Cleaning Lady Is Playing Some Hardball

Sign over a urinal in my office building's bathroom. You best start flushing guys...I'm looking at you, creepy guy who brushes his teeth 2 times a day..

Workplace Tip

Anytime people are installing a large computerized device with a keypad and intercom in your work area and they haven't mentioned anything about it to you; right away would be a good time to start looking for a new job.

My office just completed installation on a computerized entry system for the front door. One of those things with a directory guests can use to page the employee they are coming to visit. Today they fired the receptionist and the file clerk who was also the second string receptionist. Nothing like being around to see them install the machine that is going to replace you.

Humpday Post

Something about the incoming e-mail *ding* that can be constantly heard in an open work-space really perturbs me. My cube neighbor coughing up internal organs followed by a oink (I think it's a swine flu joke) isn't pleasant either.

Funny item in the Onion today: World's Worst Person Decides To Go Into Marketing

I'm thinking you could do a similar item for Human Resources...

I'm not sure what I think about this Gov Sanford MIA story. It's interesting, that's for sure -- and makes for good reading -- but I don't think I don't know if I should/or would care one way or the other if I was still a resident of South Carolina. I'm leaning towards no. But I like the guy a lot so I'm willing to admit some bias towards thinking he ISN'T a fucking lunatic.

It's hard though being a libertarian sympathizer (speaking of myself) when most of your political leaders are in fact borderline lunatics. It makes you -- in a case such as this one -- a little gun shy about defending the guy right off the bat.

(We could argue for a while about where exactly Mark Sanford fits on both the libertarian scale and the crazy scale. I'd argue he is pretty advanced on the libertarian scale and just the right amount of crazy. But I wouldn't be willing to place a large bet on either one of my guesses.)

Still Alive

I'm still alive; just been in the process of a job change that has taken up the bulk of my time over the past week. Spent yesterday at a Concentra medical center giving my obligatory cup o'piss for a 10 panel pre-employment drug screen. My default position is to not work for any company that insists on mandatory drug screens, but practicality deems that position futile in today's environment. What fun.

Anyway, sorry for the light posting, it might continue for a bit as I complete this transition. (Whether it be to the new job or to a cardboard box somewhere on the streets of Baltimore after I fail my drug screen)

As for now; back to the blogging!

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Pro-Life Politician: I had no idea that the $300 dollars and ride that I gave to the woman I was fucking was for an abortion. No, really he said that. Seattle Times:

A woman who dated congressional candidate Mike Erickson seven years ago said she asked him directly whether he wanted to have a baby. He shook his head no, she said, and paid for her abortion.[...]

Erickson agrees that he gave Tawnya $300 for medical help, and a ride to a doctor's office, but said he didn't know she was pregnant or planned to get an abortion.

Erickson, a Lake Oswego businessman, is the Republican candidate in Oregon's 5th Congressional District and is running on an anti-abortion platform. The charge that he provided money to Tawnya nearly derailed his campaign for the May 20 primary and could hobble his chances in the Nov. 4 general election against state Sen. Kurt Schrader, D-Canby.

I believe him. This one time I was in Mexico and paid a hooker $50 and pulled down my pants -- but I had no idea she was going to blow me. Or that she had a penis. OK, I knew she had a penis. But really, the blow job was completely unexpected. Good, but unexpected.

So if it wasn't "I didn't know she had a penis", what was Erickson's excuse?

Erickson gives a far different account of events.

He said he thinks that a week or two before the appointment, Tawnya called asking for help with money to see a doctor. A day or two before the appointment, he said, she called to say she had car troubles and needed a ride.

He said he didn't ask her why she needed to see a doctor, saying he didn't want to pry. "I knew her pretty well but not like — it wasn't my girlfriend — but it was somebody that I had a relationship with," Erickson said.

Erickson didn't wait around. "She said her friend was picking her up and they were going to do something at the mall, or something like that."

Not even an ounce of creativity in his excuse...I'd be disappointed in this douche bag if I was a Washington Oregon voter, not because he's a fucking hypocrite, rather because he's a lazy, fucking hypocrite. Come one man, accuse the chick of being a whore, demean her character, lie about where you were on the day the abortion happen. But for God's sakes, don't say that you gave her $300, then dropped her off at a doctors office, but had no idea that she was having an abortion -- you just thought she was going to the mall...or something. What a dope. An even bigger dope than your average politician.

Office Space Anyone?

Real e-mail I just got in my work in-box:

From: xxxxxx
Sent: Thursday, June 19, 2008 2:58 PM
To: xxxxxx
Subject: All Staff Meeting
Importance: High

Everyone,

There will be an all staff meeting on Wednesday, July 2nd at 11:30 AM in the reception area. Immediately following, lunch will be provided in the lunchroom.

This will be a Hawaiian shirt day. We are asking that everyone wear either a Hawaiian print shirt or blouse or at least a large print shirt of some type. Participation is not mandatory – just fun.

If you have any questions, please let me know.

Thanks,

xxxxx

Large print shirts are OK everyone. Whew...

Heard in the Office

Two South Baltimore hens chattering about Mother's Day and cards:

Fatter One: Now I gotta say, my Father always got my Mother cards for Mother's Day and birthdays; and it wasn't ever those cheap $1.99 cards, they were those more elaborate expensive ones.

Not-as-Fat-One: Hallmark?

Fatter One: Yeah.

They then made a seem less segway from card talk to the subject of artificial insemination. Why? Who knows, maybe because they hate me...

I Hate Having a Job

I wish I was still in college: Annual 4/20 Celebration at University of Colorado Draws 10,000

The crowd was so large it migrated from the long-traditional site of Farrand Field to the larger Norlin Quad; festivities kicked off earlier than normal with daytime concerts; and CU police handed out zero citations.

“At this point, none are anticipated,” said CU police Cmdr. Brad Wiesley.

Officers in the past have gone to great lengths to catch people in the illegal act of smoking pot on 4/20.[...]

“We can’t do the same thing year after year,” Wiesley said hours before Sunday’s smoking began. “So I doubt we’ll do anything like the pictures. ... There’s no way our 12 to 15 officers are going to be able to deal with a crowd of 10,000. We just can’t do strong enforcement when we’re outnumbered 700 or 800 to one.”

Quotes from the Office

From one of my many bosses. Looking out the window at rain he says, "I still don't get it. How does it decide to rain one minute and snow the next?" Gee, no idea boss. I think it's a pretty complex thing involving the tempature falling below freezing and midgets hovering above the clouds with magic wands. But don't quote me on that, I only took a few science classes in college.

This is the same guy who told the following two jokes in a meeting. With me and 4-5 women. The first joke was set-up by me asking about a software conversion, and what if we didn't get certain applications that we were asking for. He says, "Well Rob, I guess you are just going to act like a blind man at an orgy. Feel your way around." Yes, he added the grouping hand motions and everything. It was quite a delivery. Then, not even 5 minutes later he sees another opening and pounces. Trust me. I tried to stop him, but he just barreled through with, "You're going to have to be like a midget at a urinal. Stay on your toes at all times." It was classic, he couldn't have made the meeting more awkward if he had tried.

Welcome to the new American workplace. The idea of working on an assembly line and maybe losing an arm sounds more attractive by the week.

Why I Hate My Job

My office outing. I'm praying for one of those rare Tsunamis to hit the Chesapeake Bay sending us all to our watery graves at the bottom of the Inner Harbor. What a horrible idea for an office outing.

Note to any soon-to-be college graduates: Get a job in corporate America. Avoid the non-profit sector at all costs. You might get great dental insurance, and free reign over horny, middle aged moms; but you'll work in a black hole of common sense.

The upside is they have no requirement of results or productivity in work place, so maybe I'm overreacting...