Homeless Men Rushing To Gloucester Faster Than You can Say "Have Sex With a Teenager"

Count "I don't want my daughter having sex with a homeless man" as yet one more reason why I will never have a daughter:

As summer vacation begins, 17 girls at Gloucester High School are expecting babies—more than four times the number of pregnancies the 1,200-student school had last year. Some adults dismissed the statistic as a blip. Others blamed hit movies like Juno and Knocked Up for glamorizing young unwed mothers. But principal Joseph Sullivan knows at least part of the reason there's been such a spike in teen pregnancies in this Massachusetts fishing town. School officials started looking into the matter as early as October after an unusual number of girls began filing into the school clinic to find out if they were pregnant. By May, several students had returned multiple times to get pregnancy tests, and on hearing the results, "some girls seemed more upset when they weren't pregnant than when they were," Sullivan says. All it took was a few simple questions before nearly half the expecting students, none older than 16, confessed to making a pact to get pregnant and raise their babies together. Then the story got worse. "We found out one of the fathers is a 24-year-old homeless guy," the principal says, shaking his head.

Well I guess it depends on who you are as to whether the story got worse or not. If you're the father of this adorable little whore then yes, the story got much worse. However if you are the 24 year old homeless man (who, contrary to rumors is not the same guy as the 24 year old blogger at this site. Really I swear) then the story got a whole lot better.

Full depressing story here.

Somewhere Eliot Spitzer Is Crying

The one on the left is Ashley Alexandra Dupre, the prostitute that cost Eliot Spitzer his gig as New York governor. The one on the right is her 46 year-old mother. So you can kinda see where Ashley's hotness comes from.

I have no point whatsoever to make with this picture. I just had to post it. You understand, I trust.

Via Egotastic, which has more pictures.

Lesson: Never Piss Off A Rocket Scientist Who Owes You Money

A check sent to Verizon from an upset customer. The amount is believed to be $533.82. (At least that's what I was told. It was forwarded to me by a friend today. I don't know what the original source is or if it is for real. Still, it's funny.)

I'm Going to See 125...Or 70...OK At Least 50...No? Can We Give Me 40 Years?

Good news on the life expectancy front:

One hundred and twelve years later, Henry William Allingham is in rude health as the oldest man in Europe. On Friday the First World War veteran will celebrate his birthday by watching a fly-past of vintage aircraft, including a Hurricane and a Spitfire.[...]

Allingham, with a twinkle in his eye, has always attributed his own longevity to 'cigarettes, whisky and wild, wild women'.

He was involved in the greatest naval clash of the First World War, the Battle of Jutland, and in 1917 was posted to France to service and rescue aircraft that crashed behind the trenches at Ypres and the Somme.

Rob expects to make the same announcement, only it will be at my 55th birthday. Friends and family will ask, "How did you live to see 55 Rob?" I'll answer -- "Whiskey, cigarettes, pot, and wild women. With some healthy doses of penicillin along the way."

Zing!

Full story here.

Don't Use the M-Word in Illinois

Hopefully there's something more to this story than sketchy details that are in this Sun-Times article, because if we go by what's written by the reporter, it looks an awful lot like a woman was ticketed for referring to some black kids as "monkeys". Bonus: She also happened to be an Obama delegate, but not anymore.

Linda Ramirez-Sliwinski, a Carpentersville village trustee, was elected as an Obama delegate to the Democratic National Convention. She sports an Obama sign in her front yard.

On Saturday, two neighbor children were playing in the tree next-door to her house.

Ramirez-Sliwinski "came outside and told the children to quit playing in the tree like monkeys. The tree was not on Ramirez-Sliwinski's property," Carpentersville Police Commander Michael Kilbourne said.

Ramirez-Sliwinski admitted she used the word "monkeys," but said she did not intend racism. She said she was only trying to protect them from falling out of the tree.

Seems harmful enough. It doesn't even sound like she was trying to bring race into the mix. It doesn't even sound like an insult. More:

Ramirez-Sliwinski did not return messages seeking comment Monday. She told the Daily Herald she meant no racism with her comment but that "after this incident, I will not run again" for trustee.

The only Hispanic on the board, Ramirez-Sliwinski has been a strong voice for Carpentersville's 40 percent Hispanic population. She and Village President Bill Sarto opposed an English-only proposition and an ordinance to crack down on illegal immigrants.

Opposition leader Judy Sigwalt said, "We are elected officials. We are in a position where people look to us for leadership and professionalism. We have to be diplomatic at all times."

Sarto said he hopes Ramirez-Sliwinski will plead "not guilty" to the $75 charge and stay on the board: "Frankly, I don't see a law that was broken here. She's a good neighbor. She went over to caution the children to be careful not to fall out of a tree.

So Ramirez-Sliwinski was ticketed for what? For comparing children to monkeys? For using the word monkeys? For using the word monkey in reference to black children? For yelling at kids in a tree? I'm not sure how any one of those could possibly be construed as a crime, but maybe I'm missing something...

Going to a Memorial Service? Don't Forget Your Porn

A memorable memorial service:

A Boulder man was arrested early Thursday after police said he crashed a memorial service, grabbed the breast of the deceased woman's sister and showed her mother pornographic pictures.

And that folks, is how I want my memorial service to go.

Mom, you reading this? What am I saying, of course she is. She never misses a blog post -- I mean short story for cancer patients...Yes Mom, I told you that already. I write short stories -- for free -- for pediatric cancer patients. Doctors said something about graphic language and drug references helping defeat cancer cells. That and excessive drinking and drug use. By me...Hey, I'm not the doctor, I just do what I can to help.

So Mom, mark this down -- Lots of groping and porn at your son's memorial service. More porn than groping. I wouldn't want to creep out your relatives too much. No, that doesn't mean you can leave out the tranny porn. Or midgets. We gotta' have the midget porn.

The Plan That Couldn't Fail

The NYT headline: Corpse Wheeled to Check-Cashing Store Leads to 2 Arrests

The story:

Even for the once-notorious Hell’s Kitchen neighborhood, it may have been a first: Two men were arrested on Tuesday after pushing a corpse, seated in an office chair, along the sidewalk to a check-cashing store to cash the dead man’s Social Security check, the police said.

When Virgilio Cintron, 66, died at his apartment at 436 West 52nd Street recently, his roommate and a friend saw an opportunity to cash his $355 check, the police said.

They did not go about it the easy way, the police said, choosing a ruse that resembled the plot of “Weekend at Bernie’s,” a film about two young men who prop up their dead employer to pretend that he is alive. [...]

The roommate, James P. O’Hare, and his friend, David J. Dalaia, both 65 and unemployed, placed Mr. Cintron’s body in the chair and wheeled it around the corner, south along Ninth Avenue on Tuesday afternoon, the police said. The men parked the chair with the corpse in front of Pay-O-Matic at 763 Ninth Avenue, a check-cashing business that Mr. Cintron had patronized.

Needless to say, they got pinched. I can't be sure, but I think it was the dead body in the wheelchair wheeled-chair that gave them away.

I Betcha' She Licks a Mean Asshole*

When beauty queen law-clerks go bad:

TUCSON, Ariz. - A law school student and former beauty queen who has posed for a racy calendar while brandishing a weapon has been accused of kidnapping, biting and threatening a former boyfriend with a handgun. [...]

In the Dec. 18 indictment, Fulbright is accused of holding and torturing her 24-year-old ex-boyfriend in early December with the help of three other men, including another man she had previously dated.

Authorities think the dispute began because the ex-boyfriend was believed to have stolen jewlery given to Fulbright by the former beau suspected of helping in the attack.

Fulbright invited the man to her apartment, then excused herself to shower, said police spokesman Sgt. Fabian Pacheco. Then two men showed up and bound him with plastic ties and duct tape, accused him of taking the jewelry, and threatened to shoot him with pistols, Pacheco said.

When Fulbright finished her shower, she allegedly bit the man on his forearm, right hand and ear, held a butcher knife to his head, and told him she was going to kill him.
Authorities said the man was taken to another home, where the assault continued, then took him back to Fulbright's house, where she guarded him with a gun.

The man finally managed to free a hand and grabbed the gun, which discharged but hit no one, authorities said. As their struggle spilled outside, the man screamed for help, then ran to a home down the block, while Fulbright returned to her apartment, Pacheo said.

Reminds me of a similar story involving me, a team of hookers, lots of meth, and a cage. But it was voluntary. And they were ugly. And possibly dudes...Come to think of it, it wasn't anything like the story...But boy was it fun. Expensive, but fun.

Story here. Thanks to Sean Higgins for link, who I'm sure is always appreciative to have his name associated with our posts.


*No title reference to explain...I just bet she licks a mean asshole.

Update: Added "Armed Women" Tag

A Late, But Worthy Submission for 2007 Mother of the Year

From Saratoga...Florida:

Wendy Cook of 332 Caroline Street was arrested for prostitution after offering to perform sex on an undercover police officer for money Monday, said Schenectady police.

After arresting her, detectives learned that Cook's two children had been left with friends in a car nearby. Shortly thereafter, police found Cook's five-year-old daughter and eight-week-old son in Cook's car with two adults.

As detectives continued their investigation, they learned that Cook had been out all night smoking crack and snorting cocaine while in the company of her children.

Cook performed oral sex on at least two johns early Monday morning while her children were awake with her in the car's back seat.

Additionally, Cook snorted cocaine off her eight-week-old son's stomach while breastfeeding him.

Hardcore.

It's the type of parenting that will guarantee your kid will grow up to be a Nobel Prize winner. Or a sociopath who blogs. One or the other.

Full article here.

Hell, This Has To Be One Of The Worst Op-Eds Ever Written

This one by Colonel David Hunt, via FoxNews.com, I mean... In case you plan on reading the entire article, take an aspirin and a few quick shots of whiskey first.

For the sake of discussion, I'll breeze quickly past the poor writing style - such as calling President Karzai a "cute little guy who wears a cape and a hat" and starting 10% of his sentences with "Hell,..."

The first three paragraphs are reasonably accurate, minus the oddly placed immigration reference at the end (and maybe the claim that the US has "owned Afghanistan for five years"). In fact, the article starts much like most pro-drug war articles start: with facts that support ending the drug war.

And then, the paragraph:

The United States of America is sadly the largest user of raw opium — you may
know it as heroin. My friends, you cannot make this up … you see, truth is stranger and always more shocking than fiction. What else is stranger than fiction is how easy it would be to destroy the stuff. These fields are miles and miles long and wide. We should bomb them, blow them up, set up an artillery and motor training range and blow the opium off the planet. It is true that it’s the only product Afghanistan farmers export. Between us and Europe, we surely can come up with another product that this poor country can export. We can also pay them for their opium that we will destroy for a few years, and, of course, while we are getting them to use another product that does not kill people. [How about marijuana, then??]

All emphasis and bracketed comments mine.

Wow... WOW... In this one paragraph, Hunt advocates not only spraying but bombing opium fields. He claims that the US and Europe should be able to dictate what crops poor Afghan farmers can grow. And finally, he advocates extending the oh-so-successful "pay to not produce shit" farm subsidies to a foreign country.

I could quote some more from the final paragraphs of the article, but there's really no need. It doesn't make any fucking sense. To summarize, Hunt goes on to scold you for not caring enough about bin Laden's most recent video and then the grand finale (ok, I just have to give in and quote one more time):

...with the sheer amount of opium present, the massive size of the problem will get your attention and maybe, just maybe, you might put down the beer, or even better, take the half full one and throw it at the TV and then write your congressman, senator or even the president and say, “Enough is enough, this is the greatest damn country in the world, how about we act like it?

My head hurts.

Sicko Parents + Bizarre Biblical Tradition = Rob's Dream Come True

Looking to abide by the Bible and/or have sex with a minor? Buy a girl on MarryOurDaughter.com, an introduction service assisting those following the Biblical tradition of arranging marriages for their daughters. For just 5% of what you're asking for your daughter they'll put a picture of her up. Ages range from 13 to 17. Prices from $6,000 to $100,000. Sick. Just plain sick. Is this site a joke? Maybe. But nothing surprises me anymore. Except that time I got home and found a midget clown masturbating on my couch. That surprised me. I didn't, uh, see that coming.

Hat tip to my friend, who wishes not to be named, who is waiting for the Jewish version to go online. Although she is way too old to be selling herself into marriage. Zing!

Colorado School Bans Being a Kid

Now I've heard everything.

An elementary school has banned tag on its playground after some children complained they were harassed or chased against their will.

"It causes a lot of conflict on the playground," said Cindy Fesgen, assistant principal of the Discovery Canyon Campus school.

Running games are still allowed as long as students don't chase each other, she said.

Wow. Good thing the kids didn't complain about having to take tests or the school would ban that too. If kids can't practice tag they will fail miserably at the much more important schoolyard game, hide-and-go-get-it.

More on anti-American, tag-haters here.

Friday Links

I've just spent the last 2 days shitting, vomiting, and whimpering in the fetal position as I've done my best to overcome the effects of reduced-sale oysters from Wal-Mart. Oysters....From Wal-Mart? They were like 15 for $4...Try getting that deal at a market or any raw bar.

Enough of my complaining, on to the links!

No set up needed for this story:[emphasis mine]

PALMETTO -- A 63-year-old man who authorities say twice pushed his entire arm into a horse's vaginal cavity was jailed Tuesday on a felony-level animal cruelty charge.

Manatee County sheriff's deputies said the man, Bradenton resident Leslie M. Gee, who is not a veterinarian, caused "unnecessary pain and suffering" to the horse, a bay mare named Bella, stabled in the 2500 block of 29th Street East in Palmetto.

Palmetto, Florida....In case you were unsure..

David Beckham has arrived; did you miss the coverage? Hopefully he can squeeze a game or two in between all those steamy photo shoots and interviews...

The folks at Bureaucrash had some fun with the "Yes Men" outside of the Cato Institute. Check the video out.

McCain actually has less cash on hand than previously reported. How about a paltry $250,000 after you subtract the $1.75 mill in debt that the campaign currently holds.

It's stories like this, and days without cicero that make me feel alone and shamed at TtP:

HAGERSTOWN, Md. (AP) - A former Ku Klux Klan leader sexually assaulted his 15-year-old adopted sister to punish her for sloppy housekeeping and rowdy behavior, the girl testified in court Thursday.

Promising Submission for World's Dumbest Cop

I meant to post this a month ago when I first heard it. It's good stuff. But as you can tell, I've had so much material, that I couldn't squeeze it in. Then I forgot about it. Happens a lot. My mind drifts. Like right now I'm thinking about this ingrown hair that I thought I'd taken care of yesterday, but now seems to still be there. Annoying. I just want to play with it all day long. Anyway, then I got an e-mail with the YouTube video which reminded me to post it. And that folks, is a behind-the-scenes look of a TtP Rob post production.

I'd Like One Large Pepperoni and Penis Pizza

Via Samizdata:[emphasis mine]

POLISH MAN burst into a busy central London restaurant and chopped off his own penis with a knife in front of horrified diners, police have reported.

The man, a 35-year-old Polish national, ran into Zizzi, in the Strand, and promptly committed the surprising act.

"This guy came running in then charged into the kitchen, got a massive knife and started waving it about," a diner who was eating at the restaurant with his girlfriend said. Apparently, the man was dissatisfied that since he came to England he was unable to get a Polish girlfriend, who all seem to be going with black men.

And a follow-up from the Daily Mail:

A man who cut off his penis in front of diners at a pizza restaurant in the Strand, London, has had it reattached in the first operation of its kind in the country. It is too early to tell whether the operation will be a success, however, according to surgeons who carried out the procedure at St Thomas's hospital, south London.

More here. I've got nothing guys. The guy chopped his cock off in a pizzeria -- with the reason being he couldn't get a Polish girlfriend in London -- 'cause as everyone knows, Polish women only date Africans. That's enough of a joke. But I will direct you to a story that popped in my head when I read this, courtesy of Wonkette. Enjoy.

Update: Wonkette link fixed. My bad.

Chinese Changsha Bigfoot Spotted in Maine

Rogier van Bakel's daughter has a cool dad. And a monster.

Boy Kills 1051-lb. Pig

Giant rabbits are for funny looking dictators. I'll save my amazement for giant pigs.

Meet Monster Pig. An 11-year-old Alabama boy used a pistol to kill a wild hog his father says weighed a staggering 1,051 pounds and measured 9-feet-4 from the tip of its snout to the base of its tail. Think hams as big as car tires.

If the claims are accurate, Jamison Stone's trophy boar would be bigger than Hogzilla, the famed wild hog that grew to seemingly mythical proportions after being killed in south Georgia in 2004.

[Ellipsis]

...Jamison is reveling in the attention over his pig, which has a website put up by his father that is generating Internet buzz.

More here. Website that is generating Internet buzz here.

Swedish Women Prisoners Claim Bikini Wearing a 'Human Right'; Blogger Firmly Supports Prisoners

Talk about posts that practically write themselves...

Sweden's Justice Ombudsman has received a letter from the Prisoners' Council at Sagsjön jail in which the women bemoan the fact that they are not permitted to wear bikinis.

"It's a human right," wrote the chairwoman of the council.

Since bikinis are not standard issue in jail, and inmates are not permitted to wear their civilian clothes, the prisoners consider themselves victims of discrimination, Aftonbladet reports.

"How are we supposed to be able to sunbathe at all? They answer we have got is that we can sunbathe in shorts and sports tops.

"In other words, we are treated differently because we are in an institution and we are disriminated against because of our gender," the women wrote.

"We want to be able to enjoy the sun just like everybody else in Sweden, whether they are in an institution or on the outside."

No wonder Saddam Hussein wanted to spend his pre-trial time in a Swedish prison.

I've been to Göteburg in the summer. It's lovely. Been to the beach there, too, and was -- as a 14-year-old -- quite pleased to see many fine-looking Swedish women going topless on the beaches. While I stand firmly in the prisoners' equal protection/bikini corner, I encourage them to go topless while tanning. Not as a protest, and not because it's more natural. But because it's hot.

Thanks to Sean for the tip.

First Jesus & Mary Chain Sighting in 8 Years + Scarlett Johansson Backup Vocals = Awesome

Miss America 1944 Doesn't Miss; Says 'I'm Your Venus, I'm Your Fire'

First evidence that Miss America winners weren't always vapid dolts.

Miss America 1944 has a talent that likely has never appeared on a beauty pageant stage: She fired a handgun to shoot out a vehicle's tires and stop an intruder. Venus Ramey, 82, confronted a man on her farm in south-central Kentucky last week after she saw her dog run into a storage building where thieves had previously made off with old farm equipment.

Ramey said the man told her he would leave. "I said, 'Oh, no you won't,' and I shot their tires so they couldn't leave," Ramey said.

She had to balance on her walker as she pulled out a snub-nosed .38-caliber handgun.

"I didn't even think twice. I just went and did it," she said. "If they'd even dared come close to me, they'd be 6 feet under by now."

Ramey then flagged down a passing motorist, who called 911.

Excellent. More here. I'm having a hard time deciding whether it's Letterman or Leno who gets her on the air next week.

Do Not Taunt Pizza-Eating Red Sox Fans

Via.

Mr. Peepers Says 'Crack a Smile!'

For those in need of a bit of levity.

A man has been charged following a bizarre incident involving shoplifting, assault using a car, and a duck, whose name was Mr Peepers.

Following the incident, in which two people were hurt but the duck emerged unscathed, Kenneth Blaine Quinlan, 35, of Seattle, has been charged with two counts of third-degree assault, one count each of vehicular assault, and one count of hit-and-run.

The incident began when Quinlan, dropped his girlfriend off at a Petco pet shop, along with her pet duck. While his girlfriend and Mr Peepers went into the pet store, Mr Quinlan went into a nearby shop.

More here, including an awesome photo caption.

Elsewhere, Miss Polemiscuous, flaming bidets, porn theft on a grand scale, Swedish king beats off Italian panty challenge, and an especially whiny Ellen Goodman's small, liberal, suburban elite world goes to hell because of some esoteric "convergence of gangsta rappers and shock jocks and bloggers".

Meet Beer Pong's Grandmaster

Via.

Caption It

Handy link to backstory here.

Deutsch Bag A, Meet Deutsch Bag B

Wait until a minute or so in. It becomes an Instant Classic. I'm not sure if I ever thought it would happen; but I side with Gerlado Geraldo.

Un Mensaje de Newt Gingrich a los Ciudadanos del Ghetto

WaPo has more here.

Update: Wow tag added.

Adrian: Way More Chill Than That Creepy Jared Guy

I'm not a fan of Quizno's subs, but I think it's pretty cool that this here kai-yoat, nicknamed Adrian, is...

The coyote that walked into a downtown Chicago submarine shop Tuesday afternoon was to be taken today to the Flint Creek Wildlife Rehabilitation refuge in Barrington, where he may be released later in the day.

[Toasty Ellipsis]

This morning, employees of the Quiznos visited the coyote, bringing him a prime rib sandwich on garlic bread. But Animal Care and Control veterinarians rejected the offering.

"I understand," Bina Patel, manager of the sandwich shop, said today. "There are no prime ribs out in the wild."

Mo' here. Fo' Chi-Zell.

At Least He Didn't Take His Father Up the Ass

Damn it. We try hard here at TtP to be edgy. In both our jokes and our real lives (and often our real lives are a joke) we push the boundaries of decency. We don't like to be out done. Which is why I predict that at least one TtP blogger will be dead by the end of the week trying to one up Keith Richards.

Keith Richars has acknowledged consuming a raft of illegal substances in his time, but this may top them all. In comments published Tuesday, the 63-year-old Rolling Stones guitarist said he had snorted his father's ashes mixed with cocaine.
[...]
He was cremated and I couldn't resist grinding him up with a little bit of blow. My dad wouldn't have cared," he said. "... It went down pretty well, and I'm still alive."

I'm not sure how to top this. Mix vodka and the menstrual blood of a 14-year-old girl? (Please suggest names for this drink in the comment section). Grind my grandma up, mix in some pot, and make pot-ma brownies? Kill a transvestite hooker and make a bong out of his penis? Seriously, folks. It's going to be hard to top snorting your father's ashes up your nose. Long live Keith Richards!

Cut it Out. Stop. Can You Touch Your Breasts, Too? Quit It!

I hate it when this happens (another story in the running for year's best).

Police have been unable to locate a woman who entered the Pi Kappa Alpha fraternity house without permission on Thursday and began to masturbate on a couch.

While fraternity members were eating in the dining room, a woman entered the house's living room, took off her clothes and started masturbating, said LSA junior Dan Nye, the president of the Washtenaw Avenue fraternity.

No one saw the woman enter the house or knew how she got in. Nye said she could have entered through the front door, which was left propped open while it was being repaired.

Fraternity members asked the woman to leave the house, but she refused and continued masturbating for about half an hour, Nye said.

More here from the University of Michigan Daily. Previous Michigan Daily masturbation story here.

Via my buddy Pete.

Vegas Faces the Faeces, Loses Poop-Free Sleep Zone Suit

Early entrant for story of the year.

Three homeless men mistakenly arrested last year on charges of sleeping too close to a pile of feces have settled a lawsuit against the city for $45,000.

Eastman Webber, David Hicks and Jerry Halfpap each received a check for $10,000 in the settlement of their federal civil rights lawsuit, according to
American Civil Liberties Union of Nevada, which sued on their behalf.

City spokesman Jace Radke confirmed the settlement Thursday.

The men were arrested in November for violating a provision of a Las Vegas ordinance no longer on the books. The city council had approved the ordinance in August, making it illegal to sleep within 500 feet of a deposit of feces or urine, but then repealed it in September.

More here. I'll preserve the anonymity of the tipster who sent this to me because I also want to post his awesome note (below), one he probably would prefer not be identified with him.

Las Vegas calls sleeping within 500 yards of feces or urine a crime.
The ACLU calls it your right as an American.
I call it Sunday morning.

Turns Sour to Sweet

Libertarian wunderkind and Renaissance Man Jacob Grier gets written up (subscription only) in today's Wall Street Journal.

Today’s center column on the front page of the Wall Street Journal is all about this blog’s favorite berry, miracle fruit. I held a tasting of the fruit for friends a few weeks ago. In a weird sequence of events, what I expected to be a small group of foodies turned into a sizeable party, and one of the guests was none other than the reporter writing this article. The night’s festivities are covered in the opening of the story. The offbeat center column of the Journal has always been one of my favorite features in the paper, so it’s bit of a thrill being in it.

The article, which is only available to subscribers, has lots of fascinating new info about the fruit. Of special interest is the inside scoop on the murky regulatory standing of miraculin...

Alas, for that, you'll have to head over to Jacob's blog, Eternal Recurrence. Or you could head over to Eat Foo, the savory, sidebar-link-if-they'd-udpate-more DC foodie group blog for which he also toils.

Finally, having tried the very miracle fruit that is the focus of this article -- Jacob had Minerva and me eating limes and lemons like they were candy -- I should warn you to take the whole sour-to-sweet thing with a grain of salt. Jacob's also a magician -- literally: he pulls rabbits and stuff out of hats -- and this may just be his way of fucking with everyone.

Update: No WSJ subscription needed here.

More Amazing than when Batman Gave Robin the Heimlich on the 'Superfriends'

Holy Heimlich, Batdog!

A 2-year-old golden retriever named Toby is credited with saving his owner's life.

Toby saw his owner choking on a piece of fruit and began jumping up and down on the woman's chest.

The dog's owner, Debbie Parkhurst, believes the dog was trying to perform the Heimlich maneuver and saved her life.

More here.

In Bulgaria, the Kicker

Apparently the words "mocked" and "teased" carry a little more weight in Bulgaria.

The head of the court security guards in Sofia district will be brought to punishment for his humiliating attitude towards journalists, it emerged on Tuesday.

Evgeni Tropchev drew the anger of court reporters last Saturday when, dressed up in a sports outfit, he arrogantly mocked and teased them while they were covering the release of the owner of Bulgaria's major torrent site arenabg.com at Sofia District Court.

The reporters suffered light injuries after being beaten and kicked by the guards.

I suppose "taunting" in Bulgaria involves decapitation. More here.

New Haven Police and the 'Estupido' Caper

You thought your small-to-medium-sized city had problems... Unless you live in Cicero -- the city, not the blogger -- your backwater likely can't compete with

a whirlwind week's worth of controversy involving allegedly corrupt cops, an FBI sting, the mayor's responsibility, discontent with City Hall in the black community, and whether or not the head of the state NAACP used the scandal to pressure the mayor for money for his organization.

Man, that is some week!

The FBI sting found city drug cops, including Billy White, head of the police department's narcotics unit, on the wrong side of the law in what's aptly being called (thanks to White) The "Estupido" Caper. The whole thing's worth a read, but this bit is especially entertaining [emphasis mine, brackets not]:

"When back in the [undercover agent's] car, White emptied the bag, White wrote 'estupido' on the money-bag, and White had the [informant] do the same. After concerns about whether his face could be seen, White put the empty bag back in the trunk." Earlier, White had "made several phone calls to figure out how to spell 'estupido.'"

Check out more at the online-only New Haven Independent.