A Simple He Said/He Said Misunderstanding

Everyone is covering it, and I'm a day late to it; but how can we not get into the story of the foot-tapping, homosexual Republican Senator arrested in a public airport restroom for "lewd conduct"? From Roll Call:

Sen. Larry Craig (R-Idaho) was arrested in June at a Minnesota airport by a plainclothes police officer investigating lewd conduct complaints in a men’s public restroom, according to an arrest report obtained by Roll Call Monday afternoon.

Was this officer on special detail? Or is the problem of random gay sex in America's airports so out of control that we have dedicated undercover officers patrolling restrooms? I remember the first I-95 solo trip I ever made down the coast to Florida. My Dad gave me just one piece of advice -- and I'm tearing down the 3rd wall of TtP so appreciate the honesty here -- He said "Watch out for the rest stops late at night Rob. You know what goes on there." I never was sodomized. At first I thought it was something about my look, but now I realize that I didn't know the secret foot taps back then:

“At 1216 hours, Craig tapped his right foot. I recognized this as a signal used by persons wishing to engage in lewd conduct. Craig tapped his toes several times and moves his foot closer to my foot. I moved my foot up and down slowly. While this was occurring, the male in the stall to my right was still present. I could hear several unknown persons in the restroom that appeared to use the restroom for its intended use. The presence of others did not seem to deter Craig as he moved his right foot so that it touched the side of my left foot which was within my stall area,” the report states.

See, stories like this worry me. I'm perverse, disgusting and sexually depraved; but I had no idea about the complex choreography involved in hooking up with random men in restrooms. Some would say I shouldn't. Others might teach me how. But I just think it's something one should know about when going through life.

So what's Craig's excuse for all this?

Craig stated “that he has a wide stance when going to the bathroom and that his foot may have touched mine,” the report states. Craig also told the arresting officer that he reached down with his right hand to pick up a piece of paper that was on the floor.

Full article here.

UPDATE: After Craig retires to criss-cross the continental US in his RV hitting every imaginable rest stop possible; Trent Lott stands to be the only former member of The Singing Senators to still be serving in the Senate.

Finally, I No Longer Have To Worry About My Penis Swinging Below My Miniskirt In The Women's Restroom

The best thing about political correctness is the brief comic relief it often provides.

According to FoxNews.com, the University of Vermont has installed "gender-neutral" restrooms in its new student center, apparently to accommodate transgendered people.

Now I have nothing against transgendered people, but it seems silly to build special bathrooms just for them at the expense of everyone, which, assuming UVM receives government money, includes all Vermont citizens. I mean, just because some people aren't comfortable in traditional men's or women's restrooms? Really? It seems like it would be pretty easy to avoid the "discomfort", given that both men's and women's restrooms have private stalls.

"It's about inclusivity and accessibility and the importance of
meeting all people's needs, not just a few," said Annie Stevens,
assistant vice president for student and campus life. [emphasis mine]

Men's and women's restrooms were only meeting the needs of a few? That's news to me. Seems like people have been making due with either or for decades.

Kelly, a 19-year-old transgendered UVM student who did want her last name published, said she's been made to feel "very uncomfortable" in rest rooms.

"I think that they're a really important thing to have," she said of the new facilities. "Just because there can be tense situations in gendered bathrooms, especially for trans-identified people, you need a space to use the rest room and feel safe and comfortable."

Well, Kelly, I'm sorry to hear that. If you're a biological female, you can come over to my place and use mine whenever you want, and I will ignore your choice of clothes. But public restrooms aren't necessarily shrines of comfort for the rest of us either. Like when you're at a urinal without dividers and you could just swear the person next to you is trying to take a peek. But christ, no one's building special "No Peeking" restrooms.

Ok, it's not a great analogy. But the point is that I'm opposed to spending the money of everyone in order to improve the "comfort" of just a few.

Toilet Humor

A 62-year-old Limerick, Ireland woman is in trouble for passing out in a Supermac's toilet, surrounded by wine bottles. Twice.

New Zealand flush with controversy over the location of a public toilet.

Florida man busted for keeping gator in toilet tank.

Inevitably, the iPod toilet docking station.

Ohio man cited for keeping "abandoned" toilet in his yard.

Florida thieves make off with toilet fixtures, prompting pun-laced story.