Stimulus Not Just Saving Or Creating Jobs, It's Creating Whole New Congressional Districts

This ABC News story has already been blogged a couple of places on the web, but it is too unbelievable for TtP to not jump on the bandwagon as well:

Here's a stimulus success story: In Arizona's 15th congressional district, 30 jobs have been saved or created with just $761,420 in federal stimulus spending. At least that's what the Web site set up by the Obama administration to track the $787 billion stimulus says.

There's one problem, though: There is no 15th congressional district in Arizona; the state has only eight districts.

And ABC News has found many more entries for projects like this in places that are incorrectly identified.

How is this happening? Well, let's just say the recipients aren't too careful about reporting on the money once they get it.

Late Monday, officials with the Recovery Board created to track the stimulus spending, said the mistakes in crediting nonexistent congressional districts were caused by human error.

"We report what the recipients submit to us," said Ed Pound, Communications Director for the Board.

Pound told ABC News the board receives declarations from the recipients - state governments, federal agencies and universities - of stimulus money about what program is being funded.

"Some recipients clearly don't know what congressional district they live in, so they appear to be just throwing in any number. We expected all along that recipients would make mistakes on jobs numbers, on award amounts, and so on. Human beings make mistakes," Pound said.

Here's an alternate theory: They funding recipients just making shit up and the jobs numbers they are providing aren't any more reliable than the other information. Oh, and one final thing:

The recovery.gov Web site was established as part of the stimulus bill "to foster greater accountability and transparency" in the use of the money spent through the stimulus program. The site is a well-funded enterprise; the General Services Administration updated it earlier this year with an $18 million grant.

Yes, But Did Peaches Get To Keep The Playstation?

The Washington Post has been running a bang-up series on the waste and fraud the DC city government's contracting for HIV/AIDS services. The city shelled out no less than $25 million in taxpayer dollars to nonprofit agencies that were notable for their "questionable spending, a lack of clients, or lapses in record-keeping and care," according to the Post.

As with any story of this nature, it is the details that fascinate. Sorry this excerpt is so long, but it is the only way to get the full flavor of the thing:

Money from Rowe's department also went to Lurn-N-Ern, a youth education agency formed in 1997 by one-time D.C. Council candidate Mona Odom, who had been an executive with the Girl Scouts of America in New Mexico.

Odom told The Post that she started Lurn-N-Ern to help troubled kids and that she applied for an AIDS grant looking for a new line of business. Odom said she was qualified to do the work because she had run computer classes and had helped women on welfare find jobs.

"I'm a motivator," she said. "When you own a business, you don't have to have [any] background or skill. You look for the people who had it."

In October 2005, Lurn-N-Ern was awarded a $135,000 grant to provide housing for 20 women with AIDS over the course of a year at Odom's four-bedroom house in Northeast.

"Come on over to our house," a Lurn-N-Ern flier said. "Put on your learning shoes."

On incorporation records, Odom's aunt was listed as Lurn-N-Ern's president. The aunt, now 72, lived in Baltimore and had filed for bankruptcy four times, records show.

Lurn-N-Ern's executive director was Odom's friend Benita Blaine, who had a criminal record for theft, assault and prostitution. Blaine's street name was "Peaches." In mid-2006, Blaine was indicted by a grand jury in Alexandria of stealing a co-worker's credit card to buy a $209 Sony PlayStation. After her arrest, records show, she tested positive for cocaine and the illegal hallucinogen PCP. She was sentenced to two years' probation.

***

In October 2006, monitors went back to Lurn-N-Ern to look into complaints from a former staff member and clients who said that Odom had been stealing their food stamps and that night supervisor Rachel Hunter "did not exist," records show.

Odom told The Post that Hunter is her mother, a 73-year-old New Jersey resident. "She was just to be a filler person until I could find someone to fill the spot," Odom said.

Odom acknowledged that the address on the résumé submitted to the city "might have been wrong."

Odom said she did not steal food stamps from her clients.

Despite this, Odom, whose program was revealed only have two clients at one point, told the Post it was "a great success".

Read the whole infuriating thing here.

Socialized Medicine Now! (Figure Out The Details Later)

I really, really don't like the sound of this latest column by the Washington Post's E.J. Dionne. The subject is why major health care reform is all-but-certain to come out of Congress this year:

One largely unheralded change is that health-care reformers have made peace with each other. In the past, groups advocating competing proposals were more interested in establishing their dominance than in passing a bill.

"People who advocated health coverage for all Americans wanted it their way, and the second choice was nothing," Waxman told me. This time, he said, reformers want to get to universal coverage by whatever route is open.

Well, what could possibly go wrong with all that? Just seize control of everything and then figure out how to make it work afterwards.

I suppose I should be grateful. At least this time there are not pretending that they have any respect for free markets or any goal other than centralized control.

Obama Owns Detroit Now; We Get The Bills

The Wall Street Journal is on target describing Obama's auto industrial policy, which is all about forcing Detroit to build the kind of cars he wants to see, not about making the companies viable:

Bankruptcy or not, the larger problem here is Washington's industrial policy. Even if Chrysler merges and GM restructures, Mr. Obama wants the companies to make the kind of cars the political class favors, whether or not consumers want to buy them. "The United States of America will lead the world in building the next generation of clean cars," the President said yesterday. He didn't mention a goal of profitability. To that end, Treasury tapped Fiat's know-how in small vehicles for Chrysler and wants GM to move in this direction.

Yet the Treasury's own "viability summary," released yesterday, points out that "GM's product portfolio is more vulnerable to CAFE [fuel-economy] standard increases than the portfolios of many of its competitors." Only nine of GM's "top 20 profit contributors in 2008" were cars; the rest were SUVs and trucks, which are politically incorrect on Capitol Hill and with the green lobbies. Chrysler has a similar problem. Even GM's much-vaunted electric Volt car is "too expensive to be commercially successful," according to Treasury.

In other words, Mr. Obama's industrial policy vision runs directly counter to a strategy that would get the companies back to profitability as soon as possible. To help them sell those unwanted cars, Mr. Obama yesterday was already pledging that taxpayers will cover new-car warranties. And he urged Congress to pass a new "incentive program" (read: subsidy) for "cleaner car" purchases.

What Do You Mean "If," Congressman?

The quote of the week, maybe the year, comes from Rep. John Murtha, D-Penn., chairman of the House Defense Appropriations Subcommittee, via Politico:

"If I'm corrupt, it's because I take care of my district," Mr. Murtha said. "My job as a member of Congress is to make sure that we take care of what we see is necessary. Not the bureaucrats who are unelected over there in whatever White House, whether it's Republican or Democrat. Those bureaucrats would like to control everything. Every president would like to have all the power and not have Congress change anything. But we're closest to the people."

Ain't no if about congressman. You are one sleazy, corrupt bastard and you always have been.

In Case You Weren't Pissed Off Enough About Congressional Spending

USA Today has the latest "Earmarks gone? Bwa-ha-ha-ha!" story. The twist this time? The earmarks -- all $7.7 billion of them -- include money being put in for people who aren't even in Congress anymore:

WASHINGTON — A $410 billion bill that would keep the government running through September directs $227 million to pet projects for former lawmakers, including an ex-congressman facing corruption charges, a USA TODAY analysis shows.

The short-term budget, which Congress failed to complete last year and is now headed to a Senate vote this week, includes seven projects worth $1.2 million for Rick Renzi, a former Republican congressman indicted in 2008 on charges stemming from a land deal in Arizona. It also includes $1 million in projects requested by former senator Larry Craig, R-Idaho, arrested in 2007 as part of a sex sting.

Hey, Don't Spend It All In One Place!

Washington state is helping out its neediest citizens by sending them checks for $1. I shit you not:

When you add printing and postage, it seems like a waste, but the state says the economy has them pulling out all the stops to find money wherever they can.

The point of all this is that it qualifies the recipients for federal funds, according to Leo Ribas, head of community services at Washington's Department of Social and Health Services:

He says if the state’s food stamp recipients receive just $1 for energy bill assistance, that qualifies them for extra federal assistance. That means someone like Nelson could receive about $30 more per month in food stamps.

Sending out $1 checks cost the state $250,000. DSHS says that could bring the state and additional $43 million in federal funding.

Call it red tape or a hoop to jump through. Either way, the state says it makes sense.

"I think it's an issue of maximizing the federal regulations to the advantage of Washington residents,” said Ribas.

Makes sense to me. I mean it's not like that federal money comes out of our pockets. And if we need more we can just print more! Everybody wins!

What The New York Times Defines As Patriotic

Press bias at the New York Times? What press bias?

Senate Democrats reached an agreement with Republican moderates on Friday to pare a huge economic recovery measure, clearing the way for approval of a package that President Obama said was urgently needed in light of mounting job losses.

The deal, announced on the Senate floor, was a result of two days of tense negotiations and political theater. Mr. Obama dispatched his chief of staff to Capitol Hill to help conclude the talks and reassure senators in his own party, and he called three key Republicans to applaud them for their patriotism.
***
Mr. Obama called Ms. Collins and Mr. Specter, as well as Senator Olympia J. Snowe of Maine, another Republican expected to support the deal, to acknowledge they were acting against pressure from their party and, one official said, to thank them for their patriotism in helping advance the bill at a critical time.

Yeah, I know: The Times is paraphrasing Obama. But you'd think they could have at least noted that this was a rather dubious definition of patriotism.

Is This Not A Sign Of The Apocalypse And The Coming Of The Anti-Chrysler?

So, what happened to that $17 billion we gave the auto industry late year so they could survive? It's being used spent wisely, right? Well ...

DETROIT, Jan 20 (Reuters) - Just as Chrysler LLC announced a sequel to its ownership saga, the struggling automaker also unveiled plans to help underwrite the fourth installment of the "Terminator" movie series.

Chrysler, which has received $4 billion in emergency aid from the U.S. government, has a deal to place its vehicles in cameo roles in "Terminator Salvation," scheduled for release later this year and starring Christian Bale, executives said on Tuesday.

Financial terms of the sponsorship deal were not disclosed.

"This spring, Terminator 4 comes out and we will be one of the sponsors," Chrysler director of media Susan Thomson said in a presentation at the Automotive News World Congress. "We have a following with the Terminator movies and we are going to continue with that."

First released in 1984, "The Terminator" starred now-California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger as a cyborg sent from the future to kill a woman whose son would lead a resistance to a worldwide takeover by machines.

The film led to two sequels and a television series.

Under private ownership, Chrysler has cut 36 percent of its employees, taking its combined blue-collar and white-collar staffing to the lowest level since 1934.

Under the terms of its federal bailout, the automaker must submit a restructuring plan next month and demonstrate it can be made viable by the end of March. It has said it will seek another $3 billion in U.S.

On the other hand it kind of makes sense. What better way to sell your cars than to get consumers to identify them with a post-apocalyptic wasteland were the machines are out of control and threaten to destroy us all? It almost seems like a metaphor ...

I Don't Know What Happened

... And I don't wanna know. From a Washington Post story about the 12 senators who did not vote Thursday on an attempt to break the Republican-led filibuster against the auto bailout bill:

The oddest absentees may have been Sens. Larry Craig (R-Idaho) and Ted Stevens (R-Alaska). The retiring Craig learned last week that the Minnesota Court of Appeals rejected his latest effort to revoke his guilty plea from an airport-restroom sex sting in June 2007, and Stevens lost his reelection bid after he was found guilty of seven felony counts of failing to disclose more than $250,000 in gifts.

The duo have become something of an ethically challenged odd couple, with Stevens being one of Craig's few defenders in fall 2007 as GOP leaders did everything to force his immediate retirement. And Craig never publicly criticized Stevens and even attended part of his trial to lend support.

At roughly 10 p.m. Thursday, Craig and Stevens walked out of the Republican conference's meeting in the LBJ Room, about 20 steps off the Senate floor. With overcoats on and scarves wrapped around their necks, they didn't go to the chamber. They jumped into an awaiting elevator, and off they went.

Less than 45 minutes later, when the roll was called, Craig and Stevens didn't show up.

Car Bailout Bill Stuck In Gridlock; May Run Out of Gas

Earlier tonight the House passed the "temporary bridge loan" bill for domestic automobile industry. You know, the Detroit bailout bill. The vote, if you care, wasn't even close: 237-170.

But it is still far from being law. The Senate has to pass it as well, and that isn't looking too good:

"I don't think the votes are there on our side of the aisle," conceded Sen. George Voinovich (R-Ohio), a major defender of the domestic automakers who has been working for weeks to broker a plan to help them survive the deepening recession. "Some effort needs to be made to respond the concerns of my colleagues," he said.

Do those colleagues oppose the deal because they hate the long-suffering assembly line worker and want to give our country away to the Japanese? Maybe. Or maybe they just think car makers are doomed no matter what because the $14 billion does nothing to reform their staggeringly generous labor contracts.

In any event, it ain't over. The Democrats will have a nearly filibuster-proof majority next year. So expect an even bigger bailout bill next year. Assuming the car companies haven't already gone bankrupt by then. Me, I'm getting a drink. Have a good night, folks

How Fannie n' Freddie Entertained Their Elected Overseers

The Associated Press put out a good, if infuriating, story explaining exactly how those entities managed to get the elected officials that were supposed to be overseeing them eating out of their hands instead:

WASHINGTON – From a hefty lobbying budget to the use of free baseball tickets, Freddie Mac fended off any meaningful regulation in the years before the housing mortgage giant crashed, records obtained by The Associated Press show.

When the Washington Nationals played their first-ever baseball game in the nation's capital in April 2005, two congressmen who oversaw Freddie Mac had choice seats — courtesy of the very company they were supposed to be keeping an eye on.

Efforts to tighten government regulation were gaining support on Capitol Hill, and Freddie Mac was fighting back.

According to internal Freddie Mac documents obtained by the AP, Reps. Bob Ney, R-Ohio, and Paul Kanjorski, D-Pa., spent the evening in hard-to-obtain seats near the Nationals dugout with Freddie Mac executive Hollis McLoughlin and four of Freddie Mac's in-house lobbyists. The two congressmen were both members of the House Financial Services Committee.

Okay, so the congressmen could be bought, but at least they weren't cheap. Oh, no, wait. They were:

The ticket to attend the opening game of the Washington Nationals was valued at less than $50, which was the congressional gift limit at that time, Kanjorski said in a statement Monday.

The Nationals tickets were bargains for Freddie Mac, part of a well-orchestrated, multimillion-dollar campaign to preserve its largely regulatory-free environment, with particular pressure exerted on Republicans who controlled Congress at the time.

At least this corrpution didn't hurt the rest of us. Oh, no, wait. It did:

The tactics worked — for a time. Freddie Mac was able to operate with a relatively free hand until the housing bubble ultimately burst in 2007.

Now Freddie Mac and its sister company, Fannie Mae, are in financial collapse and under government control. Congress is investigating how it all happened. Lawmakers have planned a hearing Tuesday.

Oh, and guess who is one of the leading whores:

Internal Freddie Mac budget records show $11.7 million was paid to 52 outside lobbyists and consultants in 2006. Power brokers such as former House Speaker Newt Gingrich were recruited with six-figure contracts.

Detroit, We Have A Problem

In the latest government bailout news, the United Auto Workers conceded today they'll have to make some concessions to help the Big Three automakers become economically competitive again. Or at least competitive after they've burned through the $34 billion in loans they are begging the government to give them. Wait, wasn't it $25 billion? Oh, wait that was last week.

Oh, and another thing: Why would the UAW's sacrifice be necessary? The Detroit News offers a clue :

The union has lost more than 119,000 auto workers since 2006 and now represents 139,000 active workers. It agreed last year to a contract that reduced total hourly pay and benefits for new hires to about $26 from about $78, and new hires also wouldn't be eligible for pensions. The contract also called for creating union-managed trusts that will take over retiree health-care obligations starting in 2010.

UAW Local 600 delegate Gary Walkowicz, who works at the massive Ford Rouge facility in Dearborn, said he was opposed to reopening the contract.

"We've already given enough," he said. But many other delegates said they understood Detroit automakers were facing collapse.

Whip out your calculator. The UAW had negotiated a deal that until last year got new hires over a $160 grand a year. That's salary and benefits, but still, holy fucking shit. I wonder what the 20-year vets are getting. With labor costs like that it's no fucking wonder the car makers cannot compete anymore.

And the unions are still hanging on to those absurd salaries even as their own industry faces bankruptcy. The last renegotiation had the UAW simply cut off the guys who haven't even been hired yet while preserving the salaries for the existing guys. Some sacrifice. The current deal is only slightly better, per the Times:

The U.A.W. president, Ron Gettelfinger, said the union would suspend its jobs bank, which requires carmakers to keep paying laid-off employees, and would consider changes to its labor contracts. The union has also agreed, Mr. Gettelfinger said, to delay the payments that the automakers must make to a new retiree health care fund called a Voluntary Employee Beneficiary Association, or VEBA.

Or to put it another way, they're giving up two of the scams they use to bilk the industry out of even more money. Wow, how selfless. Let's break out the Springsteen ballads, shall we?

Shikha Dalmia is right. Let the automakers go bankrupt. It is the only way to reform this mess.

For Once, The Government Knows When To Fold'em

According to Reason's Jacob Sullum, the federal effort to ban Internet gambling is dead. Not because the bureaucrats decided it was a bad idea, but because it turned out to be a practical impossibility. He cites a gambling law expert named Nelson Rose. Nelson, show use your cards:

Gambling law expert Nelson Rose says federal regulators "simply gave up" when confronted with the impossibility of implementing the Unlawful Internet Gambling Enforcement Act (UIGEA). After receiving a flood of objections from financial institutions, the Treasury Department will not require them to figure out the difference between legal and illegal online gambling, a distinction Congress deliberately left vague and regulators refuse to clarify. The Bush administration's final regulations under the UIGEA, issued last week, require American credit card companies to invent new codes for certain transactions and require financial institutions to ask their clients to avoid illegal gambling. Otherwise, Rose says, "everyone else can basically continue to do what they are now doing," including American gamblers who use overseas intermediaries to place bets and collect their winnings. Money sent to individual gamblers does not even qualify as a "restricted transaction," Rose notes, and the regulations "now make it clear that payment processors should not waste their time checking on where money is sent by individuals." The government concedes "there are no reasonably practical steps that a U.S. participant [financial institution] could take to prevent their consumer customers from sending restricted transactions cross-border."

Gubmint Bailout Update: Detroit Wants Its Slice of the Pie

Charles Krauthammer talks some sense on the subject:

With almost 5 million workers supported by the auto industry, Democrats are pressing for a federal rescue. But the problems are obvious.

First, the arbitrariness. Where do you stop? Once you’ve gone beyond the financial sector, every struggling industry will make a claim on the federal treasury. What are the grounds for saying yes or no?

The criteria will inevitably be arbitrary and political. The money will flow preferentially to industries with lines to Capitol Hill and the White House. To the companies heavily concentrated in the districts of committee chairmen. To clout. Is this not precisely the kind of lobby-driven policymaking that Obama ran against?

Second is the sheer inefficiency. Saving Detroit means saving it from bankruptcy. As we have seen with the airlines, bankruptcy can allow operations to continue while helping shed fatally unsupportable obligations. For Detroit, this means release from ruinous wage deals with their astronomical benefits (the hourly cost of a Big Three worker: $73; of an American worker for Toyota: $48), massive pension obligations, and unworkable work rules such as “job banks,” a euphemism for paying vast numbers of employees not to work.

The point of the Democratic bailout is to protect the unions by preventing this kind of restructuring. Which will guarantee the continued failure of these companies, but now they will burn tens of billions of taxpayer dollars. It’s the ultimate in lemon socialism.

Department of "No Shit"

Apparently not a single bureaucrat or elected official in Hawaii has ever taken an economics 101 class:

HONOLULU – Hawaii is dropping the only state universal child health care program in the country just seven months after it launched.

Gov. Linda Lingle's administration cited budget shortfalls and other available health care options for eliminating funding for the program. A state official said families were dropping private coverage so their children would be eligible for the subsidized plan.

"People who were already able to afford health care began to stop paying for it so they could get it for free," said Dr. Kenny Fink, the administrator for Med-QUEST at the Department of Human Services. "I don't believe that was the intent of the program."

Read the whole story here.

The Nutjobs Are Running the Aslyum, Err, Bioweapons Labs

I'm not completely convinced that this Bruce Ivins guy was the one behind the 2001 Anthrax mailings, although I have to admit it ain't looking good for him. Among other things, he was obsessed with the Kappa Kappa Gamma sorority? Come on, man, get real: Everybody knows that Delta Pi Kappa are the real evil bitches.

The question now is, what the fuck was this guy doing working at the labs in the first place? This AP story notes:

Investigators have said that between 2000 and 2006, Ivins was prescribed antidepressants, antipsychotics and anti-anxiety drugs. The Army Medical Research Institute of Infectious Diseases at Fort Detrick in Frederick, Md., where Ivins worked, has offered no explanation for why he was allowed to work with some of the world's most dangerous toxins while suffering from serious mental health problems.

It wasn't until November 2007, after the FBI raided his Frederick home, that Fort Detrick revoked his laboratory access, effectively putting him on desk duty.

The Washington Post yesterday offered this delightful nugget on how our government monitors these labs:

For the 14,000 scientists with clearances to work with "select biological agents" such as Bacillus anthracis -- many of them civilians working at private universities -- the security regulations are remarkably lax, some experts said.

An individual is denied clearance if he or she has been committed to a mental institution or charged with a federal crime, according to the "select agent" security clearance program operated by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention and the Department of Agriculture, in concert with the Justice Department. Also denied clearance are individuals who are involved in any terrorist group, are engaged in intentional acts of violence or are agents of a foreign power.

"They would not, for example, exclude a person who is a radical white supremacist," said Richard H. Ebright, a Rutgers University professor who closely follows lab security protocols. "They would not, for example, exclude a person who is a radical Islamist. They would not, for example, exclude a person who has homicidal tendencies or even a person diagnosed with having a sociopathic personality."

Richard Besser, a director at the CDC who oversees the select agent security assessments, said the background checks for lab scientists are not as stringent as screenings for other federal agencies.
***
In inspecting the 400 biosafety level 3 and 4 labs, the government has numerous security guidelines, but its only legal requirement is that the laboratory doors have locks, Ebright said.

"This is less security than at your local McDonald's or your local convenience store, which does have video surveillance," he said.

Yeah, well, we're only dealing with incredibly toxic diseases and viruses here. No need to, you know, get two locks on the door. And, hey, let's let the guy in the white sheet, the dude with the bomb strapped to his waist shouting "Death to America!" and the Unabomber come on into the labs. I bet they'll have some valuable insights. They might even be up for a demonstration!

Find 'Em Hot, Leave 'Em Wet

You know that dramatic footage you see on TV during big forest fires of planes dropping water on the blaze? It's just for show; it almost never puts fires out:

Fire commanders say they are often pressured to order planes and helicopters into action on major fires even when the aircraft won't do any good. Such pressure has resulted in needless and costly air operations, experienced fire managers said in interviews.

The reason for the interference, they say, is that aerial drops of water and retardant make good television. They're a highly visible way for political leaders to show they're doing everything possible to quell a wildfire, even if it entails overriding the judgment of incident commanders on the ground.

Firefighters have developed their own vernacular for such spectacles. They call them "CNN drops."

"A lot of people do a lot of things for publicity and for politics that don't need to be done," said Jim Ziobro, fire aviation chief for the Oregon Department of Forestry.

It ain't cheap either and, yes, we taxpayers are footing the bill:

Increased use of aircraft is helping to drive up the cost of fighting wildfires. The Forest Service spent $296 million on aerial firefighting last year, compared with $171 million in 2004. Aviation costs amount to about one-fifth of the agency's fire-suppression spending.

Nearly all of the nation's firefighting aircraft are owned and operated by private companies under contract with the government. The meter starts running when an incident commander calls aircraft to a fire. It continues whether a plane is in the air dropping retardant or sitting on a remote tarmac, waiting for visibility to improve.

It costs up to $14,000 a day to keep an air tanker on call and as much as $4,200 per hour to put it in the air. Heavy-duty helicopters, the workhorses of aerial firefighting, can cost $32,000 a day on standby, plus $6,300 per hour of flight time.

"When you deal with aviation on a wildland fire, you have a big bank in the sky that opens up and showers money," said Timothy Ingalsbee, a former Forest Service and National Park Service firefighter who has criticized federal firefighting and forest management practices.

Read the whole L.A. Times story here:

More Cities Within Which You Should Be Afraid

This year, the Department of Homeland Security has increased the number of areas considered "at risk" of a terrorist attack by one third. The perk of being on the list is that the areas are then eligible to compete for $782 million in grant money from the federal government (i.e. from your paycheck). So who made the list this year?

For instance, Albany, N.Y., was put back on the list this year after being dropped in 2003.

Other regions added to the list this year are: Rochester, N.Y.; Syracuse, N.Y.; Austin and Round Rock, Texas; Baton Rouge, La.; Bridgeport, Stamford and Norwalk, Conn.; the Hartford, Conn., region; Louisville and Jefferson County in Kentucky and an adjoining area in Indiana; Nashville, Davidson County and Murfreesboro, Tenn.; Richmond, Va.; Riverside, San Bernardino and Ontario, Calif.; Salt Lake City; San Juan, Caguas and Guaynabo, Puerto Rico; and Toledo, Ohio.

Ten bucks says Osama bin Laden has never heard of Round Rock, TX.

Dear Bush, Bernanke and Congress,

I have heard the news that you plan to release an economic stimulus package that entails giving each American taxpayer a lump sum payment of, tentatively, $800 per person.

Therefore, I feel compelled to disclose that I plan to spend my "stimulus" payment primarily on marijuana, with the remainder going towards a beer chaser and cigarettes. Likely there are many Americans, young and old, who plan to spend their checks in a similar manner.

I hope you realize that your policies on drugs, alcohol and tobacco will mostly likely prevent such expenditures from stimulating the economy whatsoever. For instance, the marijuana I plan to buy is inflated in cost due to the risks involved in growing, transporting and selling it in the black market. So instead of my "rebate" being injected back into the economy, most of it will end up in the pockets of various levels of dealers who don't pay taxes on drug income, likely don't invest in the market, and will probably spend the money in a way of which you wouldn't approve.

The remainder, which I will spend on beer and cigarettes, will indeed go into the economy. But since these industries are taxed so heavily in the name of "public health," you'll probably be taking back a good chuck of this sum anyway. If the money is - at least in part - going right back into your hands regardless, then why bother with the lump sum payout to me in the first place?

I realize that my economic rationale in this letter may not be flawless. But I do sincerely believe that it's better than all of yours. I have been waiting, but so far left wanting, for an explanation of exactly how sending just a small part of the taxes we pay back to us is going to stimulate the economy at all. Please feel free to explain your rationale in the comments section of this post.

Sincerely,
Nate

Barry* Bonds* Indicted

I wish this shit would just go away.

I think Barry is a whiny prick, so I don't really feel any sympathy for him in general. But his reputation is already ruined. His name will be attached to the steroid controversy for at least 100 years. There has been much debate about whether or not to include an asterisk next to Bonds's name in the record books, but in reality the asterisk has already been affixed to his reputation.

But it looks like the government wants the last word.

And in a strictly by-the-book kind of way, the charges are appropriate. Bonds may very well have lied to the feds during an investigation, which is indeed grounds for "obstruction of justice" charges.

However, the original investigation four years ago was bullshit to begin with. If the MLB finds steroids a big enough problem, they are free to require testing (pending a battle with the players' union, of course). But except for the completely unreasonable and unconstitutional Drug War, there is no justification for the feds to be involved.

Whether the actual charges are valid or not, the feds are beating a dead horse here.

Then again, when Congress and its subcommittees operate under the rules quoted in this letter [pdf] from Rep. Tom Davis (R-VA), I shouldn't be surprised.

Next Up for FEMA -- Fake Death, Dye Hair Blond, and Escape Across the Border

Um-hum....Your government in action. The Washington Post:

The Federal Emergency Management Agency's No. 2 official apologized yesterday for leading a staged news conference Tuesday in which FEMA employees posed as reporters while real reporters listened on a telephone conference line and were barred from asking questions.

[...]

FEMA announced the news conference at its Southwest Washington headquarters about 15 minutes before it was to begin Tuesday afternoon, making it unlikely that reporters could attend. Instead, FEMA set up a telephone conference line so reporters could listen.

In the briefing, parts of which were televised live by cable news channels, Johnson stood behind a lectern, called on questioners who did not disclose that they were FEMA employees, and gave replies emphasizing that his agency's response to this week's California wildfires was far better than its response to Hurricane Katrina in August 2005.

Wonderful stuff. I say...Give them more funding!!! Who know what other wacky stunts they will come up with next. It's like a variety show masked as a federal agency. Brilliant idea!

Finally, I No Longer Have To Worry About My Penis Swinging Below My Miniskirt In The Women's Restroom

The best thing about political correctness is the brief comic relief it often provides.

According to FoxNews.com, the University of Vermont has installed "gender-neutral" restrooms in its new student center, apparently to accommodate transgendered people.

Now I have nothing against transgendered people, but it seems silly to build special bathrooms just for them at the expense of everyone, which, assuming UVM receives government money, includes all Vermont citizens. I mean, just because some people aren't comfortable in traditional men's or women's restrooms? Really? It seems like it would be pretty easy to avoid the "discomfort", given that both men's and women's restrooms have private stalls.

"It's about inclusivity and accessibility and the importance of
meeting all people's needs, not just a few," said Annie Stevens,
assistant vice president for student and campus life. [emphasis mine]

Men's and women's restrooms were only meeting the needs of a few? That's news to me. Seems like people have been making due with either or for decades.

Kelly, a 19-year-old transgendered UVM student who did want her last name published, said she's been made to feel "very uncomfortable" in rest rooms.

"I think that they're a really important thing to have," she said of the new facilities. "Just because there can be tense situations in gendered bathrooms, especially for trans-identified people, you need a space to use the rest room and feel safe and comfortable."

Well, Kelly, I'm sorry to hear that. If you're a biological female, you can come over to my place and use mine whenever you want, and I will ignore your choice of clothes. But public restrooms aren't necessarily shrines of comfort for the rest of us either. Like when you're at a urinal without dividers and you could just swear the person next to you is trying to take a peek. But christ, no one's building special "No Peeking" restrooms.

Ok, it's not a great analogy. But the point is that I'm opposed to spending the money of everyone in order to improve the "comfort" of just a few.

Next Up: How To Use a Touch-Tone Phone

I don't know what's more disturbing. That the Washington Post actually dedicated space anywhere on their website for this story, or that these politicians that make substantive decisions for over 100,000 people can't figure out how to adjust the ringer on their Blackberry.

The Charles County commissioners this week boldly went where no commissioners have gone before: They learned how to use their new BlackBerrys.

[...]

Finally came the troubleshooting questions:

"I have a terrible time getting the ringer set right," Commissioners President Wayne Cooper (D-At Large) said. "In the holster, it vibrates twice and rings once."

That's an easy fix, Aldridge's staff assured him.

"My BlackBerry tends to have a mind of its own," Commissioner Edith J. Patterson (D-Pomfret) said. When it's in her purse, she explained, "It will call people! Is there a shield or something?"

[...]

Bocaner asked if any other commissioners -- the other four are men -- needed a purse cover.

"Only if it comes with a Coach purse," Commissioner Samuel N. Graves Jr. (D-La Plata) chimed in, saying he would give the handbag to his wife or one of his two daughters.

Wow. I should say I don't really have anything against any of this, the more time these jackasses spend in Blackberry classes the less time they have to raise property taxes or enact bans, pass laws, etc. Full story here.

Abstinence Education Doesn't Not Not Not Work

I feel good that the feds spend $176 million on abstinence education. That money gets results. Sadly -- but not surprisingly -- those results are the same we'd see if the government didn't spend the money at all.

Students who took part in sexual abstinence programs were just as likely to have sex as those who did not, according to a study ordered by Congress.

Hell, if D.A.R.E. can be called a success even though students who take part in it are more likely to use drugs, I suppose this abstinence stuff is the new gold standard.