. This couldn't seriously get through the courts, right?

Grandpa Takes Porn Title Seriously

Michigan:

Dale J. Wiggins, 60, waived arraignment and pleaded not guilty Thursday before Judge Charles Miel in 8th Judicial Circuit Court in Stanton. Wiggins is charged with second-degree criminal sexual conduct and remains free on bond.

Wiggins was charged May 27 in Gratiot County Circuit Court in Ithaca with two counts of child sexually abusive activity and two counts of distributing obscene material to children. He also pleaded not guilty in that case. He faces up to 20 years in prison if convicted of those charges.

The charges in both counties stem from a March 23 incident where Wiggins allegedly drove his granddaughter, 13, and her friend, 11, from Montcalm County into Gratiot County.

"They allegedly stopped at a video store in Alma where Mr. Wiggins purchased a DVD called 'Lesbian Training 7,'" said Gratiot County Prosecutor Keith Kushion. "The allegations are he allowed the girls to watch that on a portable DVD in his truck as he drove them around.

"We had testimony at the preliminary examination that he wanted them to do some of those things that were depicted in the video," he said.

"allowed the girls to watch..". What a weird way to legally phrase it. I hardly think the pre-teens were begging him to pick up Pirates of the Caribbean, National Treasure, and Lesbian Training 7 for, "Movie Night in Grandpa's Truck". Either way, what a creep.

Full story here.

Smoke 'Em (Thru the Glory Hole) While You Can

Gay men use highway rest stops for sex. Who knew?

When he was a Wall Township police officer, Assemblyman David Rible arrested a number of men participating in sexual activity in the woods outside the Monmouth Service Area on the Garden State Parkway.

In the nine years since Rible retired, lewd conduct in public restrooms at that service area -- as well as at other rest areas on the Parkway and the New Jersey Turnpike -- has remained a nagging problem to law enforcement, who have conducted stings almost monthly this year.

Yesterday, Rible unveiled a bill increasing the penalties for acts of lewdness and sexual assault in a public place, saying it was time to find a new way to curb the illegal behavior. [...]

However, most of the men arrested at the public restrooms have been charged with lewdness, a disorderly persons offense punishable by a fine of up to $1,000, six months in prison or both. After the fine is paid or the prison term served, the conviction does not give the offender a criminal record.

Rible said his bill upgrades the charge of lewdness committed in a public restroom to a fourth-degree crime that carries a fine of up to $10,000, 18 months in prison or both.

Under the proposal, the offender would have a criminal record, something Rible said could serve as a deterrent.

Best of luck to the state of New Jersey. Although I think trying to stop men fucking other men in rest stops is like trying to stop the sun from coming up in the morning. Pretty futile.

Full story here.

Advice for All 16 yr Old Girls: Don't Take a Pic of Your Asshole and Vagina and then E-Mail It To Your Boyfriend

Same old tired, teenage love story. 16 yr old girl snaps naked pics of herself for her 17 yr old boyfriend and then e-mails them to him. Defying all odds the relationship ends, and the now ex-boyfriend post naked pics on MySpace with TtP worthy quotes like, "Yo, U see how big her hole is! Its from me!". Girl not amused, and cops get involved. Cops tell ex-boyfriend to take down pics to which he responds, "Fuck that, I am keeping them up,". Story ends with a mugshot and a criminal complaint posted on The Smoking Gun. Unfortunately, pics not included.

Via Sean Higgins, who I'm sure has no pics of naked, 16 yr old, ex-girlfriends on his MySpace page. Or hard drive. Really, I'm sure...

World Stunned as Vincent Price Turns Up Alive and Sexually Fit in Austria

Creeepy...Yet another women-locked-in-basement-for-decades story comes out of Austria. This one even more perverse than the last one.

AMSTETTEN, Austria — Austrian police have arrested a 73-year-old man who they say kept his daughter locked in a cellar for 24 years and fathered seven children with her, three of whom never emerged into daylight from their prison until now.

With stories like this coming out Austria, you would think we'd have more than just our one lone Austrian reader.

You Know Have a Problem...

Tampa Bay:

TAMPA -- Police arrested a sex offender for the 4th time after he was seen masturbating in front of two child inside a store.

Fermin Martinez-Ramos has a criminal history with Tampa Police.

This time two girls ages 9 and 4 confirmed to police he was masturbating in front of them at the Main Street Grocery store Sunday evening.

OK, so getting caught masturbating in front of children inside a grocery store even once, is certainly one time too many. But when the local news is reporting the story and has to say "This time", you know you have a special kind of pervert on your hands.

Full Florida story here.

Going to a Memorial Service? Don't Forget Your Porn

A memorable memorial service:

A Boulder man was arrested early Thursday after police said he crashed a memorial service, grabbed the breast of the deceased woman's sister and showed her mother pornographic pictures.

And that folks, is how I want my memorial service to go.

Mom, you reading this? What am I saying, of course she is. She never misses a blog post -- I mean short story for cancer patients...Yes Mom, I told you that already. I write short stories -- for free -- for pediatric cancer patients. Doctors said something about graphic language and drug references helping defeat cancer cells. That and excessive drinking and drug use. By me...Hey, I'm not the doctor, I just do what I can to help.

So Mom, mark this down -- Lots of groping and porn at your son's memorial service. More porn than groping. I wouldn't want to creep out your relatives too much. No, that doesn't mean you can leave out the tranny porn. Or midgets. We gotta' have the midget porn.

Randy Is a Sex Criminal AND He Has Cooties

Does this look like a sexual predator to you? According to Prince William County Schools, this seven year-old is a sexual harasser whose transgressions have merited calling in the police.

The Washington Post has the latest episode of anti-sexual harassment zero-tolerance insanity:

In his seven years, Randy Castro has been an aspiring soccer player, an accomplished Lego architect and a Royal Ranger at his Pentecostal church. He also, according to his elementary school record, sexually harassed a first-grade classmate.

During recess at his Woodbridge school one day in November, when he was 6, he said, he smacked the classmate's bottom. The girl told the teacher. The teacher took Randy to the principal, who told him such behavior was inappropriate. School officials wrote an incident report calling it "Sexual Touching Against Student, Offensive," which will remain on his student record permanently.

Then, as Randy sat in the principal's office, they called the police.

"I thought they were going to take me to prison," Randy said recently. "I was scared."

This is no isolated incident either. There has been a veritable boom in these kind of cases in recent years:

Randy is only one of many children to be dealt with harshly as schools across the country grapple with enforcing new zero-tolerance sexual harassment policies and the fear of litigation.

The Virginia Department of Education reported that 255 elementary students were suspended last year for offensive sexual touching, or "improper physical contact against a student." In Maryland, 166 elementary school children were suspended last year for sexual harassment, including three preschoolers, 16 kindergartners and 22 first-graders, according to the State Department of Education. Statistics for the District were not available.

In 2006, a kindergartner in Hagerstown, Md., was accused of sexual harassment after pinching a female classmate's buttocks. A 4-year-old in Texas was given an in-school suspension after a teacher's aide accused him of sexual harassment for pressing his face into her breasts when he hugged her.

I'm just glad these rules weren't in place when I was going to school. If that were the case, I'd just be getting out of prison now ...

Reason #....Fuck It, Do You Really Need Another Reason To Stay Away from Ruby Tuesday and/or Guys with Mustaches on SinglesNet?

The dangers of online dating: You eventually have to meet the date (rapist) in person. At a Ruby Tuesday.

COLORADO SPRINGS, Colo. (AP/CBS4) ― Colorado Springs authorities say a waiter whisked away a woman's drink after reporting that a man slipped something into it.

Police tested the drink and said it contained a tranquilizer used to relax muscles and relieve anxiety.

Waiter Colt Haugen says the woman was away from her table when the incident occurred at a Ruby Tuesday Restaurant last month. He says when she came back, he took away her drink, gave her a new one and called police.

Geesh...What a cock block that waiter is...

Full story here, complete with mustached-sexual-predator-goodness.

Should Sex Offenders Not Be Eligible for Student Aid?

Rep. Ric Keller (R) of Florida thinks most definitely that they should not.

''This is the most insane waste of taxpayer money that I have seen in my eight years in Congress,'' said Rep. Ric Keller, R-Fla., who is pushing to stop the practice. ''It is a national embarrassment that we are wasting taxpayer dollars for pedophiles and rapists to take college courses while hardworking young people from lower-class families are flipping hamburgers to pay for college.''

[Fact check: federal student aid that goes to sex offenders has zero effect on what hamburger flippers or any other American can receive in aid; it is not a zero sum game and everyone is eligible.]

Rep. Keller has introduced a bill that would ban sex offenders from receiving Pell grants, which is the form of aid available to low-income students and is especially helpful to them because it is a grant, not a loan. People convicted of drug offenses are already banned from accessing student loans under similar punishment logic. Murderers are still free to seek government aid.

IMHO, a convicted criminal's pursuit of higher education is a good thing and not an outrage that should be banned de facto by denying student aid. What is the goal here? Permanent outcast status for sex and drug offenders or rehabilitation and a path to stability and re-entry into society?

The School Where Every Teacher Fucks and the Desks are Made of Chocolate and Pepperments

Once I can understand. Twice begins a pattern. Three times? In four months? That's called heaven for 16 year old boys.

A Spring Westfield High School teacher is accused of having sex with a student. Investigators said the woman was caught inside a classroom performing oral sex on a teenager. [...]

The Harris County District Attorney’s Office accepted sexual assault of a child charges Monday morning. Hrozek was being held in the Harris County Jail, but posted a $50,000 bond Monday night.

She is the third Spring ISD teacher in the last four months that has been charged with having sex with a student.

Time for me to some investigative reporting. And by investigative reporting, I mean posing as a 17 year old transfer student in hopes of getting blown by a teacher. Trust me it'll work. Get me my late-'90's-Old-Navy-high-school-wardrobe intern!

P.S: The position of TtP's house intern is open and ready to be filled by a promiscuous hard-working young lady. The pay and benefits are non-existent, but the experience is invaluable. Do you know what it means to put To the People blogging experience on a resume? 'Cause I do. Actually, never mind, that's a horrible example. That never works. Except if by works, you mean always ends up with uncomfortable silence in a job interview as you realize they don't find tranny jokes funny. But you would get to rub my hairy belly, and make coffee, so I say take the gig.

P.P.S: I just noticed I have the "fun" label, followed by the "sex crimes" label for this post. An oversight on my part if anything. But while I'm at it; check out our sex crimes label...You wouldn't want to miss out on classic stuff like, When Humping Your Bicycle is Outlawed Only Outlaws Will Hump Bicycles.

Note to Self: Next Time You Whip It Out In Public, Make Sure You're Not In Montana

HAMILTON, Mont. — A Missoula man who was on parole after serving nine years in prison for rape was sentenced Tuesday to 225 years in prison for three felony counts of indecent exposure.

District Judge James Haynes sentenced Robert Stearns to 75 years in prison on each of the counts. The sentences will run consecutively.

Emphasis added. Full story here.

The sentence was undoubtedly influenced by the fact that the man was already in jail for a sex crime. And he doesn't sound like a guy anyone would want roaming the streets. But wow, that's one huge sentence.

I hope it's not abused as a precedent in a later, less serious case.

When Humping Your Bicycle is Outlawed Only Outlaws Will Hump Bicycles

The biggest problem with sex offenders registries is that there are too many people on them who are not real sex offenders. A case in point:

A man caught trying to have sex with his bicycle has been sentenced to three years on probation... Sheriff Colin Miller also placed Stewart on the Sex Offenders Register for three years...Mr Stewart was caught in the act with his bicycle by cleaners in his bedroom at the Aberley House Hostel in Ayr.

Gail Davidson, prosecuting, told Ayr Sheriff Court: "They knocked on the door several times and there was no reply.

"They used a master key to unlock the door and they then observed the accused wearing only a white t-shirt, naked from the waist down.

"The accused was holding the bike and moving his hips back and forth as if to simulate sex."

So simulating sex with a bicycle in the privacy of your own hotel room makes you a sex offender? Bullshit. I suppose one could argue that the real offense was simulating sex in front of hotel staff, but can't people take a joke any more?

More here. Via The Agitator.

Another One

And again in Florida:

TAMPA, Fla. -- A 33-year-old high-school teacher was arrested after admitting that she had sex with a 16-year-old student, police said.

Christina Butler, a ninth-grade teacher at Middleton High School, admitted to the relationship with the boy after a series of events Tuesday that began with a police stakeout targeting street crime at an apartment complex, police said.

Officers first followed a group of six boys who left the apartment complex on bicycles, the report said. Later, the same group was pulled over driving erratically in Butler's Jeep Grand Cherokee.

Trans-Species Sex Offenders

Make 'em register!

Gichuki Kabukuru of the Kenya Wildlife Service told the Telegraph that monkeys and baboons commonly harass women, gesturing at them and touching their own private parts.

"Even in our camps," he explained, "when men are out on patrol and the monkeys see women and children, they will become very naughty and make lewd signs at them."

War On Casual Sex In Minneapolis

Believe me, I tried hard not to blog about Sen. Craig. But Radley's post here is dead on.

No matter how unbecoming Craig's approach was, if trying to get laid is now a crime, I seriously need to rethink my game plan.

Also, if this is what the police do at Minneapolis airport, I'm robbing a gift shop next time I'm there. It must be comforting to real criminals to know that as long as you keep your feet still while on the crapper, you might just get away with whatever else you might be up to.

Finally, a Judicial Respite for Genarlow Wilson

The prosecution of Genarlow Wilson is an example of prosecutors and the law going amok. Wilson, who was 17 at the time, was caught in a government sting receiving consensual oral sex from his 15 year-old girlfriend. Under Georgia law, he received a jail sentence of 10 years. As the NY Times reported,

Under Georgia law, that offense qualified as aggravated child molestation, a felony charge largely intended for use against adult sexual predators, not teenagers like Mr. Wilson, who was 17 at the time of the incident. He had no prior criminal record and was an honors student and star athlete.

Genarlow was a high school football star and we cannot know how his imprisonment will hamper or destroy his potential football career. At least he has been released. But there an obvious need for the criminal justice system to distinguish between rape and consensual sex.